For me, realizing and accepting the Morg was false is similar to the Matrix films. I don't question that I made the right decision by taking the red pill. I now live in a world that is much bigger and more complex than the Mormon bubble. I've had my eyes opened and I now see the church for what it really is-- a greedy, controlling, manipulative, lying, evil corporate empire. I feel true to myself and I'm happier as an exmo.

However, I sometimes find myself wanting the blue pill. I miss the blissful ignorance and believing I have all the answers. I miss some of the social interactions and having assigned friends. I miss having a good relationship with my parents and siblings who are still plugged into the Matrix (and no longer speak to me). Most of all, I miss the feeling that there is a loving God who actually cares.

Once taking the red pill, there's no going back. I made the right choice, but I can't help sometimes wanting the already-mapped-and-assigned course the blue pill had to offer. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Never once did I ever want to stay in the cocoon of the church. I always preferred to live life with eyes wide open.

I can understand where you are coming from. However, we tend to forget the bad that comes with the good. The church is a controlling institution that tells us we are not good enough or smart enough to make our own decisions and that we are broken.

I can do without that and every time I consider the blue pill, I just remember the control that the church had over EVERY aspect of my life and I know I took the right pill.

For me it felt more like the mushroom in Alice in Wonderland.

Take one bite and grow instantly larger. Another bite and zoom down to miniature.

No rhyme or reason there, as a believing member of the morg.

When it got to the point of utter nonsense is when I knew I'd crossed the line of "no return."

No blue pill for me, thanks. :)

Nope.
The "blissful ignorance and believing I have all the answers" was an illusion, it wasn't real. The "socializing" was largely superficial, not real friendship. Most "good relationships" with TBM family was conditional (upon my remaining TBM), not unconditional family love and respect. It was all fake. A cheap facade hiding an ugly and poorly constructed foundation.

Now I get real answers, and understand when there aren't answers to be had (yet -- which is better than making up answers). Now I have real friends who don't care what religion I am or aren't. Now much (not all) of my family accepts me for who I am, not for what they want me to be.

That's a solid, real foundation that has real meaning and lasting value -- not the fake illusion of such I had in the church.