So one of my cousins came in from Idaho and we played basketball with their family. I've always liked this particular cousin and his wife fine enough, but this time was the first since I've left TSCC and I had a completely different experience. I noticed his wife's incredibly fake happiness more than before, I noticed jabs the cousin took at me unnecessarily ("and that was an awful pass" he actually said at one point...really? are you 10? we're just playing pick up ball for fun we're not going for the Larry O'Brian). I also sensed an overall tone of judgment - when they asked what I was doing that I had to leave by 5 I mentioned it was to go to a friend's New Year's gathering at his cabin. The "be safe" that ensued wasn't so much of a sincere piece of advice but rather a kind of judgmental tone "be safe because I've heard you've left the church and I'm sure you'll be drinking you heathen." Ok I'm not 100% sure if that's what he was thinking but it still bugs.

Has anyone else had a perspective shift with others since leaving? I find it kind of surprising, because even as a TBM I was usually pretty good at distinguishing the goober momo's from the cool momo's.

Rather than LD$s current mantra to "Doubt Your Doubts" I would suggest the time honored advise to trust your instincts. You're likely spot on, if not very close to it. But they are still fellowshipping and recreating with you and your family.

By your description there seems to be an enduring bond of love and affection. The jibs and jabs may be more the result of their own growing insecurity, rather than any real negativity toward you. They will surely be watching you with anticipation of having front row seats to the unraveling of your new life without the "protection" of priesthood power. This will be a great opportunity for your TBM family to see that not all exmos are hateful, resentful bonobos ("friendliest" of all primate species) desperate for excessive drink.

You sound like a great guy who could be a safe harbor for family members as questions eventually arise that will not be answered among the devoted. Like I said, you're probably not wrong, but hang in there. You may someday become a lifeline to a loved one in need.

I agree with Hmmm... that it's insecurity that is driving your cousin's behavior. I would respond to each and every jab. For the comment about the "awful pass," you might try lifting an eyebrow and replying, "It's just a friendly game, right?" For the "be safe" comment, you could reply, "Thanks, I always am." Say what's on your mind in a dignified way, and let him know with your responses that you are not going to take what he's dishing out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/02/2015 01:13AM by summer.