I am quite shocked at how often I read on RFM, and other blogs regarding Mormonism, about spouses (women more frequent it seems) that immediately start talking divorce because their spouse loses their testimony and or quits the church.

Do these people even LOVE their spouse?! Do they even see him as their best friend and lover or just part of some component of the the church's requirements for family and ticket to heaven?

The same goes for things like TBM wives catching their husband looking at porn. Sorry, but guys just like looking at naked girls! Its wired into their brain. Its so weird because these TBM women always start thinking about divorce when spouses have a "problem" with porn.

I love my wife so much and even if there were some serious issue she had, I wouldn't automatically start thinking about divorce. I would try to work through whatever problems we had and try to deal with it. Unless my wife suddenly changed in a VERY DRASTIC way like she turned abusive or refused to end an affair she was having, leaving her would be the LAST thing on my mind.

I understand that finding out your spouse losing their testimony can be traumatic, but COME ON its not like they have changed as a person. Its not like they suddenly become a wife-beating, drunken alcoholic, child molester. In most cases they are the SAME person they married. It just makes me ill to think that these people are so ready to just jump ship when their spouse loses their testimony. Do they have NO FEELINGS for their wife/husband??

I could see spouses thinking of divorce if the church encouraged it for cases like "apostasy" but THE CHURCH DOESN'T EVEN RECOMMEND IT!

It seems so many TBM couples want to find flaws in the other person. You would not belive what some people have told me that caused their divorce. One couple wrote down notes during the week,,,then went over them with the other on the weekend. The mormons set such high standards and if you don't live up to them,,shame,,,shame,,guilt,,guilt. Utah is one of the highest divorce rates in the nation and the highest divorce rate in Utah is Utah County.

ever give speeches about this? About not abandoning the family over apostacy?

I always remember them talking about the broken hearts of the women--how Hinckley had a file of letters written by the women.

What about the men? (and I'm a woman.) What about their broken hearts? (And the children.)

Really, the person is married to the church and the spouse is interchangeable.

The hilarious thing is that in some Orwellian way they say this makes them a "family" church.

I had roommates at BYU who simply wanted a generic returned missionary who would look good standing by her wedding dress who would let her stay home and live in her craft-making, breeding, RS-going world.

Really, how do you have a relationship with someone who has a priority over the marriage? How do you thrive in a marriage that is really a three-way with Jesus/Church? Obviously it works for some people but I would not want religion to be the real basis of my relationships.

"the person is married to the church and the spouse is interchangeable"

this

I had been married 10 years... we were both active TBMs. After a year of study, I no longer believed. She threatened to leave, I pretended, then didn't pretend, became bitter, tried to convince her, went back,left again, tried some more... nine years later, she divorced me. I didn't miss her for even one minute after leaving.

kids who have known they were gay their whole lives finally tell their parents and suddenly they're someone their parents never knew. They are the same kid they knew and loved the day before.

Same with spouses confessing their non-belief. Many of them have been non-believers for many years, in fact, they were also liars and hypocrites for the sake of the marriage. But they finally come clean, are honest, and all of the sudden, they're somebody completely different to their spouse. It's not the non-belief they can't handle, it's the admittance to it.

any more but...........I never heard any stories from the bible that would lead me to think that Jesus would condone this.

"I could see spouses thinking of divorce if the church encouraged it for cases like "apostasy" but THE CHURCH DOESN'T EVEN RECOMMEND IT!"

Really? I'd like to see the reference for that. In my experience - and what I've read many times on this Board - there are many, many church leaders (bishops, SPs) who both ENCOURAGE and ASSIST spouses in dumping/divorcing their "less than TBM" spouses. I'd like to see where the living profits have discouraged such activities.

another guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "I could see spouses thinking of divorce if the
> church encouraged it for cases like "apostasy" but
> THE CHURCH DOESN'T EVEN RECOMMEND IT!"
>
> Really? I'd like to see the reference for that.
> In my experience - and what I've read many times
> on this Board - there are many, many church
> leaders (bishops, SPs) who both ENCOURAGE and
> ASSIST spouses in dumping/divorcing their "less
> than TBM" spouses. I'd like to see where the
> living profits have discouraged such activities.

I'd like to see a reference where the church actually endorses it. I doubt there is. I agree that there's probably been many cases where bishops and SPs have privately and individually encouraged someone's divorce, but where is it officially? Where can we find it in a church publication or in a general authorities talk?

Big fingers and little keys make for acidental post.
The picture I saw in my mind once I realized how well I had been "setup". I was the main course in a spectial dinner. The bishop sat at one end of the table my wife at the other end. The ward council and a few selected others sat on the side. I was the roast pig in the center with an apple in my mouth. If the ward council knows and you know how everyone loves a good story from ward council. That means that at least half the ward or more new I was being divorced for for months before it ever happened and everyone just stood by and watched it happen. That is what sickens me.
I knew things haden't been real well in our marriage but I had no idea my wife was at this stage. My activity was shaky bu I hadn't said I didn't believe.

My husband and I had a lot of problems early in our marriage. I wanted a divorce but when I told my mom she said “ a temple marriage is sacred” and would talk me out of it and tell I couldn’t move back home. Eventually we worked it out so I am glad I was talked out of it now but as soon as my mom found out that he stopped going to church she said I should leave him. I don’t understand how that makes any sense…

I think the church used to recommend divorce, but now they lean more towards the side of trying to stay together. Like everything with TSCC, it's always changing.

When I told the ex about my non-belief, she immediately thought divorce but then changed her mind and we were going to stay together.

Until she talked to her mom, who convinced her that I had become evil and would abuse her. I'm not exaggerating that at all. That's even what my ex MIL told my mother over the phone.