I'm really scared, anxious, overwhelmed, and a whole slew of other emotions.

Here's a little background:

I cancelled going on a mission last month, so as of a few weeks I ago I have been on a job hunt until school starts later this year in the Fall. I'll be saving up for a car as one of my first shorter-term goals.

In an attempt to help me out, my mom contacted my aunt (her sister-in-law) who is an assistant manager for multiple 76 Gas Stations and reached out to her to get me a job. Needless to say, she guaranteed me a job (unbeknownst to me prior to arriving for an informal interview). I was never really asked if I wanted to work there or anything, but I decided that to see what it had to offer since I need the money, experience, etc.

Well, I've had three days of training this last week and found that while working with others it's a pretty straightforward and easy job since I have help all around me. Working the register is easy.

My major gripe is that all of my shifts will be at a kiosk-type station where I'll be working by myself (2 graveyard shifts a week, with 1 morning shift, and 1 evening) in a city that's...shady, to say the least. The city itself is 30-40 minutes away and I need to rely on other modes of transportation since I lack my own vehicle and license. Plus, both of my parents cars are, as of today, defunct.

As some of you might remember, I tend to have truly terrible anxiety. The anxiety itself is exacerbated in situations where I'm overwhelmed with tasks with no written instructions to keep track of what I need to do (I'm expected to just memorize all of the procedures for reports, filling propane tanks, and more in just 4 days of training). Well, my anxiety makes me forgetful since I stress over what I need to be doing. The paradox itself is maddening enough.

Well, my first official day where I'll be working alone is this Thursday, the day before the profit goes to the UK. I'm truly terrified. On top of that, I'm scared of the ramifications of just up and leaving the job. Don't I need to put in my two weeks or something anyways? I'm not sure...

And then there's the consequences of being made out to be even more of an ingrate to my mom AND my aunt. I have yet to find any other jobs nearer to home, and I need to start saving up money for a car soon...

I just don't know what to do. My life feels so heavy and I'm only 18! I'm pretty sure any normal 18 year old wouldn't feel quite so mentally taxed. I just kinda wish I would lie down, go to sleep, and then just..poof, y'know? That's how everything feels right now and has felt for the past month. Lie down and poof.

All of my pathetic rambling aside, what do you recommend I do, given my situation? If I need to specify some more please let me know, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible.

What would you do in my shoes? How would you deal with the consequences? I simply don't know... everything is so daunting.

Thank you for all of your time and consideration. You have all helped me out so much with your wise words in only a month of my participation on the board. Thank you.

hmm, it sounds like you are like me with some of the anxiety issues.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and sometimes you need to give yourself a break.

Do a gut check on the job. Is it really just too stressful a situation what with the late night shifts, shady city etc? If the stress it's putting you under is past a certain limit, you should look for another job.

These decisions are always very hard, but above all you must maintain your mental health above everything else about taking care of yourself. It comes before financial welfare, because you need to think clearly to make good financial decisions.

You can't risk either your mental or physical health for a job, past a certain limit. If you start this job and find yourself crying from the stress, stop. Give yourself the time to find something better.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 01:40AM by raiku.

I'd give the job a fair shake. I understand that beginning a new job can be stressful. But, once you've been around for awhile and get the hang of it, things get easier and easier. I know it all seems very daunting as of right now, but if you hang in there you'll be glad you did in the long run.

Are there any places where you could work a register and be closer to home? It doesn't make any sense to me to work at a low wage job so far away when you don't have a car.

What I would do is find an additional part time job in your own community. Then increase your hours and eventually quit the job you have now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 06:04AM by summer.

+1
If at all possible, definitely.
Some jobs just aren't worth the stress/personal risk.
And if you are anxious, that can make it harder to relax at a job like this where you feel so exposed in a strange city.

Might you see a doctor for anti-anxiety medication?

Could you google information on meditation?

Yoga or deep breathing might help.

Since I don't know you, it's hard for me to know what could help you.

Mormons would depend on scripture and prayer. I don't pray, but this does seem to help believers.

I'm proud of how brave you were not to fold to pressure for a mission. It isn't easy to leave Mormonism at your age. You show spunk and courage to have come this far.

Good luck and best wishes.

I have been at my job for about 8 months now. It has only been the last couple weeks that I feel comfortable. And this is after going in at least 4 times a week consistently.

Anyway, the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel. And you will probably even laugh at how worried you were before.

Depending on where you are a job can be a very difficult thing to come by. I looked for a long time before finding my part time job. I would totally be out of there if I had other options... but it seemed like you have a good connection. It would be a shame to not utilize that.

Or at least give it an honest shot.

The job might not be the most amusing/fulfilling, but for being 18, sometimes we just have to deal with it.

Part of growing up is dealing with the new and unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Even after going at it for a couple months it may not be the best, but it will get better.

Glad you're finally feeling more comfortable. Hope this pays off for you.

So I would try to tough it out for bit, and start looking for something else on your days off.

It's always easier to get a job when you already have one. Just tell the prospective employer that you are looking for something closer to home.

Also, if you are living at home, maybe you can put aside more of your earnings towards buying a cheap car. My daughter's first car cost her about $1000 but it runs great and gives her a lot of independence. It's old, ugly, it smells musty, and has no A/C, but it gets her where she needs to go and she loves it.

I went out and got the shittiest jobs I could when I was 18. For one thing, you will never have more available energy than you do now. For another thing, every job I've had since then has been freaking awesome in comparison.
Many days I didn't want to go do it. Most, in fact.
Imagine, you were this close to doing exactly the same things on your mission! With even less preparation, more unexpected circumstances, and at least the same amount of danger if not more, but oh you would have had the lard on your side.
Good news is, you get paid for this pile of shit job. Are they really stopping you from making notes? Or are you just not supposed to write down passwords and security info? How exactly are they keeping you from taking notes? You can be in charge of how you learn the job.
You may be setting yourself a pattern here. You got out of your mission, but you don't get to get out of being a productive adult. Yes, it sucks to be 18, but it gets better.

You need some professional hep for the anxiety and depression. Lay down go poof? Yes, you're depressed, as would anyone be who was raised in a cult and just profoundly disappointed their parents.
You should be covered by your parents' health care, can you get your healthcare I'D card and get on the internet to find who is covered to give you some help?

I have a terrible memory. Whenever I start a new job, I take a notebook with me and write everything down. Don't feel dumb doing this. I've actually been complimented for doing this because my bosses feel like I'm taking everything seriously. Once you get in the habit of doing everything that's expected of you, you won't need the notes anymore. Give the job a chance!

bring a notebook and write the procedures down that you are having a hard time remembering. If you're working by yourself and need to remember, who will know or care that you wrote it down?


after a couple weeks you'll probably be comfortable without it.

Do you have someone you can call to walk you through it if
get stuck on a procedure?
That would probably put your mind at ease considerably.

Also, you can always tell customers to come back in the morning if something does not function properly LOL

You'd be surprised how many workers do that when they have no supervision.

Am I weird because I carry around a notebook and at least three pens, at all times, everywhere?

It's so handy! I can't tell you how many times I needed to refer to a list or I jotted down a password or something I needed to know. And it seems faster to whip out my little notebook than to look it up on my phone. Often, it's buried behind so many clicks, I can't be bothered to make a grocery list in my phone.

If you're not allowed to write down passwords, write down hints for yourself that only you will remember. Make a sentence out of the letters in a password to help you remember it. Say, for example, you have a password of TKfg4B. What you write down in your notebook is: Total kittens forgive girls 4 bees. Doesn't make sense, but it's for YOU, not meant to make sense.

You're in a reasonably good spot, I'd say.

1) You're on graveyard. While this is the most dangerous shift, it also means you're completely free during the day to interview and otherwise find new jobs.

2) You're alone. That's a sign of trust. It's something you can leverage later on when you want a raise.

3) Leaving will be seen as ungrateful. You'll be cutting off resources you could use later.

Many employers will look look for reliability and integrity in new candidates. Somebody that quit their first job after a week or two looks bad. I've personally declined otherwise qualified candidates based on elements of work history (ie, 2 months here, 6 months there).

As far as the anxiety goes, people upthread have already posted some great suggestions. Have a process in place for anything you can think of, and cover with your boss common problems and his expected response. If the register dies, for example, your boss may prefer you call the tech company / merch company managing it than calling him directly.

It's normal to be nervous but you are awfulizing something that hasn't even happened yet! My advice is to take good notes during the remainder of your training and at least try the actual job for 7 days. If you really do end up hating it, give your two week notice and go back to the drawing board. Otherwise it's really going to look bad if you just walk away.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I think I might start building up the courage to ask about seeing a doctor for my anxiety. As for my job (I go back today for a last day of training) I'm just going to tough it out. I am fairly certain that it's my anxiety trying to do me in by making me feel terrified, you know? I just gotta be brave.

Thank you for all of your advice. I'll be sure to bring a notebook and other helpful things. :)

Some years back I was assigned to a new kind of project I had never done. In the days or weeks leading up to it I was afraid I would be so nervous that I would not be able to concentrate properly, to grasp what other people were saying and do a good job. What happened was that I was crystal clear when the day came, completely focused and very successful. I turned out to be very good at this new thing and enjoy it hugely. I wouldn't be surprised if this happened with you.

You are well placed to do a good job because you are taking this opportunity very seriously and you will prepare (good idea to take notes). Being nervous about it shows that you really care about doing it properly.

A good general confidence builder for a lot of people is participation in Toastmasters, where you learn and practice public speaking with the other members of your club. Learning to speak in public makes it easier for you to feel confident speaking one-on-one to almost anybody. The meetings are fun, the instruction is first rate, membership is very inexpensive. You just need to find a club where you enjoy the other people. A lot of people go to TM because they want to be able to feel comfortable speaking in organizations, or at business meetings or in sales presentations and so on. But there are a lot of other positive ripple effects for your life to be gained through Toastmasters. You will be helping and mentoring other speakers as you go along.

I bet you do fine at work!

I would not do this.
Driving 40 minutes each way to a job on low wages won't leave you any earned money.

And you say it's in a bad part of town?
NO WAY should you be doing graveyard all by yourself where someone will surely walk in with a gun some night.

THIS JOB IS NOT WORTH IT.

Find something closer and safer. Your fears in this case are entirely warranted.

You've gotten good advice here, but Leah says it for me. You don't have to take this job because there isn't another one yet on the horizon. Another one will show up!

It's a good thing to realize something's really not for you, even if you're feeling kind of desperate in the moment. Have faith in yourself and look harder for a job that doesn't completely use you up.