Danites are members of the Mormon secret police force that enforces god's laws. The Danites carry light sabers to cut off the arms of those that attack the prophet (read the Book of Mormon for info on arms being cut off). They have also been given super secret powers like having a cloak that makes them invisable to those unworthy to see them. They can call upon the 3 Nephites to help them. They carry bottles of magical olive oil. They wear special magic underwear under their black suits that is like body armor. Danites ride around the world in chariots made of gold pulled by solid white flying horses.

If Mormons can believe in magic underwear and magic olive oil what is wrong in believing their cartoon god needs humans to carry light sabers and ride in flying chariots for god?

Did you used to believe in magic olive oil? I did and magic underwear too. I was mentally sick back then.

I have never cut off a man's arm or head like Alma and Nephi, but I have deboned a dead chicken. It is not easy, even with high quality modern steel knives. The read JS's takes read, they must have been using light sabers. It reads like a boy's fantasy who has never used a sword on another man trained to fight.

I find your lack of faith disturbing, senator.

Did y'all happen to see the (awful) Book of Mormon movie ~10 years ago? Nephi totally force-lightnings Laman and Lemuel into building the ship. It was marvelous!

And in answer to your question, I believed in all of it, with a certainty like nothing else in all of my experience. It has been hard to have all that knowledge fail me. And I have documentation that I was mentally sick, though I'm not sure on the cause/effect relationship to my faith.

I did not get the opportunity to see the Book of Mormon movie. I think I had something more important to do like take a shlt on top of a BOM. Perhaps I was out back with the dog and took a piss on the pages of a BOM.

I should be excommunicated for destroying a copy of the BOM.

LMAO

Danites ride around the world in chariots made of gold pulled by solid white flying TAPIRS.

There were no horses in BoM days.

Respectfully submitted,

ziller

If only I would have had known that you get a light saber. I didn't get a light saber...did everyone else get one but me. I've always wanted a fricken light saber goddammit.

Why am I always left out of the cool stuff?