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Date: October 13, 2014 09:43PM
Someone should teach Ashley about google's cache...
"An Open Letter to “Ordain Women”
by ASHLEY on OCTOBER 3, 2014 · 4 COMMENTS
It’s Friday. Conference Friday. And this year, I’m more concerned about Conference than usual.
Author’s Note: Before I go on I want to give a little background for those not familiar some of the terms I use here. After all, this is not a “Mormon Blog.” But I am a Mormon, and I hope you’ll allow me to share some of my thoughts today in light of this weekend’s sessions of General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in this space. (You are welcome, by the way, to watch the conference live along with us from www.lds.org starting at 10AM Mountain Time on Saturday should you feel so inclined.) During General Conference, leaders of the Church speak to members and friends of the Church worldwide on various subjects via live and recorded broadcast. It is held twice each year, in April and in October. Since the March of this year, a group and movement called “Ordain Women,” which is lobbying for the ordination of women to the Holy Priesthood of God, has received quite a bit of media attention. I deeply disagree with this movement, for the reasons I describe below, among others. I have added links to more information about a few items that may require extra context, but most of the points I make here could be understood by anyone and applied to many things.
This post is my attempt at expressing the result of the many prayers and ponderings I have had over the past several years on this subject. My heart longs to reach out to those of my sisters and brothers who still identify with the movement. This kind of sharing can be lonely so, wherever you personally stand on these issues, I thank you for your company.
My children and I are taking some time today to tidy the house get ready to have the Spirit of God in our home for General Conference weekend. I am borrowing this tradition from a friend of mine who home-schools her three children, and who I know is taking the whole day off today to clean and bake cookies and other treats that they can enjoy together as they listen over this special weekend.
I want to be excited about Conference, but it’s especially hard this time. I am struggling against anxiety for a long-time friend, as well as hundreds of my sisters all over the world who are still hanging onto the Ordain Women movement with both fists.
My husband and I both watched the replay of the General Women’s meeting and noticed something concerning. You probably noticed it too. President Monson was not happy. He and President Uchtdorf looked terribly concerned about something. President Uchtdorf looked old and gray, and stumbled over his English as he began his talk. Not even talking about his lovely wife brought out more joy than a tired smile. He did eventually warm up and get into his usual upbeat talk-giving groove, but it took a while – like he was distracted by something unpleasant. President Monson was quick to leave at the conclusion of the session without his usual warm smiles and waves to the congregation.
The main theme of all of the talks in the session was clear: “You are daughters of God, so get serious about making an keeping covenants with your Father and quit crying about stupid stuff,” with a smile and a hug. Like what I used to get from my Mom when I knew exactly what I needed to do and she said “I know you’ll make the right decision,” with a smile and a hug.
My husband said it felt like Priesthood Session.
I’ve got a feeling that this Conference is going to be a rough one.
I know that you want to be a disciple of Christ, and even believe it is possible to do so and still be an Ordain Women sympathizer. But you also know that the General Authorities asked Kate Kelly and her followers not to gather on Temple Square. And that she and many others gathered anyway, in direct rebellion to God’s personally-appointed representatives. You have also been asked by your Bishop as part of a temple recommend interview, “Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Letter-day Saints?” If you answered “No,” that means that you do not support, affiliate with, or agree with Ordain Women or any other group like it.
Lay aside all of the emotional arguments and deconstructionalist come-backs you’ve learned from strangers online who neither know you nor love you, and you can see that there’s a problem here.
In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that the most difficult thing about Kate Kelly’s excommunication – after she was invited to but refused to repent of her own rebellion several times – was wondering what that meant for you, and whether you might be next.
If you feel like you are a disciple, and you also agree with the “Ordain Women” movement, you have two separate selves, and they can’t co-exist forever.
My invitation is that as members of the Church all over the world finish up their last-minute preparations for Conference weekend, you and I both prayerfully decide what our primary identity is.
Am I a feminist first? Or am I a Daughter of God first?
Let me share a personal story.
Once upon a time, I was in a relationship with a psychopath.
Of course I didn’t realize this about him at the time. I know now that he was controlling, two-faced, patronizing, scheming, manipulative, and self-serving, but at the time I could only see that he was thoughtful (if self-righteous) and lonely. I also knew he cared for me and loved being with me. I couldn’t see myself ever marrying the man, or even dating him seriously, but feeling welcome in someone’s life is a wonderful feeling. Not wanting to lead him on, I reminded him regularly that my feelings for him were strictly platonic. But no matter how many times I told him, every time he assured himself that some day I would come around and all would be sunshine and roses forever.
Thankfully, he lived far away from me, so I had time to plan how to tell him that I was dating someone else when that time came. I was actually engaged by the time I found the courage to break it to him. Then one night, over the phone, in a car four states away, with my fiancé next to me holding my hand and my Mom in the front seat driving us somewhere, I told him I was moving on. Can you sense the power this man had over me? I never even agreed to go on a date with him, but I had to work at least as hard to not be his girlfriend as I ever worked to stay with someone I actually wanted to be with. And yet I put off this “break-up” experience until the week before I was to marry the man of my dreams, and it still filled me with anxiety and trepidation. This was not a healthy relationship!
It didn’t go over well, but I still completed the task successfully. I’ll spare you the details, as it would distract from the point I am trying to get to.
Even though I still wanted to show this man I cared for him, it soon became clear that our relationship was no longer a benefit to either of us (it wasn’t until much later that I could see it never had been a good thing by any definition). So I went through and deleted everything. Every email in every account went away. Later I lost his blog address, a blog I now suspect he created to hang onto me, and got rid of the notes and cards as well.
Now, what does this have to do with General Conference?
Once upon a time, you knew the Church was true. All of it, and all the way. You didn’t question the speakers at General Conference, because you knew they represented God and that your Heavenly Father would never lead you astray.
Then something happened.
Whether you experienced abuse, family tragedy, neglect, doubt, offense, or something else, the foundations of your faith were battered and broken.
It’s easier to blame God and/or priesthood-holders in your life for your suffering than bring it to God and lay it at his feet, with faith that Christ’s atonement is big enough to heal even your broken heart. Blame helped numb the hurt and fear for a while, but you can’t shake the feeling that you’re missing out on something.
You’re still in turmoil about it.
In the meantime, you’ve entered into the spiritual version of a rebound relationship with a psychopath. A controlling, two-faced, patronizing, scheming, manipulative, and self-serving entity that is taking advantage of the fact that you are thoughtful (if self-righteous) and lonely.
Don’t think so? Let’s read this Korihor-esque statement, which I found as a Pinterest pin tweeted on Ordain Women’s Twitter page:
“To care enough about the church to want to see it better, to cherish the past without denying the future, to love and respect the brethren while recognizing their limitations, to be willing to speak when no one is listening — all of these require faith.” -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Very carefully chosen words! I bet that took her hours to perfect. Not one of those points can be discounted out-of-hand if you take them at face value. That is part of “the cunning plan of the evil one” – to state something with words that are true and a meaning that is rebellious, low, sinister, hateful, and false.
Your Daughter of God self who wants to love people and serve God likes those words. The people of the church could be better, couldn’t they? But by the time you’ve read that far and are thinking along those lines, the monster inside of you has recognized a friend in the intended meaning there, and has started talking over you. You’re used to listening to the monster, you’ve even started to trust it, so you just let it enjoy itself.
And boy, does it ever! It knows what is intended here. The monster reads:
“As long as you care about the church as an institution, as long a you believe Joseph Smith was a prophet, as long as you still think that God’s chosen prophets, seers, and revelators are basically good people who are right about some things, then speaking up for the cause of ordaining women does not make you a bad person, and anyone who judges you as otherwise is simply ignorant or unenlightened. In fact, supporting this cause is difficult, which makes it noble, and being willing to do hard things makes you a good person.”
You see how sneaky that was? The monster inside you sees it too, and self-righteously relishes in diabolical glee at how clever and cunning it is.
And it grows a little more, because you listened to it again.
This is why I feel supporting the Ordain Women movement is like dating a psychopath.
How do you feel when I say that?
My guess is that the part of you who knows she’s a Daughter of God feels sad and maybe even hopeful, but that the monster that’s been growing inside you for so long is furious.
I’m talking stark raving mad.
This monster I speak of knows just what to say and who to quote when entering discussions on Facebook about the blessings of the Priesthood in the lives of women and children. This monster likes to talk about Esther, Emma Smith, and Eve, but you can’t remember much about Moroni, Helaman, or even Nephi, because every time you try to read the Book of Mormon, the monster rages and stomps its feet so loudly that you can’t hear the Spirit. This monster mumbles in your ear when you pray, until it’s hard to tell which answers are coming from where. It’s grown to an alarming size, to the point where if it wants to say something, it does, before you even have a chance to think about whether or not its message is kind, fair, or even true.
I am not talking to the monster. I am talking to YOU. And I need you to understand that one of you has to go.
The monster running your life and preventing you from enjoying the blessings and protection that come from scripture study, heeding the whisperings of the Spirit of God in your heart, repenting, and reaching for the goddess you are meant to become, needs to die.
And if you wait too long to kill it, I’m afraid it might kill you.
So who will you be? A Daughter of God first or a feminist first?
If you choose to allow Daughter of God to be your primary identity, you have no time to lose.
If having support would help you break up with your monster like it helped me to break up with mine, get a loving, supportive spouse or friend on the phone or into your home. Then drink some water, pop some popcorn, and say a little prayer. Then get on the computer, and throw out all of the monster’s food:
UNSUBSCRIBE from every feminist blog you follow, even the ones that take a pro-Priesthood stance. There may be some you come back to later after you’ve reclaimed your true self and the atonement has rooted the monster out of your soul. But for now don’t skip any, no matter what. This is important.
LEAVE every Facebook group and UNLIKE every page. Don’t say good-bye. Don’t offer an explanation. Just leave.
DELETE every email you’ve gotten from any social sources on the subject (actual correspondence from actual in-the-flesh friends and family can stay).
UNFOLLOW every board and group on Pinterest and Twitter and Instagram…I don’t know what you have. Don’t stop until you’ve gotten them all. You may be surprised how pervasive its become – and how few prophet-promoting sources you hear from in comparison.
Next, read your scriptures until you can’t stand it anymore, and then pray. Go on a walk or a hike and say it out loud if you can. Tell your Heavenly Father EVERYTHING. Scream and shout if it helps. He’ll be patient, and He’ll listen.
You listen, too.
Listen to how you feel, what the monster feels, and which of you says what in that prayer. Read more scriptures if you can. Pray more. Pray like Enos. Pray until you are filled with the Holy Ghost, and your greiving, broken heart can finally rest. Pray until you can look forward to Conference, with faith that the prophets will counsel you as the Savior would, and with a firm resolve to follow the instructions you receive at their hands.
You may still be afraid, but you will know God is with you and will help you follow through. Write down your questions and concerns (you will still have some – we all do!) and prayerfully listen to every talk, expecting answers. I know that if you do this, God will heal, bless and instruct you in ways that neither you nor I can now imagine.
Addiction is, as psychopathic partners are, like cancer, so you may find after a while that there were some links or blogs you missed. Get rid of them too, as soon as you find them.
Listen to yourself – your Daughter of God self. Listen to the Spirit’s whisper, and tell the monster to be quiet. You can grow stronger than it is and, while it may be a life-long struggle to keep it in check, I know that the atonement of Jesus Christ is big enough to heal you – and me – and make us whole.
You know it’s true, too.
God loves you. You are not alone. He will help you.
Those who know you best and love you most are praying for you.
I’ll be praying for you – us – too."
Amen.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2014 09:43PM by pineapple.