I talked to a nice intelligent Ex-mo lady in her 70's.

She said, "I don't know how people/kids of your generation and current young generations can handle the guilt and shame, it was much less severe back in my day, we would just lie to the bishop if we were having sex, everyone would. We all had sex, drank and did whatever, we just kept it hidden, and put on an innocent face."

This sort of blew my mind. I thought it would have been the opposite back in the 40's, 50's, 60's. I always pictured a more conservative generation. But, according to this lady it was only in appearances. But, the church and things weren't taken so serious back then.

Is this true? I'd love to hear some stories, or thoughts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 03:24PM by gazelam.

My mom was born around 1940 and raised in small town southern Utah. She said she was the only girl at prom in a dress that wasn't strapless.

Even I think the modesty crap is much worse than it was in the 70s/80s.

I was born in the early 50's.

When I was a teenager, we didn't have all the interviews and rules the kids have now. Probably the one big rule for girls was about the length of her skirt.

Girls camp we wore shorts, two piece swim suits, and never had any kind of a church meeting, or testimony meeting. We were there to have fun. There was a lodge where all the cooking was done for us. We stayed in nice cabins.

The dances had live rock bands. No bishop interviews to get a dance recommend. Our friends went to the dances with us. Nobody cared if they were members or not.

There was no seminary 'graduation'. We went because our parents made us. We never had any outside reading or homework for seminary. Most of the time we'd skip and go out to breakfast. Nobody seemed to care.

We used to sit with our friends in sacrament meeting. Never with our parents. I remember when they made it a rule that we had to sit with our parents. It was far more boring after that.

The boys had 0 pressure to go on a mission. I never knew a girl that went on one. Guys went on missions because they wanted to, not because of pressure.

We only did temple baptisms one time when I was in HS. We were all handed a recommend. There were no interviews. I don't recall ever being interviewed for anything until I got married in the temple. I didn't even get interviewed when I was baptized. It was no big deal. No party, just another day.

When guys went on missions there were big going away parties and even bigger homecoming parties. They were usually a potluck at the church.

Nobody ever double dated. We started dating when we turned 16. It was pretty much the same with non members so it didn't seem like a big deal. The guys started dating as soon as they got a drivers license. That was 16. They didn't usually ask out the younger girls.

I don't ever recall a prophet speaking when he didn't very clearly say the church was the one and only true church etc.

Nobody carried scriptures to church unless they were teaching. My parents didn't own any until I was about 17 or 18. The teacher would pass their scriptures around if you read something out loud. Seminary had a closet with scriptures that were passed out every day.

I was from a pretty strict mormon family. It wasn't nearly as bad as it is now though. There still was plenty of shaming and guilt to go around for everyone.

If today is a good day, and I can remember who I am and my age, I think I win the ribbon for being in the 'older', not 'old' mind you, generation you are talking about.

Yep. generation after generation indulge in the finer things of life...sex, sex, and more sex. Behind the seminary building near my school was the place to find this, plus alcohol and smoking. Yeh, the seminary building.

The difference from back then to now is that a LOT more things are on the front page, out in the open. I never once heard my mom speak of sexual matters. She left a pamphlet laying around in the living room to enlighten me and my younger sibling about the birds and bees, plus appointed my older sister to tell me about the monthlies, as we called them. And, she would have had a heart attack if the commercial during her Lawrence Welk program sold such a product (not sure it would have put the stop to her tuning in to her weekly heart throb, however).

There were babies born out of wedlock that I knew of as early as my eighth-grade year, and I'm positive, many more that I never was told about. That sort of thing was hushed up and hidden, often taken to another state. My mom helped raise my sis's friend"s out of wed-lock baby. I had no inkly that this was an out-of-wed-lock baby until years later when I pieced the info together.

Human nature is human nature. Much never changes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 03:55PM by presleynfactsrock.

So true - it's not like our generation invented sex or drugs.

Back in the 70s at the BeeWhy, there were plenty of girls around who had two sets of standards, one for when others could see them and one for the times when it was certain that no one could see them.

It was not so bad...not ideal, but you got a little.

One time in a classroom, even! Woo-hoo!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 03:58PM by csuprovograd.

I'm surprised to hear that, but I can understand it, since it was probably more difficult to regulate what went on back then. Not to mention, back in the 1940s there would have been church leaders that were alive in the polygamy days, so perhaps they'd probably be more lenient sexually at least.

I imagine in some parts of the world it's still like that today.

The activity rate is ridiculously low in some countries, so obviously in those places there isn't the peer pressure that there is in the US, UK, and other places.

After being out of the cult for awhile it dawned on me that back in the day in our small midwest ward we rarely had anyone checking on our conduct or whatever. It was common for kids to sneak a smoke at scout events or spike the youth dance punchbowl. I don't recall anyone ever getting in trouble, being denied entry to a function, or not being advanced in PH, etc.

I finally ran into an old youth leader from those days and asked why no one had ever done anything about the rampant commandment violations and debauchery (which I am quite sure was completely obvious).

The former leader merely said that in those days it wasn't important. What was important was that the youth were there and could be cared about, and no one thought that it was worth it to freak out over "minor" things.

We both had a moment of sadness considering how militant and Taliban-istic the LDS modesty and morality gestapo have become today with young people. And we both were very clear that if that had been the posture back in the day, few of the youth would have ever lasted long.

The cult would be so much better off if it was just kind to people.

Yeah, but I grew up in an area where mormons were truly a tiny fraction of the population. If I recall right there was much more of a "kids will be kids" attitude. If not an outright nudge and a wink.

Baby boomer parents became helicopter parents. It creeped into every aspect of our children's life.

I forgot that I wanted to mention that I have seen differences in church activities for the youth. I think, through the years, the church has put more of an effort in keeping the youth very involved and busy in cult activities. In my generation we had ward dances and Gold and Green Stake Dance, baseball, which was a big deal for the guys and for the girls to attend and watch the guys, and basketball. I did not live in a rich area, and really that was about it except for the ward dinners which we teens ditched.

With my children, we lived in a more well-to-do area, and there were some mighty nice activities, such as boating and water-skiing, Green River water trips, fancy dinners that were planned by the teens in mutual where everyone dressed up, Summer camps for the girls!, and week-ends at a BYU facility in the mountains. Noticed my grandchildren have had most of the same activities as my kids, plus.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 04:52PM by presleynfactsrock.

My experience is similar to madalice. I was born in 1950 and grew up in a small unincorporated town in Salt Lake County. Today that small town has been annexed into another larger town and I don't believe there are ANY small towns in SLC anymore. I never got interviewed for anything until I got married. I married at the ripe old age of 22 (an old maid). Desperate, I married the first guy who asked me. No wonder that it only lasted a short time (17 years). I turned 21 while at college and neither my home nor college bishop, ever mentioned a mission. My primary president called my parents to tell me I was being baptized on such and such a day and to be there. Oh, and my dad was 1st counselor in the bishop prick.

The only difference between me and madalice is our experiences at summer camp. We went into the wilderness where we had to clear and pitch a tent and dig our own latrine. Everything was cooked on an open fire or in the pit. We learned how to tie knots, purify water, hike and just have fun. It was incredibly fun except the night big impotent men came and we all had to say testimonkeys. I usually waited until the end and hoped they wouldn't notice I didn't stand up and cry about the one true gospel. I was usually successful.

I listen to nieces and nephews experiences at YBU and missions and am pretty stunned at how mean the church has become. The pressure is intense and it's just not fun anymore.

That being said, in my ward, at home and at college, I never knew any woman or man who had wild crazy sex as single people. Maybe that just wasn't my world as I tried hard to be a goody two shoes.

This is so interesting to me.

I think I grew up at a time of big change in the church. Spencer W. K. was the profit when I was a kid and after he wrote his book "Miracle of Forgivness" things started to change. By the time a got into high school the GUILT really started to become church policy.

I honestly think the church has piled the guiltso high, on so many young adults (especially boys) that they have not developed into mature normal adults.

I see my neices and nephews today and they are all little nuns and monks. I can't believe how they act as if they are the definition of modesty and morality. And, they praise the church as the greatest thing ever, and talk about their missions. It seems like all the girls want to go on missions now.

The whole thing is crazy!

I was a kid in the fifties and sixties. I was from one of the more extreme TBM families in the valley. But still, it was much more relaxed. There was some fun.

I don't think anything has changed much though. The ugly side of Mormonism has always been there, but there used to be a lot more good to distract you. It seems that as anything positive slowly evaporated away, the bad became more concentrated. The intolerance now has simmered down until it is a concentrated extra strength version of what it was in the middle of the last century. I don't remember the word obedience having such importance.

The town I came from, the people would boost each other up. Now it's more like one-upmanship instead. People study each other and evaluate each other like competitors in a race rather than act like the brother's and sisters they claim to be.

But it was never good.

I was in college in the early 70s. My Utah roommates had sex with their girlfriends on the weekends, lied through their mission interviews and served missions. They also introduced me to marijuana. We had some pretty good drinking parties as well. Sex, drugs and rock n roll all the way up to their farewells.

I was shocked to see some girls I knew were having sex in college in the early 60s show up in the temple a few years later.

In my day, bishops and SPs didn't ask such intrusive questions. I don't remember being asked such questions even when I interviewed to go on a mission. Perhaps they thought I was such a good girl (otherwise I'd be married already) that they didn't need to bother.

I didn't really ever have to lie--the questions were so general and gentle--of course these men were really good friends with my parents back then--they were people born before 1920 and they were probably embarrassed themselves.

Lots of guys lied in their mission interviews. Then there was my DH, who was asked if he'd ever had sex with a man, woman, animal or plant. (He didn't ask which plant.)

A couple neices of mine are so utterly conservative, religious, strictly obedient, into the church stuff, and Hell-bent on serving missions.

It's strange... They're like these little nuns.

Things are a lot more serious in the church these days.

I was born in 1936. What gazelam reports was true and is still apparently true!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 07:35PM by thedesertrat1.

I think that the church went through a (relatively) liberal period in the 60s and 70s when I was growing up.

I sometimes find it hard to reconcile some of the things that I read about on this site with what I remember growing up. It almost seems like a different organization but it may have been that I was just lucky with regard to the wards that I lived in.

I was born in '57 and lived in one of the less affluent areas in SL valley until I was 13 and then in one of the more affluent areas until I left Utah after graduating from college. I was mostly inactive after graduating from high school.

My recollection of "Mormon youth" is filled with activities such as basketball, softball, dances, camping and a lot of social outings. I do recall Sacrament meetings being incredibly boring. Mutual was pretty good because we spent most of the time playing basketball and socializing. I think that it was actually a pretty good way to grow up.

I recall very little "guilting" but I'm pretty good at ignoring stuff like that so maybe I just wasn't paying attention.

My guess is that things started to swing back in the other direction in the mid to late 70s.

Basically YES, everyone just did as they pleased and lied to the bishop much of the time.

Remember that the CULT is the best teacher on the earth for its CULTers to learn how to lie.

Also, it was harder to keep track of everything then. No cell phones, texting every 2 seconds etc. That's probably why I hate cell phones and texting now. I like privacy.

"The dances had live rock bands." - I am about the same age as Medalice and I was in one of those LIVE ROCK BANDS. We played at church dances. I was over the top though and played the wrong music in the chapel and got kicked out, but I found out later that I was kicked out for questioning the authority of the church. I thought it was about playing The Doors hits in church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2014 10:14PM by verilyverily.

Well yes I grew up in the 60s

It was the greatest time ever

So what was the question?

I was born in 1948. Don't remember any memorable interviews, at least there were no questions I remember being asked that made me uncomfortable (& I would have remembered those). Even when I told Dad who was on HC that I wanted to be ordained an elder (so I quit smokin' and drinkin' for a month)...he talked to the SP and I talked to the SP and fed him a line of BS and it got done. No interview.

Ron Burr

BYU used to be much wilder below the surface during the
Wilkinson years. When Dallin Oaks took over was when they
actually were into enforcing the "honor code" rather than just
try to look good to outsiders.

Back in the 40s, 50s, & to a lesser extent 60s your community
were the people around you. You couldn't change your position
in the community or find another community. If you were a
Mormon then you had to LOOK like a good Mormon. Now if you are
not interested in being a good Mormon you become part of the
EXMO community. No biggie. Back then you just lied to the
Bishop. You had very few choices of what community you were
going to be part of.

I've done a little reading on 1920's cultre and the Flappers.

These women were no joke. It amazed me at how liberal, free minded and sexually promiscuous they were. Then things seemed to change going into the mid 30's and 40's. A more conservative movement. But, from what I am hearing, a lot of it seems to be in the public eye only.

I grew up in the 80's. I have to say I'm a little jealous. How nice it would have been to not have such God awful shaming and guilt piled on me. I have a couple friends who only now getting married and leading normal lives. They have major sexual issues, they still feel like they're committing sin. I'm worried about these little morg-bots today. They're going to have a lot of issues.

Very sad...

It's not true for me (I'm 55). All of my friends kept the rules. They were all virgins when they married and later talked about the awkwardness of that first night.

Even my male friends would tell me how nervous they were about their wedding nights.

Those same friends are still as obedient today.

I didn't meet a friend until I was 21 who didn't keep the rules and I was shocked by that. I thought that every Mormon just automatically kept all of the rules because that's what was expected of us.

I was a teen in the church in the late 1960s. This was towards the beginning of correlation, so there was much less of it than there is today, so experiences will vary among our generation. No one lied that I knew of, but there was much less emphasis on modesty, although it was definitely there. I remember having a woman come to talk to us about how we should cover our knees and how the calf is a beautiful part of the body and it was okay to show calves.

It was very common for women to go to BYU and get an "MRS" degree and quit once they married, often during their freshman year. This still happens today, of course,but it happened much more frequently back then.

As I remember, though, there was much less emphasis on "follow the prophet" and blind obedience, although of course members were expected to obey. David O. McKay was president then and he was a much more benevolent person than some of the GAs today, although we also had Joseph Fielding Smith, a racist and bigot of the worst kind.

There wasn't as much emphasis on temple trips because there were fewer temples and many of us lived far away. I was in Michigan and the nearest was Utah, then DC.

I don't even know if it is still there anymore, but there was this ice-cream soda shop on 9th East and -- hmmm maybe 5th South (Fendal's IceCream???) ... anyway, I grew up going there one a month ON A SUNDAY (gasp!!) with my family -- we met several of my uncles and aunts w/family there and it was a big connecting point for our entire family while I was growing up.

And being there one also saw GA's ALL THE TIME on Sunday with their families. I think that was half the draw to the place on the "Sabbath" was the royalty showing up.

While I was on my mission -- gag -- something really went south and I came home to a strict "Sabbath" observant family that wouldn't THINK of doing such a thing on the Sabbath.

I never got over the shock of that tradition and the very big dent it put on the connection and closeness our extended family shared.

I thought it would all blow over and we'd start back up again -- nope, nada, to this day even bringing it up in family circles there is a look of discussed that comes over their faces in memory of their "sinful" past.

I'm glad I'm out of that mindset.