We've been out of the church over a year, and recently a very nice man from our old ward passed away. We just couldn't see ourselves setting foot in the church again...or YET. Can anyone relate? Should we have risen above our repulsion? I really have no desire to EVER go into an LDS chapel again, for any reason.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2011 01:18PM by freegirl10.

And it is NOT your fault.

I can totally relate. Recently a lady from my old ward died. She had lots of musical talent and even sang in the Tabernacle choir for awhile. I knew some of the people that were going to perform at her funeral and knew it would be a good funeral overall. However, I just could not go and sit through the plan of salvation and hear her kids be told they better straighten up there lives if they want to see her again..etc.etc.. Just couldn't do it...

without the sacrament. When someone dies, mormons get to attend another been-there-done-that meeting presided over by priesthood leaders who each feel an obligation to talk about how important mormonism is... and make sure the "meeting" is run under Sacrament meeting guidelines.

I usually try to attend and/or make condolences in some other way than the prescribed mormon way.

Grief is personal and private and only control freaks try to tell you the "one true way" to deal with loss. You did what was right for you. Your dead friend isn't harmed by your absence. Don't accept any guilt trips -- you know how you feel and it's no one else's business.

The cards could mention some fond memories that you have of him.

too much stress. a possible ambush, or a setback in your recovery.

No one else can tell you when or if you should ever go back into that traumatic environment.

I've only been to one LDS funeral, it was for retired co-worker and friend. He wasn't LDS but his wife is.

It's the only funeral I've attended that didn't center around the deceased. I felt it was recruiting seminar to sign up new members for the LDS church.

Dave was one of the finest human beings I've ever met, he had great adventures in life and a vast repitor of interest. Rebuilding a hotrod in his basements, with a plan to remodel his house so he could get it out. Trapping beavers, fishing, road races, land surveyor.

None of this mentioned, only testimony on how great the BOM is and how it's all so correct.

I actually felt sorry for his family, no testimony from friends on his life. So sad.

I haven't been active in over 15 years. The first years, it was difficult to ever attend funerals. Last year, I attended a relative's funeral and the only thing that bothered me about that was all the talk of the plan of salvation.

The one I went to on Friday--a guy in the neighborhood who my ex and I knew fairly well. We also know the current bishop well (and we chose to resign through this bishop who has handled it EXTREMELY WELL)--the funeral had a little bit of the plan of salvation, but the MAJORITY OF IT was about the man who died. The bishop was his friend--and he talked about their experiences together.

This was the easiest mormon funeral I've attended since I went inactive. It is always rather bizarre to go back to the chapel where my ex and I were a "young family"--I think it was his first time back there in probably that 15 years and it was really mind-bending just in terms of deja vu--but not the funeral.

It can be VERY traumatic (as it has been for me in the past) to go back in an LDS chapel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2011 03:00PM by cl2.

Makes sense to me.

I attended two Mormon funerals in September, 2008, less than a week apart.

I was wearing pants and I have double piercings in my ears.

I REALLY stood out, needless to say.

Both funerals took my breath away. Not in a good way. I found myself feeling claustrophobic and it felt as though the air was being sucked from the room. Particularly when the plan-of-salvation pitch started. I had forgotten that part, that that is what happens at these funerals. I got light-headed; my stomach knotted up.

I had just forgotten how awful they are.

I hate them so much. The funerals. The empty-faced believers.

Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You were thinking of those people who would talk about you and you were thinking of the lecture you would hear them give instead of them talking about the deceased. I think you made a wise choice. And now you can remember him as you recall. What could be nicer.