This is my analysis on why it's so hard to leave Mormonism and how the term; tribe plays so heavily into that process.

Tribe is part of the lexicon and doctrine of the LDS Church. (references in text)

I am a bit a purist when it comes to the use of words. Cult has a general definition that has to do with worship or churches in general.

I do not use the term cult re: Mormonism anymore than I would for Lutherans, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, etc.

I don't use any terms or words that are unacceptable to believers, just as a general rule, as it often breaks down communication and often results in rejection on some level which I want to avoid.

It's my view that the word cult has too often become an emotionally loaded pejorative and used maliciously to disparage people's religion. I won't do that to Mormons or Mormonism because I want to keep the doors of communication open, not shut off all hope of future relationships.

I am also a bit of a skeptic and use critical thinking skills to evaluate how authors of books, who are accepted as some kind of authority, in this instance, have used the word cult to disenfranchise people who are living a different religion than they are, or one they find unacceptable, for some reason. I don't buy into that kind of play on the gullibility of people that may be in a raw, emotional state. I reject their authoritative-type manipulation of the words, just like I do anyone else who does the same thing.

My analysis of why Mormonism functions as a tribe. and why Mormonism has such a strong hold on one who is "truly converted" aka TBM True Believing Mormon.

This is my perspective and analysis, based on my observation, and experience living their teachings/theology and practices for several decades.

We are dealing with a God Myth- based on belief by faith and symbolism, not factual evidence- which has great power with the believers. That is true across the board and well established throughout human history.
(See "The Power of Myth" by Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers - hard back has the beautiful illustrations)

The patterns within the church are similar to patterns in most church organizations: special leaders, special music, it's own language, special costuming, their own unique architecture, often generational life-long believers, rituals around the same major times in life: birth, coming of age, marriage, death.

Mormonism, in my long experience and observation is more accurately described as a two century, predominately American, patriarchal-line of authority,generational, cultural, societal, restoration church, religious tribe with it's own sacred clothing, music, and language, architecture, etc.


The word: tribe is used in their lexicon and theology.
See this link for further explanation of their teachings on the Ten Tribes of Israel.
http://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/israel

Members are given a Patriarchal Blessing by the specially called Patriarch in their area.
An important core belief of their theology is the Declaration of Lineage This is given to each person that receives their Patriarchal Blessing.

"A patriarchal blessing includes a declaration of lineage, stating that the person is of the house of Israel—a descendant of Abraham, belonging to a specific tribe of Jacob. Many Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe given the primary responsibility to lead the latter-day work of the Lord.

Because each of us has many bloodlines running in us, two members of the same family may be declared as being of different tribes in Israel.

It does not matter if a person's lineage in the house of Israel is through bloodlines or by adoption. Church members are counted as a descendant of Abraham and an heir to all the promises and blessings contained in the Abrahamic covenant (see Abrahamic Covenant)"
REF: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=17517c2fc20b8010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
(As an adult convert, I was considered an adopted member of the tribe. )

Considering how tribes universally manifest, it is, in my view, the best way to understand how Mormonism creates a whole paradigm for the individual, (including their identity),in a typically generational, patriarchal,familial,societal, religious context complete with it's own unique rituals/ordinances, music, language, including special garments (underwear) known as the Holy Garment of the Melchizedek Priesthood to be worn day and night including the special burial attire. Their Patriarchal Blessings go so far as to establish the tribe the person is from. See link above.

At the core, is a belief in an Eternal Family in a Restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Their testimony; Joseph Smith Jr received the Keys of Authority to the Ordinances for eternal life in the Celestial Kingdom.

This is the core of the problem when someone leaves.
Disruption of that core provides the opportunity for mild to extreme measures for those that leave and no longer fit in the Eternal Family as they define it. It is a highly exclusive religiously based tribe. There is a strong element of: being in the world but not of the world, and us vs them mind set.

It is not dissimilar to the various religions of the world which have, throughout history, defined the specific rituals of each religious heritage-tribe etc. It's common for each one to place great importance on those rituals as the only correct way to perform the traditions and please their Gods: deities/savior, etc. Throughout the history of humanity, human beings have very often been instilled with the necessity of pleasing God and the horrific error and consequence of displeasing God. Mormonism follows much the same patterns.

If the traditions/beliefs, etc. don't appeal to a member of the group/tribe, for any number of reasons, and leaving becomes necessary,, it is often met with hostility as the customs/rituals of the religious tribe have been rejected which is seen as a personal betrayal, and the prior member could be seen as an enemy as we see in religious wars. This is particularly well documented in the animal kingdom.

Of course, not all religions take such a strong stand as many Mormons believers do, however, to some degree, those that leave their heritage/religious tribe (Eternal Family), will be often have a great difficulty retaining any kind of cohesive relationship with the believers especially if they are family members.

Often that can be overcome, but it takes some time for everyone to adjust to the changes, which is not something human beings do easily.

Even those that may not be "truly converted" may stay because it is their heritage. It appears that strong family ties, especially generational ones with it's strong culture (only true church, Eternal Family etc.,) is paramount in keeping valued relationships with many who may not be a true believer, but accept it as their heritage, culture and familial, traditional religious choice. The need to preserve their place in the tribe is stronger than the need to leave it.
They find more value in it than out of it. It is often directly correlated to keeping their jobs, careers, educational scholarships,etc.

Religion in general, often requires a strong emotional attachment based on feelings, or a testimony or spiritual witness, as that is how they work best. They do not require factual evidence to be sustained by the believers, as the human truths for living are within the stories, parables, allegories, and so on which are filled with symbolism that translated into many languages.

In the case of Mormonism, there is a strong belief in the claims as literal, and factual. The fact is: we are more alike than different when establishing consistent universal truths for living; emotional attachments to strong beliefs override factual evidences especially when immersed in talk that is "truth."

Leaving your tribe, in this case Mormonism, requires, in my view and my experience, the ability to detach from the strong emotionally ties. It also requires, in part, the role of the observer and the necessity of separating what is about someone else and what is about us, personally.

Considering how tribes manifest, it is, in my view, the best way to understand how Mormonism creates a whole paradigm for the individual in a familial, societal, religious context aka tribe.
Leaving Mormonism is, for many, leaving their tribe in every sense of the word.

When leaving the LDS Church, we are, in deed, leaving our tribe. As believers, the member was told, through their Patriarchal Blessings that (for the most part) the member "is of the house of Israel—a descendant of Abraham, belonging to a specific tribe of Jacob. Many Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe given the primary responsibility to lead the latter-day work of the Lord."This is an integral core doctrine as part of their claim that they are a Restoration Church with the keys to act in the name of Jesus Christ.

More info here.
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=17517c2fc20b8010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

More on why it's hard to leave:

When we leave the LDS Church/Mormonism, (belief system), in many ways, the perception by the believers is that we betrayed and rejected our heritage - our tribe; our family, discarded our societal system, and our support system, including our friends and are now outsiders. It is very often seen as a frontal assault on their Eternal Family.

That is at the core, in my observation and experience, of why it's so difficult to leave the LDS Church. In many cases, every single element of our entire life, our total environment is tied up in our heritage, whether we are BIC (Born in the Covenant), or a convert (an adopted member of the tribe.) The emotional component of this core is extremely powerful.

Leaving Mormonism.

There is a world outside Mormonism, and it's carefully constructed filter.Welcome to the Wide World of Ideas: life is no longer a set of answers to every question, black and white, right and wrong, good and bad thinking. There is a whole new gray area and lots of new options.

The life or an outsider, often called a disseffected member or an apostate, requires a whole new World View and new support system. That is a daunting task and something that takes time. It also takes time and patience dealing with those who are living with and observing our changes. They need time to adjust to our major changes.

A new looming question is; If the LDS claims are not acceptable to be believed, then what is? And therein lies the journey and the need for information and support. Often that is found in this board and other online support boards, including those that went before us and pay it forward.

One of the important elements, as I have experienced leaving Mormonism has been to take my power back and own it. That means I am very careful about who I give power over my life to. It also includes knowing we are OK and were OK all along. We can trust ourselves!

It means, for instance, no longer acquiescing to religious/ecclesiastical authority.It means learning to set new boundaries which is often difficult coming out of a religious environment with very few boundaries and a very large Confidentiality Loop.

What was acceptable in the day to day life of Mormonism and how it functions, is suddenly no longer the case. The controls (enforced or implied) are gone. The individual is left to figure it out for themselves.

Fortunately, we have the ability to touch base with others, to know we are not alone. We can learn from others. We can listen to a wide variety of opinions and decide what works for us. We don't all experience Mormonism the say way, nor so we leave it the same way.

We can carve out a new life of our own, based on our own ability to chart our own life on our own terms. How we do that is up to us. I prefer not to take all of the religious experiences so seriously. The past is gone and done with. I don't want it to mess up my present. What I want to remember with gratitude and cherish are the parts with value which are mostly my family.

Leaving Mormonism, or leaving your tribe, however one approaches the exit process, as I describe it, is never about being weak. It is about being strong enough to feel the fear and do it anyway even if the consequences of our decisions are not known at the time.

Leaving Mormonism is about keeping your self confidence, self esteem, self respect cranked up on high and not allowing anyone to destroy any part of you.

Leaving Mormonism is about giving yourself permission to be authentic and create your own World View. It's about taking off the Mormon filter and seeing the world with new eyes. It's about deleting and replacing dozens of automatic thinking scripts imprinted by years of teachings.

Leaving Mormonism is not just about having some hurt feelings or being offended, or having a bad experience. Life for everyone is filled with those kinds of experiences. If it were true that people left because of those notions, there would be no Mormons left in the church! :-)

Leaving Mormonism is about taking your power back and owning it and not being intimidated by the leaders or others who put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Their authority only exists if we give it to them.

It is about choosing not to live by the doctrines/policies of a powerful, authoritative church that has something to say about every facet of one's life from what one eats, how one dresses-right down to the regulation 24/7 underwear, how one spends money, and their time. Mormonism is a life-style.

It's about being willing to step outside the cultural, religious boundaries of the familial tribe, and be OK doing it.

It is about setting boundaries and not allowing any Mormon leader to intrude into their personal lives, especially asking if one masturbates and other questions of a sexual nature. This is particularly inappropriate when a bishop interviews 12 to 19 year old (males and females) in the privacy of his office with no parent present. (My view is that will have to stop and the sooner the better!)

Leaving Mormonism is about recognizing that covenants and promises made on the metaphysical, supernatural claims at baptism, in the temple, sealing ceremony (for after death), etc. are symbolic only and not binding, never were and never will be. Only belief in the God Myth gives those covenants validity. Legally, there is no contract.

A careful study of D&C 132 with a comparison of the temple marriage ceremony dialog and the endowments in the temple show that the policy of polygamy (New and Everlasting Covenant) has not stopped, only changed in how it is currently lived to comply with the laws that were in existence all along. Read carefully, recall what you said and did, the marriage ceremony is tucked into your covenant to give all you have (time, talents, money) to the church. Some wonder if they ever married each other, of if they married the church.
Leaving Mormonism takes a huge dose of courage, tenacity and perseverance to withstand the onslaught of any Mormon who tries to discourage you from making your own choices.

There are some Mormons who have preconceived ideas that those who leave must have sinned, not repented fully or enough or in the proper way, not tried hard enough, didn't read the scriptures enough or with sincere intent, did not pray enough or in the right way, did not have the right attitude, lost "the spirit," were adulterers, and apostates, labeling their prior friends and relatives as something less than acceptable.
They operate out of fear that they have lost their "Celestial Family." which has been well imprinted by generations of the cultural, tradition mores of the tribe.

Those who leave are often treated as an enemy -- the spawn of Satan, and as such are often shunned and ignored after being denigrated in the most despicable manner; some, more so than others. A few escape this completely.This is especially grievous behavior when it occurs in families and is used as a wedge.

Some forget their own 11th Article of Faith in their zeal to denigrate and vilify anyone who leaves.

11th Article of Faith "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own heart, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

It is a breath of fresh air to meet a Mormon who is respectful and will honestly honor the choice to leave Mormonism and live their own 11th Article of Faith. Fortunately, I'm married to one!
It might be a little bit of a side-ways acceptance, as they maintain the Mormon World View, but at least, some do try. And, for that, I am very grateful!
I was fortunate to be married for over 50 years to a true believer that was able to live and show by example the best of their beliefs when I changed my mind and left the LDS Church.

Leaving Mormonism is knowing and never forgetting that you are OK, you were OK all along. You did nothing "wrong." There is no need for guilt, or shame either.

Leaving Mormonism is also about being able to have a good healthy, healing laugh at ourselves and the goofy, funny things we used to do. Takes awhile to get to that point, for some. I'm fortunate. I get to the humor quickly and I find it very healing.

Leaving Mormonism is about knowing that it is OK to be an authentic adult and choose your own underwear! How funny is that anyhow?

The word tribe best describes my observations, and experiences living the religion as a convert or several decades, completely immersed as a believing member. It is an analysis that gives me the greatest latitude in understanding how it functions and why it is difficult to leave it. I like the term, as it's all inclusive, encompassing the totality of it's history and how it functions today.


"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
Friedrich Nietzsche

I am reading a book called "Film As Religion", by John Lyden. We need some kind of culture to hold onto, and film fits the bill nicely. Think about Star Wars, etc. Great movies can fill the void left by Mormonism.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2014 11:05PM by behindcurtain.

Although we have never met in person I consider you my friend. Your words have lifted me up today. I am dealing with be separated from my TBM wife and kids, I am dealing with a Bishop that keeps pestering me to come in and see him, and I am dealing with the fear and the loss of life as I once knew while being in the church. Your words are like an anchor to me and I will be forever thankful to you!

For many of us, it is the opposite....we can't move forward until we dump the CULT like a hot potato. CELEBRATE, dance to the music, no more CULT.

My best friend on the planet for more than 30 years is Jewish. She and her husband (also Jewish) feel a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves -- a tribe, if you will. They have raised their sons to be Jewish and have a sense of where they belong in the world. They practice Judaism somewhere between Conservative and Reform. They observe the major Jewish holidays -- Passover, Yom Kippur, etc. They do not keep Kosher.

Their sons studied Hebrew and had Bar Mitzvahs. Their sons were never once questioned privately by the rabbi about masturbation, sexuality and chastity starting at the tender age of 12. She was horrified when I told her that is standard practice for boys and girls in the LDS faith.

The family identifies as Jews with a cultural and religious history spanning several thousand years. But that is pretty much it. Their sons may well marry non-Jews and that will be fine. For them, Judaism is a tradition with rites and a sense of tribal belonging that they have passed on to their boys. There is no desire or requirement to bring others into the tribe and to testify constantly as to the truthfulness of the tribe's beliefs. There is no bragging that their tribe knows the will of G-d (which would be something of a sacrilege, frankly). There are no secret brain-washing ceremonies. There is no requirement that young men and women spend two years trying to recruit others. There is no unhealthy obsession with the sexuality of others in the tribe, no secret underwear and no forced 10 percent surcharge to see one's children married or to be with one's loved ones after death (the last being an amorphous concept at best).

I contrast that with my upbringing in Utah Mormonism, which was, and always will be for me, not a tribe but a cult. And I say this as a daughter of Utah pioneers on both branches of my lineage. Until I resigned, I was 6th generation Mormon. Yes, we have traditions and history. But not of very long-standing -- certainly not thousands of years of tribal identification. And most of the egregious things in Mormonism are cultish. The goal is new recruits and more money accomplished by brainwashing and shunning of those who refuse to play the game. Mormonism has far more in common with Scientology than it ever has with Judaism.

From my perspective, Mormonism is a cult, not a tribe. And the fact that it is a cult explains everything -- why it is hard to leave, why marriages and families splinter because of it, and why we are all here discussing it.

Yes, every group/tribe religious or otherwise has it's traditions, beliefs, etc.

Each of us has our own perspective of how Mormonism has impacted us. In my case, I had a life before I converted. It had very little in common with a traditional, generational, cultural Mormon family from Utah, or Idaho, for instance.

I was a young adult convert. As a new member of just over a year, I married a generational true believer moved to Provo where he got his degree (eventually) from BYU. Talk about culture shock! I left Oregon for Mormonville, Ut!

How we come to our perspective and understanding of our lives is highly personalized. It is colored by dozens of factors that are unique to our individual lives.

Also, we are not all going to agree on everything when we leave Mormonism. There are too many variables to come to a unified consensus. And that's just as it needs to be!