TL;DR without nursery/ward, I don't know how to get my two-year-old any socialization.

My little girl loves nursery. She is no further along in the church than "Jesus Wants me for a Sunbeam" and Graham crackers, and these are things I don't really mind so much.

I only recently found out that there were full-on lessons in Nursery, and I'm still deciding whether that level of "indoctrination" is okay. (in quotes because she's two, and I can't imagine they're teaching much beyond "share.")

Anyway, we don't go to church much anymore. I'm pretty disaffected and my wife...who knows? She's in a weird spot where she knows that the prophets act for the good of media relations, but still wants a relationship with God through religion "you want someone to preach to you? You want religion, do you?"

I include this so that you can understand that socialization for my little girl is the primary (heh) thing keeping us in. We've just moved far away from our hometowns (Utah) and where we once had cousins to visit and aunts' houses to stay in, now we have no social infrastructure (except for the one that "missed us at church").

Without nursery, and without a local crowd of a thousand newlywed couples with tiny kids, where do normal people's kids go to meet each other? We could really use the help---my little girl gets sat down in front of the TV a lot, and the only company she has is her poor mother who watches her 5-days a week (an I help on the weekends). It's not good for her, it's not good for us, and it puts a ton of pressure on me to go to elders' quorum (I'd rather eat my own kidney).

thanks in advance for your input.

You have lots of options. You can try to form or find playgroups in your area. You can send her to preschool. You could try other churches, like UU, that won't indoctrinate her. You could take her to classes. I know an Italian school here that teaches children. She could go to art classes, swimming lessons, etc. designed for toddlers and preschoolers. Take her to story time at the public library. The children's librarian may also know of other activities for her.

Think about it. Nursery schools, Sunday schools, play groups and early stimulation educational programs have been around and widespread in this culture for only the last few generations. There's no reason to think that they are absolutely necessary for babies.

If your child seems ready for more than normal family life, check your local recreational programs. Most cities and towns have age appropriate little dance, art, cooking, drama and playgroups which cost next to nothing.

Several times a month, Libraries have storytime, poetry and preschool singing and finger-play sessions which are free.

Parks have special areas for very young children to play and experiment with playground equipment and sand while they meet other kiddies in their age group. Typically, there's an area for age three and under, one for four to six year olds, and one for seven to twelve year olds.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2015 07:07PM by Cheryl.

I was nursery leader when the manual changed. The old manual had lessons like, Trees and flowers, and, Sun, Moon and Stars. The new lesson manual had lessons like Joseph Smith was a prophet, and I have a spirit. Try teaching those lovely concepts to an 18 month old.

I'm trying to decide if TV or church nursery would be more harmful to a toddler. I'm going to go with TV. Certainly option C is out there and the best of all.

Axeldc has some fine suggestions, you do have options. However, I’ll add another point of view just to give you some food for thought. These are just my opinions and observation from raising my own two kids.

It’s a tough call. Many people argue about these socialization value judgments the same way they do about politics. Some real contentions exist between what people believe is best for children. Socialization, at two? … hmmm. Should kids be in large groups learning to navigate social hierarchies and becoming little adults by the time they are four years old? Or, should they be traipsing around behind mom at home asking about where ladybugs come from and waving around a stick in the backyard. Good question.

I’m not so much a fan of the baby Einstein crowd myself … and my kids turned out just fine. We actually adjusted our lives to pull them out of daycare when they were young; it turned out to be a bad environment for them. But their grandma was horrified … ‘how will they become socialized’, she would say. ‘How will they learn to share?’ We just found a few acquaintances for the odd play date, and beyond that, they just did what kids have always done throughout history; be kids.

Remember that at Mormon primary they aren’t just eating cookies and singing a harmless song. They are observing attitudes, watching how Mormons treat each others socially, and exposed to lots of things symbolically and subconsciously through observation and osmosis. You will go on a mission. President Monson is the prophet. Mormons are better. Joey’s parents are influenced by Satan … point and stare. You must be temple worthy. No, I wouldn’t want Mormons socializing my kids.

There was only a brief time in human history, right here in America during the post war baby boom of the 50’s and 60’s, when everyone on the street was the same age, the same socio-economic class, and all had kids the same age. We don’t live in such world anymore, and we didn’t before the baby boom either. Kids did just fine. Is a need for socialization at two worth placing them in Mormon primary just to be in a crowd? For me it wouldn’t be. Too damaging I would think.

I was one of those traditional parents who just gave the kids crayons, and toys, spent some time with them, and watched them wave a stick around the backyard hopping about happily. I’m the ‘let kids be kids’ type, even allowing some TV sometimes. My daughter loved ‘the jungle book’ on in the background while she played and listened to the songs, stopping to watch her occasional favorite part. My son didn’t care for TV so much, he liked ‘things’ to play with at all times, so we got him ‘things’. Every day that they didn’t catch fire, or I hadn’t stuffed them into the freezer out of frustration, was a good day.

Others will maybe disagree with my value judgments abut the need to socialize two year olds. However, my kids (teens now) are doing just fine. They actually don’t seem to be suffering from any of the socialization issues that many of their ‘daycare’ peers do seem to struggle with. Go figure … maybe we actually did something right. You do what you can. When they are a little older they can find more activities to join, ours did (dance, scouting, etc).

Anyway, good luck with your quest. They sure don’t come with a manual, do they!

I’ll even step out on a limb and remark that I read one psychologists opinion recently who thought we are living in a society filled with grown youth now suffering from deep abandonment issues as a result of the whole daycare world we’ve recently encountered. Maybe babies and tiny kids belong at home?

Where is that darn manual!

it makes my adult son feel really good to have his son,age four, and nephew, age two, climb all over him while they watch Star Wars on a phone. Best thing for little kids is the patient attention to them by Dad and Mom.
My son was raised in a trailer, tent and Volvo station wagon, and never had any pre school "socialization".
Lots of book reading and outdoor hikes with Hippy Mama.
He is always telling me he loves me very much, so I did something right!
librarian
Reading and posting since 1998

I hear you! We're in the same boat right now. As the current parent of a three and one year old, I agree with you regarding the socialization--although it will be primarily for your wife at this point. If the two of them don't get out, cabin fever and depression will set it. We're living far from family in Utah too and are in SoCal where all of our daughter's friends are TBM. We've stopped going to church, but have managed to hold onto a few play groups. That's what's holding us together at the moment.

We're starting preschool in the fall and will sooner or later need to find some new friends :(

Great advice from the other posters. I suggest checking out a mother's day out program. A lot of churches offer them. My kids liked story time at the library. Try a baby gym class. Part time preschool could be an option. My oldest attended a Montessori school for preschool and thrived. My youngest will start the next school year.

meetup.com

"the only company she has is her poor mother who watches her 5 days a week"

uh, isn't parenting a 24, 7 job? I don't recall getting weekends off or any days off.

I would say enjoy those 5 days a week. Go to the park, run through a sprinkler, make playdoh masterpieces, dig some holes in the garden and plant some flowers, bake some cookies.

Those precious moments together will be gone before you know it.

If you feel the need for your two year old to mingle, try the YMCA, Gymboree, playschools, parent play groups, check out the local parks and rec department..there are a ton of options out there.

Good luck and enjoy!

There is a national organization called M.O.P.S. (Mothers of Preschoolers) It is a Christian organization. That being said, they have interesting programs and guest speakers and crafts. The kids play together under supervision, and the moms get to visit.

Any kind of "mommy and me" group would give your wife and your daughter opportunities to socialize.

Plus activities at local museums, parks, nature centers, etc... geared towards SAHM/Ds, nannies, and other caregivers. Maybe even check a local college's child education program to see if they have days to bring toddlers in for activities.

Mother of three kids in five years.

My experience is that home with mom is fine as far as it goes but kids and moms get bored with each other. I know it's a taboo thing to say but most stay at home moms will admit it. I found that days were more fun if we had an outing and from about two on, kids love being around other kids.

We found a church run Tuesday morning group for moms and kids and as I met more moms, we started to trade kids back and forth as we took turns running errands. Two of those moms are still my closest friends thirty five years later.

My kids as parents are all two career families so their kids have been in day care from a year. Those kids to be doing great too.

I think there are lots of paths to raising good kids. Parents just have to figure out what works best for their lives. happy parents, happy kids.

If you don't want religious indoctrination, it isn't that hard to find alternatives.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2015 09:19PM by annieg.

We did not go to church and we lived in a town where we were new to and did not have friends or family. My little girl, now 5, was extremely well socialized. We took her out all the time. We used the local YMCA, where we took her swimming, or she went to daycare for an hour while I worked out. They also had activities to sign kids up for. Also, I took her to McDonald's play places, the play area at the local mall, and other areas in town where she could play for an hour or so with other kids and I could keep an eye on things. My daughter turned out very well socialized with no church and no daycare and didn't even start doing formal 'play dates' until she was 4.

My husband and I have been raising our kids in a secular environment since birth. When the kids were toddlers, I enrolled them in playgroup and then in a pre-school where they went for 2 years (ages 3 and 4).

I highly recommend both avenues. I especially liked the structure of pre-school. They do age appropriate activities with well trained staff. Research pre-schools in your area and ask what their pedagogy is as well as what they offer. We found a pre-school that also offered Japanese as a second language. Both of my kids continued on with Japanese and my oldest is planning to do a semester of university in Japan.

Good luck!