I know it's a heretical thought - exmos are supposed to be showered in despair and misfortune when they leave the church. Imagine my surprise when I found myself showered in blessings: improved family relationships, more money, less stress, more calm and self-acceptance ....

But if I had to pick one, the biggest blessing I got from leaving Mormonism was knowing I'd given my kids their own lives. They wouldn't be eaten up by the Mormon machine, forced to conform their life goals to the LDS church's needs, having to twist who they are into a form acceptable to local Mo-mos. My son doesn't have to serve a mission, won't feel the need to go to a church school, feels accepted for who he is. He can date an intellectual, like he prefers, without having to sift through a bunch of teenage Mormon airheads who will expect him to conform to their idea of a Peter Priesthood head of the family. My daughter can pursue a career or be a SAHM at HER discretion, without feeling she has to marry young and turn out babies because that's what Mormon girls do. She can marry (if she wants) where she wants with her loved ones around her, wearing a dress of her own choice. If she goes on a mission, it will be with the church she's been attending, it will only last a couple of weeks and it will be about real service to others. Leaving Mormonism gave my kids validation for who THEY are and a chance to live a life with their own choices, achievements and even mistakes - not the choices Mormonism makes for them.

So pick one thing - what are you most grateful for that came about because you left the church?

Freedom to think and choose.


Its like the movie Oblivion. I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought I had choice and freedom. Turns out I didn't really. I was told to stay away from "dangers" that weren't really dangers.

As you have said...setting my children to live a life free of Mormon control....

And know my grandchildren can live their life never having know who Joseph Smith was.

Learning I'm a stronger person inside than I thought I was

So hard to pick just one thing, so I'm going to cheat a bit and say an open mind, which to me encompasses the freedom to think for myself, the ability to see things as they really are, and have less guilt and stress because I no longer believe in made up myths and fables about sin and guilt and consequences.

The spirit of contention left our home.

Nice

Peace.

I was able to break the chain. Reading my father's side of life history, from all the aunts and uncles, almost every one of them described their life's success on how many of their children were married in the temple and went on missions. Nothing else they accomplished in life compared to that.

Knowing that is where my family history comes from, it is a great and satisfying feeling to get out of that and help my family out of Mormonism.

In a hundred years from now I hope my offspring doesn't know a thing about Mormonism unless they read a history book.

I don't have to put the needs of a church or it's members above what works for me.

Yesterday, someone accused me of putting my own needs above those of strangers in the street. Seriously, what's wrong with that? LOL

I love this - first things first.

Just being my authentic self!

I finally gained some self-esteem.

I'm with you, Greyfort. I gained much from leaving Mormonism, but finally having some self-esteem has improved every moment of every day for me.

Found my spiritual center. Hint: it has nothing to do with blind obedience to geriatric megalomaniacs.

Realizing that I really am a good person

Boy, that's tough to limit it to just one, so I'll just go with what first popped in my head: a huge increase is my acceptance, tolerance, and love for my fellowman.

It's embarrassing and humiliating now to think back on how I used to have such an "Us vs Them" mentality. I was intolerant of differences and was downright uncomfortable around others that didn't fit the Mormon mold of behavior or appearance. I was so judgmental, always sizing people up regarding their conformance to Mormon standards. Also, there was the ever-present thought of, "How can I change this person and make them Mormon too?"

That outlook is totally gone! I find myself being so much more open and, yes, loving towards others that aren't carbon copies of myself. I really love being around people that are different than I am and learning what makes them tick. There is so much to appreciate in each person's uniqueness. My new motto that I constantly say around my kids is, "Everyone is different, and that's great."

Just one?

That my three children were not raised Mormon nor are likely to become Mormon (cousins, aunts and uncles still may influence, alas); hence, I will enjoy non-mormon grandchildren when the time comes for my children to settle down.

You know what horrifies me? That my two daughters would already be married and pregnant by now, barely out of their teens, had we stayed put LDSinc. I am very grateful that we avoided that.

Human

Calmness in my soul. I never thought it would be this way, but admitting to myself that I don't know if there is a god, or what (if anything) happens when we die has brought me peace in my heart.

The everpresent dissonance stopped.

The primary reason was to be honest with myself and others. The cognitive dissonance peaked to a point where I was way too far away from logic and reason on many counts. Now I'm at peace with that.

That said, secondary benefits are (some channeled from other responses here):

- Getting my kids out
- Having much more time for my family
- Save 10%
- Save lots of time doing what I now know as just busywork
- Lots less stress
- Far less judgement of others

The list can go on... but these are what came to my head right away.

An 11.11% raise in income.

I don't have be right anymore.

Mental and physical health.

Personal empowerment, especially in my spirituality.

My kids who have left often mention freedom to be themselves.

I got what I should have gotten when I was born: A fair shot.

The freedom from embarrassment.

As a Mo, I always felt that people viewed me as "deluded or stupid."

I love not having to worry about what others think.

I'd like to repeat what many have already said.

My choice-

Depression is gone :)

Myself. I was able to figure out who I actually was beneath all of the church indoctrination, teachings, and self-loathing--the so-called "armour of God". I know now that it's okay to be me and that I don't have to force myself into any kind of personality mould. I've never been happier!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2014 01:47PM by msp.

I actually have free weekends now.

This is it for me too.

Making decisions that I think are right for me, instead of having a bunch of crypt keepers in SLC make my decisions for me.

No more butt heads butting into my business. No more interviews to determine if i'm worthy to be in their presence. No more lectures, demands, and dirty looks if they don't like the answers that I or anyone in my family gave them.

They can judge us all they want now. We won't be there to see it. I could care less what a bishop or sp of a church I don't belong to, thinks of me or my family.

I can read a book, listen to someone else's ideas and pay attention to my own thoughts and feelings without having to decide whether the ideas match with the gospel or not, without having to worry whether it is okay to think them or not. It is so sad that I used to subject myself to that.

At some point my mind rebelled. I was imagining I was one of the Israelite soldiers told to kill everyone in a city including the children. What kind of witness or evidence would be good enough to convince me that god wanted this, that he knew what he was doing and would be able to make this turn out for the best? That there was even another life where they and I could be compensated for this experience? Would a really really good peaceful feeling be enough? A personal visitation? Seeing the seas parted? Someone brought back from the dead?

I realized and admitted to myself that there is no level of evidence that would make it OK for me to go ahead with that.

I am just grateful I don't have to put my mind through that meat grinder anymore.

That and a bottle of Elephino Beer from Red Rock Brewery, that is a blessing too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2014 02:14PM by doubtnot.

Knowing I took my power back and own it and nobody can take it away from me. Everything else follows: freedom to choose and live my life on my own terms the way I want to. Nobody has any authority over me, except the common sense stuff as in the laws of the land.

Being able to redirect my former tithe to real charities doing good things for the earth and the people most in need.

Real freedom of choice in how I live my life.

I stopped hating myself.

I have more time to do things at home and am less stressed at work.

NO more guilt. As far as the church goes I still have doubts affiliated with the life long teachings but the enormous guilt I once felt is now gone and free to love all without alterior motives.