I was pretty neutral about the LDS faith after I left (in regards to my daughter). I figured if she had friends there and enjoyed herself, sure she could go with her Dad (Still Mormon - knows the issues but says they don't affect him).

But the last few days in light of recent developments, I never want her back in Mormonism again. I apologize to any mormons reading this site, but I think they are purposeless ignorant and that is harmful. She started telling me about how "she believes in Joseph Smith". My daughter is 4 and she is being brain washed.

I'm in panic. I could make her stay home, but she (even at four) will hate me for not letting her go. My husband says i can keep her at home if it is really important to me. Do I force the issue? Or do i let it happen organically and when the sh*t hits the fan, support her as she transitions out?

She is a strong willed child and hates being told what to do. I had always hoped when she hit 10 or so and got bored with it, she would just start staying home with me. But now I am worried that by letting her be subjected to this - brainwashing - she will become a "follow-the-prophet" drone.

I need some advice - what do you do with your children in a part member home?

Could you find a fun activity to do with her during church? You don't have to stay home on Sunday.

My husband and I share a car. However, if this is in the best interest of my daughter, I could figure something out though.

So you are saying, do something fun so she will want to hang out with me. ?

That's exactly what I'm saying. Make going to church seem dull and boring compared to what she could be doing with you.


Do you live somewhere with public transportation? There are lots of fun things you can do on Sunday. Just going to McDonalds and letting her play for an hour would beat going to primary.

Drop your husband off at church so you have a vehicle. Go to the park, a kids museum, make crafts...whatever will entice her to spend some time with you. Until she is out, start asking her questions like, "Why do you believe JS is a prophet?" And other such things to get her thinking.

Primary is actually what helped me get out of TSCC. I was a teacher and I felt like it was total brainwashing. If you tell a 3 year old the same thing week after week, of course they will believe it. Doesn't matter what it is. They don't have any other life experiences to challenge the ideas. Make sure you are challenging them with her.

Joseph Smith was not a prophet but a lair who stole other men's wives and money he was a con man. When we left the church last year our kids were 1, 4 and 6 years old. We told them that they were not telling mommy and daddy the truth and that's why we won't be going to church anymore. The first 2-3 weeks they were upset now over a year later when we drive by our old church building they don't even say anything anymore. On Sundays we got a lot to the zoo or the children's museum or the library.
Yes this is very important the brain washing gets worse. Yes I was one of those brain washed Mormon girls who would not date a guy unless he was lds because I wanted my forever family. Yes I got married in the temple only to find out that it was all a lie save your kids all of this. Yes she is 4 years old yes she is upset. Think about all the tithing money you are saving her. Who knows maybe at age 19 she will want to serve a mission because her freinds are doing it too. The sooner you leave the sooner the brain washing stops.

Thank you for the advice. I wish my husband would leave too because it would be so much... nicer and wonderful and awesome.... for me.

But I need to woman up. I can do this.

Thanks.

Patience. My sweet husband waited for ten years for me to leave the church.

You can do this and you got a very nice husband who says you can keep her home. I am so proud of you for posting on this site :)
feels forbidden doesn't it? Give it time after a while Mormonism looses it's priority. It is a lifestyle change and it is so wonderful for you daughter to stop going to church at age 4 we left when I was in my 30s.

Don't let your daughter be brainwashed into TSCC. Please don't let them kill her spirit. It will happen slowly but surely. Drop your husband off and take her to the zoo, park, museum, anything but TSCC. She will end up preferring that to being bored at church. Please, do this for your daughter. She will be taught that her only worth is if she is to marry young and have lots of babies. Motherhood is great but she needs to make her own choices and not be told that is the only thing she can do to have a fulfilling life.

Repeat after me: I am the parent.

She might throw a fit. Okay. You're the parent. She might throw a fit over having toast tomorrow, too.

She'll be okay. No need to distract her, or explain yourself. It's your decision, not hers. Her decisions are if she wants ponytails or if her pants match her shirt.

Just say no to her (if she even asks). Done.

She's 4. You get to make the call. If she's upset about being told what to do now, what till she starts attending school. People will be telling her what to do all day long.

I second the fun distraction idea. I'd be offering ice cream and her favorite distraction in place of church.At four they are still relatively easy to manipulate into picking what you want. "Hey progeny, do you want to go to church today or do you want to stay home with me and make cookies and play with your doll house today?"

The indoctrination really begins in earnest in Sunbeam class.

"Heavenly Father loves us by giving us temples!"

"Heavenly Father loves us by giving us the prophet!"

Ugh.

She is your child. YOU gave birth to her, not the church. Don't hand her over to the church. My mum let me be raised in the church even though she knew it was sexist and didn't attend herself. I still feel betrayed.

She couldn't attend my temple marriage, but she let me be indoctrinated so it's not my fault.

This is about the age they start telling the kids how wonderful baptism is. How awful it is that some families won't be together forever, etc.

Please rescue her.

They already are. She is talking nonstop about being baptized when she is 8. She doesn't want to - because going underwater scares her. But i can't believe how they start indoctrinating the children as soon as they can talk!

Your husband could drop you and your daughter off at another church (non- denomination) on his way to Mormon church. I bet she will have way more fun there and will forg t about old Joe in no time.

When I left the Mormon church my 2 youngest were 6 and 8. They kept attending,if they wanted to,with their TBM dad for about 6 months. My ds (8) hated going and usually stayed home with me. My dd (6) loved to go because of her friends. I finally decided I did not want them attending at all. The kids and I started going to a non denominational church,and the kids loved it. About 70 min,lots of fun activities for the kids,no sitting with adults in boring Sacrament meeting. My ds actually cried the first day when I went to pick him up from his class. He said,"I sure wish we could go to this church!" This from a kid who hated going to the Mormon church.

So yes,keep your child home with you. Even just playing at home with her is more fun than Sacrament meeting and Primary. I am so glad I pulled my 2 youngest when I did. My 6 year old never seemed to miss anything Mormon,and never talked about it.

Maybe she likes the social aspect of hanging with other kids her age. There are other sunday schools or programs for kids that are creative and fun.

Yes that is the only aspect of church she does like. She loves friends and social situations.

I don't have complete control over her decision, her TBM dad wants her to have the choice to go to Church if she wants. So I think I have to seriously up the fun of "staying home with mom" if I'm going to beat out the social scene at primary.

Perhaps yoou could take turns. On your week take her to do something fun or take her to a less controlling church with a good kids program. I think she will eventually be bored with the Morg. Also see that she has time during the week.with her friends so she doesnt need church as a social outlet.You could also take a non Mormon friend on your Sunday outings



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 03:01PM by bona dea.

You have to think about what religion, in general, and Mormonism, specifically, really is and that is child abuse. Mormonism is child abuse. It is harmful to the development of a child to learn those lies and to submit them to mind control of liars and manipulative people. The guilt that is instilled into children can instill fear, guilt, and nightmares for years.

My daughter attended the Mormon cult due to family and social pressures. My ex-wife and I had left the cult about the time she was born. Years later she told me that she grew up in fear that her parents were going to hell because we had rejected Mormonism. I would never let my child attend that horrible, indoctrinating cult. I wish that I had spent the time to talk to her about it when she was young.

You are the parent and you have a duty to protect your child from abuse. I wish that I had that mindset when my daughter was young. I would have saved her some pain.

Keep you child away from the CULT at ALL costs.

The lady has a TBbM husband who wants the daughter to.have a choice. That does complicate issues.Mixed marriages require some compromise.

"Honey, I know you like to go to church, but I think some of the things they're telling you are not helping you grow up to be the best you can be. Let's start having fun together for that time on Sundays. I can be with you and we can talk about the kinds of ideas that interest you and that I also think are important.

"Help me make a fun list of activities we can do together."

Sample list:

Read and discuss a stack of library books.

Bake special treats.

Enjoy crafts using glue, glitter, paper tape or whatever your daughter likes.

Learn to make those nice woven potholders on the little looms.

Go to the zoo.

Go to the park.

Go for a hike.

Watch a special movie.

Paint with watercolors or tempra.

Make clay pinch pots.

Dress up and go out for a tea party together at Starbucks.

Do a sport or take a dance lesson.

This!

Please, please, please, if your husband isn't going to fight you about not having her go to church get her out while you can. The brainwashing starts so young and the long term damage it will do to her spirit can be stopped.

Honestly at that age hanging out with mommy and having fun will be way better than church. And hopefully the side effect of you and her being out is that your husband will find that he would rather spend his Sundays with his family and maybe just maybe he will get out too.

My husband won't fight me unless my daughter wants to go to church. If she wants to - he will fight me on it and she will go. This is why I can't just say, "i'm the mommy and you can't go." I have to present the choice church or go to "fill in the blank" with mommy - going with mommy has to be a pretty sweet deal to beat out church.

I do hope that if i can get it so every Sunday my daughter and I are doing some fun things, my husband will see that he is wasting his time with the ward, and come join us.

Thank you so much for the list, I'm going to add it to my notes on stuff to do. I'm feeling so much more optimistic, thank you all again.

I'm 62. I can still remember going to church when I was about 3. From there on out I recall a lot of things. I could take you on a blindfolded tour of the two churches I attended before I was 8.

My point is, the longer she goes the more they indoctrinate. I recall the big gold fake BoM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2014 08:04PM by madalice.

One idea that has worked for others in your situation is to take turns with your husband. When it's your turn, take your child to Sunday School at YOUR church, the church of respect and diversity, the Unitarians. There she will hear people describe the beliefs of others as interesting and their rituals beautiful. She will meet children from different walks of life (different races, gay parents, atheists, pagans, and Christians who dislike regimentation). She will have a different experience which she can use in her own mind later on. She can decide for herself if she believes everyone else in the world but LDS beliefs are an "abomination" or that god loves every one of his children.

Or if you are atheist, that spirituality can be different for each person.

The cornerstone to a successful mixed marriage, as described by our successful veteran SuzieQ#1, is MUTUAL RESPECT. This is not what is taught in Primary, rather children are taught that they must "do" something to be with God and their parents after they die. They do not need that fear implanted.

Instead of a mission, start talking to your children about becoming foreign exchange students in high school, so they can live with a family and learn the culture. That is far more respectful than being a salesman for an American religion and pretending you have more "light" than everyone else in the world.

The other thing I like about going to the Unitarian Church as an antidote to Mormon brainwashing is that the appearance of a chapel and the participation of children is familiar, so that your child does not think that the Mormon experience must be "true" because they got goosebumps when the Christmas hymns were sung. The Unitarian church with it's candles and incense and it's freedom to walk around in parades and the explanations of what a procession is - so much richer than the sterile Mormon experience. For heaven's sake, Mormons don't even allow classical music that has enriched the human heart for centuries!

Best of luck to you and please let us know how it goes. We're rooting for you 100%!

Kathleen

This could be a subtle reference to the pagan sun god. I'm serious. There are sun depictions on exterior temple walls. Remember that huge sun stone in Nauvoo?

jesus wants me for a sunbeam

like, not the sun, not the source itself and leaving going pointing away from the source of power

A sunbeam
A sunbeam

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
To shine for him each day

(To shine to work For- sets up merit based worth or worker servant analogy, not peer work team operating expectation to internalize, its a dated programming song)

there may be better programming or conditioning songs which even if they instill the value of work, manage to do so without utilizng a concrete analogy which limits connection to power or source
as a core belief

ask yourself, why, then, do mormons think its "cute" hearing four year olds sing this song- insert bishop into the line, insert any calling or job or imposition that person imposes upon you

It's a programming line