What usable traits or skills might one desire to develop if they wanted to actually PREPARE for the LDS version of eternal life?

Faith may be useless in the next life for example, because as soon as you enter it, God is RIGHT THERE in front of you - no faith needed ever again.

I'm sure there's nothing allowed in heaven that would be unhealthy for you. So demonstrating your ability to follow health laws would be wasted in the next life.

So how might one ACTUALLY prepare?
Just for fun.

Prepare to hear everyone constantly thanking Jesus for eternity!

"Thanks for that one bad weekend you had on Earth, Jesus!" Can I sit at your knee and hear about it for the gumteenth time?


Prepare by making up laws of physics. You'll need them for designing things like white robes and swords that can accompany your travels to your planet and Kolob. Those white gowns like the ones God wears have to stay neat and white while defying gravity, atmospheric conditions, etc.


If you are female, you can prepare by sharing your husband. You might want to begin writing soap operas to while away the time of eternity raising spirit babies.


Another way to prepare is to learn the harp or trumpet. Everyone knows there are harps and trumpets in heaven.


You might want to work on learning meditation. You will probably want to find a way to zone out without having to think after a zillion years.


But there will be fun times. You can tease every ancient Egyptian you meet in heaven about having his brain sucked out and put in a jar.


I don't understand how the idea of eternal life is supposed to be comforting.

Next life? WTF is up with that?

Ron Burr

Get your financial affairs in order for those you leave behind. That is all.

I've always thought that most people erroneously discount this life when they think of eternity. If eternity exists, it is now just as much as it is later.

So for this exercise, if you are Mormon, prepare to be in noisy meetings with boring speakers. Prepare to be talked down to and ignored.

Well, I would think one would want to learn how to be good in bed.

If you're a man, you're going to be getting all different kinds of pu$$y in the CK. But here you are on earth, with your one eternal companion. What are you going to do when you have to find the energy to knock up all these women for all eternity, when you've got one lone sex partner here?

If you're a woman, you've got a LOT of competition in the CK. You've got to keep your eternal husband busy, make damn sure you're his favorite. You don't want those other b!tches getting preggers before you. So you, too, need some practice. You're not going to get much by having one sex partner, who only married you six months after returning from his mission, so he could finally lose his virginity.

So while you're on earth, waiting for your Mormon boy to return, go out and get some learning done. Go to some frat parties at U of U...just keep it on the DL. Also, try to get in some lesbian action. Because if there's a new revelation about homosexuality in the next 30 years, you might have to organize an impromptu orgy with your celestial Relief Society sister wives, to keep him interested...

Oh yeah, and when you do get preggers, wait a while to tell him. Because once he realizes he's planted his seed in you, he'll probably just neglect you for nine months so he can plant it in other places. And at the end of eternity, you want to be the prize broodmare. Therefore, time, energy, and innovation are all of the essence.

On the bright side – in the CK he will know how to find your G-spot.

For 10% of my in-come (pun intended), he'd better find it.

ok, all of that just sounds exhausting.

What I prepare for is the results for my children of my demise. I want to have my "house in order" so to speak. So I have a Living Trust and Will all worked out. Many don't do that much.
The rest as in an after life, I think I will rely on those that went before me to school me in the details! :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2014 02:46PM by SusieQ#1.

Plan your affairs so you run out of money the day you die. No tithing when you go. Some kind of geological engineering for world building might help. Astrophysics, navigation and astronomy so you can hie off to Kolob and find it. Just a few useful things that might help.

Hmmm. I think I better start doing some ab exercises.

But good housekeeping skills may not be necessary, except as an administrator. I would hope to have a good number of ministering angels to keep the kingdoms tidy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2014 03:05PM by seekyr.

As a mormon, the way they would prepare is by being an extroverted missionary. Mormon heaven sounds like being an eternal missionary, teaching to all those billions that didn't accept or know about mormonism in this life.