I had no warning the question would come up, so when it was asked, I had to figure out all by myself that lying was my better option. I've never regretted it.
After all, as long as I wasn't bearing false witness against my neighbor....
I have to know, since I haven't interviewed with a bishop since I was 18: Do single adults get asked the masturbation questions, or is it just a youth thing?
I swear the church is gonna catch serious flak for this some day and they will just go back to asking people if they've kept the law of chastity
I was asked it ALWAYS sometimes directky and open sometimes "hidden" - also for other sexual activities. Once I was dating a guy and Bishoprick asked how far we went I said thats none of his business he said it is his business and claimed I must have a secret when I react that sassy He then asked me if the guy had touched my boobies with clothes or without clothes .... I asked him how he touches his wife - with or without cloths? He said my question is way inappropriate vut still didn't get his lesson and continued if I masturbate. I asked him if he had sex with his wife and how often he is getting laid. He got drooling mad abiut my 'inappropriate questions' and behavior and yelled at me. 'Whaymt is wrobg with you girl?" I just said: Bishoprick you say I am inappropriate by asking you this questions but it is okay for you to ask me a single woman about my sexuality AFTER I said I keep the LoC as given in the temple? This is very inappropriate. Not only that you are after some stories you also implement that I am dishonest in my answer. He never asked me this question again. In the next Interwiev he looked on the floor and nealy whispered if I keep the LoC as given in the temple and thats all. I was 23 at this time and a recent RSM . I had my last Temple Interview last year different bishop and I'm 8 years older but that doesn't make a difference. He asked me if I masturbate. We are nearly in the same age -"he is 7 yrs older than me.
When he asks if you masturbate, ask him if he masturbated as a kid. If he says no or stages a power-play---"I'm asking the questions not you" make d#@# good and sure that you say "no" to the question.
Or,---just like the "Just say No" drugs ad campaign,--- say no to the bishop pervert asking questions that are none of his business.
Boys in the Church are taught to lie at a young age. If you tell the truth and admit to masturbating then you have to continue to counsel with the Lords annointed on the subject. Since the vast majority of boys can't masturbating (nor should they) then they find it more practical to lie rather than face a weekly inquisition into how they are continuing to sin.
A few months ago I saw an old friend from my TBM days and this subject came up. I told him I hopes that YM/YW were not being asked this anymore. He said they were and, recognizing that YM will masterbate, proudly told me that he had instructed his two boys lie to the bishop when asked. Bizarre that he wasn't at all concerned that the question was being asked and sad that he told his kids to lie. He was quite proud of this. It seemed he wanted to show me how much of a progressive TBM he was.
To each their own I suppose. I am so glad my kids don't have to deal with this stupidity.
Well, about that, here is the back story. And it is a sad story in my opinion.
My parents didn't really care much about some of us later kids. I've never really felt a lot of love from them and I am a later kid. But they were strict and strictly Mormon.
So my brother just before me I believe has confused my parent's Mormonism in their behavior for love. He is a most indoctrinated Mormon. He affirmed his masturbation to the bishop and embarrassed my mother so she told me that if I was asked to lie about it.
I was asked and I lied. But I had decided to long before my mother's commandment.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2015 11:52AM by Elder Berry.
Must have been nice. That whole think really fucked me up for a long time. I believed the spirit would tell my bishop I was lying. I get anxiety, and when I lied about it once or twice, I honestly thought I was doomed to hell and had to call the bishop and set an appointment to confess so I could function normally again.
As recently as 3 years ago, My wife and I (both in our mid 30's) were called in for a bishop meeting, while he went on a fishing expedition to find things to hold over our heads. Amoung calling us bad parents and other things to shame us into returning to church. Broke my shelf, and put a few cracks in the wifes it ulimately worked but took a year but and she is now full TBM (STUPID CULT).
One of the questions he asked me is if I had a problem with porn. I told him I did not (I remember thinking its a good thing he didn't ask if I watched or enjoyed porn.)
Maybe it is because I am female, or maybe it is because I live in the Bible Belt south instead of inside the Morridor,
but I was born and raised in TSCC and was active for over a half of a century -- temple marriage and all -- and at NO TIME in all of those years did a Bishop ask me anything more than a simple "Are you living the law of chastity?"
When I answered YES (a truthful answer, since I do not consider personal masturbation to be a violation of the law of chastity), he went on to other questions.
Even as a teenager, I was never asked inappropriate sexual questions.
I don't know what I would have done as a teenager, IF I had been asked some of the questions you folks have been asked.
As an adult, I would have politely told my Bishop what he could do with that question ... and it might have hastened my departure from TSCC by many years.
I think the whole process really messed me up. The first time I was asked (probably about 14) I didn't know what the word even meant.
By the time I hit puberty a year or so later, if a girl just looked at me I would get an erection. I was in such an indoctrinated TBM environment that I thought there must be something horrifically wrong with me that I could not go cold turkey. I could last maybe a week or so and that was it, I felt like my balls were going to explode. Somehow I once lasted about a month. My LDS leaders made it seem as if it were the sin next to murder to masturbate. My LDS friends denied ever masturbating. But I suspected they were lying.
This truly messed me up for a long time. I lied to get through interviews and rationalized it in my head. I felt like a liar and a pervert.
Same here... The first time I was interviewed by my Branch President, I didn't even know what masturbation was. It was one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever had as that warped old fart kept prying at the issue while I sat there oblivious to what in the hell I was talking about.
I'm proud to say that when I served as a Branch Prez., I would limit my question to something along the lines of "Do you keep yourself morally clean?". In spite of repeated counsel by the Stake Prez. to get specific in our worthiness interviews, I never wanted one of those kids to suffer the same humiliation that I did so I kept my own counsel and did as I damned well pleased on this matter.
On second thought... I guess that I should feel ashamed for even that much. Damn this stickin' cult for teaching us to shame our kids this way while all the while teaching us to excuse and acecept JS' and Briggy's sh#t that was of the kind that would make Bob Gucionne blush!
is this a question I have to worry about them asking my 12 year old when he goes for his baptism for the dead interview??! He's going I a few days (not by my choice) and I can't remember if they ask that this young?
^ Yes. That's a TR worthiness interview and depending upon the person doing the interview, the direct question may very well be asked.
The TR worthiness interview follows a script that contain a number of questions that must be answered to the satisfaction of the interviewer (Bishop/Branch Prez.). They may just follow the script and accept yes/no answers or they may "drill down" if they feel "inspired" to do so.
Another idea is to insist you be allowed to be present during the interview, that will make the bishop feel awkward and most likely won't probe beyond saying do you keep the law of chastity.
my convert hubby & I were both very f-ed up from our time in Mormonism. I was raised Mormon and female sexuality was never acknowledged, and I had all the standard lessons about "chewed gum" "eaten cookie" etc and I had plenty of guilt about masturbating, and knew how evil it was from overhearing the lessons given to the YM.
My DH wasn't even LDS for that long, about a decade, but they really did a number on him, he struggled so much with normal sexuality, he spent so much time worrying, guilt, self-hatred.
In my singles ward most of the guys were nice but we had a few that would talk about our one divorced member (who had a child) that "she's nice but I'd never marry her, she's been ridden before."
After we found our way out of the LDS faith, I remember we talked about masturbating and our sex life and my poor hubby burst into tears. He was so messed up from his time, I just held him and told him I loved him and noone was going to intrude into our sex lives ever again. We vowed then & there to protect our children from people who try to control their sexuality.
I was completely blindsided by the "mstrbtn interview" at my deacon worthiness interview when I was 11... about to turn 12... I wish so much that my TBM parents had prepared me for that... I told the bishop I didn't know what that meant... so he proceeded to tell me... while telling me, I started to realize that I was absolutely guilty of it and had never even considered in my mind that it was "wrong"... I remember vividly starting to blush and sweat all over my body, until I finally remember confessing to the Bishop... crying as I spoke that I had no idea it was a "sin"... I can't even think back on this without getting very emotional and angry and I am now 47 years old. To this day I consider it an instance of abuse... mentally and physically I had every reaction like I was being abused... and that is what I consider it to be when a Bishop asks this question. As I grew older I realized it was all a fraud... but, the reason I very-much dislike the Mormon church and what it represents flows from this experience in my childhood, and the way it messed with my development and my mind. I have gone on long enough, thanks for reading.
Interesting how in the "real world" outside of any influence of Mormonism...masturbation doesn't even rate as a ho-hum topic of discussion or conversation amongst normal human beings.
Not only that, but if my (Episcopal) priest started asking twelve-year-olds if they masturbated, he'd end up facing some sort of legal charges. That is so far beyond appropriate when I see the subject come (ha!) up here, I have to say - this DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE NORMAL WORLD. People are ARRESTED for asking minors these sorts of questions.
I can see the "are you living the LoC" question being okay, but anything beyond that is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG and the fact that most Mormons seem to be OK with it is so far beyond weird to me that I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it.
Please know that this SHOULD NOT HAPPEN. EVER. And if it did to a kid of mine I would be off to the police SO FAST!
And yes I know all-caps is yelling online but this infuriates me. Sexual abuse isn't just physical touching!
Well, my mother believes in keeping up Mormon appearances of having a good Celestial family through deception while I believe she actually believes she is good enough to go to the Celestial Kingdom and thinks she will get there some day.