My next door neighbor is a nice guy. always asking if I need help. he knows about my ex, etc. hav been laid up with a bad foot for 3 months and I have a very lazy 17 year od son.

so he talked me into letting him do a winter fertilize on my yeard. Then he told me a couple weeks ago he is bringing 5 young men and they are going to clean up yard, rake, cut some suckers from trees, etc.

Well, I am ok with it. He knows how I feel about the church. He is just a niceguy. So I told my son because of course he should be here to help. oh no, he had a shit fit about it and he is not here and he said he won't be here.

Makes me mad. Embarrassing too. But I need it done. my son said the other day I have brothers we will do it. you have never said anything about it (bullshit). S

I will admit I still feel strange about it a bit. got them bottles of water and some cookies. it will be quick with that many of them depending on how much they screw around. I have a small yard.

I imagine you feel awkward about this, but hey, you get your yard taken care of and they get to feel good about doing a service project. It's nice of you to provide drinks and cookies. Prepare yourself for an invitation to church when they finish.

DH is inactive, I am an apostate. We are both pretty badly disabled.

The mishies have been angels to us. My DH drove them to the local Toys R Us with very strict, written-out orders for the thing our grandson wanted for his birthday, and the money to buy it. While DH, unable to walk far, remained in the car with a book, the mishies had a BALL in the toy store, finally emerging with the coveted toy (which was a HUGE hit with grandson.)

They have done yard work for us on P-day when they could wear grungy clothes. DH always provides food for them, and usually insists on paying them the going minimum-wage rate for the time they spent. They always try to refuse payment, but my DH insists that it would not be ethical to have them do all this work and not be paid, and the last thing DH would want is to not treat them ethically.

The three of them - DH and the mishies - have struck up a sincere friendship, because DH also loves to talk Mormon religion with them. I am certain that they would donate their labor as "service,"but SH feels it is only fair to pay them.

While I still loathe the church they represent, these kids have been a real blessing to us.

I'm actually really glad you're getting some benefit from the Missionaries and they're getting the benefit of doing real service instead of hassling people! It's a good thing.

As an RM, I can tell you that I LIVED for people like you whilst on my mission!
I remember the LAM's (less active members) in my areas more than my "successes".
I wished we spent more than a few hours a week doing these service projects.

The next time the missionaries come by to convert me and ask if there is anything they can do for me, I may let them mow my lawn so they can have the joy of helping out. I usually tell them I'm an apostate and know more about the church than they do. That's when they ask if they can help me out in any way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/29/2014 05:54PM by michaelc1945.

Whew!! I am worn out!!! I was out there the whole time and started doing stuff before they got here. It ended up being 3 17 year olds, only one I knew, and then 4 men, only the neighbor I knew.

It was awkward but then neighbors wife came out so I talked o her. My foot, well it is bad. I feel like I need to crack a joint or smthing cause it hurts but of course I cant do that, too many plates and screws.

But they got a lot done. Less than they wanted but more than I expected. Plus they are going to get a truck to go to the dump and take some stuff. that is going to be really great for me!!

No one asked about church, no mention of it. Talked to the boys about football, my son used to play with two of them.

Worth it though. Still plenty for my own son to do.

I didn't swear or anything:)

And what a good neighbor you have..........very nice.

I wish my Dad's ward (he's 96 and lives alone) would do more for him.......although he'd probably say NO.

His ward seems to have distanced themselves from him.....I guess he has the home teachers but that's about it.

Don't feel guilty.
Take all the help you are offered.

KJ/AnonyMs

Your dad is the cool, fit looking guy I've seen pictures of, right? If we're talking the same person, I thought he looked very young for his age.

YES....Cludgie. My Dad looks younger and healthier than 96.
But I know he is alone a lot.....and would enjoy more interaction with ward members.....maybe an invitation to a family dinner.....or a offer to see "The Mormons" or a community activity......

AND I yes, I feel guilty.....I wish I could do more for him...
but I don't live close. I'm miles away.

KJ/AnonyMs

I saw that picture of him raking leaves in dress clothes and flip-flops. When you said he was 96, I was really floored. Just couldn't believe it. He looked a combination of cool, fit, well-dressed, informed, and young-minded.

The whole situation strikes me as religion at its best. There are good people out there--even in TSCC!

Don't confuse these service projects as "religion." The missionaries are in such a horrendously structured life that an opportunity to use their muscles outdoors and have non-religious talk with normal people, with good food, is a treat.

Also, don't forget how many years it would take at current hourly rates for yardwork for the church to pay you back for all the tithing money you gave them.

Always be kind to missionaries, I say, they are cult victims too.



Kathleen Waters

LDS folks will say they did it because of their religion.
LDS critics will say they did it in spite of their religion.

It's just a matter of perspective. As opposed as I am to TSCC, I will give them credit when it seems appropriate, and that seems to be the case here.

Give your son a hug and let him know that getting this work done was for you. Don't hold him not helping much over his head. He probably feels like this was a big thing to show what a lazy butt he is and that strangers are better than he.

Give him a hug and say "Man I'm glad they did that work for us"

"us" is important.

Be patient with him. You don't know what's really going on in his mind.

I had a son that was similar. Four years later he is getting it. Relationship is far better and he has become a very thoughtful and more helpful person.

Your kid won't help but he still expects to eat at your table?

Been a dad for many years now...you're in a tough situation and I'm sorry. Most teens are lazy and they don't like lecturing - so I don't lecture. In order to motivate my teens, I have to identify my leverage with them, i.e. cell phone, especially. They're expected to obey simple rules and do simple chores everyday, and if they don't I use my leverage. Only you know what your leverage is. I understand why he may be uncomfortable around the mishies. That doesn't mean he can't do something in the days leading up to their visit - if that truly is his beef. He may be confused and think he's the boss of your home. You have leverage somewhere. Works for me. I rarely even raise my voice. If a chore or task isn't done, I just ask them if they did it, shrug my shoulders, walk off, and say whatever. Then I hear a shreek a few minutes later when they realize their phone is shut off for 24 hours. It doesn't bother me. If they want it turned back on, they better do the chore (still grounded for 24 hours though).

How do you shut off their phone?

I don't know..my wife gets on the computer and does it.