I want to resign. How can I do it without letting anyone know and without hurting any feelings?
I live with my extremely TBM parents and want to stop attending church without offending them. How can I do this?
The bishop wants me to come in and talk about my disbelief. I don't want to go in but I don't dare say no.
The mormons come by all the time even though I left the church decades ago. When will they get the message that I'm not going back? I've been taking the high road by letting them in and giving them refreshments to show them that exmos are nice guys.
The missionaries won't leave me alone! They're such nice guys and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but they come by once or twice a week and think I'll join their church and I'm sick and tired of it. How can I make them stay away without disappointing them?
The answer to all of these questions is "You just can't get there from here."
Grownups have to take responsibility in life. When we find ourselves in awkward situations, we have to face up and be clear about our boundaries. Others might feel temorarily daunted, but that's life. If they're hateful, vengeful, or unreasonable, it means thry're not someone who has the depth and maturity to take up our time and energy.
Being an adult means you can get there from here but it might be difficult, might even ruffle feathers. Anything worth having is worth effort.
Something that helped me was the realization that the only authority church leaders have is the authority I (or anyone else) give them. The missionaries, the bishop, priesthood leaders, General Authorities, they're all just ordinary guys with made up titles in a bogus church. Once I realized that it was much easier for me to get from there to here.
Normally I'd bolster your keen insights with one of my "I AM the King" posts, but I'm currently de-toxing from perusing the Packer Love Fest over on Facebook.
Reading that stuff sure makes it easy to understand why its so difficult for folks to break the spell and think for themselves. Mormons truly are brainwashed!
Jeez, I can't believe I once thought like that! Glad it didn't last long!
a lot of years ago. The city slicker couple up in Vermont for the weekend is pictured hopefully listening to the farmer leaning on his shovel. He is saying, "You can't get there from here."
That was funny!
But, Cheryl, you are right. And another thing... con men and controllers of all types rely on people's natural desire to avoid making a scene, or not hurting someone's feelings, as if your own feelings don't matter to you.
When I realized that my family loved the church more than it did me, I was done with them and learned friends can be more satisfying than family because you can choose who your friends are but you can't choose your family.
I started making my own Articles of Faith (Hey, it worked for Joe) and my number 4 is "You can't save Mormons". It's a waste of time thinking of what to say, when to say it, how to say it. Nothing gets through to them and it's better to give up and accept that. And keep your eyes for the Mormons who have a crack in their armor or who are actively casting around for answers to their questions. Those you have a chance of helping. The others are as blind as bats.
Mormons often lack a basic understanding of normal social boundaries and exploit the average person's desire to be "nice" by overstepping and intruding where they aren't wanted.
Then when their target is fed up and pushes back, the Mormons get into a huff about how rudely they were treated when they only meant well.
When it clicked for me that I no longer cared that my bishop, ward members, friends, family, etc., knew that I was no longer a TBM, it was like gaining this new-found superpower that I was anxious to try out :)
The bishop wanted to meet with me so I went and he told me that he knew I still believed. So I disabused him of that notion firmly and without any nervousness. I was in the driver's seat.
I'm sure my mom and step-dad were disappointed internally but they told me they understood that everyone has to find their own path in life. One of my sisters, however, sent me a "testimony letter" and about how disappointed she was that I had chosen to follow Satan instead of Heavenly Father. Whoah, whoah, whoah, there... hang on a second Sis, it's not like I've gone over to the dark side :) But I had no problems telling her that my research of Mormon history and doctrine led me to an inescapable conclusion...that it was a fraud.
And all of this is coming from a guy who used to be a TBM who would sneak out to McDonalds to bring back something to eat once in a while on Sunday evenings and sneak it inside in a backpack to avoid being seen breaking the sabbath by neighbors. Glad I "got a life"!
Mormonism can be a nice little cocoon where as long as you go along you never need to have uncomfortable confrontations. You never have to learn conflict management skills. And you can grow up believing it's the end of the f#/*ing world when someone is mad at you for having a dissenting opinion. You might feel like you're going to die just because someone is disappointed with you. That's not how it works out in the land of the mentally healthy.
In short, Mormons can grow up to be emotional wimps. The church trains it into them in so many ways, because it's in the church's interest to have members believe they'll be hated and abandoned by everyone they care about if they ever stand up for themselves.