I just got off the phone with the police - they can't do anything. The MP's secretary refused to give my son the phone (in her ever-so-sweet voice). My son emailed me that he was very unhappy and wanted to come home, but I can't convince him that he CAN go find a phone and call me.

Is there anything I can do besides fly out there?

1) Call a lawyer or call pretending to be one.

2) say: my son/my client's son has contacted him in distress I demand to speak to him to today...eventually you will reach the MP, he will try to run interference and say that this is coming, he will talk to him, he talked to him recently, he will promise in the name of Jesus...wait until he is done and say, legally I demand to talk to him. "I am afraid he may run away and come home, I need ot talk to him into staying"

3) he will give you the number, call your son, get him home


Option 2) find the ward he is serving in (if its a language you speak), call the bishop, ask for the missionaries number, tell them you have a referral/service opportunity/care package.

Where is your son? Maybe a member here is in his area and can get in contact with him

BESIDES fly out there? Why not fly out there?

Creepy and unsettling that the police can't do anything. He wants to come home, you want him home, but he is being held there against his wishes.

Fly out there and kidnap him back. Pre-arrange details with him in a letter.

Yes, this is a bad situation, but the cops can't do anything because the son is an adult. The only way they could get involved is if there is specific evidence that the son is being held forcibly against his will.

The fewer details you have, the less chance there is of a foul-up.

We don't know, do we if this kid is stateside? Even with a plane ticket and cab fare, the kid might be pressured into folding at the last minute.

I like the idea of just letting your boy know that you will be there on such and such date. If he packs his bags ahead of time, his comp might rat on him - but if YOU are there, you can stand up to any of the local prickage if they try to give you any grief. The two of you can pack up together, and show the boy how it's done: THERE'S THE DOOR!

Good luck and please keep us posted. We care.

Stop posting, get a ticket ASAP, and get your son!

Another option: fedex him a letter with a plane ticket and a phone number and cash for a cab company in the area. I'd be at the airport if it were me.

FedEx him a ticket and make sure you have them put a code 8 release on the envelope so if hes not in it will be left at his front door.

If he's in the same country, you could overnight him a pre-paid mobile phone.

If he's in a different country, you could probably send him some money to buy a local mobile phone and SIM card. Once he has it, you can talk to him directly. In either case, he may have to hide the phone from his companion.

If he's in another country, before flying, you might want to get your embassy/consulate involved. Be careful with this option, and ask here for specific advice first.

CZ (admin)

Thanks for all the great ideas! I've got an uncle who would pose as a lawyer for me. I can't find the ward or the local bishop - great idea, though.

Believe me, I would be at the airport now, but my son says he still believes it's all true. I'd like to have a long heart-to-heart with him and make sure he feels good about whatever decision he makes.

If all else fails, I'll be flying out there in the morning.

I'll keep you posted.

Do not have someone pretend to be a lawyer. It can get you into trouble. A lawyer should be able to make a call at little or no charge.

Call the mission president and state that if you do not have phone access to your son within the hour you will file a criminal complaint against him.

I would also state that your attorney really likes to hold press conferences.

Just to clarify - yes, he's in the US. I don't have his address and can't get that either, so a phone could take days getting to him through the mission office... if it gets to him at all.

I was a missionary and all the emotional distress I and others I knew went through - just came flooding back. I don't want him to hurt himself or run away.

Thanks for the great ideas and well wishes. It's much appreciated. I can't imagine what anyone local could do and I don't want to go too public out of respect for my son. He wants to keep it all on the down low, and I need to tread carefully.

the phone number(s) to the mishies' apartment(s). Someone like me, if he were in my local area.

I'm in the South, BTW.

Update: I've convinced my son to call me tonight so we'll have a conversation in about 5 hours, I hope. I'll most likely be on a flight out there tomorrow.

Bring him home tomorrow...not a day later...Good luck!

Get on a plane and go there. Walk right in the MPs office and DEMAND your son.

It is time to do your duty as a father.

You have the right idea. You son said he wants to go home and you are making that happen.

If you try to convince him to leave by email, everyone will be on his case to stay. If you are there in person then you can tell the morg mouthpieces to go to hell.

NO mission gets "better" if the missionary hates it. The only thing that happens is depression or illness as the young men are forced to sell TSSC's crappy product.

I agree, fly there, don't tell anyone! Go to the MP. Demand that you see your son or you will find a local lawyer to take care of this. Tell your son you are taking him home (that makes it your decision so he can save face upon returning by letting you be the bad guy to his friends). The control they pour out is unbelievable!

We also have people all over the country in the forum.

We may have someone near. I would suggest a disposable email address for you and the posting of what state he is in.

We may have people here that could help.

Call the MP's secretary over and over again it is your son and you want to talk to him. No I haven't served a mission but maybe after several phone calls they will let you talk to him.

Sounds like a story that some media outlet would be willing to run.

Dang this stupid so called church!

If they're treating your son this way, how many more missionaries that are treated this way?

I'm sorry that you and your son have to put up with this crap!!!

The hell with lds inc. please fly now and get your son hurry, bring him home safely.

Tell no one that you're coming, because if you do, they might move him away from where he is right now!!!

Good luck ConcernedDad, please keep us posted!!!

Can you tell me how to email the admin?

exmolight@gmail.com

Thanks

While you are in contact with admin, ask them to give you the contact info for the couple in Oregon who went and got their son under similar circumstances.

They can give you first hand info and the kind of support you need - first hand experience.

At the very least, read their experience. I think it's in the biography section - Sue can tell you.

Best of luck - we're rooting for you!


Kathleen Waters

No particular advice, but you have my support. Good luck to you and do let us know how things proceed.

A volunteer paying his own way not being able to take or make an important phone call? Pretty much says it all about this cult.

Your son is going to see that you are there for him no matter who believes what and that is a very strong statement to make. I hope all goes well for you.

Good luck getting your son home. This cult is so controlling, just do whatever you can to get him home. Responsibly of course.

I'm in SLC and if I can help, let me know.

Email him back and ask for his number or locate the city he is in and his address so you can pull up the ward on lds.org. Most wards list phone numbers for leadership and call asking for the local missionaries phone number. Sounds more like he is homesick but doesn't want to come home. You may have your work cut out for you as he is an adult and can chose to stay or go if he wants.

Attorney or pretend attorney won't help. The MP is not legally obligated to present your son at your demand, as he is an adult.

If he's been writing home regularly, you should have his direct address. A reverse telephone directory will yield the phone number. Alternately, look in the phone book for listings under the MP's name. One of those will likely be his residence -- the apartments are not leased under the missionaries' names.

He could be dodging you intentionally, as he doesn't want to show flinching faith in front of his MP or whatever. I'd recommend you get ahold of him, then make arrangements. He doesn't need to physically possess a plane ticket -- you can purchase one for him, he just needs to pick it up at the airport. Likewise, you can arrange for a shuttle.

You can do everything discretely and outside the MP knowing, if that's what your kid wants. So I'd recommend discretion, rather than more direct methods. There's a time for the latter, but this doesn't appear to be it.

I do think it would be wise to talk to an attorney. The police can not do anything if your son tells them he wants to stay. However if he is being held against his will or threatened or can not speak privately with the police they can take action if you can produce evidence that your son said he wanted to leave.

I was held by my mission president for over two weeks in the mission home in a foreign country. I was not allowed to talk to my parents. They finally relented and allowed me to talk to my parents, but I could not do so in private. I was also allowed to talk to my doctor, but not in private. My doctor was a friend of several general authorities and an hour after talking to him, my mission president decided he could indeed send me back to the states for medical reasons.

The church is a cult. Personally if you can make the trip and meet your son I would do it. They will try everything in the world to stop it.

Also I would not keep this private, the church hates publicity. Your son may not be happy with his name exposed but you will get him home if you go public.

A friend went through the same thing with her son, he actually ended up hurting himself and had to go to the hospital, he was not in the US though so it was more complicated. She had a good bishop who understood how dangerous the situation was and went over the MPs head by talking to a friend in SLC.

If it was me and my son was stateside I'd have my butt in a plane ASAP. Good luck.

Call the local press? They might like a juicy story and help you locate your son.

Get an attorney. The toughest SOB you can find. It's a matter of bluffing them, and they don't like bad press.

I wouldn't rush into anything. He's not going anywhere. At this stage of his life he is making a big decision. After speaking with you, perhaps even have him sleep on it another nght.

Before my son left on his mission I told him to be VERY SURE it was something he REALLY wanted to do. I explained that he didn't have to go, but if he chose to he would have his great days and his horrible days. I also told him that if he chose to leave his mission at some point, I would assist him in coming home. HOWEVER, he had better be VERY SURE that leaving his mission was something he REALLY wanted to do. I also mentioned that it was a hell of a lot easier on everyone if he didn't go as opposed to leaving and coming home early. He went, and came home two years later a better person.

What is troubling about your post is that you mention that your son "still believes it's all true". That is why I would recommend taking it slow. Yes, have that "long heart-to-heart" with him and explore all options and possibilities, including him staying out. There was SOMETHING there that made him want to go in the first place. What was that, and what happened to it. If he still has a strong belief that it is all true, I would be concerned with bringing him home and him feeling guilty and depressed later for not sticking it out.

The other question I have is what will be the fallout he will face from other support family members (mom, siblings, etc.) if he comes home early? I would imagine if they are "Super-Rah-Rah-You-Go-Missionary-Boy" types, he will have great concerns about disappointing them.

Lastly, if it is decided that he will be coming home, tell him that you support him 100%. Then tell him that once HE has informed his Mission President and/or anyone else of his decision, he can then contact you with arrangements (or for you to make arrangements) for him to come home. He is an adult, choices are tough, make HIM take the steps necessary to leave and follow through on what he wants to do.

As one who walked off his mission early I would have given ANYTHING to have a supportive father like you. Instead I had the opposite. Best of luck to you and your son.

Great thoughts, Mr. Happy. Thank you for taking the time to share them.

I think I disagree a bit, though. My son, like a lot of kids his age, hasn't yet made any major life decisions and doesn't really understand what he wants. He's wonderfully intelligent, but it's very important to him to please people who love him and to live up to everyone's expectations. I was fine with him going on a mission because I knew it was what he believed and wanted.

Despite all that, he was able to share with me today that 1. he's tired of being depressed and unhappy 2. it's been this way for several months now, and 3. he wants to come home. In my experience with him, those are VERY definitive and VERY brave statements - not about what others want, but about what he wants. Those statements tell me that he has REALLY had enough and can't take it any more. This is the first thing that he has "quit" in his life. I'm a big fan of quitting. Life is too short.

I just got off the phone with the MP who assured me that he and my son had talked and had a plan he "felt good about". My son is going to start therapy with family services, then go to a psychiatrist if necessary. It's the old mormon "endure to the end" philosophy - even if it takes therapy, meds, and a few stints in the psych ward. WRONG. This isn't a chemical imbalance. This is the brain saying, "these are unhealthy circumstances. Time to get out".

I do believe it's important to let kids make their own decisions, but my son is getting all kinds of pro mormon "support" and no one looking out for his personal well being. He's thought long and hard about this and has decided what he needs and I think he's right. I plan on supporting him and bringing him home unless he can really convince me otherwise.

As always in this parenting gig... I hope I'm right. Can't go too wrong if you're helping someone get out of a situation they're miserable in, right?

It sounds like you know your son best and are handling this the right way for him.

The depression worries me. As someone who has been depressed in the church and put through LDS social services I can say they are not helpful. I truly hope you can get him home before his depression worsens. And you are right, this most likely isn't a chemical imbalance, this is most likely just his brain screaming get me out of here. Good luck to you and your son.

ConcernedDad Wrote:
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> "...but it's very important to him to please people who love him and to live up to everyone's expectations."

Uuuuuggggghhhhh...my son is a pleaser too. The night before he left he confided in me that he wasn't sure why he was going. I know my TBM-ex told him if he came home with anything less than an "honorable discharge" she would not have anything to do with him ever again (Ya gotta love that Mormon conditional love thing). He told me he would give the mission a try and re-evaluate after a couple months. I wanted to clobber him.

It sounds like you have a good handle on things. Your son is lucky that you have his back. You are doing the right thing and are a good father. Best of luck to both of you.

Send your son a prepaid cell phone. Do not take the MPs word. Talk to your son personally, so your son knows that you have his back.

My son will be calling in a couple hours. The MP doesn't know anything about it. That's another major step and definite "sign" of how sure of himself my son is.

Wonderful news!

Thanks for the updates.

Please keep us posted after the phone call. Best to you and your son!