Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: May 20, 2014 11:52PM
It seems to be the trend here in Salt Lake City, for a female to get an associate's or bachelor's degree, or enough training for her to get a good job--to put her returned missionary husband through school. The typical RM misses two years of college, but still gets married a few months after returning from his mission. He needs someone to support him through the rest of his schooling, plus a master's, law, medical, whatever advanced degree. My daughter did that. My friend's daughter put her husband through law school, and they he decided he wanted to go to medical school, so she is still working full time as a speech therapist, and hatching their third child. My daughter didn't have any children while she was putting her husband through 5 years of school. She got criticized for delaying having a family. Then she had one child and stopped. She got more criticism.
There are some people who can't have children, you know.
I was both a SAHM and a working mother. I loved staying at home with my children, reading and studying what I felt like studying, teaching my kids what I wanted them to learn, playing with him and establishing a good relationship with them, showing them plenty of love and attention, going to a dance class 5 mornings a week, keeping house, entertaining, doing yard work and car repairs (I'm mechanical). I did it all, yet the working mothers in the neighborhood were jealous of me, and society in general made me feel guilty staying home. I was the "go-to" mom in the neighborhood, picking up other's kids from school when they were sick, having them have breakfast with us when their mother had to be at work extra early, picking them up after school and keeping them at my house until after work hours. I think I contributed. I also did volunteer work at my children's schools. Volunteer jobs are the best (except for Mormon jobs which are degrading), and I got excellent training, way beyond my bachelor's degree level.
Most Mormon working mothers have to work, Yes, they are criticized by the Mormons: "Oh, you 'have' to work to afford your fancy house and car?" Usually it is more than that. Most Utah families are around $30,000 in debt, and are living beyond their means. A Mormon man is too much of a coward to admit he depends on his wife for their income, so you never hear about that.
In my whole life as a Mormon, I never met anyone like those people on the "I Am A Mormon" commercials. Really. Do they exist? Maybe Donnie and Marie, but I never met them, either.
Anyway, as a SAHM, my Mormon husband did not respect me, and would call me and the children names like "liabilities" "sponges" "things." When I offered to work for pay, he didn't want me to, because he liked the full-time maid, cook, sex, and babysitting services. When we got divorced, he paid only the minimum required to stay out of jail. I got more education, and had some lucky breaks, and now I make more money than he does, and we live in a nicer house. I get a great deal of satisfaction from that. Plus, the kids and I still have that strong bond we developed early on. For me, it has been the best of both worlds.
Maybe it is not "either-or."