So, my dad came to my Catholic baptism and confirmation tonight. He left me with a birthday card that said his love for me is terminated. I don't think there is a worse thing he could do, after years of abuse and not seeing him for 5 years. I am so mad that I have been learning in my new religion's bible classes (Catechism) that we should respect our parents and mend relationships. It was his place to mend the relationship, but I did it anyway by inviting him to such a special day. Now that I think back over the years, I think he has somehow ruined every happy thing that happened to me. I'm over it. Now that I had a good cry and used the birthday money (20 bucks) that I suppose is my inheritance on wine, coca-cola and cigarettes. I really am crushed though. Here's the link to my earlier thread: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1552139

Mormons are shit! SO inclusive that they disown their children over RELIGION!!!!

Sad that your Dad is such a doofus; he appears to be sincerely unhappy with his life. My take is that he does love you but his ego and desire to control is the stronger of the two.

Let him stew in his own self-righteous juice. He may think he is harming you, but he is only harming himself.

Let it all go. As the only adult in this situation, you are now free to live your life absent his negativity.

Wow! That was just plain cruel. I would not have anything more to do with him after a stunt like that.

I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing for him to do.

So basically, the only reason he showed up was to ruin your birthday and your baptism.
Hateful and vindictive.

Cut him out of your life for good.
Your father is too destructive to have around.

So he came today just to give you that message? He is a mean and very unkind man. You owe him nothing. You were the one to reach out and he responded but just to be cruel. I would remember any good times you may have had at one time and all the rest just throw it out of your mind. Move on. Do not allow him to put a damper on your new happiness. Just for kicks send him cards on religious holidays that you know Christians celebrate and Mormons don't pay much attention to.

There is something seriously wrong with anybody who would give someone else a birthday card (with money inside nonetheless) that also contains a message terminating their love for the recipient--and the fact that he's your father makes it even more bizarre.

I hope you can get over this shock and be happy with your own life and decisions!

: )

Who writes that in a birthday card to their own child? Just send nothing then. That was cruel.

You know, as much as it hurts to do, you’re better off cutting any emotional cords to this person (I didn’t say father, I said this person.) Just be done with it and walk away from him forever.

I had to do that with my mother person. She disparaged every good moment or achievement in my life as well. And still I held out hope, and tried … for way too many decades. It was pointless, and all it did was sent me reeling into various states of depression every time she did it, which was every time anything good happened to me.

It’s weird how kids hang out hope for the love of their parent, even well into adulthood like I did, for decades and decades. Finally, but way too late, I cut her loose and have no contact with her anymore.

Do yourself a favor, don’t wait as long as I did to pull the ripcord and cut the emotional hope for him. Your better off without him in your life, trust me. I’m so sorry you have a father person like that. No one deserves that. Happy birthday, and congrats on your confirmation.

Hug?

He took the time to come to your baptism and then he gave you a birthday card that said his love for you is terminated? That's one of the most douche-baggish things I've ever heard. To do that to you during a personal celebration? No way. Total dirt baggery, as far as I'm concerned, and yes I'm aware that I'm making up words.

(Ignore. Somehow it posted twice.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2015 02:08AM by Greyfort.

I'm so sorry. That was very cruel and calculated on the part of your father. As a mother myself, I can't begin to comprehend deliberately ruining a special day and/or disowning a child over differing religious beliefs.

You took the high road and did the right thing by including him in on your very special day. Unfortunately, he chose to ruin it for you, just because he could. He has shown his true colors to you and now you are no longer obligated to try to maintain a relationship with the man. Please do your best to let it go and move on with your life - it's the best revenge you can take. Will you be able to meet with your priest tomorrow to discuss the hurt from this deep wound?

You have my deepest sympathy, as I too have sustained many hurts and betrayals by my mother and finally severed all contact with her over five years ago. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so, so sorry. Good for you for following your heart. Some people are just small snd mean no matter how we try and love them

please know that your dad is acting mentally unstable. Don't believe what the card says. Stay a better person and still reach out to him, it will show him what type of person you are. a great person.

For now don't read the card, put it away so you can't find it. after you sort through your emotions you need to try and think about something else.

I know how it feels to be disowned. I have an exmo sister that has disowned the family and extended family, with many TBMs, exmos and no mos combined. We all feel the pain of her doing this to us.

I'm an exmo turned Christian, I ask god to make her like us again. If it doesn't come true, that's okay. At least I tried. sending her gifts and love notes asking how's life been treating her.

I hope your dad will wake up and see that you want to have a relationship. I 'll send good vibes to you!!

If it's any consolation, know that time is on your side. You do not need him, for any reason, but at some point he may well need you as he gets on in years. At that time you'll be in control: you can either resume the relationship on your terms, to the degree that you want; or (my choice) kick him hard in the balls and laugh on your way out.

I disowned my father about 35 years ago because of his complete failure as a father and a man. He didn't much care, because he was getting what he wanted right then, and the consequences be damned. Now, of course, he wants nothing more than to have me acknowledge his existence, but that boat sank a long time ago. He made his choice and now has to live and die with it.

You don't need negative people in your life, especially a parent who is incapable of loving their own child.

My theory about many Mormons is that if they think you won't be with them in heaven, they no longer expend any energy on the relationship. I have seen and experienced this many times with friends and with family. Your baptism meant you rejected your Mormon father because he is Mormonism, going to a different heaven.

I know it doesn't take the pain away, but it is the only way to understand some Mormons. They don't realize they are doing the opposite of what Jesus teaches.

Carefully build a new, supportive family. You will need one. Gather kind, honest people and be kind and honest in return. Baptisms are a rebirth. Start again and bring positive, happy people into your new life. You deserve love.

Send the card back with a note saying on the advice of my Parish priest, I forgive you. But I will never forget what evil you have done to me throughout the years.

Then say I have made a $20 donation in your name to the local Catholic church charity. In that way your name will be known for some good. Which hitherto it has not.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2015 04:51AM by matt.

I like this comment.

Also, stop reaching out to your father- he enjoys rejecting you which is pathetic and pathological.

It is impossible to fix such relationships and you do not need such negativity in your life.

Move on.

Briggy, I am so very sorry,I read your first post yesterday and was so happy for you. I have no words for such meanness, do as Matt said send the card back and tell him you forgive him and then let it be at that, no contact the ball will be in his court. Now is a time to embrace your new faith family and move on.
Welcome home to Rome, :)
Thanks be to God.
Brenda

Wow. What a douchy thing to do. I am so sorry. It is hard and I don't have many answers. You did your part to attempt mend the relationship. It is a two way street. Now it is up to him. I don't think you need to do anything else.

Congratulations on your baptism and confirmation! Welcome home!

Pure evil. Love for ones children is unconditional. My dear Dad would have very harsh words for any father who abandoned his children, for any reason. Dad was a faithful member of the church but love and support for his family came before everything else.

Ron Burr

Well, it could be worse. If you had left moslemism, your dad would have to have killed you. LOL!

The Mormon god's love is definitely conditional and unfortunately, many Mormons take his lead and are that way as well. I'm sure it began with Joseph Smith. I don't think he took too kindly to those who opposed him.

I am so sorry to read this. I had read your earlier post in which expressed your courage in inviting him, your surprise that he accepted, and your hopes for what that might mean in rebuilding a relationship with him

As a Christian (although I am not a Catholic), I totally get how this undermines your desire to mend fences. As a man, I get how this petty and brutal rejection must hurt.

I'd give myself a cooling off period, and then send him a card to this effect:

"Thank you for coming to my baptism. I had hoped that it would lead to a renewed father/son relationship for us. Your card was a reminder that this will not be an easy process. If you ever desire a relationship in the future, please contact me. In the meantime, I will continue to include you in my prayers."

Please do not return his non-love with the same. It will hurt you more than accepting that he is unbalanced. This response puts the burden for future contact on him (since there's really not much point in your being a doormat), but it allows you to follow God's commandment to honor your parents (in this case, through prayer).

I like Tonto's reply. To the OP, I'm so sorry that this happened to you on what otherwise should have been an unspoiled day. What your dad put on the card is very odd considering that he previously stated that religion is a personal choice. If he wants further contact, the onus should be on him.

If you have to act like a trained seal and do exactly what

your Dad wants you to do, then that's not love. Your Dad

is incapable of real love.

He did you a favor, now go live your life without the hateful

creep.

You have my sympathies, and you are not alone. Years ago, my Mormon father said that I disowned him. That way it was my fault and my decision. He's too much a coward to take credit for his own misdeeds. Cheers to you and your future, Brigg. Enjoy the wine.

Love will last forever. (1 Cor 13:8 NLT)

JAR

I think your Father has a hole in his heart and you can't repair it.

There's no other explanation.

I feel sorry for people who develop this disability, so keep in mind he's got a serious abnormality.

You are perfect and you need to remember what it feels like to be healthy & whole and filled with love. You have enough for everyone. I would light a candle for him everyday and ask for his heart to heal.

How awful. Do you think will eventually try to contact you again?

Maybe write him a non-emotional note back (which you may or may not send):

"Your birthday note has given me complete clarity about our relationship. I had thought we could reconcile, but now I realize that it would never work."

Don't tell him he has crushed you. He was obviously TRYING to do that, so don't give him the satisfaction. Don't blame or accuse him, because it will only enrage him and bring more abuse on you (if he responds at all). He's not going to respond like a normal person would. He's not normal.

I don't know if he's going to try to contact you once he realizes you are done, but have a plan as to whether you respond or not. Personally, I think this guy is too abusive to ever have any kind of relationship. But I'm not sure if it's best to officially cut HIM off, or just to remain silent and avoid all contact. But please, at least in your head, rid yourself of the notion of ever having relationship with him. He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment ever again.

This is what I have decided to do. Thanks for the idea.

Your dad doesn't sound like he has any love of Christ inside his body.

Sorry for your loss. His love for you was conditional. God's love for you is not.

You have friends who love you more than that.

Hugs, even though I don't know you personally, I feel your pain.

It's okay to cry and grieve; you didn't ask for your parents. We don't pick our families.

Saying a prayer you find peace and solace through this trial.

I had a great great uncle who was disowned when he became a Mormon, by his parents. That had to suck as well.

I couldn't stop loving my children no matter what religion they may join.

Thanks for all of your support and advice everyone. A good night's sleep helped me. I woke up feeling good that I live in a free country where I am able practice the freedom of religion and that I was able to make this choice to join this new religion that brings me peace. It will help as I deal with the pain my dad has caused me. I feel a lot better after reading this thread too. Thanks!

blood is thicker than water and religion is thicker than blood.

All I can say is congratulations on becoming a Catholic. Now you can dissent, no matter how much people like Bill Donohue of the Catholic League say you can't.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2015 12:56PM by Tristan.