After being unofficially out for a year, I'm finally going to send in my resignation letter. It's going to be an annoying-ass process, I already know, but it'll be worth it to not have it hanging over my head when my 18th birthday comes in July. I can't wait to not have this ugly thing be a part of me anymore.

I'm going on a road trip with my mother in a few days, so I think I'll wait until we come home before I do it, just so I can have one last hurrah with my wonderful mom before I throw this tension in the air. So realistically, I probably won't be sending it in until late January/early February. Here's hoping I don't chicken out before then.

(Just in case anyone is wondering, my parents already know about my horrible apostasy and while they're not happy about it, I don't have any fear that they'll kick me out or abuse me in any way after I resign. I'm lucky... when it comes to being born of parents that are brainwashed by a cult, that is.)

So I'm curious to know, what was everyone else's resigning/name removal/whatever-the-hell-we're-calling-it experience like? How long did it take for them to stop bugging you afterward, if they have at all?

I know the morg claims that kids of age eight can decide on their church membership, but that doesn't mean they won't dish out grief if a minor chooses to resign.

Are you quite sure that resigning isn't going to push your TBM parents a step too far? Say maybe making you attend church each week with them or they will not (help)fund your education.

If they are not presently giving you huge hassles about your unbelief, why rock the boat since at 17. You really do need their help for a few years more.

My worry for you is that they may have been going easy on your apostasy because they think you will come back to the church. If you resign, they may see their efforts as having failed and try another approach which is the heavy handed "my way or the highway" approach that all too many mormon parents try on their offspring.

I get that you want out and many posters here may advise you to go full on and damn the consequences. But I say since your parents aren't being dicks right now about your disbelief, why jump in right now to do something that may make your life much harder.

Life is hard without an education and while you can do it on your own, why take on horrendous debt and/or a horrendous work/college schedule when you don't have too.

Plus maybe be staying on good terms with parents and with some contact with mormon community, you may have an opportunity to do some fifth column work with others whose shelf is starting to get too heavy.

Just my thoughts.

I agree with annieg.

Personally I am big on resignation. Unfortunately life is complicated and everyone has their own reasons for and against resigning.

As annieg pointed out and as past stories have proven, parents can react in the opposite manner when all hope of return is made final by the resignation of their family member.

Because you are still in a position to rely on the for support I would recommend to wait until you are independent.

It may be wise to not rock that boat until you are safely on shore.

When you do resign I have a big "Yeah Baby, Yeah!" waiting for you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2015 10:23AM by AmIDarkNow?.

AmIDarkNow? Wrote:
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> It may be wise to not rock that boat until you are
> safely on shore.
>

Sound wisdom there...

Other than your personal peace of mind, there is no reason to resign. If you have any reason not to resign, then postpone it.

1) Once you have left the church, you have left. Other religions drop you from their rolls when they haven't heard from you in a while. It is only Mormon obsession with numbers that keeps them after you. You don't have to beg them to leave, since you already left.

2) They do not actually remove you, just annotate your records that you have left. They used to call it "voluntary excommunication", and while they have changed the name they still consider it the same.

3) There is no guarantee that they will stop bothering.

4) You can resign at any time, so there is no deadline to do so. If it is causing you any grief, put it off.

5) If you risk losing parental support for your education, then do not resign until you are financially independent.

6) The LDS Church can legally expect nothing from you if you remain a member. About 60% of Mormons never go to church, and half of them do not even consider themselves members. 30% of official Mormons are de facto exmos.

7) There is no evidence that they deduct you from their numbers if you do resign.

Go ahead and resign if you think it is important, but do not put your neck out for a symbolic act.

CB,

You're getting some sound advice here. And remember, choosing to resign later rather than now is not chickening out, it's being strategic.

Stay close. You may want additional guidance when it comes time to choose a college to attend, and the conflict with parents that decision might trigger.

You've got good instincts. Build those family relationships. But build them as FAMILY relationships, not as CULT MEMBER relationships. Separate those two despite how hard the cult tries to conflate them.

Best,

JAR

annieg, that's a good point, the idea that my parents might be going easy on me because they think I'll go back someday. That is absolutely what my dad is doing. I realized that a few days ago. The only reason he's so quiet about it is because he thinks I'm just going through a phase and he doesn't want to push me too far. I guess I appreciate his effort to let me figure it out on my own, but it just makes me feel like he's constantly breathing down my neck and waiting for the right moment to pounce. For that reason and a few others, I really don't worry about losing my relationship with my dad. We don't have one anyway.

Losing my relationship with my mom, however, is the worst thing I can think of, but I don't think it will happen over this. She's just not that kind of person. She's made it clear that her love for me is, truly, unconditional and she lets me breathe and gives me room to think/make decisions for myself. She's really the most incredible person I've ever met.

Also about the college fund thing, I definitely don't have to worry about that because they didn't set aside a single penny for me to go, nor do they have that kind of money laying around, so either way I'll have to go it alone with that. And again, I am absolutely positive they would never kick me out over this. My dad would probably think about it, but there's absolutely no shot in hell my mom would let that happen. She would sooner leave him than betray any of her kids.

But dammit, all of you are right. Despite the fact that I really don't think resigning will indefinitely change my relationship with my parents, it would definitely make things even more stressful for a while and I don't know why I thought I could handle that. I'm already a mess right now. I'm glad I posted here before I sent that letter in. I need to stop trying to make decisions at nighttime when I'm dead tired.