So, yeah, this'll be quite a first post. I've lurked for quite some time, and have learned an awful lot from that time, but now it's time for me to act.

I am in my early twenties, still at home, and being steadily pressured to go on a mission. Time taken in school and learning to drive (long story, still don't quite have my license) has kept me from it, but, well... I'll get to the urgent bit in a moment. Some background is needed, I think.

Both my parents are hardcore TBMs. Like, really, really into it. There are some quirks like us having no problem with R rated movies (as long as there's no sex) and digging Coca Cola, but as far as believing the core doctrine, they're both as faithful as can be.

My dad is pretty gung-ho about it. Watches Fox News, thinks Democrats and anybody that he personally disagrees with are in the "pocket of Satan", pretty standard stuff. It's doubtful that I will be able to get through to him. He's very childish when faced with contention. He has a long history of self degradation for attention and threatens to kill himself more often than he probably should be. He paints for a living, and has dedicated his life now to doing "historical" church paintings. He is, admittedly, very talented at what he does, if only he'd focus more on the subjects he used to (mostly historical paintings and sculptures), and if he actually tried to market any of his work or lea how to set a store up, but I digress. The point is, the church is his life. He doesn't home teach anymore and tends to remain reclusive, but it's his life all the same.

My mom is more grounded, for sure. She's a teacher, and a ear good one at that. Has her PhD, helps teach doctoral students in special education. She's very faithful to the church, but won't go nearly as ballistic as my dad will over disagreements. I guess studying in and getting a doctorate in psychology helps you open up more to people.

I love both of my parents very dearly, and I've not only read the stories, but I've seen what happens to Mormon families when someone "falls away" first hand on a number of occasions. It's only been in the last two or three years that I've really seriously doubted the church, and I've spent a lot of time trying to stall my mission so I could figure out the best way to break things to them. My mother, being more collected and sensible, is the obvious choice to tell first. I've spent months preparing what I would say and arranging with friends to put me up should I need to leave due to being disowned. I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't go that far, but my dad is a loose cannon and I want to take no risks.

Well...

I'm out of time. My mom has cancer. She's going to start chemo very soon, but we can't even stay in our own house during this because the pipes in our house were over 70 years old and finally have up the ghost. We were in the process of redoing the entire bathroom when we got the news. It's too late to stop that, what with the pipes having burst into our living room. My mom and I are staying with a (really awesome!) church family while things get taken care of. Given the weight of the news, my mom is taking things very well.

My dad is not.

My dad just had a stroke a few months ago and pulled through with no repercussions at all. Being an artist, this is an amazing thing. However, the experience still shook him, and he's very fragile. He is pushing harder than ever for me to get my endowments so that we can be sealed at the temple. I cannot fault him for this. Given the nature of out circumstances it makes perfect sense. However, my hand is being forced. Knowing that I want nothing to do with a mission, wish to leave the church and just go to college, I cannot in good faith attend the endowment lessons. My dad has already pushed me ahead on the roster for this week. I am out of time. The planning I'd done previously is mostly useless now, as I do not have any way to ensure the safety of my belongings while out of my home and cannot obtain necessary documents in case of being kicked out. I also cannot in good faith leave for anything; college or mission, while my mom is in the condition she is in. I'm stuck.

I could write for hours more about my life's history and how crappy my situation is, but this will have to do for now. I'm asking for as much help as is possible with this. I've got wonderful friends helping me deal with this, and they agreed with me that I should get as many points of view as possible. Seeing as my leaving the church is the core of this situation, this seemed like a good place to start.

I want I try and keep my family intact. Most of my extended family is either dead or so abhorrent that I want nothing to do with them. My parents are all I've got left, and while I am prepared to have to break ties if absolutely necessary, I would like to attempt to keep us together. Aside from just keeping us on good terms, I want to ensure that I don't send either one over the edge. Even being down to earth might not be enough for my mom now that the c-card is in play, and with my dad's history of suicide threats and general frail see after the stroke I'm sort of terrified of instigating things. If anything happens to either one as a result of this, if I somehow contributed to it, I'm not sure I would be able to forgive myself.

Any help that can be provided will be greatly appreciated.

Your desire to take the high road and be honest with your parents no matter what the outcome is admirable and most likely the best way to handle things. You are taking too much responsibility for them when you worry that your actions might send them over the edge physically and emotionally. A simple "I love you two more than anything on this earth and would do anything to keep you safe and happy but I have to be honest with you as well because of the enormous respect I have for you. The truth is that I no longer have a testimony of the church and can no longer live a lie. It's eating me up inside."

Well adjusted parents (Mormon or not) would and should accept this and deal with it just fine. It should not cause death and destruction. If your parents are so consumed by the delusion of Mormonism that the truth would possibly kill them then it is a very sad state of affairs. But it's not you that would be harming them. It is the delusion and the years of indoctrination and brain washing by a deceitful and despicable religion. They are both adults and you need to deal with the fact that they are not immortal and will die eventually someday. They will not be there for you forever. And they have chosen their own path.

If you just cannot face the possible outcome of being honest with your parents you will still have to have some kind of confrontation of some kind. The simplest might be to just sit them both down and explain that their health problems combined have just put too much stress and anxiety on you. You cannot possibly consider leaving on a mission when you would be overwhelmed with worry and concern for their welfare. Going on a mission and being sent home early for anxiety issues is not your idea of the way to serve a mission. Just tell them you have made up your mind to not take-out your endowments and you have taken it up with the Lord and the bishop and feel at peace that you are doing the right thing. Then call the bishop or Stake President or whoever has to know that you are canceling your appointments and it will be YOU, not your father, who let's them know when you are ready. Nobody else should be making these calls for you. It's time for your father to back off and let you take responsibility for your own life and future. This should happen no matter what anyone's health condition because it's just the only really logical step you can take without just coming out with it that you don't believe any of the Mormon dogma. Good luck. Their lives are in their own and God's hands, not yours.

Tell her that you love both of them, but with the health issues, and your disbelief you need to find your own way, and figure out someway to get an education if neither one of them is still in the picture in a few years. Your mother is a smart woman and will understand where you are coming from and how best to break it to your father.

My advice would be, if your mom does well and improves and does not need help, find a way to move out. A 20 year old male should not be living with mom and dad unless they need your help and support and not the other way around.

I also would suggest that you talk with your mom first. Aside from that, when speaking with either your mom and/or dad with this kind of pattern may help... Tell them:

1. You love them
2. You appreciate your upbringing
3. You have irreconcilable differences with church history
4. You cannot in good conscience continue in the church
5. Your decision is not a verdict of "failure" on their end
6. Tell them that you respect their beliefs and hope that they can respect your new [non-]beliefs (quote Article of Faith #11).

Keep us posted. Best of luck to you!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Agree!

"He is pushing harder than ever for me to get my endowments so that we can be sealed at the temple."

Were your parents members when you were born? Then - as I understand their rules - you and your parents are already sealed together.

If your parents were converts AFTER you were born, then you could have been sealed to them when they received their endowments (they bring the kids in there to do the hokey-pokey routine). If they didn't do that, that was their fault.

Trying to place the blame squarely on you for not having an eternity-sealed family is really a sick thing to do. Why lay that kind of guilt on you?

This is actually a non-issue. The church will seal everyone together after they die even if you are an apostate. That's been done in other families over and over. I think my dead grandparents have been sealed (I looked in the archives) about a dozen times just for good measure. It may have something to do with those programs with the youth going through records. Don't let your father use this as blackmail.

Get your finances and your transportation matters right first.

With all your parents have going on, this might not be a good time to bring up your disbelief.
Especially not if you still live at home.


Move in with a buddy or share a place with friends.
Once you are reasonably independent, then you can just tell your folks you prefer to be inactive or whatever.

In my experience, people who threaten suicide every time they don't get their way, are using it to control others. It's a very sick thing to do. He keeps threatening, because it works for him.

I thought you should be aware of that. His threats have nothing to do with you, or what path you take. The threats are all about him.

My narcissistic sister used to use threats of suicide to get her way. It's sick and places a mental burden on those who hear it.

Next time he threatens suicide, call the police. I did that to my sister and she no longer threatens it around me. Besides, if he's serious, wouldn't you want intervention?

Ditto this! My sister did this to my mother continually to get money when she over spent her credit cards. When Mom stopped paying and ignored the emotional blackmail the suicide threats stopped too. But she DID try other forms of coercion because she is a master manipulator. Guilting you will continue no matter what, Guaranteed.

Simply tell them that you aren't ready to go through the temple, or that you're not prepared to make the commitments that come along with the endowment. One major thing I've learned this past year is that YOU DON"T HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF to anyone. A simple, "No, I'd rather not" will do. They can think anything they want. They will imagine a dozen different reasons why you don't want to go thru the temple. And after thinking of those reasons for awhile (months, years), they will be more open to hearing about your unbelief.

Good luck!

I agree with jrichins278 on this.

Understanding personal boundaries is an area where TBMs and exmos struggle, always feeling required to disclose anything and everything -- that it is somehow about one's integrity to always disclose.

It isn't. An obligation of this sort is based on a mutually established relationship quality, not on title (mother, brother, bishop, spouse, friend, grandmother). It is never healthy to be overly invested or to over-disclose in a relationship that is not mutual and trustful.

TBM relationships almost always have a hidden loyalty that supersedes any other family or relationship loyalty. Anagrammy masterfully describes all mormons as "soldiers" of mormonism, expendable at any moment in the great work of advancing the cult.

There are compelling reasons to disclose everything about your disbelief, but there will be costs. Make no mistake. If you count them and wish to proceed, fine.

But there is no reason to do anything permanent that you are not prepared for and that you have not had the time to fully process and consider. I fully hear what you said about your parents being "all you have left". Dumping the truth on them will hurt them - no two ways about that -- and it sounds like they have enough on their plates.

So I suggest you merely let the nutty stuff about mormonism cut its own path in your defense. You don't need to defend yourself, mormonism is crazy enough to defend you all on its own.

First, watch the entire endowment on U-toobe by searching "MORMON TEMPLE ENDOWMENT CEREMONY" there.

Here is what I suggest. You don't have to leave the church. You don't have to disclose all your feelings or opinions. You don't have to create another huge crisis in the middle of all the others. Merely say you were researching the endowment and discovered the video and you are now really freaked out by it and don't want to do it. Others will respond and try to explain and rationalize and will keep pushing -- but merely just keep saying you are NOT YET comfortable with it and want to keep thinking about it. Just keep saying that it is creepy and weird. There is no defense for that. Don't attack anything else and don't be baited into a discussion about your views or testimony or anything else. Just keep saying that the temple is weird and creepy and you're not comfortable with it.

See if all the other issues sort themselves out and then you will have the time to deal with this one if you so choose, or not.

People here are very supportive. Let us all know if we can help your further.

I don't think that this is the time to raise your disbelief with your family. For one thing, both of your parents are dealing with significant illnesses. Secondly, your family home must also be a major source of stress to them. Third, you are not yet independent of them.

Give yourself six months to a year to look after your parents and to formulate your plans for the future. Make sure that you are planning for education or training so that you can adequately support yourself. Just any old job won't do that. Your family has needs right now, and those needs are important, but you should also keep pursuing your own goals. Stand firm with your dad about the temple -- just tell him that you won't be doing it at this time. You should already be sealed to your parents anyway, if that is a concern to him.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/16/2014 01:03AM by summer.

You might buy more time if you tell them that you take going to the temple very seriously, and that you want to explore other religions before you make that kind of commitment, just to be totally sure. Tell them that you feel good about this decision in your prayers, and feel that Jesus supports you in this exploration. (It is hard for mormons to argue with someone who pulls out the Jesus card.)

Then make sure that they see you following through and attending other churches. Appear to be more sincerely devoted to a spiritual quest than they are, and you gain the upper hand. Pushing around a believer is difficult as you know, so become more religiously motivated than he is. I'll bet it is more interesting to attend other churches anyway, as LDS inc. is a big snooze-fest.

I agree with what Summer said because I like her reasons, and i think she is right. If you go along with her , what she said.

I'm like, your need for independence needs to be pursued, physically, right now. bus passes. maybe a license but month long bus pass for sure first. And, um, any additional education certificate commitment internship like phlebotomy anything legal internship social work oh- survey for the census anything- so you can be involved, engaged, in, finding out some ways to express physically being more individual. with them, like living near them but not doing the same things when or with them more parts of the time.

I'm like, thinking, you can express this also writing poems and posting them on poem flow or online poem submission which is totally independent of them- you could be in the same living room but live your creativity.

No one is going to change or rearrange such careers and social fixings on such old adults without without their consent- they are engaged in survival physically and now is not the time to change them or challenge them as they exist, work on simply physically remaining and trying to exist in reality (like being alive still at all) because knees hips and more fail as we age and its not their fault. So they can't change it now- they have to party it down, their way.

but about your own way- to get out of your own is a great gradual goal. when dad mumbles or muses between biopsies and broken pipes about temple tell him to go ease his mind & do a session on his own - and talk about the darn biopsy, talk about the broken pipes- talk about reality- gosh darn it these people love each other- paint a masterpiece dad- dedicate it but stop diverting away from pain in reality already with religious ramp up or ramblings.

both of you. like boil water pour tea pop top can lid off drink turn on air conditioner - start again- do life

do NOT make a religious scene or be a religious drama-

it diverts from the processing from the living from the being from the existential NOWness of knowing, experiencing, expressing our bitter sweet longing clinging thorugh lifes pain in reality- biopsy surgery treatement pipes busting life busting pain- like- HOOOOLD ME again

also, great compulsive off topic thoughts surface & may even be spoken aloud during large currents of life challenge (like broken house & broken health of stronger spouses) for him to stop refuse to engage. the compulsion stoopid programming is like me thinking ;" how many babies am I gonna have" during intense stress during my own tumors and kids' tumors & kids' birth defects- as medical bills rose & rode in the mail and laundry piles rose all around me. I recall that. Request cancer support couseling therapy for spouse/papa through hospital or clinic social worker.

hold on. carry on. & you need, what you need is your own schedule, bus pass/ticket, aapointment classes or part time work project get you outa their space - more of the time than now. so if you already work, more hours. if you are n class- more internship. if you aren't- add a class. get a buss pass. You've got to get your space establish your independence sufficient to experience comfortable inter action with less inter-dependence. Its not just religious ideas. Its physical space and love with independence needs.

Thank you all for the responses! I, too, think that telling then flat out right now would be a bad idea. Getting out of the endowment sessions without doing so though will be a bit more tricky, as my dad won't except outside evidence (typical "it's anti-Mormon propaganda" stuff). However, given the toll things are starting to take on me as well, I think I'll be able to buy some time.

I would like to make clear, though, that neither of my parents had a temple marriage. They've only had a regular one, and this the push to get the sealing done. There has been no family sealing. The lack of any sealing at all is part of my dad's pressuring to get it done because of my mom's health. Again, given the circumstances I cannot be mad at that sort of thinking. It's the inevitable confrontation when I make known my stance on things that will be the real problem.

For now, I'll try and figure out a way out of the endowments specifically. It's not the time or place to start something that might result in a huge divide. Even if it wouldn't be me causing the divide, for now I might be able to manipulate the timing if I put my foot down.

I might actually talk to our home teacher. He's the one supposedly talking to me first about the endowments and he is usually fairly reasonable about things. It might be easier to tell him about not feeling ready for the endowments and avoid having to justify myself to my parents at all. If need be, I'm fully prepared to play the c-card and call people out for judging me on how I deal with tragedy. I doubt many would press the issue after that, though I really, really don't want to have to do that. I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of my mother's condition. But if necessary, this is an option.

Plus, well, with my mom jus starting radiation treatment while I'm also trying to finish a college course, and taking any other time I've got to try and relax and process everything, I'm not really sure when my dad things these meetings are even going to happen. I haven't even been to church in a month because I refuse to leave my mother's side and bring contamanents into our tenant's house. This isn't even new behavior, I've always refused to go to church if one of my parents wasn't well.

I might have slightly more wiggle room than I thought before. That, or the toll this is all taking on me is just leading me to my breaking point so I care less about what people think of me or my decisions. Or a little of both. But at this point, I'm just using this to vent and ramble.

I do thank you guys for the support! I'll be sure and keep you posted.

Update. It turns out that my mom is in total agreement with beginning the endowment lessons, and our hometeacher is visiting with me this evening. I need to figure out what to do, and quickly. Any advice that could be provided within the next couple of hours would be greatly appreciated.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2014 04:31PM by p1234.

It's perfectly okay to say that YOU are not ready to receive your endowment at this time. Just say that you are going to put it on the back burner for now. You don't need to give any reasons. This is one of those times when you will need to quietly but firmly stand up for yourself, because people will mow you down if you don't.

You might consider responding in this manner -- Why don't you wish to take out your endowments? "Because I don't wish to do it at this time." Why not? "Because I want to focus on other things right now." Why can't you do both? "Because that's my decision and I'm asking you to respect that." If the person questioning you won't stop, just stare at him or her silently without responding.

When you are telling people what you will or will not do, look them in the eye and speak firmly without smiling. Don't waffle. Lower your voice slightly so that it is deeper. You may wish to practice this in a mirror ahead of time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2014 04:45PM by summer.

EDIT: Responded to wrong person, deleted this post.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2014 05:12PM by p1234.

I think you should have your endowment and be sealed to your family. It is a few hours of your time and will mean the world to them given the circumstances.

If you are an unbeliever, the endowment and the sealing mean nothing. They won't hurt you. You can walk out of the temple in the exact same state of unbelief that you had going in. The whole thing is a fairy tale.

Because this request is about religion, you are letting it mean more than it needs to. If your mother heard that eating turnips would cure her cancer, wouldn't you go out and find some turnips even though you know that they are not going to do a thing.

Once you're sealed to your parents, you can get a job that requires you to work on Sunday, or claim that you're going to your friends ward. I don't normally suggest that people lie, but in this situation, a kind lie might be better than a cruel truth.

There will be a better time to physically leave TSCC. Emotionally and spiritually you're already gone. The temple won't change that. There is no spiritual high there to lure you back. The part that isn't boring is a little bit weird.

I'm not sure I agree about the temple not hurting me. It's killing me on the inside to continue living a lie even now. Even with all that's going on, they both still expect me to leave on a mission soon. It could just make things worse to wait that long and go trough all the motions and then out myself right before the mission that I'm not going on. That is not negotiable. I am not spending two years of my life on something I do not believe in any longer. And even going through the temple, I'm really not sure I could continue on with the lie, or if I even have the willingness to anymore. It's gotten to a point where, cancer or no cancer, I'm sick of having to live a double life, and if my parents are harmed somehow by my decision to go my own way, then that's their own fault for choosing to be hurt by an adult living their life the way they choose to. I have done everything I possibly can to put things off and wait for a more opportune time, but enough is enough. Just going through with the temple is absolutely not an option for me.

I think you have clearly made up your mind. And now it's time to clearly communicate it. You do not owe people cooperation in a religion, especially a two-year commitment, as you well-know. Nor do you owe your parents going through the temple. Your refusing your endowments will not kill either of your parents. It's time to put a stop to the co-dependent baloney of Mormonism.

Your mother got cancer because she got cancer, it's not about you. Her cancer will not get better simply because you pretend you're going to do something that know you absolutely will not do. It won't get worse either. Your dad had a stroke because his way of living--with or without your endowments and mission--are completely out-of-balance. He paints compulsively, but won't sell his work. He threatens to kill himself to get his way "more often than he should" (once is too many times). He thinks people with whom he disagrees are "in the pocket of Satan." This is unbelievable in the 21st Century, yet Mormons seem to take this belief for granted. Does he ritualistically slaughter chickens to cure disease too? Is he afraid to have his picture taken because his spirit will be snatched?

You're family is living in a world of superstition, and you're the youth, the young person, who will lead the way into the 21st Century. So, lead on. You already know you aren't going to do what they want you to do. Now, say it to the people who don't know that you've already made up your mind. Come clean.

I don't agree with this. I know for myself being authentic is more important than placating someone. It would eat me up.

Sorry I haven't been updating this, but things have been hectic.

As of August 9th, at around 2AM, my mother has now passed away.

I didn't tell her anything, partially because I saw no reason to unload this sort of thing on her in her last days and partially because I had no time to do so. Its been rough.

Still being a firm believer in both God and an afterlife despite how badly I've been burned by the Mormon church, I know she's watching over me from somewhere better without all of the pain, and that she now understands my situation with or without me telling her. Call it denial if you like, but there it is.

I might update this more later with other details, but for now, this should suffice.

You have a lot of crises going on in your family right now.
My suggestion is to go along and not rock the boat, so to speak with big life changing news.

My point is: timing is very important in this case.
Hang in there.
The time will come when you can be more independent and not get into the repercussions of making an announcement about your personal beliefs. Personal is the operating word here.

You know where you are regarding the religion. Do your parents need to know any of it right now? My guess, probably not.

I am referring in part to my own experiences as my mother was not in good health for many, many years. I never told her anything about my personal concerns about much of anything. I was there to be supportive of her.

You'll figure this out and you are the only one that knows the best thing to do!

I'm not really sure how to postpone it any longer, as my parents are still expecting me to go on a mission regardless of everything going on. I agree that timing is really important, that's part of why I posted this here, but with having this shoved down my throat and then the expectancy of a mission looming overhead I'm not really sure what else to say to make clear that I don't want to serve a mission. That's not exactly something that I can wait on; they're expecting me to have my papers in soon. And I am not wasting two years of my life just for them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2014 05:32PM by p1234.

Part of being a grownup is accepting responsibility for not meeting your parents' expectations of you. Just say firmly that you have no desire to go on a mission and that you are NOT going on a mission. (Use my hints above, i.e. look them in the eye, deepen your voice, don't smile, and speak firmly.) It's your life. Your parents do not get to make such a significant decision on your behalf. Stand up for yourself! No one else will do that for you.

This is what I would say -- "Mom, dad, I realize that it is a dear wish of yours that I go on a mission. However I have no desire to go on a mission and in fact am not going on one. I realize that that will come as a disappointment to you, but that is my final decision and that's how it's going to be."

If you are not appropriately assertive about your own interests and needs, people will treat you like their personal doormat. Don't let them!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2014 05:55PM by summer.

It really feels like you're looking for a magic formula that will make it easy or harmless to tell your parents that you don't believe, won't go to the temple, and won't be sealed.

Sorry, but there is no easy button to press on this one.

I think you have three choices:

1. Go along with the temple endowment/sealing experience, knowing that it will put increased pressure on you to go on a mission.

2. Tell your parents the truth and be willing to risk whatever fallout occurs—even though it won't be deserved.

3. Stall without a reasonable (in their eyes) explanation. Phrases like "I'm just not ready!" is what you'd say without giving the elaboration they will want.

The problem is that none of these are win-win choices. Pick the one the allows you to live with yourself. And know that you are not responsible for your parent's actions in the past, present, or future. It appears they are trying to put some of that on you, but you don't have to accept it.

We were truthful with my wife's parents about our decision to leave the church and it broke their hearts. They were in their 80s and died a few years later. We thought that being honest but gentle was the way we would be able to live with ourselves and be respectful to them. But to be real honest, if we knew then what we know now, we might have kept our leaving to ourselves and let them die happy...still not sure to this day.

Given your circumstances, I would stall. But I can't say that's the best choice for you.

Good luck.

I'm in the dark about one part of this. What are "endowment sessions" ?
Do you mean going to the temple as that is where the endowment sessions are done, or do you mean temple preparedness classes?

Hello, p1234, I can empathize with your situation to some degree. When I was around 19 my brother left on his mission and when I decided that I couldn't do it, my parents broke off contact with me for several years. During that time, their first grandchild was born and they were unaware. They didn't meet him until he was almost 3 years old.

I wish I could tell you that there's an easy solution but there's not. In my case, my older Sister, whom escaped our dysfunctional family a few years earlier took me in after I left home and allowed me the chance to get my life in order and then attend college. It sounds like you have good friends that may be willing to help should you call on them and you will need to be prepared to do that.

The only thing you can do is be honest. My father is blue collar and uneducated. He is also prone to violent outbursts so he and I nearly became physically violent many times after my parents realized I would no longer be their missionary son and before I left home. I understand your plight but being truthful and honest now will more than likely allow you to appreciate your courage 10 years from now when you look back on this. It will also put you on a path to leading a more fulfilling life.

You should plan for the worst and be willing to do things you may not have considered before if necessary. If you are in school, then stay there and plan to take on additional jobs to support yourself. I made it through that period in my life by working 2-3 jobs at a time while attending college. And I had a young child to support.

With your Mother being ill, I can understand the difficult situation you are in but you have to take responsibility for delaying and not handling this sooner. You must now begin to make adult decisions about your life and this can be a very difficult process. It's not fair that we have to make these kinds of decisions at such a young age just because we don't want to follow the ridiculous mormon plan but life is not fair and never will be.

15 years later, I still have a fractured relationship with my parents and siblings and I will never get to have the kind of family environment that I have hoped for with them. I remember the depression and despair that my brother returned with after his mission and how he nearly killed himself when he realized the church wasn't what it claimed. I'm glad I avoided that and all of the other terrible things that are wrought by church membership but I have sacrificed a lot in doing so. Again, you should expect that this will be one of the hardest things you'll ever do but the alternative could end up being so much worse.

Good luck and if you ever need someone to communicate with you can email me at edward812k@hotmail.com.