I was just remembering today how Halloween was my final straw a few years ago, when I left the church. Halloween is my favorite holiday.I remember seeing a group of moms drinking wine and pushing their little kids in strollers as they trick or treated, and that is when it hit me really hard. These ladies were really nice normal people and they were drinking. I went home that night and told my husband I was done with church and I wanted to try a drink. He was totally shocked. He hadn't been to church in 4 years anyway so he was ecstatic that I had finally finally made my choice.

I just think it is so funny that something little like that is what was the last straw. Not my family being upset that I no longer wore garments or my father in law swearing at me or my sister in law chastising me for shopping on Sunday or the bishop bringing me into his office once a week to check on my testimony.
Nope. It was trick or treating.

What was your last straw?

For me it was less of a 'last straw' and more of a bail of hay that lead me out. But, I will say reading the words of the teenage brides of Joseph Smith, specfically Helen Mar Kimball, that just pushed me over the edge.

What book can I find that in?

I went running one day and got to thinking--I realized I didn't believe in God and I was living a mormon life just to make my parents happy. I never turned back, and that was 16 years ago.

the blessing of comfort I got from a priesthood holder berating for grieving my father's death. It came across as God being very schizophrenic since 3 days before I had my patriarchal blessing and in it God was very understanding about my grief. Talk about a wtf moment.

sitting in church with the wife and kids. The weather was awesome outside and sacrament meeting was, as usual, awful.

I remember looking up from the book I was reading on my phone to see that no one was paying attention and most were trying to keep their kids quiet or playing on their phones/tablets.

I look over at my wife and ask "what the hell are we doing"? She says "what do you mean'?

The weather is awesome outside, this whole thing is boring as hell, no one is paying attention, look around"? She took some time to look around and said "wow, youre right, this sucks".

We both get up and take the kids out the door and get in the car. My wife asks what we should do, I said, "there's a water park (Roaring Springs) about 3 miles away, let's get our stuff and go".

We went and have never gone back on our own since (we have gone back for farewells, baptisms, etc, but rarely).

I felt a lot of guilt for the first few months so I started really studying to find the truth. Finding out the whole thing was bull shit was such a relief.

I don't know if it's the glass of wine I just had but your post brought me to tears. As a child I dreamed of something like this happening while I was at church and sadly, it never did. My childhood was fine, and I was happy, but thinking about all the lost time spent sitting in a false church breaks my heart a little bit.

Ah Roaring Springs...know it well. I graduated high school in the Boise area in the eraly 90's. I don't remember people not paying attention in church growing up. Was it because I was a kid or TBM? Not sure.

First Straw First (A little Covey for you ex-TBM's):

Learning that Joseph Smith married other men's wives... When I was 45 and had served as a seminary teacher and Bishop.

Last Straw:

Bishop withheld the Melchizedek Priesthood for ONE YEAR from one of my young men who was honest with him in a Bishop's interview about masturbation. No porn involved.

Game over. Thanks for playing.

One of many straws (Halloween related) was the trunk or treat nights. That waters down the fun of going door to door. I am so glad I was never young enough before my ward started doing that, but I felt so bad that everything has to be "safe"and "church approved."

The second earring thingy was my last straw.

A 90-odd year old man gave his idiotic opinion on fashion, and he didn't even say it was a commandment.

But the Nazi Mormon jumped on the band wagon within hours - just as I predicted they would.

Of course, the fact that the Native American DNA turned out to be Asian instead of Hebrew did not help either.
I was D O N E !!

No raves either...I was like Jesus would go to raves...sorry

I'm an introvert and chemically sensitive. We had just hired a house cleaner to come in twice a month so I wouldn't have to be around cleaning chemicals.

The first counselor called dh and I to be in charge of cleaning the church. When I told him that I just couldn't do that, he told me that if I turned down calls from the lord, I wouldn't be worthy for a temple recommend.

We thought about it for a week and told the bishop that we would never be back. Not because we were offended, but because there was no way the lord told them I should clean the church.

Then we found info on the problems with church history.

I would have to call it one of my last straws, but I definitely had one of those moments which really hit me hard and led to my choice to go inactive.

Actually two moments.

One was when I worked for the Church and that General Authority was telling us that if we pulled in a bad job review, then we'd be solely responsible for bringing down the scores of our entire office, our entire Region and maybe even the scores of the entire country.

It shocked me and totally clued me in to how the organization deliberately manipulated by instilling guilt and fear in its members. I was not impressed.

But I think it all started after 9-11. It suddenly hit me that Mormons didn't hold a monopoly on a powerful testimony. It shocked me that people were willing to kill themselves and others for their god.

It of course was a horrible thing to do, but the strength of their testimonies towards their own faith really struck me hard.

It led to me realizing that a Catholic, a Protestant, a Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Jain, a Buddhist, etc., could sit and bear testimony to me, with tears in their eyes, of their witness towards the truth of their own faith. And they could do it as strongly and with as much conviction as any Mormon could; maybe even more so.

I don't know why it had never occurred to me before. Mormons really think that their testimonies hold much more conviction than those of other faiths.

I found myself saying out loud, in my church office, "Oh, how arrogant!" How arrogant are we to sit here and claim that we had the one and only truth to God? I felt embarrassed to have ever thought that we did. It was a humbling moment.

Oh, and I just thought of a third one. Some poor guy who looked like he was about to collapse at any moment wandered in. He said he had moved to the area, couldn't find a job and was really hungry. He couldn't take another step without food.

I didn't have any money with me, so I gave him the money that we'd collected from the pads and tampon dispenser. It was only about $5 in change, but he was grateful for it.

I felt really embarrassed when I had to explain to him that we weren't set up to help the public. He said, "Oh, I see. You only take care of your own, right?" I sheepishly said, "Yeah." I couldn't lie. I told him to go to the Salvation Army and he thanked me for that info.

It was just another one of those big eye-opening moments.

For 5 summers during high school and college I worked for the Salvation Army at a camp for underprivileged kids. Not a member of their church and didn't share their beliefs. However their officers, even high ones lived a very modest lifestyle. They gave willingly to anyone in need and you sure didn't have to belong to their church.

To me only helping your own just answers the question of whether Mormons are Christian.

The funny thing though is TBMs think the church does a lot of charitable and humanitarian work.

I got into an argument with TBM BIL about it. I pointed out all the ways, for example, the Catholic Church helped out our community - food bank, homeless services, shelters,foster parenting, on and on. And these services are open and advertised to the whole city, anyone in need, no matter what religion. I said I don't see the mormon church running a homeless shelter and food bank. Maybe it helps it's own members with food, but not anyone else. Of course BIL just stuck his head back in the sand and insisted the Mormons were just as charitable.

ETA - now BIL thinks I'm attacking the church, for pointing out that the Mormons don't seem to help out their community. He told dh (his brother) that I'm always attacking the church. Sigh. It's sad that TBMs are so deluded and blinded they can't see what's right in front of their faces. And if it isn't glowing and positive then it anti mormon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2014 10:13PM by twistedsister.

That's a great idea! Let's start a TV show -- "TESTIMONY FACE OFF" We could get people from a dozen different religions to testify before judges and the national audience.

The judges could give their opinions and the viewers could vote on who believed the best, cried most effectively, shook their voices etc.

My first straw was my last straw, but before just I lost my testimony I lost my ability to withstand the monotonous boredom of the whole thing. It was all just such a mind numbing drag.

I like the first straw last straw thing.

First straw: I was pretty young, probably 10 or 11, and I remember being in testimony meeting. More than one person said that they loved coming to church. It struck me that I didn't love coming to church. I thought church was a drag.

Last straw: I was basically out of the church while at BYU; only went to church a few times with my grandmother. I only went to BYU due to convenience, but I was lucky to have gone in the early 80s, and it was pretty easy for me to dodge the system. But naturally I had to take religion classes. When we went over the Smiths' background in dowsing, that was the real end for me. This was a superstitious, credulous, backwoods bunch.

One of many straws - being frustrated that I couldn't wear normal shorts. Nothing scandalous, mind you, but being a little on the shorter side wearing shorts down to my knees made me feel so frumpy. Not being able to find a cute cocktail dress to wear to dh's fancy work party. They were either too short or too low cut. Anything that was "modest" was in the old lady section. It made me wonder about garments and why god really cared what underwear you wore. After years of pondering garments and why it mattered to god I concluded they didn't matter and the church was wrong about them. If the church was wrong about garments what else were they wrong about? At the same time I was pondering garments I was puzzled about temples, why we had to go, and why we had to learn passwords and handshakes etc. I concluded it was all wrong and the house of cards fell that day.

Zombie Social Nazis

Mine was a HUGE dropping of the shelf, an explosion in fact. My marriage broke up and there was NO ONE who cared enough to come near me for WEEKS. It was as if I had some sort of contagious disease. I NEVER did get a talk with the Bishop in sympathy or advice (probably a good thing), and a couple of women in ward were 'dating' my husband!!???!!! The bishoprick (intended mispelling there!) didn't excommunicate my husband for multiple adulteries. There were LIES that were spread about me that were AWFUL!! That along with a slow trickling out of all my beliefs in the past few years was MORE than enough!!

I honestly don't think the 'leadership' of the ward knew what to do with a temple marriage that broke up.

IN the meantime I was hurting as never before and all I got from tscc was crickets. So much for years of dedication to tscc.

A long time ago now and I am happy again after years struggle, but tscc is NOT a part of my life.

Every now and again there will be a missionary couple who will talk to me about why I left tscc. After I have given a LONG rant on all the pain, I get a nod and a "You were hurt!". I find that SO downputting!!! HELL YEAH!!!! Only multiply that by several thousand!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2014 09:31PM by fluhist.

There were so many. The last Sunday I went to church I looked around the room at each person. I had been in that ward for 10 years and didn't have one single good friend. I had nothing in common with anyone. Unless it was a church function, there was zero social contact. I tried. Nobody in that ward seemed to be able to just enjoy a nice day away from church. They were horrid. I'm in my mid 50's, and asking myself why I'm not like any of these people. I never gave up my talents. In fact I put effort into making sure I progressed and became better at the things I loved to do.

I found it hard to believe that in a room of at least 100 people there wasn't a single one of them that I had anything in common with. That's when I realized they were nothing more than the living dead. They were all living for the next life, and totally missed out on this one. No way was I about to go along with that program. Those people are broken. Very broken. I knew i'd never be back.

I am so humbled from reading all of your entries. It makes me feel better to know that other people have struggled, and had an "ah-ha" moment that they knew would change their lives forever, yet they continued down that path.

I have been labeled the "black sheep" from my family yet I know some day down the road they will see I am happier and doing just fine!

I really believe that our subconsciouses knew long before we allowed ourselves to know. The brainwashing keeps the more honest part of you under wraps, but eventually maybe it only takes pure boredom or something like seeing lovely people with a glass of wine to bust the chains. It doesn't have to be the outright fraud that bursts the bubble.

I love your thought. It's so true.

Somewhere inside of me, I always had questions, even as a small child sitting in Primary.

You will realize that TSCC and the members therein are narcissists when you move on and do well and they get upset because you are happy.

Yes, as Anagrammy once told me, they want me to be the angry bitter anti-Mormon that they're trying to portray me as.

As for the "first-straw" thought: I just remembered this.
As a small child I remember being worried about polygamy because my mom was my dad's second wife, sealed to him in the temple.

Trick or Treating was your last straw? What does that have to do with you shopping on Sunday or wearing comfortable clothes?

A 'last straw' usually has more to do with tension and disaffection and less to do with wanting to follow your own path and be more social and comfortable.

Just trying to your point.

Happy anniversary.

That's why I am still surprised to this day, that Halloween night was my tipping point. For whatever reason, it really got to my core. So many other things had already happened, and bothered me. But, that night, I got the courage to say goodbye!

My first straw was while teaching seminary a few years ago and looking for information over BOA stumbled upon facts online....surprise!!

Last straw was realizing what the church's teachings and treatment of gays was doing to my gay daughter and my relationship with her along with learning of JS and a 14 y/o wife.

All is so much better now......!!!

First straw: feeling like I was molested during my first trip to the temple (before the mission). No one had permission to touch me so close to my naked privates. Then I felt so dirty wearing my garments and rationalized that it was because of something I had done.

Second straw: finding out about the BoA issues while serving as a ward mission leader and researching an investigator's question. I barely kept the shelf together, but it was on its way down.

Last straw: finding out about polyandry while defending the church on CNN's comment board (leading up to the 2012 election). I am still pissed off that I never heard about it in church, on my mission, or at BYU. The shelf completely collapsed at that point.

I had many issues and my shelf was heavily laden...


but the last straw...

I had been abroad for 5 years, when I returned to my old ward.
And as I sat through the meetings on that first sunday back, I realised:
Nothing had changed.
The same people held the positions of power, the same people complained about the same problems, and the same kids were brats and nice.
The only thing that was different, was that the kids had gotten older.

And my distinct thought was: "If it takes Thát much work, to change SO little in 5 years time..... what the hell are we doing here!?"

That was the last time I went to church.
and what a journey it has been since.