Hemmy, I am glad that you have fully recovered. I guess it is taking me longer. I am so greatful for all of the people on this board who I know are there for me when something brings all the difficult times in my life. This board made the difference for me when my father passed on and I had to deal with the mormon funeral. It gave me a place to vent when my mother was called to be RS Pres and I ended up listening to all of the RS BS. I know that if it hadn't been for the people on this board willing to let me vent and complain, to give me ideas on how to deal, and to tell jokes about the whole situation so I could keep a light heart. This helped me keep a good relationship with my believing family. Thank you everyone and please feel free to vent, joke, laugh, be negative, positive or whatever you need to do to continue
I come here to vent, and read while others vent, because I experienced many of the problems those others have had. I cry and laugh along with people. This is how I heal.
It takes a LONG TIME to get the negativity out! I used to HATE mormons...now I just pitty them....alot of the lay people know not what they do...
I don't have anyone else to discuss this with, who would understand. I don't go around all negative IRL...I'm the one always smiling, friendly, and funny.
So.....deathmo it is....or I would rather call my self a life-after-mo.
If "moving on" is what YOU need, then by all means -- move on. I'm not sure why you thought that what YOU need is what EVERYONE needs -- thinking about it, I'm sure you can figure out why doing so is rather silly, and more than a bit arrogant.
So...no, thanks. I've got good reasons for not "moving on."
"It's not healthy to complain." .......Complaining often brings change by highlighting the issues and can help people sort things out.
"Let's just all make an effort to leave the negativity behind." .......Do you think no one is making that effort? I think most are.
"We're all exmo's" ....no we're not, we run the range of TBM to nevermo......"but I don't want to see us be deathmo's."....so this is really about what YOU want.
You say complaining isn't healthy, but you're post is a complaint about people not moving on.
I love it when someone posts about what they think everyone else should be doing.
Some of us are surrounded by TBM's and need a place to vent. Ex-Mo's and the like are frequently criticized for leaving the LDS Church but not being able to leave it alone. Well, that's because it won't leave us alone.
Oh. It's so frustrating when people don't act the way you want them to act. I really feel for you and hope you find those who live up to your ideals.
What I have found is that a great way to defang what is bothering you is to quite literally "talk it to death." Don't "turn it off like a light switch" as that now classic tune goes, don't shove it down,and don't bottle it up.
Vent. Complain. Whine if you must. But get it out, stare it down, examine it, get some opinions, and take control of it. Or so says I.
I really dislike statements like "its not healthy to complain". Show me some evidence, some science etc. The church just loves to make statements to manipulate us, but if you take a step back and say "says who?" there is rarely and an answer.
We were taught as good little Mormon Morbots not to complain. To take everything with a cheerful countenance, even the sh*t that life throws our way.
We sang about it on Sundays, "There is sunshine in my soul today,... sunshine blessed sunshine,...." always sunshine. Never supposed to visit the "dark places," heaven forbid!
That might make us shake our heads, or look closer and ask some hard questions, like what the hell were we doing there in the first place?
Ignoring reality is something Mormons are very good at teaching and doing. It runs counter to their training and agility to question, criticize, or complain. That was something I actually had to learn post-Mormon.
To do that as a Mormon gets you shunned and ostracised for being too intellectual or a *thinker.* To be a *thinker* is a sin in Mormondom.
Now being a *feeler* is fine for Mormons. Even there, no feelings allowed other than those that are dictated for you to feel. Otherwise, any other feelings are forbidden like anger, fear, or curiosity. Even hurt isn't tolerated very well. And Mormons do an awful lot of hurting others feelings. That's fine with them. Just don't expound when on the receiving end. That gets Mormons nowhere fast.
Very shameful how Mormons suppress so much of what is human and healthy - both as emotions, and expressing feelings and rational thought.
See I think when I am ready to move on I will express my appreciation for everyone here, wish all the best and depart. What i won't do is to tell everyone else to move on.
I’m not suggesting this is where you’re coming from. However, it's worth noting that abusers often admonish their victims to just move on and get over it. It would be very convenient for them if the victims did so. Really, the abusers just don’t want the publicity. I think it’s important to expose the damage Mormonism does to many of the people who get caught up in it. It shouldn’t be swept under the rug.
If people weren’t speaking up about it here by sharing their stories, I would have never found answers for the questions I’ve had about Mormonism. Exposing the deep problems in Mormonism is important, especially with the PR the church puts into spinning themselves to the general public as being so squeaky clean and nice.
The complaining is a good thing. It raises awareness about an important issue. It’s also helpful for people personally to get these things off their chest and to receive validation from others who’ve had similar experiences. I’m glad people talk about it here and share their stories. I think it’s helpful, although I’m sure the morg doesn’t find it helpful.