who wants to get her name off the rolls of the mormon church.
But she was told she had to meet with a local representative.

I sent her the RfM site that explains the procedure.

She said that she followed everything there, but they still said she would have to meet with the Bishop to get her letter.

Is the church becoming stricter about taking one's name off the record?

As has been so often pointed out here:

If she informed any Mormon official in writing that she has RESIGNED, then she is no longer a member (according to US law).

Whether the church has changed its records to show that is irrelevant. That's the bishop's problem, not hers.

The only excuse the bishop could have is that he needs to confirm it's really her, and that she hasn't been "coerced" in resigning all her "blessings."

I'd have a lot of fun with it, but I get that your friend isn't happy with the situation. Especially given the fact that her resignation is not an isolated situation.

She might agree to see him, at his office. She could make that a 12 second meeting...

Have her write a letter to her bishop and have it notorized. She should also mention that she has spoken to legal counsel. That will get things rolling quickly. I did this and was out within a week.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2015 11:37AM by Tom Padley.

Good advice, Tom.

I think it's really important for her to assert herself this way. She should tell them she's resigning, not asking for permission. In fact, if she already gave them the letter, she's out, and she should tell them about the legal precedent. From this point on, they are walking on thin ice.

And if they give her any trouble, tell them she's going to write a letter to the editor about how the Mormon church is telling her she has to ask for permission to quit.

As a woman, I think it's particularly important to let male leaders know that you aren't going to be pushed around. I know from my experience that it feels really good to take a stand.

Hear, hear. It is hard wired into most Mormon leaders to treat women in a condescending way. They don't even realize they're doing it, and as such, women have to be very firm and direct to counteract that behavior. This is especially true for single women, women outside the faith, etc. I witnessed this first hand in how they treated my mother when she was single and inactive. My contempt for leader bullshittery was formed early in life, even as I became more and more devout.

There is no reason for her to meet with anyone she doesn't want to. It is often very difficult in these situations to realize that SHE is in control, not them. They have absolutely no hold over her whatsoever. As RPackham stated above, legally, she's already out. The moment they received that paperwork, she was done with them. The rest is busy work FOR THEM and their records.

They will do everything they can to keep her on their roles, why? Because they want her money, her regular tithing check. By resigning membership she's officially telling them that they will no longer be getting that check from her. They really want that check. By resigning, they stop actively tracking her whereabouts and sending hapless ward members to check in on her to basically ask for that check.

So of course their policy is to try to make people meet face to face with someone when they resign. It's much harder to say no to someone's face, even if you don't like that person. The church knows this, so they do everything they can to make it happen.

So, what can she do:

- Ignore the requests to meet. They will eventually process their paperwork (last I heard it was within 2 months) and she'll receive the "Ok, you're out" letter from HQ.
- Contact HQ, either by mail, or phone, I think the number is still listed on the resignation page (see link on the main page) and tell them that you are being harassed by local leadership and you want it to stop and that you want your paperwork processed.
- Contact local leadership and say, we won't be meeting, process my paperwork now. If that doesn't work, you can threaten legal action, citing the case that allows members to resign and or threaten to go to local news and state that your former church won't let you leave.
- Go ahead and meet with them. Set the location to a public place, like Starbucks. Show up early, order a drink of your choice (to go), when they arrive, hand them a copy of your resignation letter, tell them you expect it to be processed promptly and leave.

Really, there are all kinds of ways to handle this, it's whatever she's comfortable with. She is in control of this. It is her life and the church will do everything they can to maintain whatever control over her that they can. It's what they do. The sooner she realizes this the sooner she can start living her life, rather than the one the church wants her to.

Why is it so hard to get removed from the list??
This is really discouraging, especially since they'll call your family members. You should have the right to be removed quickly and confidentially.

Confidentially?

There is no such thing in the LDS church unless it is to hide less than faith promoting information.