The boner, being an old fart, gets male hormonal treatments (T-shots). This has let to youthful fantasizes of sex and adolescent "burning" sensations.

To help cope with the above, I've been singing We Thank Thee oh
God for a Profit and tying my right hand to the bedpost. Alas, these remedies don't seem to be working. Is there no help for the Boner's son?

It runs 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with no holidays.

Jergens.

Are you a lefty?

A lefty with lube!

Well, there's your problem. Tying up the right hand only worked with Mark E. Petersen.

Fuck! I'm not tying it up! The Boner.

You tied up Mark E. Peterson?!?!

Well, that's not the name I call my boner, but if it works for you...

Damn!

Ron Burr

You tied your right hand? I suppose you are left handed?

But really, it is better to tie both hands, assuming you have someone to help you out.

If you have your mobot iron rod you can use that for your feet. Have your favorite dominatrix bind your feet to the rod so the rod is under your foot and your arch is firmly against the rod. Just something I read somewhere....

Try singing this--


Hold to the rod, the iron rod;

'Tis strong, and bright, and true.

The iron rod is the word of God;

'Twill safely guide us through.


2. While on our journey here below,

Beneath temptation's pow'r,

Through mists of darkness we must go,

In peril ev'ry hour.


3. And when temptation's pow'r is nigh,

Our pathway clouded o'er,

Upon the rod we can rely,

And heaven's aid implore.

To Nephi seer of olden time,
A boner came from God,
Wherein the holy wood sublime
Was shown an iron rod...

Hold to the rod!

this would sell like hotcakes in Utah.

http://9gag.com/gag/aXb8BN9

Make it standard Missionary issue.

Do not stand in front of the mirror and admire your body.

Dress up in snug pajamas at night.

I love you guys!