I was born in the 50's, and raised in the church. I recall being in fear about a lot of things. Much of it I didn't get over until I was in my 30's and 40's.

Some of my first memories of church was being very afraid that I would never be good enough for God to let me live with him. I knew that hell was going to be very bad, but I had to find a way to be ok with it. This was the thought process of a 5 year old.

When I turned 8 and was baptized, I was very upset that I didn't even make it home before I got in a fight with my brother. He was tormenting me about not being able to keep my perfect status for more than a day.

My mother loved the scripture that taught if you repeated a sin after repenting, all the old sin would come back. In fact, not only would it come back, but you'd NEVER be forgiven. There was no hope for me!

I also worried endlessly abou walking to Missouri. I didn't think I could do that. No matter, a pair of hiking boots sat in the back of my closet waiting for that day I would need them.

What fears were you tormented with as a mormon child?

I vividly remember bursting into tears and screaming "But I don't want to live forever!" during a Primary lesson. They rushed me out and told me to shut up.

The whole idea of immortality was just very overwhelming. What would someone do with themselves for that long? Also, being taught that homosexuality was a sin before I even knew what it meant messed me up big-time.

I was a very good child. Calm, polite, and obedient. I was taught in church that if a person was good enough, god might send them an angel. I heard the stories of angels visiting JS in his bedroom in the middle of the night. I was terrified of seeing an angel. That evening, I was rude to my little brother to make sure I fell below the standard of "righteous enough" to see an angel. To a child, that's not spiritual! It's terrifying!

That one scared me too. I didn't think there was any difference between an angel and a ghost. After all, there was the holy ghost who stalked us, but only if we were good. That thought also didn't sit to well with me. Too many ghosts, angels, evil spirits, satan's and Lucifers in the Mormons genre. Not to mention God who is killing entire cities of people. I always thought the end was going to happen any minute. It scared the hell out of me.

I had the same thought process after being baptized. I can remember saying "sh!t" in my head while changing back into my clothes and then thinking I was no longer perfect. How ridiculous is that? No child should have to think that way.

The first time I told a lie after my baptism, I figured it was over. No salvation for me. My parents were quick to agree with my negative self-diagnosis.

I copied this comment from a ksl article and think it applies

"The problem with "immorality" and "killing families", is that your world view of what is condoned as moral is completely subjective. I find forcing children into religious rhetoric at an early age, prior to them taking in a world of knowledge first, then being inundated (without choice) with said information to be "immoral". People's private choices typically do not affect others, regardless of what you believe, hence them being "private". They only affect you if you probe into their private choices in the first place. Their choice wouldn't be "private" if it affected you. Circular logic debunks that entire ideology."

Between the ages of 7 and 11 I would often be terrified at night that Satan was going to come and get me. I'd lay there under the covers, sweating, heart pounding. Finally one night I realized if he wasn't there I'd be okay. If he was, well looking at him would not change that. I willed myself to open my eyes. Relief poured over me.

I would go over in my mind each night how to get rid of him. Raise hand and say "in the name of Jesus, I command you to leave."

I'd read the scriptures each night before bed to fend him off. If I ever read a scripture that was about Satan, I knew it was over. I'd be scared out of my mind all night. I slept with my quad next to me every night.

I told my husband about this. He couldn't believe that was my childhood fear.

I realize how messed up the mo upbringing is. I don't even let my kids read "Goosebumps". I can't imagine putting the fear of the evil on into them.

I think there are more mormon children that are living day and night in unreasonable fear than we know.

The children of mormonism have no voice. They can only say what the adults want to hear. They're very aware of this. They know they will be either laughed at or chastised if they dare to speak of their fears. There is no safe place for a mormon child.

I made the huge mistake of raising my kids in mormonism from the age of 10 to 18. I have apologized to them vocally and in writing. The one good thing is they didn't know anything about it until age 10. The indoctrination that goes on from 1-10 is significant. Don't ever think it isn't. IMO that's when the fear is laid on thick. You can easily control little children with fear.

I worried about all the destruction during the last days. I didnt worry about hell, but I did worry about not being good enough for the CK. Also my dad wasnt a member so I worried about the eternal family thing.

My father is violent. For some reason I was worried about him going to heaven, and me going to hell. I could never be good enough to escape his rage.

Sad. And scary.

I was never really afraid, so to speak. I arrogantly thought I was good. And my family always made things seem funny, like, for example- I could tell the difference between a dark spirit and an angel by asking to shake their hand. Since the guys on god's side got bodies. I now realize that no matter what it would be a dark spirit because if anything like that happened I'd be insane and those would be hallucinations.

It wasn't until I started questioning the church and it's doctrines that I was afraid. I was taught that people who 'knew the truth' of the church but 'rejected it and led others astray' were the only people who went to hell. I suppose I had an idea of the fact that I couldn't choose what I believe (Not that I could put it into words back then) so I tried justifying everything to myself.

Thank heavens that's over.
If there were heavens to thank.

This thread brought back the childhood memory of feeling watched all the time. It wasn't just Satan that was disturbing -I didn't like God or angels or dead ancestors watching me from somewhere up above. That was a terrible feeling. What a clusterf*^k that "church" was and is!

I second that.... I always felt like I was being watched. Like I never had a private moment. Not only from God, but from JS and from grandparents passed on. And, Jesus would be sad if I did something HE didn't like, and he died for me, so how awful would it be if I did do something wrong....

I can't stand the thought of my own children going through the same BS.

I worried about being less valiant in the preexistence than some others and being beaten and demeaned for it.

I worried about having to grow up and live the Mormon expectations of being obedient, wearing garments, and living every day for a church and not for myself.

I worried as about having to go to the CK for eternity and be dominated by people who had mistreated me in life.

At the same time I worried about being in a lesser kingdom with gentiles "from the outside world" who I thought were course, mean and evil.

I worried that I would never be able to get a testimony of my own or be worthy enough to have a spiritual experience so that I could get a testimony.

When I was growing up, there was so much talk about not relying on your parents' testimony and working to get a testimony of your own. As it turns out, I apparently had cause to worry because I never had a spiritual experience that testified to me that the church was true and I can't say that I ever had a testimony of my own.

I recall my mother going on about evil spirits to me when I was probably 4ish and then pretty regularly from then on. I was afraid of basements and dark places till I was almost grown and I know it was my moms penchant for telling mormon myths of people being tormented by evil spirits and such that caused it.

Thanks mom!

We were taught to be afraid of the big bad wolf, but it was the BBC instilling the fear of itself, though they called it Good... and they called themselves God.