Nearly 10 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble across this forum. Here were people actually articulating the very same thoughts that were trying to take form in my disillusioned brain.
I was stunned that somebody besides me thought the temple thing was a crock. And that there was such blatant sexism. And such insistence on lock-step conformity. And on and on.
It led me to Kathy Worthington's site, (RIP, Kathy) where I learned how to resign. And within 6 months, I was out.
I stay here because I enjoy hanging out with fellow exmos and I always get a kick out of hearing the latest of what's going on in TSCC before the Mormons themselves hear it!
DH's home teacher is always amazed that yes, I've read so-and-so's latest talk, or I've heard about what's going on with the mission programs in Africa. . .stuff like that. It's so funny to see his expressions, because he has no clue how I, the apostate, can be so current on church stuff.
I've had some significant issues with some mormons close to me. I've healed significantly from my past and I'd just like to be left alone, but I'm always being judged by the few TBMs in my life. I'm considered less than by my TBM daughter because I'm not mormon. It is one thing to have mother/daughter problems, another thing entirely to have lds thrown in the mix.
I am the one who is at fault for not saving my gay "ex" husband. He isn't. I am. Go figure.
Then in having a discussion with a long-time mormon friend of mine (35+ years), it was like talking to a wall. I love the little notes at the end of her e-mails about "one day in the hereafter we will know the answers." She acts as though that isn't rude.
The attitude is "we know" so anything you think or feel is invalid. I usually ignore them, but sometimes it gets to you. I've SO HAD IT WITH mormons lately.
This doesn't even include the idiocy going on at the company my nonmo boyfriend works at.
For me, it's a way to vent, to find new things about the church I didn't know, and also just for support. I am married to a very uber tbm. So the support I get on these kind of sites is so great for me. I feel like I am not alone...
I'm confused by your answer, Lex. If you didn't feel the need, then how did you find the board? Once you found the board, you stuck around and started posting. Something in you did indeed, as you say, feel the need to reach out.
Mormonism is intimately tied to family in ways no other religion is. So for most of us, our problem is not really about religion It is about being denied the most basic of human needs, the unconditional acceptance by our families as acceptable human beings. The LDS cult denies us even that The people who come here are trying to fill a hole in their hearts.
Because I live "in the mission field" and don't even know any mormons, nevermind exmormons. I've tried to talk to my nevermo friends about the issues and lasting damage, but you can't ever really understand fully what being in a cult is like until you get out of one. Yes, there was sympathy and "OMG, I can't believe people have to go through that!" but not any real understanding. Just superficial, pithy advice like, "Yeah, well mormons are weird. Just don't go." You can't just recover from PTSD by oversimplifying and downplaying your trauma.
Even therapists haven't really helped (with the cult issues; they've been very helpful with rape recovery, dysfunctional family stuff). These boards are the only place where you can post something like, "OMG, the missionaries tracted me out today!" and everyone here understands what that means and why it's slightly more than no big deal. People understand why it's damaging when your loved ones say ugly, judgmental things to you, "Oh, you're having trouble finding a job because you need to go back to church."
Nevermos don't get it. Catholics don't get it. Hell, Baptists don't get it. If those people don't like their church, they just don't go. Nobody stalks them at home. Giving donations is optional. You aren't emotionally blackmailed to pay your tithing in other churches.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2014 11:23AM by dogzilla.
dogzilla Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > you can't ever > really understand fully what being in a cult is > like until you get out of one. Yes, there was > sympathy and "OMG, I can't believe people have to > go through that!" but not any real understanding. > Just superficial, pithy advice like, "Yeah, well > mormons are weird. Just don't go." These > boards are the only place where you can post > something like, "OMG, the missionaries tracted me > out today!" and everyone here understands what > that means and why it's slightly more than no big > deal. ^^^ Well said dogzilla
I can relate to your question. I "left" the church as a child, never made sense, didn't believe it, etc. After age 13, the only time I spent as an active Mormon was 2 years as a missionary (I went at 22 years old) and a few more years after I got back.
I left as an adult after reading a lot of the Tanner's "Mormonism: Shadow or Reality" book, before the internet. I walked away and didn't feel any need for "recovery" because I was never really that attached to it. It was more of a relief to find out it was fake after all.
Then years later, a never-mo co-worker showed me this BB. I've been reading and occasionally posting for about 15 years now.....but not for any type of recovery. I think I've posted one "reach out" post before and that was for something personal, not church related.
I return for a few reasons.....it's entertaining to follow Mormonism from outside the church, being one that has left it behind. Also, I still have siblings that are TMB, so it's nice to keep myself posted on what is happening in their whacky little world. And, keeping myself up to speed allows me something current to talk about if it ever comes up in conversation with TBM's.
So for me, it's not about recovering, its about staying informed on something that has been a big force in my life and development in the past, and being amused while doing it.
I also walked away from a protestant church and never felt any need to keep in touch. But that church was not very complex, controlling, or mind manipulating. Neither was it a fraud. The protestant church I lost interest in had an open history and ledger of accounts. The history had it's flaws but they were not hidden or concealed. The world pretty much knows all about it. And the only fraud was the original fraud that there actually is a god.
Mormonism is different. It started as a scheme and a way to manipulate the easily deceived and impressed. It vaulted an uneducated farm boy into fame, riches, and limitless sexual gratification. It is cloaked in secrecy and cunning. It has morphed and transformed itself into a multi-national conglomerate worth multi-millions/billions? Who knows exactly? It wields sectarian political and financial power that is probably exceeded only by Catholicism which has been around a very lot longer. It has managed to make itself over into a socially acceptable institution, in the US at least, and is, for the most part, accepted as a mainstream Christian religion by many.
Mormonism presents itself completely dishonestly. The leaders vault themselves as religiously superior leaders with special powers from God. In reality they are mere business men in love with the adulation and privilege they are afforded through their titles. How tithes and offerings are used is misrepresented and hidden from those providing them. Membership statistics and conversion rates are a farce. Yet the mainstream media reports them as if they were rational and viable representations.
Don't you see anything dangerous about all this? I do. And I want to keep tabs on just how much this "so called church" gets away with and how far they are willing to go with their deceptions and corruptions. I cannot turn my back on them.
If you are in the U.K. I suspect you don't see Mormonism as a danger to your country. As a North American it is an embarrassment and a blight on my homeland. I cannot turn my back on the beast.
And after all that being said, I'm embarrassed I fell for it. I cannot help but want to soothe my conscience over that by seeing just how many otherwise intelligent and rational people did the same. I find many of those people here. It helps me forgive myself for being so gullible.
Pooped Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I cannot turn my back on the beast. > > And after all that being said, I'm embarrassed I > fell for it. I cannot help but want to soothe my > conscience over that by seeing just how many > otherwise intelligent and rational people did the > same. I find many of those people here. It helps > me forgive myself for being so gullible.
I come here to maintain my sanity. My TBM family thinks I've lost my mind. My TBM wife and my kids' TBM grandparents have stepped up the brainwashing efforts, but I can't say a thing about it. It's nice knowing that others have been through the same things with their families. When I feel like dying because of these damaged relationships, it's nice to read stories of spouses eventually coming around...even if it took many years. It gives me some hope that my wife will come around and that my kids might have a chance at a normal life.
I also come here to maintain my sanity as my mom married a Jack Mormon who has TBM daughters who are raising their children in the church. I'm not allowed to say anything that's remotely critical of Mormonism when I'm around that family. One of those TBM's is on a mission, and while she was in the area hit by one of those tornadoes, she and her companion were safe. They basically stayed at the stake center as that building has a storm shelter. Neither she or any of her companions has a blog, but she occasionally has someone at home post updates on her Facebook page or tag pictures of her.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2014 12:24PM by adoylelb.
When you left the CofE, did the local church repeatedly send representatives around to your house to try to get you to come back?
Did your vicar feel the need to interrogate you as to why you stopped attending and question your morality?
If you moved to a different town, did the CofE put a major effort into tracking you down and then send representatives to convince you to attend again?
Did your friends from the CofE start shunning you because you were no longer attending?
Did your family members treat you differently because you didn't attend the CofE?
Does the CofE send missionaries to your house to try to convert you back?
Leaving Mormonism is not like leaving most religions. Most churches just let you leave peacefully, but LD$, Inc. thinks they own you for eternity. Because of that they are always trying to be part of your life - even when you don't want them to be.
Most religions don't have recovery sites because they aren't needed. Cults like LD$, Inc. are different. They won't just let you quietly go away - they continue to stalk you and your family. We have this site to help deal with the BS that we are forced to address because of the actions of The Cult.
People here use the forum for many things, but I would have thought that it's pretty obvious why!
Mormonism is a cult. It's no easy thing being in a cult - you live in the heart of its madness, but accept it as being completely and utterly normal.
If or when you manage to break free of the bubble, the wide world can be an unknown quantity, something you have no skill to navigate your way around, something you need the support of others like you to figure out.
Then you have to find out exactly who you are, with all the Mormon nonsense removed. It's a hard, long journey with plenty of mistakes on the way, but so very much worth it to become an authentic person.
I have friends of long standing, some of whom I have never met, but who I have a deep and abiding understanding and bond with - we all experienced, lived, survived Mormonism.
As a fellow Brit - the CofE is as alike to the LDS as Torquay Utd is to Arsenal FC.
That is a monumental accomplishment, but it is nearly impossible to sever all the ties. The entanglement goes deeper than most of us knew. Sometimes all we need is to toast others who did it too and sometimes we need more than that.
Its a support group for those of us who have left. It was very good for me and I'm sure for many others who have been here. You don't have to hang if you feel like you don't need it. Its cool.
Quitting Mormonism doesn't end one's curiosity about the train wreck that is the church. We frequently find ourselves all the more interested in the antics of Mormons and their leaders. Perhaps it's partly because we have family still in the damned subculture. Maybe it's just the fascination with unraveling a hoax and watching others do likewise. And it's therapeutic.
I think those are good reasons, but my favorite part is the community--the virtual debates and conversations and humor. Good people.
I left mentally and physically when I was sixteen. At sixteen, I found a job that offered "Sunday" shifts and haven't really been back for much more,but blessings/baptisms of nieces and nephews. Deep mormon roots on my and hubby's family. I never really looked for ex-mormon, like minded peers. I didn't know they existed. Stumbled across this forum about 2 yrs ago. (17 yrs after i left the morg)..I was absolutely caught off guard that there was an online community like RFM (mormonthink and postmormon). Probably more sites out there, just the ones I found interest in. I lurked for a long time and just felt more connected with the stories than anything else in my life experience. I needed to know I wasn't the only one that thought the whole organization was bulls**t. I found the exit stories and automatically connected with many. Some mostly, others just segments of their story but still made a huge impact. This is a life line for thousands..it is used because its needed and healing.