I had a family dump us once on the mission, we thought they were golden and we couldn't figure out what went wrong. My companion, with his head held low, then tells me he thinks he knows what happened. He tells me he masturbated the previous night and that these people dumped us because he didn't have the spirit. He felt like sh!t. I actually started laughing and told him that there's no way God would have this family change their mind just because he spanked the monkey. I told him to lighten up and to not worry about it, let's just move on.

The crazy things Mormons think...

It's sad how deep they get under those kids skin with their guilt and shame and indoctrination. I guess I should have said "us" kids.

Yeah, 'cuz the Lord would rather have an entire family and their future generations lost forever if just one of their teachers succumbs to a very private and personal temptation.

And yet, this is the exact kind of thing that members are taught. That they are responsible for other people's choices. Oh, they may say openly that people have their own agency, but out of the same mouth they will say that the Holy Ghost cannot strive with YOU if you sin, and therefore investigators will be lost.

They teach we're responsible for the people we could have converted, the things we could have done better, and didn't. Failing to magnify your calling, etc. You will have to answer before God and them for why you didn't save them. Stuff like that.

I'd forgotten that poisonous bit we were taught. I heard it many times, especially in the mission--that you would be responsible for all the ones you could have saved if only you had been more diligent. My MP used to say that.

Is that the ultimate guilt trip or what? And anyone who thinks that isn't the control tactic of a cult is kidding themselves.

That makes me so sad. That poor young man. But, I remember feeling guilty about everything. I didn't read my scriptures long enough, I liked the smell of coffee, I swore, I had a sexual thought, etc., etc., etc. When that guilt finally lifted I could have sung a verse of the Hallelujah Chorus. Even now, I will sometimes get into that mode and have to mentally slap myself. No-one should have to live like that.

Tapirs,

FINALLY; we now know why the Mish thingy is such a FAILURE !!!!


It's due to all the monkey spanking.

MP: "Elders, your baptisms are down, something must be up. Let's straighten that out."

Bahahaha

"He is risen. NO Elders I didn't mean literally!!"

Mormonism is not a victimless crime.

Some young people take that guilt so far that they kill themselves.

My nephew did.

Reminds me of a Zone Conference I had on my mission in Argentina. Area Authority Lynn Mickelson showed up. Lined us all up in the chapel to shake our hands. When he was finished, he marched up to the pulpit and pronounced that the reason we weren't having any baptism success was because there were masturbators among us. He could tell "by the look in your eyes".

Kinda makes you wonder what he was thinking about while he shook each of our hands. Creepy.

--Kinda makes you wonder what he was thinking about while he shook each of our hands. Creepy.--

He was thinking, "Damn, I've never seen so many hairy palms before".

Too bad things like that don't get recorded. Those wold make amazing audio clips for Twitter. Some media might enjoy sharing what thenMormon charity spends its tax deductible energies on as well.

The lengths some of the Mormon leaders will go to in order to give the impression that they are soooo in tune with the spirit! What he said is a phony liar thing to do.

If he had any inspiration at all he would have said, "You are not getting baptisms because you are all masturbators" instead of just saying there were "some among you."

"Sticky Fingers" are a sure sign of unworthiness. Why do you think he shook all those hands?

Everything bad in the world -- wars, natural disasters, plagues, whatever -- happen because I masturbate. Blame me.

To be fair, I'll take some of the blame.

I recall in a BYU religion class a little "parable" about a surgeon who turned down a calling in the bishopbric because he was so busy with work and felt he needed that time for his family. "When he prayed before a major heart surgery the next day, do you think god was listening and willing to help him?" Asked the teacher. Well me, I figure that if god is looking at the big picture his assistance/intervention all depends on his plans for the heart patient and her family. Not the doctor. But after a lengthy discussion the teacher had the last word: patient died because the surgeon was unworthy and selfish. That scenario appeared as a multiple choice question on the final. I refused to put down the answer he was looking for and it cost me an A in the class.

Yes, this kind of sad, twisted, manipulative thinking is deeply ingrained in Mormon culture.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 12:35PM by vh65.

Here in the UK, the ward members were being blamed for low convert rates and low investigator rates. They were asked to inspect their lives and change the things that are amiss etc in order to get converts/investigators attending and the church growing etc.

There was some Elder ballard video being shown (back in 2006-2007) where he says the church has provided all the necessary tools and marketing and now it was up to members to capitalise on it etc. I knew it was BS then! lol

Another time I asked why are their no revelations anymore since Smith etc and was told that there won't be any new revelations until members are fully obedient to the revelations that have already been given.

It kind of seemed sinister to me and an obvious cop out.

I was a golden investigator. I read the BofM, attended everything etc.

I just googled Mormon, that's all.

I read a blog of a doe-eyed heavily make-up wearing sweet young sister from rural Idaho serving in the European mission where I was a missionary. She has several entries where she is sure investigator x is going to be baptized in 3 weeks, and then suddenly investigator x disappears and avoids and hides from the sisters. This happens about every other month, she is very discouraged and confused why this is happening. A speaker visiting for a mission conference told them "that we live in dark times, and your failures and frustrations are just a manifestation of witnessing against the dark times."

I feel so sorry for the poor girl, she has no clue that her product is absolute bullshit, and when people research a bit, they don't want anything to do with the LDS "Gospel".

Someone did record this.

Power point presentation from high command at SLC.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP4siTJiMFI

Instead of the ordinance of Baptism for the Dead, could we have Masturbation for the Golden Contact?

*The officiator and his "little proxy" stand together in the bathroom. The officiator raises his left arm with a playboy centerfold and pronounces the following words.*

"Oh, brother, having been commissioned of fun-loving ex-mormons, I wank for and in behalf of _________, who is a Golden Investigator, in the name of....uhhhh....uhhhhh....UHHHHH!!!!

Omg, laughing my ass off.

Sadly, I think this is why my TBM nephew killed himself in February. He left a note saying he couldn't take all the pressure and my SIL mentioned that he'd looked at naughty pics.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 06:14PM by brandywine.

That is horrible, brandywine; another reason it's a cult.

I recall as a young teenager getting caught by my newly-minted convert brother and he went off on a tangent that God was watching me do it.

On the other hand, when I nervously admitted to our Episcopal priest that I had masturbated and felt terrible about it; he said: "What!? You think priests don't masturbate? Just don't overdo it."

I agree. I just feel so much anger at the church(specifically the teachings) for making this wonderful, sweet and very loved young man think that death was the only way out. My SIL made him sound like he was dabbling in really horrible stuff, yet I have a feeling it was just normal teenage stuff. I also hate that the church and even my health class made it seem like masturbating was only something men did. I've had serious depression over this myself until now I realize it is a release that all humans need from time to time and it doesn't make anyone evil.

Brandywine, so very sorry about your nephew. The pressures on teens to find and convert golden investigators is wrong and disgusting. Those mishies who have fallen for the cult spiel can become victims in many ways. I know of one young man who fell to pieces on his mission in the Philipines. First thing out, he was given a Philipine companion, was expected to eat food he could not stomach, and was ridiculed for being a foreigner. He came home early, utterly humiliated. Another missionary I know about stabbed himself in the stomach. He hated his mission and wanted to go home. Thank heavens, he lived to see his home.

Thank you presleynfactsrock. My nephew hadn't yet graduated HS. I'm not even sure if he really wanted to serve a mission but my very TBM SIL said he was taking missionary prep. The poor boy (like so many) had many conflicting messages and feelings going on. The thing I still feel angry about is when my SIL and nephew came over when my husband had shingles and she pointed out that this is what herpes looks like and does he want to catch that from "improper" behavior? My SIL is now saying that he has a mission on the other side, her attitude about everything makes me mad.

my husband had shingles and she pointed out that this is what herpes looks like and does he want to catch that from "improper" behavior?



Seriously WTF?

Seriously. My SIL did that.The creepy thing is that when I was his age I confessed to my mom that I was engaging in "improper" sexual behavior she whisked me off to her OBGYN for STD testing and then sat me down with a book of pictures of various STD's. I also secretly asked the nurse for a video on birth control and literally got kicked out of my house. I lived with my grandparents my senior year- Thank God they were very good to me. This whole thing really screwed me up and I think it is very prevalent in TBM families. I can't f@#$%^&* believe Mormons think this is healthy to do to kids.

"A whole family . . . and their descendants for generations to
come will be without God's saving truths because YOU masturbated
last night."

Wow amazing how one elder can override GOD and keep him from
doing his main job.

Damn impressive, if you ask me.

Here's the deal: Everybody can think for themselves and make their choices. There is either personal responsibility for those choices or there is not. An investigator chooses to join or they don't. And one person cannot reasonably be held responsible for the choices someone else makes, because they have no power in the situation.

This is very self-centered thinking, too. Would a just God care more about the masturbating missionary, or saving a soul?

This is just another example of manipulating missionaries with irrational guilt and misplaced sense of responsibility for others.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 09:15PM by imaworkinonit.