Are there any guys here with TBM spouses that left the church before blessing and/or baptizing kids? Things are pretty peaceful at home and with the family right now, but looking ahead, it seems like this might just be the calm before the storm.

My TBM wife is expecting and wants the baby to be blessed in church. She knows I won't be doing it, so she's probably going to ask her father to do it. I want to be supportive of her beliefs to some extent, but the thought of the bishop, grandfathers, and uncles blessing MY child to "grow in the priesthood", serve a mission, marry in the temple, be a good influence for his/her apostate father, etc... makes my blood boil. I don't think I'll be able to stand even being there. It also doesn't help that my non-participation will be a proclamation to the gossipy f@#$ing ward that there's something wrong with me. They won't be thinking, "Oh, he must know the truth about the church", they'll be thinking, "Oh, he must be an abuser, addict, etc..."

My oldest is still a ways away from baptism, but I think the primary brainwashing is just starting to take hold. She's all psyched up about learning the articles of faith, having her own BoM, getting baptized, etc... My wife has agreed to let it be her decision, that we won't pressure her, but she takes plenty of opportunities to talk about Jesus getting baptized, etc... I don't know what to do.

I'd encourage her to wait to be baptized until she has her own spiritual confirmation that the BoM/priesthood/church is true, which she'll never get, but the primary, along with my wife, will just come along and say "Jesus was baptized", "Jesus said you should be baptized when you're 8", "Don't you want to be with your family forever?". I feel like I'm heading into a losing battle.

I think most teens would run from the church if given a genuine opportunity to choose for themselves, but younger children are easily manipulated and I don't want to watch my kids go through this. What's the best course of action here? Do I refuse to let her be baptized? Try to get my wife to allow her to choose for herself once she's 12?...18? Do I share more than just my disbelief...dump the ugly facts about the church on her?

You know, there at the hospital (or wherever...), the first time you hold the baby, you can give a blessing right then and there! It's by the power of the parenthood, a most potent power, which when used judiciously, can have far more effect than la iglesia mormona, and the 'suits' who run it.

Start thinking about what you're going to say. Maybe even write it out, and when the kid reaches the age of accountability (19 for girls, 44 for boys; 50 for the late bloomers), give the now tattered piece of paper to the kid and have a good cry about how much you love each other.

In the words of my immortal girlfriend, "Fuck the church!"

(Later I'll teach you about the Parentriarchal Blessing.)

This is something you guys have to work out together. Obviously, the consensus on this board will be no blessing or baptism, but as much as the children are yours, they're also your wife's. One fundamental thing is how you plan on handling their religious/philosophical upbringing on a day-to-day basis, and not just hashing it out when it comes to baptisms, blessings, ordinations and so on. Honest but respectful communication can never start too early.

I blessed all the kids, and baptized two.

My third child is turning 7 this month. So only a year until his baptism. Which my wife is already talking about, when, where, who will do it. She hasn't asked him if he wants too, it's just a fact of life. Which is why I think baptizing them at 8 is almost as bad as a baby.

Do they really have a choice? yeah...right.


A few months ago my wife started to get upset and was really down. I asked her what was up. She said 'I was just thinking about when it's going to be our son's baptism. And how you won't like that he's doing it, and how its going to cause all kinds of problems.' Then she got mad at me. Not because I agreed with anything she said, not because I got upset at her. But because of something that I will do in 2 years from then. (Well something I will do in her own mind.)

So yeah...I am not looking forward to this. My oldest son will get the priesthood in 2 years, and 2 more kids that get dunked.


I am just waiting for the next issue that my tbm dw will have. It will probably happen before baptism in a year...but I know that will be a big one. Made worse by her father probably being the one to do it, who is currently a bishop.

Teenagers are very vulnerable to peer pressure and tend to discount a parent with differing views.

I've talked to dozens of exmos who joined or became entrenched as teens.

It's far better to start having good communication with them from age three to twelve while they're forming their characters and learning about critical thinking. I suggest you only let them attend with their mother half the time. You take them on outings on alternate Sundays and talk about what you think and learn what they're thinking.

Don't wait and vaguely hope they'll find out the truth on their own. Kids are too important to treat them like a roulette game.

Since Mormon's claim they believe the Bible, show your wife and child that no where in the Bible does it teach you must be baptised at 8. Show them that Jesus was not baptised until he was 30. The "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" should follow Jesus' example and not some rule of man. If your wife says the "prophet" declared it, remind her that Jesus (the creator of the universe) said "Heaven and earth shall pass away, but MY WORD shall NEVER pass away" I for one would think that Jesus' Word certainly trumps some so called prophet. You may not believe in the Bible, I don't know, but if your wife really does then she can't argue with it. Just a suggestion.