My 25-year old daughter is scheduled to get married in the Boise temple in about a week. She is not totally TBM but the guy she is marrying is an RM, so that explains the temple thing.

At any rate, she goes to the bishop to get her temple recommend whereupon he inquires as to her "worthiness." She honestly admits to some degree of fooling around but not to full-blown sex. As a result, he does not give her the recommend and states that she and her fiance will have to wait at least six months to get married.

The problem is that wedding announcements have gone out, the honeymoon has been paid for (non-refundable), arrangements have been made, etc.

So, the bride and groom have decided to get married civilly on the original date. This means that I can now attend, my husband can attend, her younger sister can attend, her gay brother can attend, her best friends can attend, etc. The wedding will now be a family experience -- the way it should be.

From my perspective, the bishop was too extreme in his judgment but it really turned out for the very best. I can't help but think that the Morg would disapprove of this bishop for essentially forcing an LDS couple to get married outside of the temple.

What say you?

Don't let him perform the ceremony.

Tiny Tears Wrote:
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> Don't let him perform the ceremony.


Exactly.

Congratulations on being able to go to your daughter's wedding, but I'm sorry that you're going to be stuck with an RM son-in-law. I hope he's at least a decent guy.

Do not let him perform the ceremony. Several reasons:

- there is actually a mandate to make an LDS non-temple marriage an indictment against the couple's choices, whatever the reason for the choices were.

- since you must have a civil ceremony, you have a choice of civil officers to do it for you.

- if it is an LDS wedding, there will be all kinds of LDS propaganda going on that will only serve to--at best--confuse people, and--at worst--offend people.

- vis-a-vis the wedding, the world is now your oyster; you have the choice to make it as romantic or as whimsical as you desire.

- your bishop is an ass; if you have the bishop do it, it will be this bishop, and you don't want that.

Be thankful that this has happened.

Don't let the Bish do the ceremony and if you can’t stop it at least have a little “I will break your effing legs if you ….” talk on the side.

It will became a sales pitch for "Marrying the right way" in the Temple. That sales pitch will imply guilt because they did not do it "right" the first time. Half the congregation will feel like crap.

Hopefully this will help open this couples eyes.

Enjoy your very fortunate opportunity!

There is no need to be honest with these people about things they have no business hearing. I'd say if you've paid any level of tithing in the past you and your whole family have a right to be at the temple for a wedding of your family member. However, you lucked out and Bishop Dipstick did you a favor! I wasn't so lucky with my daughter who got married in May.

"There is no need to be honest with these people about things they have no business hearing."

My grandmother always said it's not a lie if I don't owe you the truth. Apropros when it comes to Mormon bishops.

You need to send this Bishop a "Thank You " note with the exact wording you used here:

"This means that I can now attend, my husband can attend, her younger sister can attend, her gay brother can attend, her best friends can attend, etc. The wedding will now be a family experience -- the way it should be."

He probably got off on it though so he might not care, but I'd still send it...

This, too. What outlander says. This is a godsend for you. Take advantage of it. Thank the man. Make him see his choices for what they are.

And if you're up for it, Tell him he's STILL Invited ...

Then Make HIM Stand Outside!

+1 Hilarious...

No - wait!!! Let him think he is going to perform the service. Hire a nice Protestant minister. When he shows up, make him wait outside in the hot sun after you introduce him to the officiator.

There. That's better.

Now, maybe that experience will help the couple realize how nutso the church is. Maybe by the time they're "worthy" to go to the temple, they will have realized that they don't want to spend the rest of their lives in such a "church."

What would I say? I'd say the friggin Morg is retarded. No news there.

How lovely for you and your family! Send the bishop a thank-you note once the happy couple is on their honeymoon. I agree with those who suggest that he not be the one to conduct the wedding.

RESULT!

I went to a wedding in the UK where the bride and grrom weren't going to the temple, and the talk about it not being a real wedding was very embarassing and patronising. I would not let this happen on your daughter's big day.

Pull out the stops and make it a great experience for all.....cute flower girls, ring bearer, unity candle, lovely music as she is escorted in by her dad, ask someone to read a poem or sing a song, suggest they write their own vows......this is a terrific chance to give your DD the wedding day she will remember.

Do not allow it to become a second class, day-of-shame - which it will be if you let the Mormons have control.

SLD, I congratulate you! I have had to sit outside of two children's "weddings" so far. A third child had a non-temple wedding; outside in a beautiful backyard. But an LDS bishop presided, and sucked the vibe right out of the wedding.

I implore you. DO NOT LET ANY LDS LEADER DO THE WEDDING, IF YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER AND FAMILY ENJOY HER DAY. He will turn it into a shame-fest in a syruppy passive-aggressive way. 'Nuff said.

(Edited for clarity.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/04/2014 10:01AM by kizdar.

I agree with sending the bish a thank you note, but ONLY AFTER the wedding. Otherwise, the jerk may change his mind and let the kids do it in the temple.

Now she can have music, friends, family, flowers, and wear a dress that doesn't look like T shirt and skirt. If she wants, she can even have some champagne!

She gets to be normal.

I've never been to an LDS non-temple wedding OR ring ceremony where the guy officiating didn't basically say that the RIGHT way to marry is in the temple.

The wedding should be about the couple and their relationship, but Mormons always include a slapdown in a non-temple wedding.

I think you should encourage them to have it outside, or in some really beautiful setting. And have a WOMAN perform the ceremony.

According to mormon rules, any kind of sexual experience precludes the Temple, unless "repentance" (actually a waiting period) takes place. The bishop has acted like the Church expected him to.

You should really be thankful for your daughter's and her husband's hormones. It saved them from a really stupid marriage with funny looking clothes inside a very strange building.

If nothing else, it will increase their chances of ditching it all in the future.

I'm just really happy for you. It's all a lot of baloney, dangerous baloney even, but it worked in your favor this time. Hurray!

Get your online minister certificate and marry them yourself.

Good one!!!

To the people who think LDS Inc is becoming more inclusive and less judgmental: yeah, right.

call Bare Backers in Boise to check out a clothing optional venue for the ceremony: 208 322 6853

God works in mysterious ways! ;)

Find somone that won't turn the ceremony into a missionary tool.

Congrats.

a Thank You card is near the TOP of politeness!


Those LDS people are SO CLUELESS!