I had the stereotypical upbringing in the morg. Utah born and bred, good pioneer stock, TBM Dad works with missionaries and TBM Mom of course stays home with the big family. Everything to a T. No caffeine--never had even a Coke until I moved out. There were debates about banning hot chocolate, since it might have caffeine and it was...hot. Dunno...that one always stuck with me because even at my young age, I thought it was dumb. I was chastised and told deterministic stories of a raped aunt when I immodestly rolled my sleeves up to work in the huge, Armageddon-preparedness garden out back. Questions were never really allowed, unless they were something to the affect of "just how great of a prophet was Joseph Smith, huh?" "Just how wonderful is this dispensation, and the fact that we were extra-super-faithful in the great war in heaven?" "Isn't the rest of the world so evil? The end of days is definitely soon, right?"

I've been a tentative member of this forum for a while now, and I've just started somewhat posting. At the suggestion of others, I felt like I should share some of my experiences and feelings, and ask for support in the form of advice. I'm just filled with so much anger, and it hasn't seemed to dissipate, even after running away to the worldly east coast with my one suitcase nearly three years ago to go to not-BYU.

I've been self-supporting since immediately out of high school, and I mean that in a financial as well as emotional way. It's not easy for me to make or maintain close friends to talk to, and thus much of this inner pressure about my upbringing sometimes blows its way out. My parents have greatly ignored me, but once they found out I drink coffee, occasionally let a curse word slip, and oh yeah...think Mormonism is a load of crap, a cycle of drama plays itself out every time they find out I'm doing yet another thing that's...evil. I don't want to cut off all contact with them because I do love them (especially as I'm the oldest, and I miss my siblings--I want them to have at least a bit of secular influence in their lives). But there's no getting around the fact that their constant disapproval, their letters detailing what a spiritual failure and disappointment I am, and the rage-inciting non-logic of their Mormon world consequences (I'm going to end up a druggie, homeless, with abortions because I don't go to church and am living an immoral life) are seriously affecting me. I struggle with a lack of self-worth. I tend to get clingy with my boyfriend, and take my anger at my parents out on him. I go through periods of abject depression and anxiety. And through it all, I just can't scream at my family how much they hurt and enrage me. I'm worried about how much I hurt and enrage them. I have made attempts, but we live with such different premises on life that it seemed to make the situation worse.

I don't want to blame all of my problems on the morg, but I can't help feeling that my life would be so much easier without them.

If any of you have gone through similar experiences, how did you handle them? what can I do? Is catharsis on an online forum something that can really help?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2011 12:08PM by bekahigh.

Believe it or not many of the problems you are experiencing are due to the morg. Some can recover very quickly, but most of us take anywhere from one to several years to recover. Hang in there your normal. Time does help.

Online forums can certainly help, but not as much as building a supportive group of friends in real life.

Mostly it just takes time. You are going through an incredibly stressful time even without church - moving away from home, going to school. Every little thing gets magnified. I hope you are taking good care of yourself in any way you can.

I'm so sorry you are having problems w/your parents, etc. that's so sad. you are their baby. this site certainly has helped myself. You do get the support that you need. I was ALMOST a mormon and happened to have came to the board. Everyone's been great. Do whatever you can in order to get advice/support b/c from what i've gathered, Mormonism is a controlling part of people's life. Maybe, in time your parents will come around.

Just echoing what others have said here - give it time, allow yourself to rage online. I have found that meeting up with people in real life helps too - to put real world faces to people who are going through the same stuff. Not sure if there are meetups in your area. Hopefully your significant other is able to support you in your struggles. It just helps to talk through it.

Also - thank your lucky stars you got out young before you got sucked into the Mormon marriage machine. I just went through a divorce - my ex-wife is still a mormon and we are trying to figure out how to raise the kids between an atheism and mormonism.

I've often thought about how great it be. Does RfM have any information on this?

My experience is it kind of depends where you are. There is a lot of support groups in Utah, CA, and other western states, but not sure about the East Coast. Look into the other exmormon sites as well as this one (rfm is blocking me from posting some of the website names for some reason...), and if you can't find anything, you can always get one started. I just got the one in Denver going again and it has been great - people were just waiting for an excuse to get together.

Where you at?

like the rest of us. Recovery feels like flailing because it's frustrating and goes in jerks and jags.

Everything you've said sounds familiar and makes perfect sense. Don't feel bad about blaming mormonism for these feelings. It might deserve more blame rather than less.

I've learned that guilt and regret are common feelings among exmos and they're not very productive or helpful. Guilt is something that will eat you alive if you let it and it's almost always undeserved because we're doing the best we can most of the time and no one can be perfect.

Regret isn't anymore helpful than guilt. Like could have been better without morg influences, but thankfully, we are free to recover now. Too many others will never find a way out of it. We're the smart and lucky ones to be here.

Don't be impatient with yourself. I think you're where you ought to be in your recovery. What you wrote took insight and good sense. That's more than I can say for those still in the church and those who left it yesterday.

The other posters who talked about recovery coming as a process are absolutely correct.

And also about making major changes that add up to the stress.

I was pretty happy about my inactivity and letting stuff go, then last year I started having health problems again.

The same kind that I had on my mission. This has led to my mission caused PTSD to come back as well.

So, I understand EXACTLY what you mean about feeling like your flailing.

All I can say, is that there are a lot of people on this board who have been through really bad stuff too, and they are old. Really old. Like super duper DUPER old. Exmormonron old. God, that guy is so old.

Anyway, many of them are in a good place now and share that these kinds of feelings and periods are normal.

My journey was sort of the same except it happened long before long-distance communication was so easy and before the mass exodus of members and thus the counter-offensive by the church.

I grew up in a small town, controlled almost entirely by the church. Even secular things were connected to the church. But the town had a library and I loved reading. Back then, there were NO books, papers or speakers to address the total ridiculousness of the church and the evil that was Joseph Smith and Bring-'em Young.

The church's tenents are illogical and make absolutely no sense when set against the sweep of history and the billions who have lived and do live on the earth. It has no "theology"; just a set of arcane little rules, enforced by nasty little men. It has no "truth" because compared to real spirituality it is so small, so narrow, so anti-intellectual, how could this bland handbook for life and eternity be the plan for the awesome power of God?

I also finally figured out that if I lived and did exactly as I was told, my "reward" would be that my husband would marry as many women as he wanted and I would stay pregnant for eternity. But, I think the tenent that opened the door for me was watching Bull Connor...there were very few black people in Utah, and I just could not accept or understand why dark skin was a "curse". It made no sense, particularly when set against what Jesus actually said.

Anyway, the day I actually said, "This isn't the truth" was shocking AND liberating. I felt like this huge burden was taken from me and I was free to live and love and see the world. I could enjoy learning about other people's lives and customs without that constant burden of truthiness that told me they were damned unless I changed them and converted them. What an awful roadblock to living. After graduating from Utah State, I too went East and have had to face life pretty much on my own. My family kept praying for me (grin); my mother made sure the home teachers knew where I lived, and I found that as soon as I started talking about specific doctrine, they would vanish. I didn't even have to be rude!

The last few years, I've found that my own sister told some pretty nasty lies and exaggerations about me. I also found that my father was a pedophile, and started looking through the internet. I was outraged at the evil that was and in some cases IS Mormonism. I've learned to have pity on my father because there's no doubt he was raped by a good elder and he learned his religion from the mouths of those who learned it straight from Brigham Young.

It took a couple of years exploring this site and learning other's stories; a confrontation with my own brother and lots and lots and lots of reading. I now feel profound sorrow for how members of my family--talented, lovely people--have limited themselves and their horrizons. I've found God and Christ, but that's me and I'm not a missionary--it took over 30 years and it was MY journey. I have found peace.

My advise? Get on with living. Read and when you're empowered with knowledge do not get brow beaten by anyone, including your mother. Challenge them calmly and tell them bluntly that if they love you, they will accept you for who you are just as you accept them for who they are. If they choose to eject you? You will mourn. It will be heart breakingly difficult, but you will go on living.

I've lost a child. Losing daily or monthly or yearly contact with people who really cared nothing for ME--only my conformance to their beliefs--is sad but THEIR problem, not mine. I've been through lots and lots of challenges and found that dear friends will always be with you and in the end are much more treasured than sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews who probably think of you as a dotty auntie. Life is an exciting and wonderful journey. Embrace it. Do NOT be afraid of sharing yourself. If someone doesn't like that self, that is their problem.

You've been given a great gift. Freedom. Shake off those shackles and enjoy every minute of it. (and come here often for pep talks and a dose of humor)

You sound like me 30 years ago, I am the oldest of a very large family that is very ultra TBM multi-generational, although I wasn't raised behind the Zion Curtain, it is where we visited every chance we got because it was hard to live among the gentiles of the mission field.

After 18 months I left YBU and transferred to another university. My parents were livid. I was cut off and had to support myself, but it wasn't worth it to come back to church. Sorry that I can't tell you that my family was accepting of my decision. It was very rocky for a very long time, and we did go long periods of time without talking.

When I turned 21 my entire family started contacting me, my grandmother who supported herself on social security offered to pay for my mission. Relatives that hadn't talked to me in years were calling me. I politely refused, why in the world would I want to serve a mission? I was total failure, I had left the lords university and refused to go on a mission. Didn't matter that I was supporting myself, going to school and had good grades. But you know I might be sinning? No one knew if I was, but it was always implied that I might be.

30 plus years on I can tell you that my family has finally thawed, about 10 years ago my mother did tell me that the church would forgive anything except murder if I would just soften my heart and come back. When my oldest turned 8 my parents arrived for a visit and asked if they could baptize him, I said no, if and when he decided to become mormon it would be because he wanted it not because someone else decided to make the decision for him. That gives me a long time to make sure he really understands what being Mormon means and all the guilt and control you are forced to endure.

I have not regretted my choice, I literally had to study my way out because there was no internet and certainly no boards like this! My never-mo spouse, only rants about the crazy mormons once in a while. My siblings are finally grown and to varying degrees they accept me as I am. Some of them even ask questions once in a while, so I do have hope that I might have raised a few questions for them. I have not confronted them or tried to convince them of the error of their ways. I still find that there are funky mormon think things that are so ingrained in me that I sometimes have to stop and literally shake myself.

I am left out of family things, but it's OK. During family reunions when Temple Nights are planned, I am always asked to baby-sit, I decline, and take my family out to dinner and a movie. We are not invited to baby blessings, or baptisms. Several of my siblings did not invite us to their wedding because we could not come into the temple. Several did not come to my wedding, because I wasn't getting married in the temple. I have been angry and hurt. I now go to things when it is convenient for us, I invite them to things my children are doing, if they come great, if not that's ok too.

The question that I always come back to is: Now that I know the truth can I honestly live with myself while living a lie to make my family happy? My answer is no! I can't make everyone happy, just myself. It's sometimes a long lonely road.

Hope this helps, hang in there, it's so worth it to be free and smell, oops no I mean drink the coffee with no guilt!

Recovery from mormonism is much like recovery from alcoholism. One day at a time and never done.

When I came here I was only curious because I thought I had resolved all my issues. Reading posts and chiming in on some I found that I hadn't made it yet. This morning I read a post and it took me back to one of my bad experiences and I had to participate and get some s___ off my chest.

Everyday a little better and that is all I can hope for. The wounds, scars and confusions run so very deep.

Say that to yourself over and over until you believe it.

Then, once you really believe it, do something to end their abusive behavior because YOU really do deserve better and only you can make that happen.

Remind them of their 11th article of faith... something about lettin people worship their own way.

(It IS the eleventh, right? Help me out here, guys!)

I learned them as a kid but had forgotten which one went with which number until I came to RfM.

Patience is key. Eventually the parents will come around...they will learn to respect your ability to be your own person and do what will ultimately make you happy. It may not be soon, but it will eventually happen. They have unconditional love for you as well, but the morg teaches them to act they way they do. Unfortunately for us BIC kids, it's such taboo to even question the church. But eventually, with time, things will be ok. Trust me. Besides, wouldn't Christ want them to treat you how they wish to be treated? If you're not telling them that they're wrong, why should they be able to chastise you for your beliefs? Don't worry, though. If you are doing what you know is right in your heart, then there's no better place you can be.

Not to say that it isn't hard.

To be financially self-sustaining at your age is something to be proud of. When I was at the stage you seem to be in, it took about 6 months to a year for the rage to work its way out of my system. It affected my work life. I did see a therapist during this time. One of the questions I asked her up front was her views on religion, since I had an inkling that my upbringing in Mormonism is where a lot of my anger came from. I didn't ask her about her views on gays (I am gay) b/c it was much less of a non-issue for me than confronting the way the church influenced my childhood and how I perceived myself. Mormonism truly screws over its women, no way around it.

Congratulations to you for seeing it so young. You will get through it. The best thing you can do is live a happy life.

Set firm boundaries with your parents. If their communication with you is limited to detailing your moral failings, then that communication needs to end until they can grow up. Be firm and consistent.

Best wishes!

by your family and the church.

Consider committing to finding a caring and skilled therapist and going to regular sessions. It MAY work for you. For a variety of reasons, it doesn't work for everyone. But if you are devoted putting aside the associated stigma and genuinely trying, you may find that it changes your life.

It changed mine. Profoundly.

You might look for someone who has some experience with mormons and/or cults. For sure it should be someone you have a lot of rapport with, or go find someone else who is a good enough match for you. Ask all kinds of questions, too. Any therapist ought to be able to fairly up front about things that might affect your therapy.

I'm glad you are out. It's funny; I was away from the morg for decades before I discovered this board and learned how the history and practices of mormonism really are. I was furious for months, then it seemed to fade away. But I still have no friendly feelings toward it.

So glad that you are out!

I only did a quick skim of the othe responses because I'm short on time but can tell you've received some excellent feedback thus far. Sharing from my own experience, the best advise I can offer is:

Read up on codependence

AND

While it seems you are clear that the gospel is bogus, it takes longer for the fearmongering message about being doomed to a life void of joy longer to leave. Especially when your family keeps ramming it down your throat. Because it took me a longer time to reject that stuff, I mistakenly believed my choices didn't matter all that much and did, indeed, suffer from some of those bad things warned about. I don't wish that on you or anyone else.

Big step here - leave.

You are the only person who can make you happy.

You are the only person that knows what is right for you.

And everyone else, they will try and convince you otherwise and try to make you feel guilty.

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go......

I'm a descendant of Brigham Young (from his first wife). It has taken me a long time to get over it. After all, I don't measure up and disappointed them all.
I think that when you are ready, resign. It was a really liberating feeling for me. The directions are on this board somewhere. You can not control how your family or friends view you. All you can do is take care of how you see yourself. You are good person and are being honest with yourself and that is what counts. Listen to your heart, and like others have said on here try to find support from friends (In real life). Take care.

I, too, am from Mormon pioneer stock. However, most of my relatives (except for immediate siblings, my husband & my 2 children) were "jack-Mormons", and overall not there was not much judgement within the famaily about about their choices. When I express a few questions & drink an occasional cup of coffee, my sweet grown daughter become anxious for my well-being and asks guarded questions about my attitudes toward the Church.

I encourage her to focus on Christianity and to teach her children the words of Jesus from the New Testament rather than reading from the BoM because I think (and always have thought) that the BoM is violent. This is how she was taught, learning first from the Bible. I taught my children the parables of Jesus, the beatitudes, the Lord's prayer and that love is always stronger than hate, long before they learned at home about the BoM. However, since returning from her mission, my sweet girl rather obsessively studies the BoM. I can't fault her for trying to be good and I don't want to pull the rug out from under her by questioning her beliefs (any more than she should question my beliefs & decisions). Lately, however, I have made more of a point of telling my children to look at all sides of a given issue w/in & outside the Church, make their own decisions and keep only the very best of what they find.

My children were raised with "gospel standards" and I even worked in the temple while they were growing up. Of course, we always attended & made a game of keeping the Sabbath. (We knew where all the good vending machines were.) However, I never hid the fact that some aspects of the theology was definitely not for me...Polygamy(?) The past several years I have extensively read & studied Church history and more and more came to believe that Jos. Smith did not fit my definition of goodness. (If Jesus fasted and prayed for 40 days before he was ministered to by angels, why did Jos. Smith receive so many visitations, even when he acknowledged he had not always behaved well?) The Salt Sermon by Sidney Rigdon and the Mountain Meadow massacre deeply troubled me. Finally, just 2 months ago, I decided to start distancing myself from "The Church" and begin finding my own way. My convert husband is disappointed and tried repeatedly to argue with me. My answer is that there is a definite space between our two beings and that I don't need to justify my own thinking. He was releived that I still love the Mormon Church values of morality, honesty, but I want to focus more on kindness and following my Lord. I assured him I was not interested in changing my behavior except that I might have a cup of coffee and I don't really want to go the the temple (he rarely wanted to go, unless he was required by a HP quota).

I do wear a cross necklace most days and sometimes there is a slight reaction from my TBM friends and family. I ignore the silent reactions and if questioned I simply say that the cross is the universal symbol of Christianity. I tell my young grandchildren & my children that the cross helps me to remember Jesus and it symbolizes Jesus' triumph over death and that I feel peaceful and connected acknowledging Jesus.

I have TBM friends who want to engage me in arguments, expecially with an "all or nothing" kind of mentality. I have no intention of engaging in a debate and my favorite response is to just say that there is room in God's kingdom for everone. I do go to Sacrament with my husband because he wants me to, but I am also looking for a Bible study class with a Christian church.

I believe that people have no choice but to accept what you accept in yourself. So stay true to yourself, my flailing friend, and go in peace, knowing that Jesus will always be at your side. Know that both w/in and with out the M Church are genuinely good people who just want you to be happy and fulfilled in life. You have no one's expectation to live up to except your own. This "free agency" the Church preaches really does exist and you have every right and a responsibility to choose your own way. You get one chance at life so make it one of your own choosing. Good luck and know that you are wished love and happiness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2011 08:35PM by rhoda1987.

much of what you've written applies to me when I was younger. Others have said most of what I want to say, and did a better job than I ever could.

But learn to scream. Find an outlet. Find something you love to do, and channel all that "need to scream" into it. Hiking? Biking? It has to be physical. And productive. It has to help physically as well as emotionally for it to work. At least that is how it works for me.

Do you like gardening? I do, so I help with a local "mini" gardening group that helps poor folks with small gardens to supplement their income. In larger cities they have coop types of urban gardening programs that do much of the same thing. Is there anything like that that floats your boat?

If nothing like that is available, or doesn't interest you, find something that does. Something that provides a physical, as well as an emotional outlet.

Life is good. Enjoy it. Fuck the assholes.

Thanks so much for the advice, everyone. I'm trying to find the appropriate places to scream--I think my coming out about it on RfM is a good first step.

And I can see that the consensus is that this is a process. It sucks that there are no easy couple steps, but I think I'm recognizing that.

To be honest, I've tried the free therapy program at my school for a while. I'm still not sure how to judge it...the therapist just made so many assumptions about my situation that I didn't end up ever feeling some sort of clarification. Maybe it was just that therapist. But therapy is not something I've given up on. I went through a very dark period the summer after freshman year; I'm nowhere near as bad now. I'm just tired of the continual emotional jerking around.

I will continue to post though! I think this has helped. It's so great to know that you aren't always absolutely alone.

You have described part of the grieving process well - and you are grieving. As is said above, it takes time to get through grief. Your move to the east coast and self support aside (truly commendable, by the way), you have to accept and acknowledge your healing with this grief. Admit to yourself the anger and the sorrow that come from the rift with your family, but do what is true to you and your beliefs.
Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and how you are angry in general and that he takes the brunt of most of it (if not all of it). Let him know that he is not the source and maybe he can help you through the worst of it.
Baby steps, you have a tremendous amount of support on this board - take advantage of it.

Hey, you!!! You'll be fine, I promise, flailing sucks but keep on flailing and fighting your way out. It feels like crap, and it'll feel like crap for a time, but it gets so much better. And you'll be so much stronger, you'll look back and say, "OhMyGods! Look at me now! I can't believe this is my life and this is the person I get to be!" It sounds corny, but I do that, I see my family members who are still in the church constricted to the Mormon rules and beliefs and all that suppression, and here I am going to the park with my husband and two kids on Sunday for a picnic, or curling up on the couch with a beer watching TV with my hubby. FREEDOM!!! LIBERATION!!! SELF-DISCOVERY!!! It's SO WORTH IT!!! But it's hard. And it sucks. And family makes it that much harder. And I'm so sorry you have to go through that mess. It's a big, giant mess and it's a time when you need familial support and they're sure as hell not going to give it to you. But other people will and this place is full of people with tons of support.

Family, that's difficult to deal with on a normal basis, add religion conflicts and Mormonism to the mix, it becomes effing insane. When I told my mother I didn't believe in the church, she screamed, literally screamed at me through the phone and told me I was going to hell. Yup, definitely what I wanted to hear. I told her she better not ever say that to me again and I hung up on her. Hardest conversation I have ever had. Didn't talk to her for months. And then when she called she'd take jabs at me and I'd get so pissed. It's still that way, a LOT.

And I remember being so mad at EVERYTHING. That I was deceived for so long, I felt so STUPID and GULLIBLE and I was pissed that my family still believes in the B.S. and so many emotions all this turmoil raging inside. And it still flares up every now and then and I've gone to therapy. I'm still a work in progress, it just takes time...

Sorry if it sounds like a personal rant (it kinda turned into one). Mormonism, it brings out the worst in me. Blah. You are strong to do this, to even question it let alone leave and refuse to go to BYU and live your own life. Be proud of yourself. You are AWESOME.

There's a bunch of us in PA and the Washington DC area who have gotten together now and then. If you're in the general vicinity, feel free to email Debs72@aol.com (me) and maybe we can work something up for this summer.

while letting them continue to dump on you emotionally.

You need to learn to set boundaries. You don't need to allow them to condemn or guilt-trip you. That's not treating YOU with love and respect, nor does it help THEM in any way to allow that kind of behavior. You need to stop them cold when they start in on you. Or hang up the phone. Or delete the e-mail. Or return the letter unread. Do not give them the opportunity to hurt you. Take care of yourself.

It's funny how in abusive homes, the more normal ones are treated as if there is something wrong with THEM (and yes, YOU are the more normal one, in case they have confused you).

You wrote: "And through it all, I just can't scream at my family how much they hurt and enrage me. I'm worried about how much I hurt and enrage them. I have made attempts, but we live with such different premises on life that it seemed to make the situation worse."

That's what I'm talking about. They are the ones with a problem . . . THEY are the ones trying to impose their will on YOU, yet you are concerned that you have hurt and angered THEM because YOU want to make your own choices. Of ALL THE NERVE! There you go . . . choosing your own words, or your own drinks and worst of all . . . .Thinking for yourself! <sarcasm alert>

My advice: give yourself some space from them. You can't heal from abuse while subjecting yourself to it on a regular basis. And you can't change abusive people. The best you can do is set boundaries and limits on the kind of behavior you will expose yourself to.

Get counseling. The controlling and abusive nature of your family has made you vulnerable to receiving that kind of treatment in the future. You need to get healthy so you can avoid these types of relationships in the future. Women from abusive homes are more likely to marry abusive men unless they get healthy . . . so they can recognize healthy or unhealthy behavior.

As important is "the church" says families are, it sure makes them dysfunctional and co-dependent. Dysfunctional families have an interesting group dynamic because instead of functioning like a group of individuals, they function more like parts within a machine. Each individual takes on a specific roll and is expected to perform that roll by the rest of of the group whether or not that roll is what that person wants or needs. If one member of the family tries to make changes, everybody other member of the family gets upset because those changes make them change as well.

I'm probably not doing a very good job explaining this so here are some links for you to read:

http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html
http://www.joy2meu.com/DysfunctionalFamilies.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_family

Whether LDS parents realize it or not, many are abusive because they force their children to "live the gospel" at all costs and without regard to what is best for the child. This is a type of abuse and should be looked at in that way.

What is important is that you find that path that works for you. If that path can include "intersections" where you come together with family members then great and if it doesn't then that is okay too. It's about your journey through life, not the journey others want you to take. My path is not your path. Every person's path is unique, just like they are.

One final note, counseling will help immensely to help you examine your life and decide what it is you want and need and how best to go about getting it. Remember, it doesn't matter where you start your journey, but when. You can't change what has happened in the past. All you can do is learn from it and use those lessons to help guide your future. Don't live your life in the past (kind of like driving down the road looking in the rear-view mirror). The future is ahead of you and that is where you should be focused.

Good luck.

Your sincere expression deserves all these good peoples
responses. I'm 10 years on as an ex mormon and still
there is suffering, mainly that all my many lds friends
deserted me after my temple devoice. No amount of repentance
has me feel the love of christ if or when I step a foot
in the mormon church, still the same old judgmental people
exist without an ounce of progression of love toward their
fellow being especially those they know and cant forgive.

My story can be found actualaliens.com
click on abductions (32 articals) and scan down to
2 articals by majorfraser (ex mormon)nothing about aliens
that I copped critizism, tho a hell of a ghostly satanic
experience comming out of mormonism, or rather terminated
from attending mormonism because of the depression result
of the devoice and every relationship there after broke up
because of gossip, led the bishop to consider that I had
no 2nd chance for the celestial kingdom and that attracted
for me by fear and guilt the mothman devil experience
that nearlly killed me.

I found the real jesus and cast this creature called
the mormon destroying angel aside tho I still sometimes
kick against the pricks, as soon as I go into another
church, I cry tears feeling of the holy ghost revealing
to me that christ loves me, not like in the mormon church
christ hates me even to this day,it is not a good spirit
there anymore. It is a cult and a dangerous one and there
is no mercy in this cult, one mistake and its 99.9% no
chance of ever getting a 2nd chance because the people are
the church and are rotten to the core against those
who have had temple devoices, especially toward men
always the one to blame tho it takes two to tango,
she went onto having 2nd chance sealing and tho I got
clearance, the temple pres still rejected me because of
the gossip and false evidence he heard, as I was frammed
and forever withheld any 2nd chance.

Mormonism stinks. Its like a nazi empire and filled
with racism also..

Larry.

You cannot be expected to live out your family's fantasy of being a dutyful daughter.

You did the right thing by moving away from their insanity.

Now keep your distance and stop trying to appease them.
Mormon or not, parents who make unreasonable demands rarely change.

Your first responsibilty is to yourself - your siblings will have to work out their own ways in life.

For your own sanity you might have to cut off all communication with your family, They bring too much negativity into your life, even at a distance.

Keep up the therapy for a while.
Coming from such an environment, your views of what is normal or appropriate would tend to be confused - that's a given.

Also, put off having kids for a long time.
Understandably, your own needs are too great to be a patient parent.
You do not need any extra burdens until your own problems are resolved.

You're making this your problem, it isn't.

If your parents have an issue with you as an adult, then that's their problem. They need to deal with it.

You are free to choose your own path now, make your own decisions etc.
Your parents are free to choose how they feel about it.

bekahigh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
I was chastised and told deterministic
> stories of a raped aunt when I immodestly rolled
> my sleeves up to work in the huge,
> Armageddon-preparedness garden out back.>

***Nothing is more sexy to rapists, than seeing sweaty arm pits and shoulders!!!



My parents
> have greatly ignored me, but once they found out I
> drink coffee, occasionally let a curse word slip,
> and oh yeah...think Mormonism is a load of crap, a
> cycle of drama plays itself out every time they
> find out I'm doing yet another thing
> that's...evil.

Do you pull your bandaids off slowly, too? Tell them that you reject mormonism entirely, and will smoke, drink, sleep with a boy or girl, vote for same sex marriage and anything else you can think of, if YOU CHOOSE TO DO SO(I don't care if you ever plan to do any of these things)! Get the drama over with. You will have to terminate any conversation in which they start to "Preach" at you. Do so firmly, and politely, EVERY TIME(no wishy washy allowed). You have to show them, they have no power over you. They will get the point eventually.


I don't want to cut off all contact
> with them because I do love them (especially as
> I'm the oldest, and I miss my siblings--I want
> them to have at least a bit of secular influence
> in their lives).

Will your parents cut them off from you? How about sending letters, emails, and phone calls straight to your sibs. You can skip your parents, another way to take power away.


But there's no getting around the
> fact that their constant disapproval, their
> letters detailing what a spiritual failure and
> disappointment I am, and the rage-inciting
> non-logic of their Mormon world consequences (I'm
> going to end up a druggie, homeless, with
> abortions because I don't go to church and am
> living an immoral life) are seriously affecting
> me.

Next letter that has any of these ridiculous comments gets graded and returned. Use 2 different highlighters and provide a "key". Blue = flawed mormon doctorine, yellow = crazy ramblings you have added to flawed mormon doctorine. No margine notes or comments, you don't want to waste valuable time on that. If the next letter complains about it, add pink = whiney, and return.


>
> I don't want to blame all of my problems on the
> morg, but I can't help feeling that my life would
> be so much easier without them.

It would! Your feelings are just!

>
> If any of you have gone through similar
> experiences, how did you handle them? what can I
> do? Is catharsis on an online forum something that
> can really help?

I rejected, and was rejected many years ago, and was on my own at the age of 18(did a long post about it last month). You are already finacially independant, now make yourself emotionally independant. Cutting off all "parenting"(guilt trips) is the first step.

How bout this?

Let them go-- the Mormons & your family-- mentally. If you can, they will have no more power over you.

It will be difficult at first, but after a while you will see they will be seen (& felt) in a different light. You may actually begin to start loving them in a Christlike way which is to allow them to be who they are & now you will be granted the same freedom to your own self & this means love for the self which is extremely important. Now there will be balanced energy in your life. No more extremes of sadness & more importantly much more happiness.

They may never get it or you, but that's their journey. Grant them the same freedom & love you wish they would grant you. Don't make religion such a big deal. Yes, it defines them as people & they are culturally entrenched in it, but once again this is their choice. Within the church (& many other ways of living), there is something built into an extreme belief system that prevents them from understanding that there are other equally OK ways of being, living, doing & thinking. The same can be said of conservatives or liberals, baptists or Catholics, etc.

What if I told you there was no devil & no such thing as good or bad (evil)??? Would this help you to forgive them & forgive yourself??? Well, in my experience, it is true. There are no missionaries to tell you the real truth because the real truth needs none. It is the way it is & it will always be this way. Any attempt to rally people toward a cause or SPECIAL belief system will be a temporary effort. The real truth will always BE, eternally.

All people are equal. There is no such thing as a hierarchy of souls as the Mormons & others would have you believe. Now this should also get you onto better ground when dealing with emotions relating to others. Look at others (including your family members) as equals & once again grant them the SAME freedom you have sought in your life. Just this act will change the energy in your relationship with your Mormon family & all others.

This is true love-- allowing, letting go, granting all freedom to be, act, & do as they please. It is very difficult at first because we WANT others to be wrong so badly because somehow this makes us feel right. There are no winners or losers. This is a trap of the ego & the motto of the ego is specialness & being right all the time. Understand that the ego is the true culprit when it comes to bad relationships, not a religion or family peer pressure. Try to get rid of the ego & you will see great relief & great recovery from Mormonism.

Maybe some of this helped you? I've been where you are & just take it step by step. Laugh a lot about things & don't take it all so seriously...

Peace.

Again, thank you for the support and advice. I don't want to confess how many times I've read through this thread in the past couple of days. These last couple of weeks have been particularly hard on me...which is why I posted. I can't help feeling extremely lonely+disheartened, and I don't feel like I have anyone in my life who really cares or knows enough to be around. It's just reassuring to know there are other people out there (even if online) with similar experiences.

It's given me some things to think about. I do want to go back to therapy at some point. I want to start standing up for myself when it comes to my family and others in my life. I'm just trying to decide the best way to do that at this point. And I'm looking into exmo meetups.

Also, I think it's about time I come out on facebook. Defriend the unfriendly TBMs--for the most part, they're just not worth the crap.

Again, thank you all for sharing.