Or did you just feel guilty about it? Or did you not conduct FHE and (like me) NOT feel guilty about it?

I think I/we were like many families: We first tried to do it, but couldn't keep up with it and finally just did not care. After all, the kids hated it because it was having yet another hour of church in the week. And truly, it was all about indoctrination.

When I was a kid we did. As I got older and after marriage we never did FHE.

A TBM I know does FHE and tried to include his grown-a$$ children -- one of which was married and had a family.

He got his feelings hurt when they stopped going.

And did I forget to mention that he made these mandatory? I told him that if you have to make it mandatory, isn't that an admission that they possibly have other things they'd rather do or that maybe they don't want to do FHE at all?

Silence was his response.

Good for his adult kids for not buckling under.

If you try to make you grown up kids jump through hoops, you should get your feelings hurt.

Good morning, cludgie. I used to do a kind of FHE when I was newly baptized and living alone, in my country of origin. It was something like a prayer, a bit of study in a church handbook (I think I started with "achieving a celestial marriage", I was in that phase, and I was really praying to be able to find a companion), singing a hymn, writing a letter to a friend (but too often if was to missionaries) and cooking something special for me.

For a while we had FHE as a branch, still back then in tat town you know. We were just a dozen, including the missionaries, and we would eat something and spend a couple hours together. It was fun, we were all new to the church, with different backgrounds and education and we enjoyed discussing the teachings of the church and the scriptures. It was really fun.

Since I have been here, and married for over 18 years, we have never had a FHE, not with DH and not later with the children. Now, because the children and I don't go to church, DH sorts of force on us a "Bibel Stunde" every Sunday, when he comes back form church freshly brainwashed. We are just reading a chapter from the New Testament, which is OK, it is just the commentary of DH that is extremely boring and ... mormon.

(Wow, cludgie, you get me to post something this long on the board, this is so unusual of me.)

In that context, it sounds quite nice, especially the one about being alone and dedicating a certain amount of time to some free study.

The biggest problem was that it was forced on families with small children, and then husbands dumped the duty on... Er, uh, I mean "delegated" the duty to their wives. And it was another hour of indoctrination during the week, another hour pissed away (forgive me my language) on behalf of the church. I defy you to find something fun in this for your small children. Most LDS parents would rather set their hair on fire than try to hold an hour of FHE.

Just could not do another "Bibel-Stunde" after three hours of it. No way. Sorry you have to endure this.

My mom tried when we were kids. It invariably wound up in a fight. It was not a spiritual experience

Same here. My parents are very TBM, but they gave up on FHE when us kids couldn't stop fighting. They never tried to start it up again and I'm pretty sure they don't feel guilty about it. We still spent lots of time together as a family, it was just game night and movie nights instead of indoctrination nights.

My TBM wife still tries to have FHE. She tries to keep it more like a short family council (not a "gospel" lesson) with an activity and treats. The kids are still very young, so they still enjoy it...not sure how long that will last.

We tried a few times when my kids were growing up. Epic fail.

The worst experience when TBM DH grew up. His mother threw the FHE book at him. There was always fighting and he says it was very boring as his mom would read verbatim from the manual. No refreshments as usual in their house-they ate popcorn for dinner.

I'd say child abuse, but I'm an outsider looking in.

I remember it happening twice. When FHE first started, back in the early 60's?, the first week there was a BofM game that we played...and then for week 2,,,no game...and there was no week 3 in our home.

Ron Burr

We tried when the kids were growing up. The lesson manual was drivel, so we ended up designating one night a week for a fun family activity instead- that was much better ;)

Nah every evening is pretty much FHE around here. We tend to eat together, we often play board games (cards against humanity anyone?) and we love watch tv shows together. I could never use one of the manuals though, we tried using them and that sucked. I figured FHE was more about being together than some silly lessons.

Same here. We did try to do something more "spirichal" on Mondays, but decided "whatever" since we were always doing stuff together anyway.

But no "cards against humanity". The only time we played with the kids around was the first time. Very awkward explaining what some of the cards meant...

I remember as a kid having FHE twice.

The first time in the late 1960's was supposed to be the start of something weekly, but we were "one and done".

The next try was in the mid-1970's when I was a teenager. I wasn't happy because I was missing Monday Night Football. My sisters played a song on the piano, my father (the Bishop) gave a lame lesson, and my mother made cookies. At the end, my father made the mistake of asking if anyone had any concerns to discuss with the family. My mom said "No", my sisters shook their heads, and then it came to me. I said, "Yeah...I have a few things to discuss." I then proceeded to rip everyone in the room and finished by telling them what a crappy family we had. My tirade kind of killed the "spirit of refreshments", so I grabbed a handful of cookies, walked out of the room, and caught the end of the game on TV.

We never had another Family Home Screaming.

didn't you end by singing a song about "love at home!"

great story.

It was all fits and starts in my family growing up.

The fact that they mandate this on Monday night of all things was the worst. It's the first day of the work week, and you've just come off a whole day of Mormoniziing. Most normal folks just can't take that.

Likewise family scripture study was a boom and bust activity as well. By high school dad had become pretty insistent on morning family prayer kneeling in the living room at 7:00 am, which didn't take too long.

There's just all this stuff to get tripped up on, and nobody can do it all. So you feel guilty, and try harder, but it's never enough.

Back in the 60's, our SP gave a talk in Stake Conference about FHE. He said that the biggest controversy in his family about FHE was whether to watch Monday Night Football or the 6 Million Dollar Man.

After that talk, FHE was never again brought up in my family.

Once--because it was an assignment in a Primary class. Uncomfortable, contrived and tiresome. Of course this was way before it became a weekly obligation.

My wife and I had FHE pretty much every week from the time we got married, so our kids have never known any different. Our kids look forward to Family Home Evening each week; the little ones are excited when Monday rolls around. Our oldest is in high school now and sometimes would rather work on homework, but for the most part they all love it.

I left the Church two years ago. We’ve continued to have FHE every Monday. We try to stay on topics that my wife and I both agree on. I still see value in it. This week, the lesson was on proper etiquette when answering or making calls on the phone and when answering the door. We’ve had lessons on financial responsibility, kindness, service, gratitude. I see it as a good opportunity to teach our kids things that will make them better people. Our kids look forward to the activity and treat. I think it helps us strengthen our family relationships.

Here I am—an exmo who in many ways hates the Mormon Church and would love to eradicate it from the lives of my family—and I’m extolling the value of FHE.

Now that I think about it, it is pretty weird that you do this. But this is from a guy who talks baby-talk to his cat. I wouldn't put too much truck into anything I say.

You cludgie big guy talk baby-talk to yor cat?

Seriously, replying to texexmo, I think taking some time during the week, sort of FHE, to talk about those themes - etiquette when answering the phone or the door, financial responsibility, kindness, gratitude, etc. - is a good idea, because those are values, and good manners, that are good anyway, beyond mormonism. One could argue that you don't need to meet "formally" as a family to talk specifically about these things, you can teach kindness, etiquette and other things to your children just going through daily life, but if this kind of FHE works for you and your family, then it is wonderful.

He's just so cute.

I can imagine. We wish so much a cat here, but we have an allergy problem. If I could I would get a cat from the Tierheim, but my favourite would be a blue-grey Certosino (Chartreux?).

We did FHE in fits and spurts. Our kids liked it because we made it fun and had treats, but it was hard to keep up with and we'd have it on average a handful of times a year. And yes, I felt guilty about not doing it every week.

My family did a mixture of fun and spiritual activities for FHE. Sometimes we would go to the movies or play a game, that was awesome. The lessons were boring but at least we were spending time together. My parents had callings, meetings, home teaching, visiting teaching, helping people in the ward, and MORE meetings. Good thing they had to spend time with us Monday nights.

I did Family Home Evening every Monday night and I was quite spectacular at it. I had gobs of kids then (bio, foster, adopted). I used visual aids, hands-on activities, mini-plays, songs, scriptures ... you name it. Oh. And fun dessert. Usually some kind of ice cream.

All of my lessons were pretty generic - usually Jesusy "love thy neighbor" type stuff and not Book of Mormon Stories themes.

The only time things ever really got out of hand was the week one of my Russian daughters arrived in America. I decided to put on a big honkin' broadway type FHE to welcome her to the family. Our theme was the tree of life story from the BOM.

For our set I placed a large tropical plant at the end of the living room filled with twinkle lights. I rigged up a long pole (the iron rod) for the kids to hold onto as they navigated the living room toward the Tree of Life. I created "mists" somehow - I don't remember exactly. It was a very spooky/creepy kind of scene.

Keep in mind my new daughter didn't speak a bit of English and had absolutely no idea what was going on. When I cut the lights as the cue to grab onto the rod so the kids could start making their way to the Tree, all hell broke loose. Really.

There was a squeal, then hysterical laughing, screams, chaos in the dark. A lamp got knocked over. Nobody cooperated and I got pissed. The whole evening ended with me yelling. I'm pretty sure my daughter wished she could return to her orphanage. heh. Welcome to 'merica.

Good times.

;o)

Growing up it was dubbed family fight night. It was my dad's chance to pontificate endlessly and if we squirmed or said anything, the night would turn really ugly. My poor mom changed it to "Family Fun Night". We'd leave the house and do something like roller-skating. My dad refused to participate. It was awesome. I think we ran out of money after about three weeks and the whole thing went away.

DH openly resisted my meager efforts with our own kids. I should have known that church was sh!tty when they guilted my seven year old daughter into trying to run family home evening for my non-compliant hubby and her ADD sister.

The thing about bashing your head into a brick wall, it really does feel better when you stop.

Yes we did, and we still do. The difference now is that we moved it to Sunday and gave it the nickname "Funday" as a huge 'fuck you' to the cult. We use Funday to take our kids to the movies, waterslides, amusement parks, sledding, etc. Oh, and we also got rid of all the stupid mo-shit such as lessons, hymns, and prayers. And guess what? We are closer than ever as a family now-- much more so than when we were brainless TBMs.

Not really. I guess I wasn't as TBM as I thought I was.

Shouldn't we all do a 1970's style "road show" about a classically disastrous Family Home Evening? Maybe at the next Ex-Mormon Foundation Conference.

Sooo many TBMs joke about it being Monday Fight Night! But they carry on regardless. Guys - it's not working!

Ikki and Texexmo's FHE's sound great on the other hand.

The other thing I would add is that if you're teaching your kids stuff that makes obvious sense - be nice to other people and they'll probably be nice to you, go easy on the alcohol or you'll end up face down in the gutter, that kind of thing - you don't need to be hammering it into their heads week after week. The world will reinforce your lessons.

It's only if you're indoctrinating your kids in nonsense that it needs to be constantly reinforced with weekly brainwashing sessions.

The idea is pretty good but they ruined it by setting a day, writing lesson plans and basically correlating everything. Giving some basic guidlines and leting people do what works in their situation would be much better.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2014 12:52PM by bona dea.

although we might have. In my childhood home, we had it once in a great while. My mother would bug my dad to death. He would yell for all of us to come up to FHE. Someone would read the lesson. We'd have a prayer. I always had to play the stupid piano. And we are all miserable every single time we did it.

We were raised by a dad who owned a farm that was 20 miles from our house. We spent more time with our siblings and parents than anyone should have to. We didn't need to have FHE to be together as a family. I'm sure it was to teach us about the lds church, too, but not a one of us learned anything from the few FHE we had.

That was a regular complaint in our house. "But Mom, we already know that. Why do we need to learn it again?" Then there were other problems such as none of us having similar interests, everyone had better things to do and everyone wanting control.

I never could figure out the point of FHE. Mom was a stay at home farm wife and we were home every night back then except for piano lesson and cub/scout nights, so FHE just seemed like an unnecessary and stupid construct.

RB