Anyone else have any dealings with this? My ex had to get my permission to remarry in the temple and we had to fill out all kinds of forms and crap.... I asked to be ex'd so WTF was up with that? I hadn't thought much about it until recently.

Weirdos.

This go back to the male in charge idea. Mormons still see the man as the head of the household and the priesthood as above all else.

It is church procedure, when a divorced member wants to remarry in the temple, that the church contacts the ex-spouse and informs him/her. The church also asks for any pertinent information the ex-spouse may have (child support current? any immorality? etc.) about the member that may have a bearing on worthiness. The ex-spouse is also asked for his/her feelings about the proposed marriage (although I have no idea why that should be relevant, or what bearing it has on whether permission is granted or not).

Many ex-spouses think that they can refuse permission, but they are not being asked for their permission.

RPackham Wrote:
> It is church procedure, when a divorced member
> wants to remarry in the temple, that the church
> contacts the ex-spouse and informs him/her.

Wings Wrote:
Yes, Richard... you are most correct...and for me it was twice I got the "church procedure experience". The 2nd time was 25 years later!

RPackham Wrote:
> The church also asks for any pertinent information the
> ex-spouse may have (child support current? any
> immorality? etc.) about the member that may have a
> bearing on worthiness.


Wings Wrote:
Richard, the funny thing about this request:

1. Our "children" were adults with their own children on the 2nd request.

2. We had a joint custody with no child support to either party when our children were minors.

3, Of course there was immorality, and it was on church records due to my exH's two "courts of LUV", one SWK was involved in. He was disfellowshipped. Twice. Both prior to our final papers issued for the divorce.



RPackham Wrote:
The ex-spouse is also
> asked for his/her feelings about the proposed
> marriage (although I have no idea why that should
> be relevant, or what bearing it has on whether
> permission is granted or not).

Wings Wrote:
I have no idea what feelings I would/should have about a man I divorced 25 years prior.


RPackham Wrote:
> Many ex-spouses think that they can refuse
> permission, but they are not being asked for their
> permission.


Wings Wrote:
You are most correct. It is strange to be a 50 something year old person, divorced from a marriage that lasted a few years 25 years prior, and have this letter regarding your ex-spouse pop in your post box. Many people would never know where the ex-spouse of 25 years divorced is located, let alone what they are doing in their personal life. If two people divorce...they likely will not have terribly positive things to report.

RPackham Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It is church procedure, when a divorced member
> wants to remarry in the temple, that the church
> contacts the ex-spouse and informs him/her. The
> church also asks for any pertinent information the
> ex-spouse may have (child support current? any
> immorality? etc.) about the member that may have a
> bearing on worthiness. The ex-spouse is also
> asked for his/her feelings about the proposed
> marriage (although I have no idea why that should
> be relevant, or what bearing it has on whether
> permission is granted or not).
>

I wonder what would happen if someone were to write the "bishop" and tell him that the ex hasn't paid child support, alimony, etc., and that if the temple marriage WERE to go through that the one being asked for the OK would go to the media and expose the cult for the hypocrisy it does when it comes to this sort of thing.

Has anyone ever told a "bishop" that the ex has never paid child support/alimony/etc.? Has it ever stopped a new temple wedding from happening?

Yes, they do delay temple sealings because of child support issues, probably because of legal issues. I wrote back to the bishop saying that I have no problem with my ex-husband getting sealed in the temple to his new wife, but that he owes $2000 back pay for child support, which he is supposed to pay off when he gets his tax return this year. The temple sealing hasn't happened yet.
My only problem with his sealing to his new wife is that I can't get them to cancel his temple sealing to me - I mentioned that in the letter too, that I'm not comfortable with the celestial polygamy. Oh well, it's all nonsense anyway.

Richard is describing exactly what happened when my ex-husband wanted to get re-married in the temple. I gave my information honestly. Yes, he owed me back child support, No. I had no objection (not that it mattered anyhow.) I had not been excommunicated and was still technically a member. So, technically it would be a form a eternal polygamy for him. I had remarried since, but was inactive due to historical/doctrinal problems I found with the church. I didn't for a moment believe that the temple ceremonies meant a thing, so had not petitioned for cancellation of sealings.

I replied to the Bishop who wrote me even though I knew he could get married without my approval and did not care if he did.

OMG!!!
That happened to me too! about 8 or 9 years ago.

I thought,
why do they need my permission??

Just get married already.

Yep, same thing. I never figured it was a permission issue, just whether there were any problems that might need to be ironed out before the new marriage. I listed the problems, in 1,2,3 order. Fired off my response. Felt great to get it off my chest! Never made any difference to the morgs in the big white buildings, but no matter.

...
that is the sound of my jaw hitting the ground....


I have never heard about this..

(but somehow it doesn't surprise me)...

oh ...
wow....

Before I resigned I checked into getting my sealing disolved between my ex and I. One of thier requirements was that they would have to request her feedback on the issue, in writing. Silly shit for sure. A couple months later I resigned without requesting feedback, which also cancels all of thier bullshit requirements.

If I do ever get a request for feedback regarding my ex wanting to be sealed I will sue them because I made it clear I would do so if they ever contacted me again via official channels. Stupis cult.

When I received the letter from my former Bishop informing me that my ex was seeking a "cancellation of sealing" in order to re-marry in the temple, I didn't have any problem with it. I didn't divorce her with the thought of having any strings attached.

However, in my letter back to the Bishop I questioned HOW she would be able to marry in the temple. I sited a few of the temple interview questions and pointed out that there was NO WAY she was in compliance. I wrote of how she had emptied and stolen the money in the kid's savings accounts (around $5000) without any intention of re-paying, of how in our divorce agreement I provided her with $4000 to re-pay a loan to my father which she never did (pocketed the money), and of how she made false statements to the court in order to secure more cash out of the divorce.

My hope was that the Bishop would demand restitution for her victims from her before granting her permission to marry in the temple. Yeah...right. Like that was going to happen. She was married in the temple a month later. My kids are still wondering if they will ever see the money that she stole from them.

Not long after my ex re-married, my daughter had an interview with the Bishop. She asked him how, in light of the letter I sent him, her mother was able to secure a temple recommend and be married in the temple. The Bishop responded that since I was no longer an active member of the church, whatever I had to say carried no credibility.

Oh well...just another example of members of the church rejecting truth. A big THANK YOU to that Bishop though. His actions and example only helped strengthen my ex-mo testimony.

Yes, I did it twice. I am not mean, they, the morg are. How insulting for my xwives to grabble at my feet for permission. Another cult reflection of how they do not value females.

A friend of mine was sealed to a new husband yesterday, and I was trying to figure out how she could be getting sealed in the temple when her first temple marriage produced 6 children. I was trying to figure out how she managed to get a temple divorce.

Have they changed the rules now, where all she needed was the ex's permission?

The woman requests a sealing "cancellation" if she is divorced and wants to be sealed to a new spouse for eternity. Women who are active and worthy per the LDS bunch, are usually granted sealing cancellation from the old boy....to be eternally sealed to the new boy.

The children have a birthright blessing. They are BIC and remain sealed to the mother and the father, regardless of whom the parents float around in eternity with. LDS.org has this info if you care to fact check this.

Men, on the other hand....can be sealed to multiple women, as is my exH. They get a sealing "clearance" to take another eternal wife. Only one wife can be legally married under to the man for time (life), but he can divorce multiple times, or become a widower, take more wives for his eternal harem ;)

My situation had a fun little twist- my wife was a widow when I married her. We were told not to even request permission to be sealed after we were married. So my own kids were BIC with her previous husband (and I was left out in the cold). After several years she asked for a cancellation and was told that she needed to ask permission from her previous in laws.... which she felt uncomfortable doing so she delayed for years. Finally she did it and guess what? They said no! Go figure, I guess I can see their side but what a stupid mess. Eventually (after 15 years) they cancelled the previous sealing and I was allowed be sealed to my wife and MY OWN KIDS. But we were not allowed to invite anyone to the ceremony or tell anyone. This was the beginning of the end for me. I can't believe I put up with this crap for so long.

In my case, RPackham has it right. When I got my ex's bishop's letter, I responded with my position and reasons, and listing my concerns. I really didn't want to be sealed with her, but I said that I opposed it (because I knew that she wanted the cancellation - I'll screw with that bitch's mind any chance I can).

Months later, I received a letter from a 70, informing me that the 1st presidency has cancelled the sealing. I wrote back and asked why it had occurred when I didn't give my permission. The 70 replied - very bluntly - that my "permission" was not solicited, nor was it required, and that I should seek the spirit to help me accept the 1st presidency's decision - because it was "inspired by the Lord."

The original cancellation letter had also stated that they had reviewed information from out priesthood leaders in making their decision. I asked the SP if he was ever asked about me, and he said 'no.' I asked, can a woman just request this cancellation, and it'll be granted, no matter what? And he said, "Pretty much, yes."

She's a TBM, and does whatever they say, no matter what damage it did to our family and her children (and her behavior did damage them), but they lose her because she acts the way they want her to.

The 'church' is a bunch of idiot robots who pretend that they're doing something important. ...assholes...

Correction:

but they CHOSE her because she acts the way they want her to.

Wow. When I was younger, everyone I know who requested a sealing cancellation was denied it.

wow, that is freaky.

Just want to know if this is normal?

My brother (TBM) got divorced from his wife who was cheating on him. He asked for the sealing to be cancelled since he didn't want her for eternity. His BP and SP told him that they would not process his request for cancellation because "he was responsible for exwife in the hereafter and IF they cancelled the sealing she could not gain her eternal blessings."

They then told him the only way they would cancel the original sealing was if "ExWife was to get married in the temple again, so her new husband would be responsible for her eternal blessings"

Yes, that's pretty much why I can't get a cancellation of the sealing to my ex-husband. Except they never said anything about him being responsible for me - to me that seems to be going a little too far. How can they hold him responsible for her blessings when she cheated on him and they aren't married any more? Hopefully this gives your brother a wake-up call to realize how ridiculous the Church system is.
When I asked for a cancellation, they just told me that they don't want to deny me the "sealing blessings". The policy is that a woman can't have her sealing canceled unless she is getting remarried in the temple. Apparently the explanation for why the policy is that way, depends on the individual bishop.

THEY MAKE IT UP AS THEY GO!

DH received a letter from the 1st presidency requesting temple sealing cancellation from his ex-wife. DH did not write back, but instead spoke to BP while at church the next week. DH asked BP why he received the letter in the 1st place - was it possible that ex-wife was remarrying? BP said "No, ex-wife was not planning to remarry, just really wanted the temple sealing cancelled."

(Coincidentally, the cancellation request came shortly after ex-wife received a petition to modify alimony from my DH!)

Two weeks later, DH received a letter stating the temple sealing had been cancelled. He really doesn't care; however, after reading the comments on this thread, we are of the opinion that mormon ecclesiastical leaders are HOT DOGGING these cancellations on an individual basis.

Doctrinally, the wife covenants with the husband in the temple, NOT GOD. The old rule of thumb was that a woman could not receive a temple divorce until she was remarrying another man in the temple. Otherwise she would be "LOST." It is clear that they make this BS up as they go.

When my ex wanted to get remarried shortly after she left me (for reasons she couldn't define). I recieved a letter from her Bish asking my feelings, etc.

In my letter to her bish I pointed out the fact that she couldn't give any reasons for ending our marriage, and she'd also admitted to me that she was largely influended by her (evil) mother to be single with her (her mother had divorced a couple months before we did and was always nagging on my ex to go out and help her meet guys).

A week after my letter I got frantic phone calls from my ex and her mother freaking out because what I'd written in my letter made it so she couldn't get married on their hurried schedule. So it appeared to me that the letter did carry some weight, but likely would only delay the remarriage IMO.

After my ex and the evil MIL began begging and begging for a few days, I agreed to write a follow up letter to the bish that didn't make my ex look as bad. But in exchange she signed a Quit Claim form on our house giving up and rights to future profits from its sale. I didn't have many moves in that battle, but that one saved me over $60K.

I used to freak out because I was the only member in my family and I was not married, so I wasn't sealed to anyone. Now I'm grateful that it's one less complication in my life.

The church would not grant my husband his request to be "unsealed" from his ex, so he resigned from the church. HOORAY!!!

Of course, we're still waiting to receive the FINAL confirmation letter that it has been done.

this is Obviously a case of Smoke & Mirrors (as is the Whole Temple thingee).
No Comments or remarks can save this-these situations.

control Control CONTROL

Child support - yes, this will delay the temple marriage to new spouse, but here is my questions:

1. What if you were married and now divorced to some lunatic that you did not want contact with and had the no contact legalized? Now the church is going around and contacting the lunatic, giving them your info? Unlikely when there are children involved, but could happen specially in abusive cases where no kids were involved. Here you are a molly mo wanting to remarry, now lunatic ex has your info.

2. If you are the ex and also ex mo, does the little letter you get not specifically tell you that 'all blessings and seallings have been revoked, and that you are jeopardizing your eternal salvation', so why are they asking for any permission and/or letting you know anything? What is the point?

Any thoughts?

My ex divorced me because I would not re-join the mormons and take her through the temple. Several years later she found "Mr Temple". She kept me posted and I wished her luck. Just after she went through the big house I got a letter from the mormons stating that she was now sealed to another man for time and eternity. If I ever wanted to go through the temple,,I would have to explain to the mormons,,why we divorced. I guess I was cast into the darkness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2011 07:36PM by unworthy.

My ex-husband wanted to get remarried in the temple two weeks after our divorce was final. The only problem was that he hadn't paid any child support. I got the letter and wrote back that I'd sell him a temple divorce for $1 when all the child support was paid and the youngest child turned 18. I haven't heard from him about it since .... 15 years ago. :)

When my ex-wife asked me to write a letter granting her permission to marry her next eternal victim I told her I didn't recognize the validity of the entire process. I wouldn't comment either way. No letter was written.

A few weeks later I recieved a letter from the three big wigs (First Presidency) stating that after reviewing my ex-wife's case permission was granted for her to re-marry in the temple. I think they figured out that I was a bad ass. They also invited me back into the fold.

Yea, right!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2011 11:27PM by travis.

Women have no authoritative standing in the Church. Everything they do has to be sanctioned by a male. You were the presiding male as far as Mormon God is concerned therefore you still had the authority to grant or not.

It really does get complicated - all the little rules of the LDS afterlife. So many "if-then" statements. They need to make some algorithms so that members can get straight answers.

Greetings to the OP!!

Haven't seen you around for...maybe four years or so???

;)

P.S. I'm soon off to a distant library sale, and I won't be back for several hours. Glad I had this completely unexpected opportunity now to say "Hi!" to one of the long-time stalwarts of exmormondom.

At least you got a form to fill out. I was asked to write a letter. For a number of reasons, my letter didn't get sent in a timely manner and one Saturday morning the bishop of my Ex showed up at my door. My Ex lives about forty miles from me, so I'm assuming that the bishop had other reasons to be in the South end of the Sale Lake valley. I told the bishop that my Ex didn't owe me any money and as far as I was concerned he could do whatever he wanted to do. I haven't heard anything more about this issue.

I understand that this is a legal issue for TSCC, but if I had been a young heartbroken ex-wife, whose former spouse was wishing to be sealed to the woman who broke up her marriage, it would have been very painful to have the issue dealt with in such a cold business like manner.

If you are female, you are, in a sense, giving permission for your Ex to take an additional eternal wife. I had resigned from TSCC by the time this happened, but if it had happened two years earlier, it would have brought up an issue that I had shoved to the back of my shelf.

My ex has never asked. She has become disillusioned with TSCC and no longer really cares, apparently. I guess I have two wives now, according to the wingnut TSCC theology.

My TBM ex-husband and I were never "sealed" in the temple, so if he managed to get a TR to have that type of wedding, nobody's contacted me about it. I probably would have ignored such a thing, since as an uppity woman who filed the divorce paperwork, they don't care what I say, they would allow him to get "sealed." We never had any children, so there was no way I could claim he owed back child support, and we were both poor college students at the time of the marriage and divorce, so there was no alimony either. Another reason they probably won't contact me either way is that I resigned my membership shortly before that divorce was final.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2014 11:56AM by adoylelb.