I think I did. Luckily, I left very early on when I was in college. New non-Mormon friends I made after that seemed more mature and well rounded and I think I caught up with them in a short time.

I'm not talking about drinking or living a wild life. It's more a matter of bearing and thinking skills. Also, Mormons tend to revel in participating in adolescent activities like Disney movies and jokes about farting or burping. Frankly, it reminds me of the kindergarten to third graders I taught for most of my life. I loved them dearly, but their behaviors and development are not as attractive in adults as kiddies.

Did leaving Mormonism help you make strides in your outlook and maturity? Do some Mormons seem a little childish to you now?

I have always felt that Mormons lacked maturity in comparison to non-members. I particularly noticed this when I worked with the YM/YW program. I felt that the YM seriously lacked social skills and maturity when it came to interacting with the YW. This really came to light when I noticed how different (and advanced) teenagers from non-member households acted towards each other. Night and day.

I brought this up once in a correlation meeting. I suggested that perhaps it would be beneficial to have MORE joint interaction activities with the Young Men and Young Women. That perhaps in doing so, each would be more comfortable around the opposite sex, gain maturity, confidence, and social skills through the increased interaction. Everyone in the meeting looked at me as if I was growing a third eye out of my forehead. I threw in the towell after that.

Yes, I believe in a lot of cases arrested development is evident. In the mormon culture boundaries are not the same as in other cultures, and it shows up loud and clear when they are around the real world. IMHO, there exists the mentality that they have full reign, that everyone is supposed to bow to them and play by their rules. In a lot of cases they are most likely in the dark as to what is the human thing to do in a social situation, and if they know, many choose to go the "moron-boundry-less-way."

I believe some of this comes from the idea that they are persecuted victims and the Lard's #1 special-chosen-people-of-all-time. Make way for us!!! is their mantra.

Also, most mormons, especially TBM's, do not make the time to broaden their minds and read or keep up with current events. If they should read a book, it must be church approved. I feel like to have a conversation with a TBM about anything other than their church activities is gut-wrenching.

My TBM sister in Utah never let her kids read fiction or read about most non-fictional subjects. She said any reading which didn't help them toward the CK was a waste of time.

Wow, that's hard to comprehend. I was an avid reader when I was growing up and I know I learned a tremendous amount about the world and human relations just from reading books. Not to mention that reading increases vocabulary and the ability to express oneself.

It took me until I was well into my 30s to figure out a number of things that most of my peer had figured out by their early-to-mid 20s.

My experiences is that some (not all, but a large percentage) LDS adults are stunted at about 15 to 17 and never reach emotional adulthood. They are often bullies, very childish in their responses, rude, mocking, etc. Sometimes, their behavior is even much younger.Often they use a kind of baby-voice to counter others in a mocking manner.

Some do not know how to handle anything that does not agree with them. They have not become emotionally and intellectually mature adults. They can't hold a conversation without becoming "Right Fighters"

Even in the work place, I have witnessed some very inappropriate behavior that was shocking, sometimes rude, and often personally denigrating.

They do all of this in the name of their religion.

Fortunately, not all LDS folks are so immature.

As a convert, I was "gobsmacked" when I saw adults acting like little children or teenagers!

Although a common problem, it isn't evident with all Mormons.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Although a common problem, it isn't evident with
> all Mormons.


Yes, that is why I qualified my beginning statement.
Usually, however, it tends to show up more in BIC members, and not converts. Converts, typically have been raised much differently, as I was and would never consider acting so childish.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2014 12:14PM by SusieQ#1.

Yes. I remember being at a friends house when I was a teen, watching Roots, or something like it and when a steamy scene was being broadcast I was shocked and acted like a child. My friend and her mother looked at me like I was some kind of an idiot.

Yes, yes, and yes. I at times feel trapped in mine. Am I immature? I am 34 and single, working full time at a bookstore and putting myself through school part time. I have not hit the common indicators of adulthood; marriage, children, college degree, home ownership. My confidence took a dive yesterday because my car died while I was driving. (Car anxiety!). I called my dad in another state and he walked me through a few things, which I was reluctant to do. This exasperated him. I took it to a shop this morning and walked home through a not great neighborhood. The man in my life died in January. I'd been with him for ten years, while at the same time, attendidg church and every activity I could go to so I would be where HF wanted me, because it was up to HF to send me a husband. Finally pulled my head out three years ago. It's times like this that I revert to my TBM fear that the bad things (Louis dying, my car, my part-time job is over) that I have anxiety that I messed up really bad. I made sky daddy mad. For god sakes, I am a grown woman. I feel like a little, frail girl at times; in a big world with no one to take the lead. (Yes, I am taking the lead in my own life now, but I only have so much strength). I barely trust marriage, after observing what it can do- or rather- what people do to it. (My parents divorced when I was 13, dad remarried THE NEXT YEAR and became the father/provider for his wife and her kids. I was trained to want/need a priesthood holder. No father around. No husband as a grown woman. God, I am full of whine today. Guess I better get some cheese! I love this board, it is so cathartic and cleansing for so many. Thank you all. P.S. Raise your children to adulthood before remarrying.

My brother told me he was in his 40s when he learned that he actually had control over his life and didn't have to ask someone else (HF) for permission to do what he wanted.

Yep, I know what your brother means. It is a strange thing when it dawns on you that your life is yours to make. I am glad it happened for me in my early 30s, at least. It was February of last year when it dawned on me that my body was MINE. Not HF's, nor did it belong to some future husband who may not even exist. That was some realization.

I have the same feelings about cars. It's something I need to work on.

Yeah. I keep up on maintenance really we'll, but this is a problem that needs a mechanic. My friend's death has left me vulnerable, and my Dad told me he died "to make you stronger". Oh really? I badly want to say, "so, if your wife dies, will you prove you're a big boy by taking your melds all by yourself without her to watch you?" Holy cow, that would not go over well!

My dad could't even make his own breakfast after my mom died.

It's called learned helplessness. Google it. It's based in fear (and sometimes laziness) and is a bad thing to do to yourself. The more you do things, the more confidence you have.

Lostinutah, thank you. That is is an excellent thing to remember. Action builds confidence. It really does. I better repeat that today!

Sorry about that and more sorry about the loss of your dear friend. Do take care.

Thank you so much. This was the man who heed me gently out of Mormonism and into a new life. Thank you so much.

I'm forever listening for something wrong. I have had situations that make me more anxious, like having my alternator go out in Yermo, CA, with 5 kids in my van with me at 9 p.m. at night. Then after some guys fixed it, my engine went in, is it, Norco, CA at 3 a.m., with 5 kids.

The problem with women and cars--and men don't get this. You take your car in to a shop and they want to charge you A LOT of money for doing the job. Send a man in and see what they want to charge. My ex still doesn't believe me until I will once again take my car in and then he'll go in. They always come down in price when he goes in. I know a lot about cars, too. My dad taught mechanics and he taught me well. I walk away when a mechanic wants to charge me too much and I tell him so.

So I freak out over car breakdowns.

Yes, yes and yes. THIS is why car stuff is so distressing to women; esp single women!

Cheryl, you obviously hit the nail on the head because you got a huge number of responses in a very short time. I'm reading a new book called Recovering Agency. It talks about Mormon mind control and how the cult-like aspects of Mormonism do exactly what you're talking about: stunt normal emotional and social development. You are taught not to trust your own judgment, listen and obey, be controlled by outside fears instead of inner morals etc. So when you leave Mormonism, you find yourself an adolescent adult. The author theorizes that's why some ex-Mormons fall prey to the very things Mormons warn will happen if you leave - excessive drinking, random sex, feeling lost and confused and so on. Because most people go through stages as teenagers where they are allowed to make decisions, make mistakes, learn to trust themselves while they are still under the umbrella of their parents protection but Mormons aren't allowed to develop normally. It's a really interesting look at how Mormonism effects your psyche.

http://smile.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control-ebook/dp/B00LU44P2O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406219758&sr=8-1&keywords=recovering+agency

Wow, I'd better get this book. My sister recommended seeing someone trained in recovery from heavy religious indoctrination, but I don't want to peruse that right now. My $$$ is going to another semester, rent, and car repairs. Thanks for the book suggestion.

It's a good one and it just came out this month. It really covers the Mormon brainwashing/cult stuff well.

Yes, indeed.

When I was single in the Utah older dating pool, I met a newly widowed school principal. He was good looking, but odd in a way I couldn't put my finger on. He said he was "Mormon but not intolerant."

I decided to try something new and I proposed that we go camping with my 16 year old daughter and her boyfriend. My idea was that I could save weeks of dating and a ton of his money using the idea that a road trip or camping trip will tell you all you need to know about a person's character.

Right off the bat, the wind comes up and we're down in Southern Utah. The sun is going down and we can't see. I'm driving, so I pull over my Suburban + camping trailer and suggest that we just camp right here until morning because we don't want to go off a cliff in a windstorm.

Everyone jumps out to help put up the tent but my date. He hollers out the window "I'll wait in the car." So the three of us put up the tent without his help. We unroll the bags and I pass the diaper wipes, which is how we clean up. Everybody in their bag, people wipe the important places then put the used wipes in the plastic bag and pass it to the next person.

My date refuses because it would involve taking off his garments. He didn't bring fresh ones, so in his logic "It's only a weekend. I didn't think I'd need one." Need I remind anyone, a summer day in Southern Utah is like a week in underwear time. HE STINKS and he did not clean himself the entire time.

Next morning we set up camp where we were supposed to meet the rest of the rockhunters for our tour to the pictographs. I'm up making breakfast and he asks if he can help. Sure, crack some eggs on the griddle. He then cracks one egg after another, staring stupidly as one after another runs into the gutter and down the grease drainhole on the dirt.

"STOP!" I cry-- you have to heat the grill up first!"

He confesses that he has never cooked an egg, never boiled water for tea, never done anything himself in the kitchen his entire life. His mother cooked for him, he married young, then his wife did it. He never lived alone.

Needless to say, my daughter still tells this story of a man I dated, a BIC, who was less capable than my youngest child.


Kathleen Waters

PS. There was no "dating" after that fiasco and I still advise young women to take a man camping with another couple BEFORE starting up a physical relationship. Test drive that car without the body fluids First!

Funny, one of the first things hubby and I did was take our kids and go camping.

He taught the kids how to build a fire, set up a tent, make smores, find roasting sticks, and the hundreds of other things you need to know when camping.

I was pretty sure he was the one by the time that weekend was over. We've been married almost 25 years now. The kids are grown, and they all know how to go camping, and a lot of other skills he's taught them over the years.

By the way, he was a nevermo and I was an exmo, when I met him. He did a stint as a mormon, wasn't too good at it, and resigned with me.

I know more about

Learned Helplessness

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

Than

Arrested Development

Learned Helplessness seems to apply to people paralyzed in parts of their life or unable to move past certain blocks. I have not looked into Arrested Development as much, but can think of others in Mormonism that this might apply, especially females in my experience.

http://ieet.org/index.php/IEET/more/7417

The author of this article on Religious Trauma Syndrome references Former Mormons in the middle of the article. Seems to have applications as well, although the theory has critics that claim it is an atheist movement's way of making some religions pathological.

I'm okay with that, but perhaps others are not.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2014 01:15PM by gentlestrength.

Have you ever listened to a grown man turn on his child voice when bearing his testimony of LDS inc? One minute he is 45 years old and navigating the world the next he is eight and can't see the forest for the trees.

So do some Mormons suffer from arrested development? I say, does linguine and clams in a butter sauce taste like heaven?