My wife is Mormon (somewhat) - she has not been to church in about a year or so and when she would go, it was only for short periods of time. This has been the same since we have been married (going on 10 years). Her entire family from mother's side is Mormon (living in Utah), and she asked me about wanting to baptize our 2 kids in her church.

I am catholic - even though I have not been to church in a couple of years and go a few times through the year. I am one that believes in God, but don't feel it's necessary to go to church every sunday to be a good person. I can be spiritual but not religious. Just my thoughts...

Now... Like every summer, my wife and kids go to Utah for a month and my oldest son turns 8 this summer and wants her uncle (Bishop of a stake in Utah) to baptize my Son.

I am very passive and hate confrontation and often try to brush things off, but I have never (for some reason) liked her church. I do respect all religions but the few times I have gone to her church it just feels weird. I have tried to even compromise and attend a non-denominational church and nothing. She is a whole lot more spiritual than me but still... My kids don't know anything about my religion and/or her religion. I don't know what to do and this is always a topic that for some reason do not like to talk about. She thinks that religion is what's missing in our family. Note... we both drink (socially), she drinks coffee, etc...

They need a good Catholic baptism.

And they don't have to be 8.

I grew up in a mixed faith home.

My parents agreed that there would be no child baptisms. Baptism could only occur once the child became 16 and could choose for themselves which church they wanted to join.

I thought that was a reasonable way for my parents to handle things.

scotslander Wrote:
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> I grew up in a mixed faith home.
>
> My parents agreed that there would be no child
> baptisms. Baptism could only occur once the child
> became 16 and could choose for themselves which
> church they wanted to join.
>
> I thought that was a reasonable way for my parents
> to handle things.


That's a good way to do it. They can wait and make their own decisions.

Agreed. I don't think 8 is ever an appropriate age for a child to make that decision, but even more so if your kids know nothing about the church. Give them time to grow...while unfortunate, TSCC will still be around when they're 16.

This is the tact we've taken, only 18 is the age of consent in our house.

Having said that, don't be surprised to find out years from now that they did the baptism without your consent.

The only thing that seems to matter to them is "right" feelings and numbers.

Don't let them be baptized in the LDS church. Your wife wants to sign them up for a lifetime of hassle. Protect them. Don't be surprised if they baptize your oldest son behind your back and without your consent over the summer. And don't be surprised if they encourage him to lie to you about it. They will take advantage of the fact that you are passive and don't like confrontation. You need to stand up and protect your children from Mormonism because no one else will.

If your wife is looking for religion, have you suggested trying out your Catholic faith? She can check out RCIA with no pressure to convert and they will drink coffee and alcohol with her. Your local parish also probably has Vacation Bible School for the kids. My oldest son loves it.

I also suggest taking your situation to the Catholic Answers Forum as there are other Catholics who deal with LDS family and can provide some good advice from a Catholic perspective.

tmac Wrote:
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> Don't let them be baptized in the LDS church.
> Your wife wants to sign them up for a lifetime of
> hassle. Protect them. Don't be surprised if they
> baptize your oldest son behind your back and
> without your consent over the summer. And don't
> be surprised if they encourage him to lie to you
> about it. They will take advantage of the fact
> that you are passive and don't like confrontation.
> You need to stand up and protect your children
> from Mormonism because no one else will.
>
> If your wife is looking for religion, have you
> suggested trying out your Catholic faith? She can
> check out RCIA with no pressure to convert and
> they will drink coffee and alcohol with her. Your
> local parish also probably has Vacation Bible
> School for the kids. My oldest son loves it.
>
> I also suggest taking your situation to the
> Catholic Answers Forum as there are other
> Catholics who deal with LDS family and can provide
> some good advice from a Catholic perspective.

Thank you for your response. I have taken her to church with me a few times and she just goes because I ask her to come. I don't think she would ever change religions unlike me, I think I can compromise to something more non-denominational if what she wants is for us to go together as a family.

I converted to the Catholic faith, so of course, I would encourage you on that front. However, a non-denominational Christian church is better than the LDS church by leaps and bounds - and way more fun for the kids.

My DW was brought up Baptist and I was brought up as a Presbyterian. In leaving TSCC I started going to a Baptist - now for four years. No luck in getting DW to come along so I now intend on going back to being a Presbyterian per my heritage and beliefs. I figured it would be easier for DW to go back to her religious roots but guess I'm wrong. I think the problems is that our children are LDS, except for two.

My dad was Catholic and my mom was Mormon. They decided to let us be exposed to both religions and decide wfor ourselves at 18. Unfortunately my dad was not active and therefore most of our religious education was Mormon. My dad died when I was 16 and we were baptized LDS shortly thereafter. I left a couple of years later. The other siblings are still LDS although only one is active. If you dont want your kids to be Mormon,you need to take a stand and you need to take a part in their religious training-or at the veryleast-share your views with them.Take them to mass or another church at least as often as your wife takes them to SM or take them out and do something fun. Let them know that Mormonism is not the only way.

bona dea unregistered Wrote:
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> My dad was Catholic and my mom was Mormon. They
> decided to let us be exposed to both religions and
> decide wfor ourselves at 18. Unfortunately my dad
> was not active and therefore most of our religious
> education was Mormon. My dad died when I was 16
> and we were baptized LDS shortly thereafter. I
> left a couple of years later. The other siblings
> are still LDS although only one is active. If you
> dont want your kids to be Mormon,you need to take
> a stand and you need to take a part in their
> religious training-or at the veryleast-share your
> views with them.Take them to mass or another
> church at least as often as your wife takes them
> to SM or take them out and do something fun. Let
> them know that Mormonism is not the only way.

Thank you... Honestly, it's not that I don't want my kids to be mormon - in fact - once they are older and they want to be, sure, no problem. I just think that they have not been exposed to either religion much for her to make such a decision to want to baptize them in her church when she doesn't even go often. She says its because i won't go with her, but... If she wanted to she could go even if I don't go with her.

Mormonism is not a healthy situation for it's members. You need to get the facts.

Very much what Cheryl said!

The real reason she won't attend is more likely to be because of how "part member families" are viewed and treated socially within the mormon congregations.
She looks like a failure to other mormons, even if they know nothing about the coffee and alcohol.

Clearly you have no idea what they are like if you are fine with your children making that choice.
You like polarizing attitudes? Us against the world(the world includes you, pops), women being viewed as genuinely less capable than men, gays being an abomination they are forced to try to be PC about, non whites showing evidence of a "curse" by their skin color.
I could go on, but they'd call me an evil anti mormon, so you should really look into it for yourself.

If you really think they are not a cult, a respectable religion, go look for temple videos on YouTube. They don't want you to see these things, not because they are holy, but because they know no one will convert to a religion where a robed version of the hokey pokey is the pinnacle religious experience.

I agree.

My guess is that your wife is getting a lot of pressure from her parents and family. They are putting the screws to her, big time.

The children are being raised in a home with little religion so maybe it's time to educate them a little about your different faiths. It's best to stay away from the right and wrong notion, and let it just be about understanding their parents and how they were raised.

There is no point in the minor children being baptized unless it's a joint agreement with the parents. When the children are older they can decide if they want to be baptized. Mormons like to take total control, consider their way the only true way, no decisions are left to the children.
However, in your mixed religious faith home, they need to have a choice.

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
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> My guess is that your wife is getting a lot of
> pressure from her parents and family. They are
> putting the screws to her, big time.
>
> The children are being raised in a home with
> little religion so maybe it's time to educate them
> a little about your different faiths. It's best
> to stay away from the right and wrong notion, and
> let it just be about understanding their parents
> and how they were raised.
>
> There is no point in the minor children being
> baptized unless it's a joint agreement with the
> parents. When the children are older they can
> decide if they want to be baptized. Mormons like
> to take total control, consider their way the only
> true way, no decisions are left to the
> children.
> However, in your mixed religious faith home, they
> need to have a choice.


"consider their way, the only true way".... Exactly why I just don't like it and the "feel" is weird. WHY??? I don't want others to tell my I should do this and that and I should not drink this or that, etc. Thanks for your response.

No way would I allow it. When they are 18, they can choose from the buffet of religions, or no religion. You would be setting them up for a lifetime of harassment, guilt and false expectations if you put them on the rolls as children. By allowing baptism, you will be complicit in having them make promises you have no intention of helping/allowing them to keep.

There's no reason why you can't tell them that they will need to wait until they are 18 to make such a decision.

You and your spouse really should have had this discussion before you got married or, at the very latest, before she became pregnant. The fact that both of you come from two entirely different belief systems should have set those alarm bells ringing in your head! As it stands now, you and your spouse are going to have to come to some sort of negotiated agreement if you really want to save your marriage--and it is quite possible that such a negotiated agreement may not be possible, given (and I agree with SusieQ#1 above on this) that your spouse is probably feeling a lot of pressure to get the kids baptized from her side of the family.

Also, I guess I must assume that you didn't have your children baptized as Catholics when they were infants, the norm inside that church. If this is not the case, then your wife would have a very good argument of "Why won't you let me baptize the kids in my church when I let you baptize them in yours." Coming to a workable agreement with your spouse on this issue is going to be tough at best.

blindguy Wrote:
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> You and your spouse really should have had this
> discussion before you got married or, at the very
> latest, before she became pregnant. The fact that
> both of you come from two entirely different
> belief systems should have set those alarm bells
> ringing in your head! As it stands now, you and
> your spouse are going to have to come to some sort
> of negotiated agreement if you really want to save
> your marriage--and it is quite possible that such
> a negotiated agreement may not be possible, given
> (and I agree with SusieQ#1 above on this) that
> your spouse is probably feeling a lot of pressure
> to get the kids baptized from her side of the
> family.
>
> Also, I guess I must assume that you didn't have
> your children baptized as Catholics when they were
> infants, the norm inside that church. If this is
> not the case, then your wife would have a very
> good argument of "Why won't you let me baptize the
> kids in my church when I let you baptize them in
> yours." Coming to a workable agreement with your
> spouse on this issue is going to be tough at best.


The reason why my kids were not baptized in my religion (catholic) was because at that time, her grandmother lived with us for a year and she was going to her church with the kids and gave the OK. They called it a "blessing" and thought that it was no big deal.

When we met 11 years ago, religion was not even discussed. I knew her family was mormon and left it at that. We got married young and felt that it would not be a problem, and 10 years later, it has become a huge problem.

Pressure... What I do know is that she want's to do everything her utah family does. I must admit, her family is awesome and I have a great time with her Utah family, but it's like she just wants US to be THEM.

Yes! We humans, like our fellow animals, tend to make decisions based on our emotions more than on reason or factual evidence.

This may be beyond your ability, but I would recommend that you and your spouse have a heart-to-heart talk about this. You need to tell her your concerns about her having your children baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and she needs to tell you exactly why she believes it is important that your children get baptized in the Mormon religion. Listening to her response and taking careful note to your reaction to it will ultimately assist you in determining whether both of you can overcome the current disagreement about baptizing (and educating) your children in the Mormon faith. If no consensus view can be found on this issue between the two of you, then it is very likely that your marriage is in trouble.

If your children were blessed in the LDS church, then they are already "children of record". There will be lots of pressure both from your in-laws and the local ward to baptize them. I agree with the other posters that you need to have a heart to heart conversation with your wife and you need to stand up for your kids.

Nope. I would tell her that baptism in a Catholic (or other mainstream Christian denomination, i.e. Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopal, etc.) would be completely acceptable. But if the kids want to be baptized Mormon, they can wait until they are 18.

Why? Because once the kids are officially members of the LDS church, the church will likely follow them and hound them for the rest of their natural lives. No other mainstream Christian church will do this.

The kids have already been put on the ordinance path when they were blessed as babies. Next comes baptism. And it will grow and morph until the next thing you know, you're on the outside looking in.

Temple weddings can only be attended by "worthy member parents". If you aren't that, you'll be sitting outside with the marriage going on inside without you present. Then the whole thing starts over again with the grandkids.

IMO, you are treading on some shaky ground. It's time for you to step in and get a handle on what's going on when you're not around. Your wife is most likely living the mormon life for a month out of the year. So far it's gone well for her. Now it's time to have the kids baptized. Grandparents are probably laying on the pressure heavy. You have some decisions to make. This is no small matter.

As far as I know, there are no other religious recovery sites that come close to the exmormon sites. There's a reason for that. The exmo's are finally able to speak out. They've been silenced for almost 200 years. Believe what they're trying to tell you.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/04/2015 01:07AM by madalice.

I lived next door in military housing for a time to a family with a Catholic father and a Mormon mother. The four young children were being raised Catholic, with the father taking the kids to church while the mother stayed home. I was 13-14 years old at the time and many times babysat their kids, but looking back, I sensed a sadness in the mother. It would be interesting to find out how things turned out for the family religion-wise.

A family named Farnsworth lived to the other side of us for a year at least in the same military housing area. The father was Mormon and the mother converted to Mormonism after taking a class. They had two sons in their teens. My mother visited with the mother for chats over non-coffee/non-alcoholic drinks. My mother later found out that the father and mother got divorced.

Mixed-faith marriages have a harder row to hoe than same-faith marriages.

What she really means is, she thinks your family needs the Mormon religion. She doesn't just want a group spirituality, or a group Christianity. She thinks she wants family Mormonism.

It's likely she doesn't really want a relationship with god or Jesus, she just wants to please her family. In Utah, she regresses to "young daughter".

As a spiritual path and family religion, Mormonism sucks big time. Plus, it is totally false. If she can't explain the Book of Mormon to you, how can she recommend it to her kids?

Have a real conversation with your wife now, as later will be too late.

They think they know what is better for your kids then you do. Don't give them the chance to turn your kids against you. You will not be doing your kids any good to let them go down that path. The church will try to convince them that you are evil. Don't allow it!!!!

... responsibility. Outside sources applying pressure need to mind they own bidness.

Placate the in-laws and such at the expense of the kids, or do-right by the kids? ... Uh, that's a no-brainer.

Timothy

In your place I'd phone the relatives before wife leaves. Tell them you know Mormons like to baptize kids at age eight, but you are declining to let it happen. They can't visit unless relatives agree they'll be no dunking. If they don't agree, don't let them go.

You are already called a "Gentile by your own wife, probably not to your face, but for sure by your in-laws and the rest of the practicing mormons. Do you want your own kids to call you that name too??? It's time to step up and be a good father to them, what I mean is, protect them from TSCC! It is false, no matter how nice these people seems to you.

You'll need to start going to Church and talk to a Priest in your area, and get to know better of your own fate! I would suggest to stop church hopping, you know why? once your family sees you that you're serious about your own religion, most of the time that's when these people will stop harassing you. Trust me, I'm surrounded by this people in Utah, so I know exactly how they operate!

Do your homework, start going to RCIA class and get to know your own fate better.

I have one more story to tell you. I used to know a family in my neighborhood. The husband is non-practicing Catholic, wife was very active mormon. About two years ago she decided to leave TSCC. They have 3 kids, ages 13, 9 and 7. And when she left, all their kids lost all their friends in our neighborhood and in school. These people are NASTY...with a capital N! They ended up selling their house and moved out! These people are not Christian period!!!