I don't even know why. But I've just been angry lately.

Angry at my parents for not being the type of parents who want a relationship with their kids and grandkids.

Angry at the stupid church for destroying families and making people think they're so much better than everyone else.

Angry at Christians in general who seem to think they are the only ones with the answers and everyone else needs to just do what they're told. This one I know why. People lately have been posting about the upcoming Presidential campaign and how we need to get back to being a Christian nation. How we should go to war with the entire Middle East because they behead Christians and that's just not fair for Christians to be persecuted. Meanwhile, all I constantly read from these same Christians is "The only good Muslim is a dead Muslim." Arrogant a-holes.

I'm angry that there's really no one in my family I can share anything with because I'm a dirty apostate.

I'm angry at how many "friends" have cut off contact with me since I stated on Facebook that I no longer consider myself Christian, let alone Mormon.

Angry that I feel like I can't "share" on Facebook things that I find that so accurately describe what I think about Mormonism, because I know too many who will get all offended and I just don't like confrontation and I don't need the grief. But I guess that's just me being a wuss.

Someone posted a big old baptism announcement, saying their 8 year old made the "choice" to get baptized and how proud they are. I wanted to comment that it certainly wasn't a choice, she's just doing what her parents want her to do. But again, nonconfrontational.

Ugh.

I hear ya. My TBM SIL recently friended me and I could hardly refuse the gesture. So now I am seeing TBM bullcrap. He knows I am a filthy apostate, and I guess he figures I'm not going to get all up in his temple... And I haven't, I've just made "funny" comments when they would fit.

My TBM daughter doesn't use FB that way, so being her 'friend' has never been a problem.

From an old movie:

"Tell them exactly how you feel, let'em have it with both barrels! What's the worst that could happen?

"well, they could form a mob, storm my house and take me out into the back yard and hang me from my kids' swing set..."

"... Oh, yeah..."

I suspect I've hit the angry phase of recovery. My poor, poor husband will be listening to lots of rants, I guess.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2015 11:09PM by siflbiscuit.

It’s ok to be angry. Just feel whatever you need to feel and let it out here on RfM. That’s better than bottling it up inside. When my LDS neighbors take a round out of me, I always find coming here and ranting a bit allows it to flow out of me, instead of when I used to have nobody to express myself to and I just kept it all inside. I certainly can’t express myself to them (the neighbors), I’ve tried that before, and then they just freak out and lay into me ten times harder, and that doesn’t make me feel any better. So I just vent it here whenever I feel I need to.

I do have one thing to comment on about your post, for what it’s worth. You called yourself a wuss for not wanting the confrontation of debating or expressing your views about Mormonism on facebook (I’m assuming to TBM’s who will see it.) I just want to say that avoiding that sort of confrontation doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes avoiding confrontations that are just going to give you grief and stress is a wise choice. After all, you can’t usually change other people’s minds about these sorts of things anyway; that kind of change has to start from within them, probably like how the change in your beliefs likely stemmed from inside your own mind, and not because someone else convinced you to change.

It’s not your job to change how other people think, especially because you usually can’t change how they think anyway … they have to do that for themselves. So I just wanted to say: don’t feel bad about not confronting people. It’s not your duty or obligation. It’s their path to walk, let them walk off the end of a pier if they want to. You just take care of you for now.

:)

P.S. I’m cranky lately at my neighbors too.

(Grrr … punches air … throws neck out … double grrr.)

It's reasonable to be upset that people are treating you like YOU have a problem, when they are being judgemental and hateful.

A couple of things I can suggest:

Have processing journal, where you can brain dump/speed write about your frustrations. Dispose of or burn it later.

Find a safe haven where you can speak your mind. There are some exmo facebook groups that I'm aware of, or maybe you have same live people you can meet with. Or come here.

Find tactful ways to speak your mind to TBMs. (Probably not on facebook). When someone brings up the church, don't just listen silently. Say just enough so they know that if they bring church up, they can expect to hear what you have to say, too. Don't make it too easy for them to bring up the church.

Remember that nobody's reactions are really about you. They are all about defending and protecting their beliefs and avoiding anything that will challenge them. They are usually scared and defensive. If they were secure in their beliefs, they could have a civil conversation with someone holding different opinions.

And as for your parents: It's hard when parents aren't there for you. I don't know your back story on that, but my parents were not the types that could connect emotionally. Not with me, and as far as I could ever see, not even with each other. Some people just don't have it in them. If you have siblings, you might be able to compare notes with them and come to understand your parents. But you can't change them. Sometimes I think people are just missing something emotionally.

Get off Facebook!

A study showed that Facebook depresses people.

It's strange that you should post the exact feelings I had last weekend, when I visited Facebook, after a 5-year absence. I even saw one of those baptism announcements. Yes it made my furious! Why do the Mormons write that the child has "CHOSEN" to be baptized? This is overcompensation. Everyone must know it isn't a choice at all, and also the child has no idea what he/she is getting into.

It was fun to see what old Mormon former friends were doing. These people have been shunning me, ever since I resigned 7 years ago. Still, I was happy for them.

I was tempted to join Facebook again. I could instantly post my Christmas letter, with the photographs, and a few updates, and invite all those Mormon friends and relatives. I could have a social life again! I would no longer be invisible. A "nothing." It was tempting!

There were TBM's who were bankrupt, bragging about their trip to France. Other TBM former neighbors bragged about their new house, and showed photos (wide angle and fish-eye) of it--but I know that they are only renting. You can be anyone you want to be on Facebook! Through selfies, photos, and photoshop, and words, you can live out the life of your dreams, in front of hundreds of people.

I logged out, and went on with my day, working at a pretty good job, cooking a normal dinner, playing with my sweet, funny grandchildren (only four of them, not 50, like the Mormons on Facebook), and everything was great--but, for some reason, I felt quite depressed. I hadn't felt depressed in a very long time, and the only explanation was--Facebook.

I can't stand even the thought of spending countless hours (I'm not good at it) photographing and posting and updating my page, plus reading everyone else's pages. Some update daily, and include pictures of what they had for dinner.

Why would I want to go out of my way to try to win the friendship of Mormons who will never be my friends again? Even if we worked things out, they have been rude and nasty. I'd rather hang out with my family, my non-Mormon friends, or even my pets (pets aren't critical and judgmental). I feel like I dodged a huge bullet by logging off of Facebook for good.

Line from "You've Got Mail", referring to online dating: "The internet is just another way to get rejected."

I understand the urge to be off of Facebook. I took a two year break at one point. But there are also ways to manage it, and that's what I chose to do when I came back.

I can tell you that people who shun you have no place on your friends list. People who lie to you should be unfriended or unfollowed. Family members who constantly post updates of a religious nature should be unfollowed. Etc.

But again, whatever works for you.

I don't post anything of a religious or political nature on Facebook, although I might occasionally like a friend's post. I also find a way to manage the religious and political posts of others, usually by denying photos and memes from certain sites, but occasionally by unfollowing people when necessary.

According to traditional etiquette, religion and politics are subjects that are best avoided when conversing with friends. There is a lot to be said for this.