Posted by:
shannon
(
)
Date: February 05, 2015 10:26AM
I haven't had sex for the last 15 years of my 22-year marriage. No real explanation was ever given except that my husband held a grudge for some perceived wrong early on in the marriage. Additionally, he has OFTEN told me he wasn't attracted to me (I am a very pretty woman with normal flaws, aging but still attractive).
I am dead certain he is not/has not acted on his homosexual desires during the marriage ... BECAUSE the church mindfucked him so badly that he won't allow himself to act on those desires. They are deeply suppressed, but it hasn't always been that way. He had a number of gay encounters in his 20's (one that I've always known about and several others that have surfaced over the years). In fact, he was excommunicated just before his mission to Belgium for confessing to his Bishop that he had sex with his girlfriend AND a guy(s).
One encounter seems to have been a watershed event in his life. As he was having sex with another man, he had some kind of religious/moral experience. He kept hearing in his mind, "This is WRONG. This is WRONG!! I think that he decided at that moment to "be straight" and I was eventually part of that plan. After marrying me he was able to be rebaptized, go to the Temple, and be sealed to our children - which is a HUGE big damn deal in his GA-related family.
He had many, many female sexual experiences before our marriage, but nothing ever lasted very long. He cuts women off as soon as they make him angry. He also stopped having sex with his first wife after she pissed him off (see the pattern here?).
However, the one thing that doesn't square up with my theory is my husband's constant sexual talk and dirty jokes about hot women. It's beyond obnoxious and so crazy-embarrassing. He has no shame in ogling women in public and making disgusting sexual comments about them right to my face. Any porn I've ever discovered over the years has been straight. He's in the hospital now so I've been able to get into his emails and comb his internet history ... plenty of girl porn but absolutely no gay porn, not even a lone pop-up.
I was a cheerleader in high school, a sorority girl in college, and a party girl in my 20's (obviously not a Mormon yet). I've had plenty of sexual experiences with both straight men AND gay men who had not come out yet. There is a palpable difference in the sex. My husband's performance in bed falls on the side of the gay men. I always attributed his reticence and awkwardness to being Mormon.
I have so many questions now. I've researched this thing obsessively for weeks. I feel fairly certain that I'm right and with his partial admission last night I'm even more secure in my belief. But a couple of things don't add up so I need my gay friends on the board to enlighten me.
My first and biggest question:
Why would a gay man watch straight porn and ONLY straight porn???
;o)
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2015 10:34AM by shannon.