Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board. Actually, I've been lurking since April, but am finally introducing myself. It's rather exhilarating to type my first post here.

This post is about my BFF and my time in the church. We grew up in the same neighborhood together, ever since we were small kids. She's LDS, I'm not. After attending BYU for a couple years after high school, she decided she wanted to serve a mission. The other night we celebrated and said our good-byes at her going-away party. I let her know I was happy she was doing what she wanted and that I'm there for her if she needs me. I may not have joined, but I set aside those differences for the sake of supporting her. That's what friends are for.

However, upon attending the party, I was reminded both of what I miss at church, but also what I don't miss. For the record, my time at church made me realize TSSC is NOT true and I will never sustain the false LDS prophets...just want to make that clear. After 1.5 years of being "out" I started missing the social crowd, the sense of belonging, the unity, and the possibility of making friends. I hated the family ward once I couldn't go to YW anymore, but the singles ward seemed okay for Institute when I went with the BFF. So I weighed the pros and cons of going back and trying it out. During her party a couple of Sisters I remember from our ward even wanted to catch up with me. I was nervous about seeing people again, so that was a nice surprise.

On the other hand, I was also reminded how entitled and arrogant members can be--part of the reason I quit attending. Yeah, we all sin differently, but I get annoyed by members who assume awful things about non-members (even in front of me, and those opinions were permitted!) or think it's okay to put down and scoff at different religious beliefs. Very mean. If you're going to claim to be part of the One True Church, living like Christ, you better damn well act like it. That always baffled me for all the years I went. Anyway, back at the party I was getting a cookie for myself, and the 17 year old on the couch asked me if I could slide the plate towards him. So I did. Once I sit down he tells me, loudly and smiling, "You were so RUDE for sliding the plate just outside my reach." Excuse me? Sorry, I misjudged for a second and moved it closer...despite your complaint you managed to reach the plate and get your stupid cookie, so I don't see the problem. I should've told him to get off his lazy ass and get it himself. How rude to make a big fuss over something so petty. I couldn't tell if he was joking, but underneath the smile he sounded angry. We were never friends at church anyway, so this only affirms that I don't miss mostly everyone, especially the youth. In this case, I think it's an age thing too (most of the YM/YW were pretty immature). Oh yeah, I ultimately decided it's better not to get caught up in that mess again. I don't believe the doctrine, so there's no reason for me to sit through 3 hours of people praising Joseph Smith anymore.

Other than that, I'm glad I got to spend time with my friend. I rarely get to see her. I'm concerned about her mission. I've been reading about them and 6:30am-9:30pm with minimal breaks sounds like hell. Almost reminds me of camp. 10:30 for bed, plus Sunday for church. Very restricted email time. Can only call parents twice a year! Too intense. I wish missionaries had fewer restrictions, for their sanity. She also better get enough to eat and be allowed to take in the culture. She's staying in the US, but it's still a different state to learn about. For 1.5 years of her life she'll never get back, I hope her experience doesn't suck, but I also hope she doesn't get many converts. I never bought into the "milk before meat" ideaology and no one should settle for that either. If someone wants to join, they deserve the untouched truth before that decision is made. It's very immoral to deceive potential converts and current members. Glad I never sold my soul!

Seriously? The appropriate response to his comment is to take the plate of cookies and dump it all on his head. I am so tired of entitled males both in and out of the church. Just recently I reamed out a guy whom I couldn't tell if he was messing with me or if he was lecturing me on some alleged social faux pas. The look on his face and the feeling I had surpassed all understanding.

I'm sick of those types of guys too. The sense of privilege unbelievable. Glad you showed that loser you won't accept his nonsense.

If he was smiling, he was probably just trying to be funny. He obviously needs work on his delivery if you couldn't tell it was a joke though. It sounds like he could have been flirting, so maybe he was just nervous.

Don't beat yourself up over it, Demonica. Keep in touch with your BFF as best you can (I like the junk food gift card idea), and educate yourself more on TSCC. When she comes back, give her time and opportunity to reveal what her feelings are on LDS. She may be a zealous member, but you'll note from the posts that a mission is when many people begin to question the LDS counterfeit gospel.

should you continue going to the Singles Ward? My suggestion is to visit a few Evangelical churches. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I'll definitely be writing her some letters; snail mail is so fun to get! In between I'll send her some emails. I know she won't be able to write back as much (lame time limits...good thing she's not a hunt and peck typer), but she'll know she's being thought of at least. Gotta make sure she's not totally out of the loop when she gets back.

I'm very curious what she'll have to tell me when she gets back. Again, I don't want her to have an awful time, but I do hope it's eye-opening experience. More likely than not it'll strengthen her testimony. She comes from a deeply rooted TBM family as well, with siblings that served missions.

Thanks for the Evangelical search suggestion. I like it.

Yeah, maybe he was trying to be funny. Personally, I'd never tell that kind of joke to a near stranger, if I wasn't sure how they'd take it. Haha...if he was trying to flirt or look cool, announcing that I'm rude for making a trivial mistake shouldn't be the first and last thing he says to me all night. Oh well, I got over it and can just laugh about it now xD.

Welcome to the board. Glad you posted. You may have heard the saying "the only real anti-Mormons are the members themselves" if you've been lurking here a while. You just provided a beautiful example of it with your story about the cookies. For the record, most etiquette books will say correcting the behavior of an adult like that (publicly, unsolicited, stranger or near stranger) is by far the bigger rudeness. My grandmother would have looked him up and down and walked away with a bemused look on her face. She was brilliant at putting people in their place like that - quietly, politely and unquestionably.

As far as your friend's mission, yes it can be hard working without ceasing like that. I served a mission in Spain years ago and it's hard to never get a minute to yourself like that, to live with strangers, to have to constantly be selling the church, cut off from everyone you love. Since your friend is going on a U.S. mission, you might consider sending her a gift card to somewhere like McDonalds every now and again. Money might end up being used for something the mission should pay for but if you want to be sure she eats, send a card for a restaurant you know is in the town she is in. McDonalds is everywhere.

I'm glad you saw through the Mormons. They really are clueless about the impression they make on other people. You don't need that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/22/2014 05:26PM by CA girl.

Thanks for the warm welcome. Your grandmother sounds cool. My inital reaction was looking kinda dumbstruck that I supposedly screwed up so bad. I started to explain myself too, that I did what he asked, but he was too busy starting to talk to the rest of the group, so I let it go. On my way home I was thinking of ways I should've responded...well, if other people weren't around lol.

Doesn't the church realize that not giving missionaries enough "me time" is damaging? That it could push them away? I thought that was common sense. Some people can't cope with being cut off cold turkey from their families like that too. Sure, they decide if they go on a mission, but I know that's not the case for nearly all the men in the church, who have a lot of pressure to go. Besides, for a mission being volunteer work and not a paid job, they deserve to relax more. Your mission in Spain sounded hard to endure. I like your giftcard suggestion--great idea! Maybe for Christmas I'll send her a giftcard for a fancy restaurant too.

Also, you're right, I have seen that phase "the only real anti-Mormons are the members themselves." I'm not totally sure what it means though. Is it that members act in an un-Christian way, so forget about outsiders hurting the church when they do it themselves? That's my best guess.

Hey, Demonica, I like your name! My response would be to that guy (knowing what I know now) would have to be, "What are you crippled? You have no arms, because it looks like you do." This past year, I had some surgeries that rendered me unable to hardly walk and made me very weak; I suffered with nerve damage which is not entirely well, but is much better. I needed people to help me with some things, had to get temporary disabled placard for the car, etc. How dare a young, able-bodied man act like that?? Is he that lazy? If he said, "Just kidding," I would have to say, "I was just kidding, too."

Thanks :). I was going for a cool sounding name. Haha I like the response you chose. Would put him in his place for being lazy and having the nerve to complain about my plate sliding skills. I'm sorry to hear about your surgeries and the suffering they have caused you. I'm glad you are recovering from the nerve damage, though. And yeah, the guy was literally 5 feet away from the table. He was too lazy to walk around the couch. I didn't mind moving the plate to him since I was there, but I don't get why he felt the need to stand up, glare, and criticize me a few seconds later, after he got the cookie and I sat down. Like he was thinking over what to say. Whatever, not like I'll have to deal with him again.

Don't beat yourself up over it, Demonica. Keep in touch with your BFF as best you can (I like the junk food gift card idea), and educate yourself more on TSCC. When she comes back, give her time and opportunity to reveal what her feelings are on LDS. She may be a zealous member, but you'll note from the posts that a mission is when many people begin to question the LDS counterfeit gospel.

should you continue going to the Singles Ward? My suggestion is to visit a few Evangelical churches. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Do not go to the Mormon singles--unless you want to end up married to someone like the cookie guy. Most--not all--but most of the single Mormon men you are likely to meet will be arrogant, entitled, chauvinistic, closet polygamists. If you think one of them has pretty eyes, look deeply into them and remind yourself that he believes that he will be a God in the hereafter, with many, many wives.

Volunteer somewhere. Look into the popular churches (no cults), join an outdoor group, skiing is the best way I know to meet good men, on the chair lift and in the lift lines, at the crowded snack tables, helping each other with your bindings, giving trail directions. Men outnumber the women, and also on the hiking and mountain biking trails. If you don't like sports, then take lessons, and get into shape. For marriage, you will need to be in the best shape of your life.

You are a good friend to support your friend, but I would have at least warned her it is a cult, and that most of the members are crazies. Maybe you did, and her parents overrode your logic.

It will be interesting what you accomplish in this 1 1/2 year, and what kind of refreshing, genuine people you will meet outside the cult.

Hi, forestpal. Good point about the eternal polygamy! Sometimes the beliefs don't fully register with me like they should, until someone else points them out. I don't want a partner who wants me to be his ticket to the Celestial Kingdom, where I'd only be one amongst his millions of spirit wives. Not sexy.

I guess my plan for going to the Singles Ward was to see if there were any doubting or very liberal members to make friends with. Since reading so many posts on this website, I think ex Mormons are very enlightened. The rare liberal members I've met have been tons of fun to hang out with and awesome in general. I figured I might meet people like that, espeically in my age group, if I went to Institute or the Singles Ward. But, that's risky. I don't want the missionaries to invite themselves over again. I shouldn't give them a reason to try.

I've subtly warned her the church is a cult. I've presented viewpoints of those outside the church, and she says anti-Mormons make up lies. Everyone wants to tear the church down, so the church must be true because the unrighteous fight hard against it. Lame excuse, but I wasn't going to push. She thinks for herself, but she loves the church and is very naive about Mormon history.