Posted by:
esias
(
)
Date: June 17, 2014 01:31PM
You are God. And may I say a rather successful Fascist Intergallactic Mormon God. You're a natural. Long story but you're kept busy weeding out the masturbators, forgetting to answer prayers, taking a 10% tithe, and excommunicating liberal trouble-makers. The first thing you're going to do is get angry, get really racist and mysoginistic angry, curse the ground, curse the waters, get mean, curse women with more than one ear-ring, and a plague on all your houses:
"Here are many dangers upon the waters, and more especially hereafter; for I, the Lord, have decreed in mine anger many destructions upon the waters; yea, and especially upon these waters. Nevertheless, all flesh is in mine hand, and he that is faithful among you shall not perish by the waters ... Behold, I, the Lord, in the beginning blessed the waters; but in the last days, by the mouth of my servant John, I cursed the waters. Wherefore, the days will come that no flesh shall be safe upon the waters. And it shall be said in days to come that none is able to go up to the land of Zion upon the waters, but he that is upright in heart. And, as I, the Lord, in the beginning cursed the land, even so in the last days have I blessed it, in its time, for the use of my saints, that they may partake the fatness thereof. And now I give unto you a commandment that what I say unto one I say unto all, that you shall forewarn your brethren concerning these waters, that they come not in journeying upon them, lest their faith fail and they are caught in snares; I, the Lord, have decreed, and the destroyer rideth upon the face thereof, and I revoke not the decree. I, the Lord, was angry with you yesterday, but today mine anger is turned away." (Doctrine and Covenants 61:4-6, 14-20)
My boy Thomas Manson - I've got a coke problem, ho no, it's Pepsi - gave some excellent advice recently on the familial benefits of giving your wife a slap. Mormon prophets rarely venture our of their luxury appartments, but when they do they feel more at home naturally in Fascist countries. 'One of the great leaders of Latin America.' said Spencer W Kimball of General Pinochet.
Mormons believe that liberals will go straight to Hell, and probably should be subject to blood atonement.
"The self-called liberal is usually one who has broken with the fundamental principles or guiding philosophy of the group to which he belongs ... He claims membership in an organization but does not believe in its basic concepts; and sets out to reform it by changing its foundations."
It is folly to speak of a liberal religion, if that religion claims that it rests upon unchanging truth." (Dr John A Widtsoe)
Prophets should not attempt to communicate with their fascist God except through a salamander or though a special stone:
"Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear, and under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read off the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe, and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man." (Russell Nelson, A Treasured Testament, Ensign July 1993)
A good fascist intergalactic mass-murdering empire-building maniac Mrmon God owes his children a duty of care to regularly kill as many of the litte liberals as seems holy:
"Since God destroyed whole cities, certainly small children were killed too. This means that God shed ‘innocent blood’ through his own violence. The shedding of innocent blood is a sin described as ‘unpardonable’ in Mormon doctrine. If God has sinned against the Holy Ghost, then he has ceased to be God, and can no longer exist as God. Since God has ‘offended these little ones’ by drowning, crushing, burning and burying them alive, as described in these verses, would it be better for your god if a millstone were placed around his neck, then tossed in the sea, as Jesus counseled?" (Truman, board post 29th April 2008 'A Moral Case Against God Using The Book of Mormon')
The sword of Laban rests on the desk of God as a reminder of the first time the Mormon God speaks to Nephi is to inspire Nephi to hack the loser's head off, than rob his pad of all its gold.
"4:10 And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart: Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
4:11 And the Spirit said unto me again: Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord; and he also had taken away our property.
4:12 And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me again: Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands;
4:13 Behold the Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief.
A Mormon God demands his obedient children to wear magic underpants as a reminder of the benefits of a facist family. Keep the faith. God.
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