the thing that you have always loved doing for pretty much all your life, the thing that makes you happy and fulfilled, the thing that defines you, you can no longer do?

Maybe you're too old, or too tired, too sick, too poor, too busy, or you just don't feel the same way about it as you used too.

You've invested in this thing; your money, your time, your energy, your education, your talent, what do you do now?

'Something's lost and something's gained, in living every day.'

Maybe that's why I diversify what I like to do. So far I don't have any one thing like that, except maybe playing music on my trapezoidal instrument. But I'm not wonderful, anyway, so if something happened and I couldn't play, not that many people would lose out and I'd have an excuse why I didn't play any more.

I do greatly admire eating. If I couldn't eat I'd be in an awful way.

I feel that it's important, Moose, that you know that you totally cracked me up with this one. Good you, mate!!

I shouldn't make light of an important topic, but it's my nature.

I'm glad you enjoyed it but I hope others will "see through" me and address the OP.

I turn 70 next month. I've been averaging three days a week since 1984 playing golf. This week I'll be playing all five week days. I love the game. There's a majesty to it, with its complex formality, its etiquette... and always, the tumult of emotion, both the highs and lows.

Once, while NOT on vacation Bill M. and I played eight days in a row. He and I also played 3-1/2 rounds, 63 holes of golf, in one day, at Painted Desert, in Las Vegas, a couple of years after it opened. We've played longer than our respective marriages lasted.

I'm very aware that one day my body will say, "no more!" Intellectually, I'm prepared for that day. I'm a voracious reader, I'm a chatterbox on the internet, I'm in love with a great woman ...I have a cat...

But another part of me says, "I hope when I'm 84, and I have a 56 foot curling downhill putt, that I hit right on the line to the hole, and when it falls in the cup, my fellow competitors look back to where I was standing to offer congratulations, only to see me ascending to the heavens in the beverage cart, driven by my 84 year old girl friend, whom by then I will have convinced to marry me. That would be a good way to go!

"I have a cat."

I am sooooooooooooo allergic!

Elder OldDog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But another part of me says, "I hope when I'm 84,
> and I have a 56 foot curling downhill putt, that I
> hit right on the line to the hole, and when it
> falls in the cup, my fellow competitors look back
> to where I was standing to offer congratulations,
> only to see me ascending to the heavens in the
> beverage cart, driven by my 84 year old girl
> friend, whom by then I will have convinced to
> marry me. That would be a good way to go!

Just remember...when you get married...and most especially since it's not going to be a temple wedding...you have to invite all of us!!!

Right???

:D :D :D

I suppose it depends on what it is. My life has been filled with Times and Seasons when what I loved was paramount in my life, out of choice or necessity, but that is not so for my whole life. I've changed what I loved and what I enjoyed doing many times in my life. Sometimes it was forced on me, other times, it was my choice. I tried something new and different.
My life now is filled with what I love and enjoy. It's different from 20 or 30 or 50 years ago. . Some are similar, but not exactly the same. I can make changes, seem to do it naturally. I just keep moving along, doing different things sometimes repeating something I loved to do in the past.
What do you do now? If it were me, I'd take a break and find something else that interests me.

Masturbate?

I miss playing music gigs for knockout young crowds. Just can’t put in the effort anymore to keep up the requirements the ‘scene’ expects from you to be in with all the hottest players in town. Don’t like moving all the gear, driving rain or shine, putting up with club owner politics. I really am tired of some of the people you have to deal with in the clubs, the bar scene. I’ve even avoided playing my pianos and singing in the house lately because it makes me think of memories that just make me miss it. Then I think about why I’ve backed off from getting out there and doing it. Then I am confused, and just close the piano and walk away from it. Then I think, “wow, am I in another round of reclusive depression?” Maybe ever since my dad died and my family blew up completely, but that was years ago now? The music thing went slowly down hill after that, for sure. But I was just getting back into playing again, what happened?

Ya, sure do miss performing music with a killer band. Don’t know what to do about it.

Do you mean like that?

Don't know, give it time I guess. Maybe it'll come back. I miss the music, just not everything else.

What about private house gigs? Some artists do that by generating interest through YouTube videos, twitter and facebook. It'd give you a chance to perform without the club scene. :-)

Yes, I was at a friends over christmas and we had a musician gathering, it was fun. Trouble is, when you aren't even in to it around the house ...you know your inspiration has faded. I used to play everyday for hours, just because I loved it. That's the issue. I have been here before though, it's just scary when it happens. When it happened once before, I quit playing for over a decade and just got a whole other life. I'm getting older now, so it is scary to see the inspiration dry up once again. I'm kind of angry too that it was triggered by my dysfunctional father dying. It definitely tripped me when I was just getting back into the game ...so I backed out ...again. Family issues was what tripped me up the last time too.

Dammit, I going to quit being a wuss. I'm going to play a little tomorrow. Tick, tick, tick ...life is passing! Maybe this thread is the push I needed to write it out and look at how silly I'm being. Having a talent and just stuffing it away. RfM to the rescue ... save me from myself ... :)

Wow, I can relate more than you realise. In my case it was a dysfunctional mother. I've also been down that road of losing the love for something. It's hard when the desire leaves especially if so much of how you self identify is wrapped up in it.

Speaking from a place of regret---don't give up on your gifts.:-)

Thanks sassypants. And sorry for bombarding your thread winegirl. But %^$#. I’m totally triggering right now. Almost melting down. Everytime in my life that I got something good going, my nasty family has stepped in and &*^% my head up and thrown me off my game. It’s what they do. I’m ashamed of it too, because I’m not a young person anymore. Far from it. But it stems from the deep abuse from my childhood and WHACK …they mess my head up. It’s soooo annoying. I’ve cut them from my life completely since this recent round of ^&*&%, but it still leaves me holding the pieces. %&&^

Melting down over here …going to pour a rum …and I’m not even much of a a drinker anymore. I want a normal life!!!!!!!

what kind of music?

I’ve played everything over my life. Jazz (one of my favs, it’s where I started), to country, to pop, to musical theatre, to work with the philharmonic …everything. I went wherever they paid me, and when they paid me a lot … I was there early. LOL

The last thing I was doing (until my melt down) was a classic rock show at a popular indy-club each week on Sundays after the touring acts came through on Friday and Saturday. We did a classic rock show … Supertramp, Southern Rock, mixture of heavy and lite stuff. I particularly favoured doing lot’s of pink-floyd …we did a whole set of Floyd, and the kids really seemed to like that old band. The place levitated sometimes if a few hundred people were there. Thanks for asking thingsithink. :)

Say goodbye.
Enjoy the other things you love.
Try new things.

Realize that you are much more than the things you have done in your past.
Find a new friend.
Help something or someone grow.
Be brave.
Give yourself permission to cry. And laugh.
Do something you did as a child: swing or fingerpaint or have a lollipop.
Breathe.

I had to give up playing the trumpet, flying small airplanes and gliders, and travel on anything more expensive than the bus!
Now I have a new group of people who love books, and sailing.
doors close, doors open.

librarian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> doors close, doors open.

Yes...and sometimes you find that the thing you are transitioning FROM, is the step you needed to get to the thing you are transitioning TO.

This is a real life situation for most people in the entertainment industry...and regardless of how old they are (this is a child actor through character actor problem), or how long they have been an important-in-some-way presence in the industry (they've qualified for their guild's retirement plan, even if they can't yet legally drink liquor---or they've run the gamut of roles from child actor to great-grandparent, and come out the other side wondering what life had in store for them now).

I have seen some amazing transformations of life and interests...from Tippi Hedren, who went from star-of-Hitchcock-films, etc. to owner of an animal rescue for lions, tigers, ligers, etc. ...to people like Ed Begley, Jr. who went from highly-respected actor to producer of eco-conscious cleaning products...not to mention Suzanne Somers, who went from on-screen ditz to expert authority on anti-aging.

You take the totality of where you've been and what you've accomplished and what you have learned about yourself, and use that as your base for the next chapter (or volume) of your life.

It's going on every single day within the entertainment industry...and it's always possible to look "back" and see the straight line...even when those people, living their lives, saw only the most indistinct, and jumbled in confusion, line ahead of them.

One step leads to another...and sooner than you know, you have a whole new life---if that is what you want.

EDITED TO ADD: I'm going to give a muchly deserved plug to Shambala (Tippi Hedren's big cat rescue in Acton, California): http://www.shambala.org Tippi was once one of the top female actors in the industry, and when she "retired," THIS is what she created...out of absolutely NOTHING but some high-desert land in Acton (which is between L.A.'s San Fernando Valley and the Antelope Valley).



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2015 10:40PM by tevai.

Really well said tevai! Sometimes, if you can honestly no longer do what you once loved, there are other things that will take it's place or segue into. :-)

sassypants Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Really well said tevai! Sometimes, if you can
> honestly no longer do what you once loved, there
> are other things that will take it's place or
> segue into. :-)

Thank you, sassypants!!!

:D :D :D

Find something else to do. Meditate, study Buddhism or advaita vedanta, become absorbed in the silent now, get ready for the next step.

Grieve, and find a new love.

In my younger years, I was a piano major in college. Now because of steroid injections, chemo, and arthritis, I can nor longer play.

I now listen to great artists play and follow along with my scores. I marvel at the talent and creative genius behind the music.

I hope you can find happiness through experiencing that which gave you pleasure and a sense of self in a new form. The Boner.

I have collected historical 18" dolls for years, and have enjoyed sewing costumes for them. I can't sit for hours at the sewing machine any more - my back absolutely tortures me if I try more than maybe 15 minutes at a time. And you probably know, with sewing, once you finish one part, you are itching to get on to the next one. . .it's very hard to stop.

Now I resort to buying cute outfits from the doll company if I want to vary their wardrobes. I find some cute stuff on eBay, too.

I have also been a freelance writer for decades. Now, I have to set a timer - can't take more than 15 minutes at a time on my computer, or my back will require heavy doses of narcotics.

And the same applies to walking or hiking. I can't be on my feet for very long, or my back and hips will cause unbelievable pain. I have doctors checking into this now. One said I needed my hips replaced. When I got a second opinion, he said, "You do NOT need a hip replacement. You have fantastic range of motion, your hips don't grind or click when they are moved. . .I don't know what the problem is. But I love mysteries, and I'm going to solve this one."

The one thing I can do without pain is READ. And that, I can do for hours. I have to change positions frequently, and I sometimes even resort to audiobooks (which are more likely to put me to sleep!) But books are my salvation.

It hurts to think that the travel plans DH and I have had forever will probably not be realized, because of my mobility issues. . .but maybe with the money we have put aside for that, we can get the house redone. Heaven knows it could stand it. But I do shed the occasional tear at not seeing Europe again.

You are all such wonderful, kind, insightful, interesting people. Thanks for all the good advice and life lessons.

What is it you love doing, and why can you no longer do it? Is it a health situation?

I'll be 67 in June and there are a few things I'd like to do more of. Trap shooting is my passion but it's expensive to I've put that on hold indefinitely, along with finishing my truck project ('72 Chevrolet). I used to enjoy golf but my bad knees and back put a stop to that too. Got new knees but it's not worth injuring my back for anything. So I enjoy having coffee with my friends, visiting my grandchildren as often as we can (they're 300 miles away) and taking care of my farm yard and home. I also love photography and have good cameras and digital photography is cheap.

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2015 11:38PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

That question is right around the corner for me as well. My work is my passion and when I loose the income I will have very little money to fund a new passion. I'm sixty seven and all of my clients are close to my age. One just hung up her shoes this year and the others could be close behind. I'm not sure that I will appeal to a younger crowd, so my business might just disappear one old dancer at a time.

I love to read, so maybe I can take a book to a new spot every day.

Maybe something like that will work for you.

Getting old stinks. At least for me since I still have 2 kids at home. But they certainly keep me young. I've really learned to enjoy board games with them.

And as long as I have my books...I'm more than good.

wine country girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> the thing that you have always loved doing for
> pretty much all your life, the thing that makes
> you happy and fulfilled, the thing that defines
> you, you can no longer do?
>

The term is: Reinvent yourself. Never too old or tired.

You adapt and adjust. There are certain, rather demanding sports that I have loved that I will likely never be able to do again. I had dreamed of doing them into my old age. So that is a dream that I have had to let go of.

A few years ago I was recovering from a severe injury. I was laid up for about four months. Everything was difficult. It took huge chunks of my day just to bathe, change my clothes, or cook a meal. Nevertheless, much to my surprise, I mostly enjoyed those four months. That period of time taught me that you can be happy even under very restricted circumstances.