And I have so much to do to prepare. I have to get groomed, I need to shop for provisions, and get lots of booze.

It's important to be well stocked so that I don't have to leave the house for long on Saturday or Sunday. Because there are lots of super important messages that I need to hear from the church, and their leaders and those women who think they are in charge of certain things.

Last week, I set my DVR. I don't have Friday off even though I live and work in Utah and Conference Eve should be a state holiday.

Perhaps at work, I'll plan out the meals I'll cook this weekend. Maybe I'll make President Monson Manwiches with a side of Bednar Pickles, and a tall glass of Eyring's tears. Then for dessert I'll just watch Uchtdorf.

This conference is extra exciting because three apostles were martyred just within the last few months. While they weren't murdered terribly like the first apostles, they did die for their beliefs. And just like what Jesus did after his first apostles died, he called a bunch of other old white dudes to carry out his church and business ventures.

I've been preparing super extra hard for this conference. I know I haven't been very good about keeping the sabbath day holy lately what with all the day drinking, watching sporty sports, and saying tinkle words with my mouth hole. But I have been reading my scriptures lately, and I also watched the Women's General Session of promises of eventual happiness if you please, please, please, pretty, please stay in the church.

I have also been inviting the spirit back into my home with nostalgic video games, and new metal albums. And I even let the missionaries in to tell me stupid things.

So, please, please, please, pretty please, Conference Santa, grant me this one wish for Conference Season.

Let one of your humble servants have a complete meltdown at the podium. Maybe I'll come back to the church if a general authority starts shouting and sobbing and then shouting again at all of us like that one GA at my relative's funeral.

That was fun. I would very much like Holland to do that thing that Boss Nass does where he shakes his cheeks and spit goes everywhere before he condemns all of us to hell while screaming that he "KNOWS CHRIST LIVES!"

Thank you, Conference Santa. I will leave a plate of cookies and whiskey out for you.

Wow Raptor - you are like the exmo Martha Stewart. Lol. My list is simple: Make sure I have enough alcohol for the weekend (maybe extra if someone says something intolerably stupid at or about conference), check conference via RfM because hearing the latest through exmo eyes is far more interesting than watching it as a TBM ever was. Oh, and I've spent some time deleting unbelievably stupid memes about conference from Facebook. Other than that, it's just get some coffee and bagels for Sunday breakfast and not answering the phone if I see my MILs number and watching football - the real religion of my people.

And I am making extensive preparations to ignore it all weekend!!

RB

"Tinkle words with my mouth hole" giggles. I might steal that phrasing. ;)

Bless you that can do commentation for us that cannot listen to those voices without our heads coming undone and popping off like Arnold's character in Total Recall. Makes my head start twitching with the thought of it.

Here on the East Coast, we are bracing for Joaquin. He may not pay us a direct visit, but the impact is being felt with 4" of rain today alone.

It's going to be a wet weekend indoors. All of our planned activities have already been cancelled.

Stay safe !

Agreed! ^

Only on RfM is general conference a point of discussion lol.

Thank God the world doesn't revolve around GC or Moism. :D

Only in their minds, only in their minds kiddos.

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/12003387_891638074218595_1817378552737847605_n.jpg?oh=3dbbc2625ec247b1d6c1ce4421182d2e&oe=56886176

In order to prevent myself from having a brain aneurysm, I will be alternating between reading Slamtoons & watching gay art films.

I am in to much pain from the crappy weather my area has be getting to even care about what is going on in the mormon church. Plus I have other things to worry about like not floating away because mother nature thinks that only the Eastern US should get it all and not spread it out and share it with others who could use it more than us.

Time to decorate the house for conference. Put up the Lehi tree and decorate it with blessing berries and testimony tinsel. Make storage oatmeal cookies, and leave some out with bright orange soda for Fanta. Sing priesthood hims (not hers). Exchange presence. Deck the Holland be merry.

No jello?

Sounds like Christmas at my house growing up. I'm serious.

Wow, Don - machine gun gags :-D

I see you're back up to your cruising speed (at least in terms of humour and keyboard skills).

I look forward to everyone's take on General Somnolence. There is NO way I could actually watch it without becoming fossilized.

Tom in Paris

It's funny -- conference used to be *such a big deal,* even here in CA, back when I was growing up TBM. Since all of my family and friends knew about it and made a big deal about it, I kinda thought EVERYONE did.

Now, long out, I wouldn't know it was conference time unless somebody here posted it. Nobody I see day to day knows or cares. And some of 'em are mormons :)

RJ, I'll drink a toast with ya -- to not watching it. Cheers :)

I'm going to be hiding some Facebook posts this weekend. The biggest offender is someone who got back from a mission almost a year ago, and got married after a quick dating and engagement period over the summer. I have a step BIL who insists on turning on the BYU channel that weekend, and even his believing children groan when he does. They don't live in Utah, but their cable provider has that channel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2015 06:28PM by adoylelb.

Back in the fifties and sixties, (pre-satellites and cable TV) all us deacons saw conference weekend as a holiday from church. As I recall none of the parental types were big on it, either.

Vodka and ice tea!

What's that you say?

Wrong thread?

Oops. My bad

I was meeting last week with the guys I was in 'Nam with and one is a big time TBM. I mentioned that my wife and I are going to SLC and he asked if we were going to conference. I said yes. We're going to the Exmo conference. The look on his face was priceless as he asked, "They have one of those?" Dah.

Don Bagley- you are a genius, and hilarious. I always enjoy your wit and wisdom!

I'm going to have a REAL religious experience.

I'm going to go pick apples, eat doughnuts, and find the perfect pumpkin with my little grandaughter. She's always laughing an smiling, such a joy to be around. I think she will be amazed when she sees pumpkins for the first time.

I will be watching Conference diligently and texting the fuck outta you, Raptor.

This is like really boring Christmas for me.

Or Konference Krampus is going to get his Krusty Krump punted.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/03/2015 12:16AM by Raptor Jesus.

Oh dear, I'd completely forgotten about GC. Thanks for the reminder so I can ignore it on purpose. Since it's rather chilly in the midwest, I think I'll be preparing some lovely grown up hot cocoa. And then I'll take a nap, just like the Mo's that are trying to watch the show.

I saw this post/link on FB...A mormon apostle (german dude) talking about you "shouldn't be afraid of General Conference. The fact that they had to come and talk about is because....people are afraid of General Conference...and the people that want YOU to watch it with them.

http://www.normons.com/why-you-shouldnt-be-scared-mormon-general-conference/