I feel judged when I'm around Mormons, and I don't want to be judged, just accepted. So I avoid Mormons, like my family. Then I feel bad that I don't want to hang with them. Then they are upset that I don't hang with them like they think I should.

I was visiting my daughter and my son in law said something positive about BY, and it urked me to my marrow. I'm going through an, I can't stand BY phase. I then feel helpless because if I talk negatively about BY, at his place, it will end negatively.

It is so hard having brainwashed family.

I live in a very small town. The ward has 100 active members. There is such a limited supply of priesthood holders that they are rotated into and out of the bishopric, HPGL, and EQ leaderships every few years.

When I was excommunicated, the BP announced it in PEC meeting. I imagined that half the ward knew about it a week's time. In fact, I was notified by mail which reached my home on a Friday, and Saturday morning I received a call from the person assigned to assign us to feed the missionaries called asking why my name was no longer on the ward list. How in Hades did it spread that fast?

I felt uncomfortable going grocery shopping because it felt like everyone in this stinking little one-horse town knew that I had been X'd. It took a few months for that feeling to dissipate, but those few months were catastrophic to my self esteem.

I rebuilt my self esteem by avoiding toxic people which included Mormons. Zip... gone. I didn't care if they were friend or foe. They were no longer part of my life. Excluding "fake friends," gradually, I re-acquainted myself with Mormons whom were genuine friends.

During this time period, I became acquainted with people of different faiths whom, over time, proved trustworthy. I learned that people like to share ideas, adventures, and exchange plants.

I hope you find peace after your encounters. Find some hobby or interest that rejuvenates your soul.