Posted by:
ExMoBandB
(
)
Date: September 29, 2014 12:08AM
These posters have given you great advice!
I assume you are living with your parents and going to school, right? Still, most advice can be taken by anyone. I like what one poster wrote to you: "The only place you need to fit into is your own life."
If you were to ask any teen-ager or any young adult if they feel like they really "fit in" anywhere, every one of them would say, "No, I don't fit in." This is just part of the experience of establishing your own identity. Mormons don't know that in the real world, every human being in a unique individual! Mormons force men and women to fit into the exact same mold. As we say here on RFM, Mormons think one size fits all. One set of strict, unbending rules fits everyone (separate rules for males and females, though.)
It took me a long time to learn that my "individuality" could be something that young men could fall in love with. I wasted my time trying to please my Mormon parents, and dated only Mormon boys that they liked. In order to "fit in", I became a chameleon, and could change into anything my Mormons friends and family wanted me to be. I knew the right dialog, the correct answers. I looked like I was supposed to look. Everyone thought I fit in perfectly, but in my heart, I knew I did not fit in. I never believed in the temple or in the polygamous hereafter, but I marred the perfect RM Mormon, with my parents' approval. I was too young, and I knew him only a few months. He turned out to be a criminal, a con-man, and had a history of assault and battery. Yet, he seemed to "fit in" just right, and could impress others.
You can focus on this move as an adventure. One positive is, as one poster wrote, at least, you aren't living in Mormonland! In America, you have a right to worship or not worship as you please. Still, you do need to conform to the laws of the land, in order to have an easier, happier life. So, obey the laws you respect, and question the "laws" that seem made-up, are unreasonable, or that ask for you to sacrifice your money, time, and integrity. Say no to whatever doesn't "fit in" with your own values and boundaries.
You seem like a great person! The desire to "fit in" suggests that you care about others. (People will want to hire you.) I'm sure you won't have trouble finding good friends. You seem perceptive enough to determine who is a real friend, and who is a fake friend. Don't be so eager to make friends that you fall into any traps. Lonely people are more easily converted to Mormonism and other cults, and even gangs.
Becoming an independent adult means doing all those things the Mormon cult does not want you to do!
--Become an individual
--Develop a unique personality of your own
--Be positive
--Lift others up
--Be supportive of others
--Be a good listener
--Decide what you want, and remember that you can always change your mind.
--Try things out (nothing dangerous or harmful)
--Look at life, and moving, as an adventure, like another poster said.
In junior high and high school, I was in love with an Atheist, who handsome, charming, and funny. He "fit in" with the popular clique, was Captain of the football team, and dated only cheerleaders. I was a tomboy, and a bookworm, and focused on being a good pianist. I always had a job, plus all the church stuff, so I didn't socialize much. One free Saturday, I ran into him at the tennis court, and he didn't have anyone to play with, so he asked me, and I beat him, which probably embarrased him. I had just been to the library, and he asked me about the book which was strapped onto my bicycle. We ended up under a tree, reading that book together--an illustrated history book about the Naches Trace. We talked about our classes and teachers at school. No flirting. When I went home, I went to my room and cried, because this boy saw the real me. No makeup, grubby from tennis, tomboy, and a true bookworm, and probably the dullest girl he'd ever met. In reality, the flirty, submissive, high-maintenance type was not what he wanted. That was the beginning of our romance. I also did not stop to consider what I WANTED, when I broke up with the Atheist to marry the Mormon RM.
This is why you would be wise to be yourself. You want to have new friends (and lovers) who like you just the way you are. Mormons only want Mormons, and even then, no matter how perfect you are, a Mormon will still try to change you into someone even MORE PERFECT. Be sure you accept others in that same way. Your new non-Mormon friends will probably not "fit in" any mold, either.
Be patient. It will happen for you.