Since I started on this board, I have yet to see such callous cruelty toward a poster asking for help, as was on the earlier thread.

No wonder it was closed. Good job.

Which is less wholesome? Asking for help, or using a keyboard to "spit" on she who asked? Apologies are owed.

Think not?

Isn't the entire purpose of this board about recovery from manipulations of the mind? Am I to understand that if your mind has been manipulated, that you are somehow a lesser person, to be judged unworthy of common decency?

Who here thinks herself so above reproach, that compassion is a mere annoyance?

Others wrote without the slightest understanding, taking the effort to type judgmental assumptions, but not five minutes to look it up first, flippantly keying popular terms of which they had no real understanding.

Maybe it was the dregs of that bigoted lot of manipulated minds, those who flinch at the "L" word. Those who believe apostates unworthy of their concern, or time. The freshness of the bastards at the GC, resurfacing latent hatreds, or worse, latent desires.

Ugly has nothing to do with physical appearance. Neither does beauty.


My apology:________

I understand that this rebuke is not for the vast majority here, and for those gentle ones, I sincerely beg you please ignore it. You are the ones who help, would not intentionally wound another. I'm truly sorry you read it.



For the OP_________

...when I tried to submit this, it had already been closed. I'm so very sorry.♡

Please don't feel obligated to respond. I will hope you see the post, and though sad, I wouldn't blame you if you if you never returned.



___________________

I can completely relate to not trusting that a) you won't be heard, treated or respected as an individual, and b) you will stop feeling the music.

A) I agree. I can see it won't be necessary to go through the myriad of ways in which mental health is so BADLY mismanaged in the U.S. Let's not even touch on the social issues.

It doesn't mean that you have to be on a "starvation diet" for medical assistance. It only means that you have to be highly selective, do your homework, shop as carefully for the right physician as you would shop for your next instrument.

If you go in for your appointment, and she or he doesn't riddle you with questions and tries to prescribe without trying other treatments, you say, "Thank you, but no." get up and walk out.

You know the type of help you're seeking, and are smart enough to find it. To try to go it alone on something so complex and so vital to your life is like trying to be your own attorney on a capital case. It's too too difficult to be objective, so what you are seeking is someone you can trust with your very life.

You don't live without the instrument because you didn't like the first one you saw. Shop 'til you drop. It's bigger than an instrument, bigger than a car or house. Shop like you're doing it for your little girl.

B) Okay. But we aren't there yet. You haven't shopped. Your health may have been mismanaged by a bunch of number-crunchers, but I don't think you've gotten past the fear of those experiences to try again.

I know it hurts, and it's not fair. I know there's anger. I know the complete lack of trust at the carelessness.

...And you're going to MAKE me type "big pharma," aren't you?

But NONE of that warrants denying yourself good, whole-person medical care. It's almost like you're punishing yourself, even though that's the opposite intention. I don't know your resouces, but maybe the best doctor for you isn't in your State.

Maybe the shopping is your next adventure.

It is a goal, and unless you attain it, all else could become so much more difficult, maybe even impossible.

If you haven't read "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Redfield Jamison, please do. It pops right up in Google Play. It's not very long, but she has a voice like yours, very similar concerns. It's her story of finding the balance you seek.

Thank you for your support, but I was not hurt; I was amused. I'm not surprised at all--the admission of a mental health problem in this country is basically a death sentence.

The funny thing is that I DO have a therapist, so all the push to 'get professional help' was ridiculous. 'Seek professional help' becomes the one recourse that people offer, because mental health issues are seen as the one thing that you can still shun (i.e., go somewhere else to get your help; we don't want you here). There is an assumption that anyone with a mental health issue who is seeking their own kind of help is 'avoiding' it; if they're not heavily medicated or keeping mum, then they must be in denial. It also becomes its own answer. If you're wrong and a bipolar person thinks they are right, the other person is allowed to use your disorder as the 'reason' you think you're right; you can't ever simply have an individual opinion or disagree without it being 'because you're bipolar.'

It's also the one topic about which people are allowed to be 100% ignorant (as we saw in the previous thread with saucie) but pretend to know volumes, to diagnose you over the internet and your behavior in an internet forum because of something they saw on Wikipedia once or a class they took in undergrad, and to use words they've basically Googled once, because they have 'known someone whose ex was bipolar' or something similar. It was also assumed that I couldn't be a therapist and was not seeking 'professional' help (which is not a magic wand, by the way...) because I was on the board. I came here for ex-Mormon related support like anyone else. That's all. My therapy is my business and I have a licensed arts therapist and a support group that I've worked with a long time. Medication is not the be-all end-all; please educate yourselves before you assume.

Also, plenty of people with mental health diagnoses are therapists themselves; certain populations of people with mental health disorders are actually more likely to enter the profession than a neurotypical person. Hope everyone knows that when they suggest to others that they seek out a therapist, as if that is a magical solution to 'fix the mentally ill'; you might be getting treated by the very people you stigmatize. It's simply one tool, and no better or worse than any other.

I think what it comes down to is, are you happy, and are you able to function in your day-to-day life? I think it is a great thing that you are aware that you have been using alcohol to self-medicate. I saw a friend go through something similar with ADHD/anxiety/depression. Meds were just inadequate to the task and alcohol was used instead as self-medication. What my friend did that found success was to find balance in her life through good nutrition, rest, familial and social supports, and moderate alcohol intake. Watching her find that balance was an interesting process for me, as I discovered that there is no one correct answer for complex mental health issues.

Good luck to you and do let us know how things proceed.

I am definitely able to function in my everyday life; I have always been, even in the darkest times of my depressive periods. I was actually purposely overly high-achieving (perfect grades, overly busy, lots of side jobs in addition to my education, etc.) in order to avoid dealing with what was going on internally. So it's really about stopping and slowing down and actually finally dealing with how I really feel--which can be painful, especially since Mormon women are taught to shove aside every negative feeling and never fully experience it.

I feel that I've been going through the same process with my job (which is quite difficult, and emotionally trying.) I've tended to wall off my feelings, partly through business and partly in the name of "staying strong." But that has led me to think that I've lost something of myself in the process. So lately I've been trying to be more honest with myself about how I feel about any given situation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2015 12:25PM by summer.

I just reread this and I realized I didn't respond to the real intent of your message; I still had things to say about the previous thread and didn't take time to properly thank you for your compassion and understanding--so, thanks.

The shaming tactics can get old. My personal therapy wasn't part of the question; it was about other ex-Mormons' issues with substances and alcohol when they were suddenly allowed to do whatever they like. But any words related to mental health are deeply polarizing; they are like ticking time bombs--somebody's going to bring them up, and then they always explode. People have very particular ideas about what mental health disorders look like, and unless they are very educated or have them themselves, they're usually wrong. Mental health and body size are two things we're still allowed to be openly derisive about in this country.

Is this regarding porn addiction,same sex attraction, or alcoholism?

I think those are the only forms of mental distress recognized by LDS Inc, and all are from satan.

But there's always a risk of getting unfavorable advice whenever anyone brings a problem to the board. The replies I read didn't seem so cruel. They simply stated an opinion which could be ignored if unhelpful.

I've seen much more abrasive and highly hostile advice over the years. In fact I've received a ton of it myself including language I won't repeat. I'm glad admin is more assertive about deleting the worst of it or perhaps we're in a pleasant lull if this is advice is considered the worst of the worst.

Good luck to anonforthisexmorm who seems smart and capable. I think with effort and insight that this problem will work out well.

I agree that it's not the most hostile thing I've seen on the board; my issue primarily was with being told I shouldn't even be on the board and that 'we as ex-Mormons can't help you with these issues' and told that my question was inappropriate for the board and shouldn't even have been asked, as if I was banned from even being here because of my admission of mental health problems (as if I'm the only one, or my mental health issues aren't partially related to having been raised Mormon?!)--then being told that I was 'acting like an alcoholic and a bipolar person' simply because I defended myself and pointed out the errors in that thinking. It was a no-win situation but it shows some of the stigma that people automatically associate with any sort of mental health issue; you lose your individuality in their eyes and are suddenly a diagnosis, nothing more.

Right, people should feel comfortable in bringing all different kinds of issues to the board. Anything having to do with alcoholic consumption is very much on topic since that is a new area for many exmos.

Best wishes. I read strength, intelligence, and determination in your writing. Take care.

You asked for something to try, so I will recommend Kundalini Yoga. Not just any yoga, not just any meditation regime, … specifically Kundalini Yoga. Below is a link to someone who has focused on bi-polar conditions using Kundalini Yoga, you could email them, or get the book they are recommending.

I started a regular Kundalini Yoga practice quite a few years ago, without any specific expectations in mind. What a surprise when without even expecting it, I looked back one day to realize I had stopped self medicating, and was much less affected by mental health issues that had plagued me throughout my life. I found it to be much more than a replacement or a comforting distraction; I found it to actually be mentally transformative.

I’m sure some will react in horror to this recommendation, but you asked for something outside of mainstream medicine, something along the lines of an activity you could pursue on your own, so I’ll recommend Kundalini Yoga. By the way, I’m a musician too. It was nice to finally be able to play music without needing substances to ‘get me there.’ That’s my recommendation, Kundalini Yoga … there are thousands of singing meditations, and beautiful sung mantras are a huge part of the practice. As a musician, you may enjoy it. Good luck.

http://cureforbipolar.blogspot.ca/

Here’s one of the mantras I enjoy chanting as an example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9OCEfi4Lv0

(But get a good book, there are postures and mudras to accompany the chants, a book can get you going, or find an instructor near you.)

Thank you! I've never heard of this. Looks great!

Here’s a book I used. I have many Kundalini yoga books, but this one focuses on addiction through nutrition and specific meditations. It's an excellent compilation of meditations geared towards addictive behaviors.

http://www.spiritvoyage.com/yoga/Meditations-for-Addictive-Behavior/Mukta-Kaur-Khalsa-phD/BKS-009162.aspx

Other links (one is to one of the meditations in the above book) …

http://www.3ho.org/3ho-lifestyle/health-and-healing/kriya-healing-addictions

http://www.eatlivelife.com/2014/05/22/kundalini-meditation-to-overcome-addictions/

+1 to the suggestion of An Unquiet Mind.

Is one of the only natural things guaranteed to boost your mood and overall well-being. I highly recommend it.

I used to drink a lot more, too. Like every single night and not just a couple of glasses, but enough to get me tipsy, bare minimum.

Part of it was habit, another part was to manage stress/self-medicate, and yet another part was to take the edge off the physical pain I'm in frequently and to help me sleep at night.

5 years ago, I received some pretty serious health scares and realized I needed to make some changes, starting with cutting back on my drinking. To ease the transition, I started drinking Perrier on non drinking nights. So now I keep drinking to the weekends, with the exception of holidays and vacations. I also picked up some new hobbies to keep busy. I work out 5-6 days a week, keep myself busy with projects, and try to manage my pain/sleep issues with exercise and nighttime routines.

Disclaimer: None of this may work for or be applicable for you.

More exercise is definitely in the plan. Seltzer is a good idea--the few routines/habits I have that are consistent tend to be pretty important to me, so it's more the idea that "I now get to relax" than having a drink in my hand after work gives me than the alcohol itself. An alternative is a good idea.