The Indy temple is done, and they will be having public tours next month. I'll be in the Indianapolis area, and I will have an opportunity to see it. The site is about three miles from my parents' house, where I grew up, and it's a big deal to them. So, naturally they want me to see it.

I don't approve of Mormonism. I don't like the comfort level that the Church and its members has with lying. I don't like their recent activism to oppose marriage equality. I don't like how strident they are in recruiting new and former members often to the point of stalking and harassment. Frankly, I think the Mormon church is a real estate holding company masquerading as a religion, and I think it's cheating people in my family out of their money -- and this temple is a tool for doing that.

That said, my family and I have been getting along well lately. They've been trying to make peace with me, and it hasn't been because they want to love bomb me into the Mormon church. They know I'll never go back. I think they've realized that their bad behavior over the years has driven me far, far away, and they're trying to make it right. I want to have a better relationship with them too.

Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this, but I'm really torn on whether attending this temple opening would be a show of good faith or if it would send the wrong message and support an organization that I think is immoral. I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what that is.

Using your words: "it would send the wrong message"

The last thing you want to do is give your family hope. This is an excellent time to show them how you really feel. Going to the opening will just encourage them and make it more difficult for you to make a smooth exit (if such is possible) down the road.

Oh gosh Sam..... you know your parents better than anyone.

I'm tempted to say that maybe your attendance might not be

taken as a show of good faith, you know how hope springs

eternal in a Mormon mothers heart.... I think the right thing

would be not to give them any hope, but then you know them

and I don't. Good luck and let us know what happens.

The way I see it you have two options,

1) Tell your parents that you appreciate their offer and that you will respectively decline. From what you described, they seem like understanding parents and will probably force the issue

2) You go and when you get to the room where they do the ceremony, you can ask "Is this where your forced to do the blood oath?"

If you are really uncomfortable about going, then don't.

Look at it as spending family time with your loved ones, and leave it at that.

Make sure they understand that by your attending it is about them, and not about the church.

That way, they'll respect your right to retain your autonomy, and vice verse.

Life is short. My parents have been gone now for fifteen years. What I'd give to have some more time with them.

Cherish what little time you have before it's gone. :)

Mak, nice to see you here!

I would just say, "No thank you, I have no interest in seeing the temple. I know that you will enjoy the tour." Your parents will have plenty of opportunities to see the new temple by themselves, with ward members, or other friends.

What I would do is have a list ready of proposed alternative activities to do with your parents. It is not at all necessary that you attend the temple tour with them. Don't let them make you feel that it is.

Be kind about their interest in the new temple, but do not feel obliged to go. You don't need to share their enthusiasms.

I think you could cut and paste your second paragraph and send it as an email declining the invite. Summer has a great idea too, find alternative activities to do with your family. Good luck to you!

I would be honest with them, omitting the negatives of mormanism. What you wrote here -

"Your reaching out to me has meant a lot (elaborate honestly), but I remain uncomfortable with (the?) religion, and while I very much want to continue healing our relationship, I don't want anything to do with the church. I love you and will be respectful of your choices, and I hope you can find it in your hearts to do the same for me."

Have an activity ready if they ask what you'll be doing instead, and stress that you wouldn't want them to miss the event due to your visit.

Thank you. The word "uncomfortable" was what I've been trying to articulate. I don't approve of Mormonism, but the word "uncomfortable" expresses what I'm feeling without being disrespectful to them. Thanks to everyone else who replied to this thread as well. It has been very helpful trying to formulate what I'm going to say.

I'll play it by ear when I talk to them, but at least I know now how I will back out if I feel like I've been wrong about their intentions.

I would bet money they want you to see it like my parents would want me to see it---something about the tour will touch you deeply and your testimony will reignite and you will be throwing on a green apron and a baker's hat faster than you can say, " Innanamajesuscristamen."

If they wanted to take you to a movie you really didn't want to see, would you do it? If you were a vegan and they wanted you to eat meat, would you do it?

When people get together the activity should be something everyone enjoys.

But in fair disclosure, my parents on a visit wanted to see the Christmas display at the temple. I took them. I was bored. I always do my duty and its not from being a scout, it's from being a Mormon.

You could stay at their house and cook a nice special dinner for them while they tour the temple. Then when they return, you could sit down and eat together.

I like that. :)

Take care of your feelings. You know best.

P.S. You're a wonderful person Mak...... you will do the best thing for all involved. I have no doubt.

Send the wrong message is the correct answer. Why stir up any hope in them?

Every time I feed my dog steak scraps he begs at the table for the next three months whenever he smells steak.

Attending the temple = steak

My dog = your family

Why toy with them even inadvertently?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2015 09:59PM by annieg.

Were you being invited to a tour or the actual dedication? It doesn't seem like the latter. Either way, you don't have to explain yourself, or offer alternatives to attending. A simple, "Thanks, I'm not interested," is enough. For you but maybe not for them but that's too bad.

BcE

I don't know how petty or "stuck in their ways" your family is... but could you possibly do a tit-for-tat thing? Like say, "I'll go with you for this three hour masturbatory rameumptom fest, if you'll read the CES letter or visit Mormonism101 or listen to a podcast (mormonstories or infants on thrones).

Or you could offer to do an exmormon fireside later. Show them pictures of starving Somalians while flashing pictures of temples; give them quotes by prophets, along with print out on the polygamy/polyandry.

That's my advice. Put the offer on the table and see if they accept, if not...don't go. If they do accept, present a loving, smart presentation to present to your loved ones on how bad the church is; this might be your chance to "rescue them" and let them know that you're doing it as a rescue out of love and concern.

I suggest you don't use the word "uncomfortable" in describing why you don't want to go. Mormons would see that as an expression of your innermost feelings of guilt for having left the church.

I second Summer's suggestion: simply say that you are not interested in seeing the temple. You have been in plenty of them already.

For ten bucks ($9.95 actually) ...

http://www.printingnow.com/cards-index-comp?utm_source=google_search&utm_campaign=business_cards_us_can_pn&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=vistaprint_brand&utm_content=b_%2bvistaprint_dot_com&gclid=CjwKEAjwluetBRD98L639p35p0QSJACC8BlKxLzW0HPKlImnVLtLtyC9eEbFEaePbGMf5LdREO1ajhoC1dDw_wcB

... you can get 500 business cards printed that look like this:

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FOR EYE OPENING INFORMATION
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http://www.mormonthink.com/
[and the list goes on]

Go on the temple tour and surreptitiously leave small stacks of cards in the restroom, end tables, any flat surface you run into.

When you finish the tour, you will feel a sense of accomplishment instead of feeling like you wasted your time.

Just thinkin' ...

Seriously? Why even leave the Church if you're going to do stupid stuff like that.

A RFM range of great advice above. I think that may be why I read this board is for different ranges of opinions.

I w/couldn't go on a Temple tour with my family. I interpret everything they say regarding Mormonism as a passive-aggressive attempt to force some form of contrition on me.

Personally, I would tell them that, "I can't in good conscience." Since this is an open house, they should know its not a worthiness issue. If they press further, I would add that, "Once I knew the actual history of the temple, sealings, and the endowment, I can't support the temple as a matter of integrity" and leave it at that. It's clear, honest, empowers you, and just maybe will plant a little seed for them :) Good luck!

I love Texas sues response. You are standing your ground for solid reasons.
Every family member or friend with 'wayward' children I know (and there are many) try to get them to attend some open house with the belief that these 'waywards' are going to feel the spirit and leave their evil ways to come back to the 'only true church'. I guarantee you this is their hope for you.
I also agree the word 'uncomfortable' will make them think it is the dark side of you that won't allow you to see the truth.
Stick with Texas sues response for an empowing result. IMHO

because my TBM daughter had no one else to go with at the time. Since I grew up in Brigham City and I have family who have never been through the temple, they all told me "how beautiful it was," blah, blah, blah. I said, 'But I know what goes on in there.' I had a cousin ask me just a few weeks ago (she is in her 60s) what it was all about as nobody in her family will tell her, so I did. She said, "So I'm not missing out on anything?" My younger sister and her nonmo ex husband and his mother went through and they also felt the same way.

The open house sends a lot of "positive" signals to those who are jack mormon or inactive who have never been through, thinking they are missing out on something spectacular.

My feeling when I read your post is like others have said, "Your parents will get their hopes up." I would definitely bet that is what they are thinking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2015 12:34AM by cl2.

"show of good faith" - interesting term. There is no good faith in the CULT. That is your answer. Avoid everything about the cult continually for the rest of your life.

I would decline. Thanks but no thanks. Been there, done that.

There must be something else you _all_ would enjoy.

i also like the idea of alternative activities-- and alternative subjects to talk about. There is so much more to life!

I like the dinner idea, or perhaps you could babysitthe kids, and show support for the family going out-- without having to go with them. This is how I handle temple weddings.

Let me tell you that I went through the same dilemma, when my grandchild was baptized. I decided to be loving and supportive, so I attended. I looked nice and was polite, but my daughter said that I was "frowning." It all comes down to bow good an actor you are. I'm not good at being fake. I probably did the "right thing", but the experience gave me flashbacks and a huge middle-of-the-night anxiety attack. I was sick for two days,but went to work, and no one knew.

If you are staying at their house, you will be closely observed.

With something like this, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't. It's a Mormon trap. Do you really think you can wiggle out of it, without causing unnecessary drama?o

Plan a really fun, happy visit at another time, when the temple thing isn't happening. Make up a good excuse. Tell them you want to see the outside when you visit.

I don't think you are supporting LDS Inc. in anyway.

I went to the Kansas City Temple Open House and proceeded to rip apart the video we were required to view before we could go look at that huge waste of money.

There were many interesting people in our group and the things they said and the questions they asked were great. They thought it was a waste of money. Some people asked why people did things for dead people instead of living people.

Outside of Utah these things seems like circus shows.

Thank you. That was a big concern of mine -- if I would be supporting this bigoted organization by attending one of their open houses. I think it would be nice to be able to attend with others who aren't glassy-eyed cult members. Also, I didn't know we would be required to watch a propaganda video. I don't know if I'm going to be willing to do that. I'll think about it.

You know, I grew up in Carmel, Indiana, and it wasn't a popular thing to be a Mormon when I was a kid. I learned to keep that bit of personal information to myself. I wonder how the locals are dealing with this giant glowing Mormon phallus on Spring Mill Road.

"Sorry, we are working at the food bank that day"

Mak,

My decent fellow. Grow a pair. Its not your religion... they are not your beliefs... you have the right to live your life "according to the dictates of your own conscience."

I suggest you let mum and daddy infantlize one of your other siblings.

2 cents.

HH =)

What they said ^

"The Indy temple is done… it's a big deal to them. So, naturally they want me to see it."

"I don't approve of Mormonism…"

"…they're trying to make it right."

So they're trying to repair their relationship with you, "make it right" as you say, by pressuring you to attend an event that's a "big deal" to them, but they know you don't approve of? I just don't see an interest in repair except on their terms.

I'd definitely go but do something like wear the wrong clothes or something.

Go too casual or say something funny out loud for the Never mormons to hear like 'They must stillbe doing baptisms for the dead in there' while passing the font.