I'm young (20 years old) and I hate my past life. I think I've made so many mistakes and my past dead-end life w
has been all about mediocrity and fear.

So I was thinking about moving to the other side of the world, leaving everything behind, not looking back, EVER. Of course I will have to get started by getting a job and studying. This could be tough, as I haven't yet any qualifications.

Have you ever felt this way?

What should I do? I have no clue. Most countries restrict immigration. I'm willing to do anything it takes, however.

Nostalgia/homesickness aren't words that describe me.

By the way, I'm not from the U.S. but I'm from the Americas.

I think a fresh start is always a great idea.

But fear seems to be a big issue for you. Where does this strength to just up and move with no security come from?

Perhaps you don't need to move to another country to shake things up, but take a gap year kind of trip to a different country. Spend a year in australia with the backpacker folks, Working odd jobs to get money and just getting out there.

My wife spent a year in the UK. BUNAC is a formal organization intended to help students take a gap year. So you get some support when you arrive in a strange land with funny accents. They help you find a place to stay and support you in your job hunting attempts.

You could come to the U.S. (or elsewhere) on a student visa if you have the funds to do that. Otherwise, my advice to you would be to get your qualifications first. Being able to earn a good living makes everything else so much easier.

To be frank, Lots of people want to start over. Lots of people hate their lives. My life has a lot of crap in it and looking back I can't even see what choices I made that led me to all the shit I deal with? I thought I was making the right choices in the past but essentially I'm no where.

Your just beginning, the young have so much crap in this life to look forward to. yay! The ones who are lucky in this life are those who have someone to take care of them. For girls they win the lottery if they are pretty and can marry well. For guys it is if they have a place in a "family business" and have good connections. If you don't your skrewed, like me, haha.

If your Hispanic I wouldn't personally encourage immigration to the US. Americans are very racist but it isn't discussed in the open like in the past. Better to be a big fish in a small pond than a little fish who can't even find anything to eat.

Its normal to feel that way - wanting to get away from yourself. Many people feel like this at some point during their teens and twenties. Doesn't work though because you always have to bring yourself along.

Picking up and moving half way across the world with no support or qualifications or resources will most probably lead to a short life of vagrancy, homelessness and quite probably drug addiction, followed by an early death.

Better instead to follow some of the suggestions of others. Get an education or learn a trade, then you will be able to support yourself. Many countries welcome fully qualified tradesmen or professionals, and even post graduate students, who bring some sort of expertise to their shores.

Besides that, there are always volunteering organisations looking for help with projects abroad. That is what many gap year students do since their accommodation and travel is provided.

You have many options, you do not have to rush into any rash decisions. There is nothing wrong with you feeling there has to be something more in the world for you to discover; it's called having a sense of adventure and a desire to change your life. Good luck.

Wherever you go you'll bring yourself with you so make sure to work on making friends with yourself. Find work that you can get lost in. It's called flow, where you have the feeling of loosing yourself in an activity. The work could be either the kind that makes you money or the kind that you do just love to pursue. You'll need to find a healthy way of looking at yourself. "Waking Up" by Sam Harris is a good book for that. You'll need to work on your willpower to help you achieve the goals that light a fire in your mind. Kelly Mcgonigal gave a google talk that I think is great for this. Just search "Kelly Mcgonigal Google willpower" It teaches 10 good techniques and a perspective of willpower being the power to pursue the things you want instead of the power to make yourself into what other people want. You'll need these kind of things in your life that pull you out of yourself to engage with and the people around you in fulfilling ways. Having these kinds of activities and relationships in your life, I think, are protective against self destructive drugs/sex/alcohol/codependence and other problems.

You can probably find work as long as you are willing to work.

You can make a "Fresh Start" right where you are. It's about a positive mind set, an attitude of gratitude, your ability to put the past in the past, leave it there, and let it go. It's about living in the present and giving yourself permission to let your World View evolve.
The fresh start comes from within.
If you can take all of that with you wherever you go, you'll find your life is filled with amazing experiences, friends, etc.

Sounds like you want to run away, not start over. If you run now, you'll always be a runner.

Try starting over. Face up to whatever you got to. Deal with it. Fix it. Then move on. New starts are a good thing.

I just hate that some of the mistakes I made when I was young still follow me around like toilet paper stuck to my shoe. Some will say let it go. That is not easy. We have this thing and its called a memory, so just putting it on your "forget about it list" doesn't do the trick.

You can forgive yourself. I do. I did. But memory is still there and kicks you right in the butt just when you're down. Leaving the past in the past is a cute saying, but . . .

So what to do?

The thing I have found is to love my mistakes. Even laugh at them. Embrace them. Face the embarrassment. The mistakes made me who I am today and I like myself today. The few times I did things right did not teach me nearly as much as the screw-ups.

The things you do wrong broaden your understanding and increase your feelings and apathy. They can actually give you depth if you can appreciate them for what they were. If that hadn't happened they wouldn't bother you. Look around and see how much apathy all the "little Mr. and Miss Perfects" have. There's some shallow people out there with Stepford syndrome and that's worse than what's ailing you. :)

Fresh starts are good, but love your little flawed self and be glad you have a few of life's lessons under the belt.

Now, if you have people around you who won't let you forget something, either stand up to them big time, and I mean HUGE, or get away from them.

I am in my sixties and I have felt, even recently that I would like to move somewhere and leave my life behind. It's normal to feel that once in a while. But when you go, you will be taking your memory with you, and you will still need to come to terms with the fact that, you, like rest of us, do some dumb stuff sometimes.

If you go, go towards opportunity like anonuk is suggesting. Education, new experiences. Choose wisely.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2015 01:43PM by blueorchid.

Join the military and as part of your agreement to join tell them they must station you outside the U.S. They will do it if you demand it before you enlist. You're at a good age for that and you can pick the branch that gives you the best deal.

Starting over can be a very good thing. But it can also be habit-forming. Before the age of 40 I was living at my 24th address, most of them hundreds of miles from each other. No sense of civic identity. No long-term friends.

I have since learned the value of roots and community.

JAR

You might consider trying to volunteer on a kibbutz in Israel. You just need to pay for your airline ticket to Israel, and your room and board will be covered while working there as a volunteer.

It's a great way to visit Israel on a shoestring budget.

Plus, you'll get the exposure of working in another country, and as far as countries goes, it's one of the safest for crime.

Here's a link for the volunteer program (your age shouldn't be a problem because they welcome young adults:)

http://www.kibbutzprogramcenter.org/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2015 06:00PM by amyjo.

The executive and program directors of the nonprofit I work with were both formerly Peace Corps volunteers. After returning to the States, they got their education and are very effective in their positions. You can widen your world view and a very young age while creating a future resume boost.

I would strongly suggest spending the next couple of years getting yourself established with a career in your own country and then it'll much easier to look into emigrating.

At 20 I would guess the main problem is that you have no cash to go to university etc. Does your military have apprenticeships where you'll gain recognized civilian qualifications in return for signing up for 3 or 5 years? That's probably the cheapest/easiest way. Consider something like electrician or plumber. Nurses and healthcare professionals get the quickest returns on their training, although their wages then stagnate compared to others. It's a great way to start earning a decent wage though and then considering, with cash in the bank, what you want to go onto do afterwards.

Wow, the posts you've received are full of so many ideas and suggestions. I'm impressed and a little envious that I was not aware of half of these paths many years long gone.

One idea I would like to add is something that I have learned in line with your having regrets.

Be proud of yourself for having regrets. First of all, you would be a sociopath without having them, and second, you have tried things and not hid up in a hole not daring to move. So, see, you do have courage and some get-up-and-go. And, BE THANKFUL for the lessons the regrets have taught you.

Do make amends where needs be as this is a good path for yourself as well as others. You might even make a new friend in the process!

Access your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and then get training in something so that you can support yourself and go and do whatever you want to go and do.

Good luck and do keep in touch.

Why do people judge themselves by their mistakes? Mistakes are what you make on your way to doing something good. Judge the good things. They are what matter. The dumb shit attached to the good things are part of the good things.

If you get a job, even a little entry level job, at a large national, or multinational company...

you can request a transfer to another facility. That is your ticket out of town.

you can move and keep your job at the same time if you use this method.

Hop on a boat.

Work on a cruise ship, or a cargo ship.

Just don't be a deckhand on a military ship (trust me).

You can change your life by leaving, moving, going somewhere, or by staying where you are and changing what you do.

I was in college and stayed there, but changed my work habits, and attitudes. I questioned everything and came up with new conclusions and made new friends. I didn't have to move.

If you're in Utah, you might need to leave it. I want you to know I'm not special. Anyone who wants to stop being Mormon can do it if they try day by day.