I was told not to play with the non-member kids. I was conditioned to avoid people known to not have the same "values" as we had. Is that disfellowshipping?

If Mormons fellowship to strengthen each other, why is it that they can fellowship a disfellowshipped member?

Yeah, it's all confusing. When someone is disfellowshipped for some infraction (serious enough to almost-but-not-quite excommunicate), you're actually supposed to them be extra special nice to make sure they don't angrily quit the church. I'd say that's fellowshipping. Same with excommunication, though. You're supposed to take them under your wing, be extra special nice, make sure they get re-baptised, and all that.

Like in anything Mormon, results vary. Some disfellowshipped people are welcomed back, some have the door shut on their sorry asses. Some excommunicated are nursed back to spiritual health, other's are shit out o' luck. Depends on the stake, depends on the high council, depends on the bishop, and dumb luck or lack of it.

Mormons "disfellowship" people all the time, though, without any process: People who look funny, act funny, do not have the same so-called "values," liberals, progressives, gays and the whole LGBT group, and--in Utah--out-of-state people.

The last group of people I'd expect to hold Christian-humanist values are Mormons. They aim to disappoint.

This really happened in my ward. A brother had served time in the county jail for a year or two. He was disfellowshipped upon release.

So on his first Sunday back he sits in the corner of Elder's quorum. I arrived late as I was membership clerk and had been tidying up some loose ends in the office. Everyone was sitting to the other side of the room so I sat within a chair or two where this "horrible" brother was sitting.

The lesson stopped and they asked if I was going to join the quorum and I said "I am here. Sorry for being late. Please continue."

And he then said "No I mean join us. You're not sitting on the Lord's side. You're sitting next to iniquity."

And loving Tom Petty and his I won't back down song I refused to move to the other side of the room. He was so annoyed that I wouldn't budge that he made a passive aggressive remark. "This is why the church is in trouble today. They won't heed the words of the prophets."

And all I could think about is how they humiliated and shunned that poor brother. And I also wondered how I could have peace of mind going to some kind of heaven if these so called pious pricks were going to be calling the shots there.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2015 06:29PM by messygoop.

Sorry. I'm calling BS on this one. One or two might do it but not the whole quorum. Are you sure you didn't miss something while you were not there? Then again if you live in Utah it might happen; never in California.

I call BS too. The sentencing is wrong. 1 to 2 years doesn't happen in the county jail. If it's longer than a year, it's a felony and you serve in a state or fed pen.

Also, as shitty as Mormons (or anyone else) can be, they don't act like that. Too overt. Mormons are way more passive aggressive.

I'm thinking the whole passive/aggressive way also. What usually happens is the S.S. teacher or Quorum leader will start teaching a lesson on "Steps in Repentance" and talk about excommunication, disfellowshipping. The rest of the class or quorum will either know the gossip or will sit there wondering, "what is all this about".

...or worse, they'll "accidently shame" the person, by asking them give the opening prayer or ask how they did on their home teaching(s); knowing the person disfellowshipped can't pray or participate in priesthood callings/activities.

I call BS on his story too. I've yet to see that happen in any ward I've been a part of. Maybe a small branch. The church is fucked up but not everyone in the Elder's quorum would be such a douche bag to do something like this.

If it really did happen it was a complete outlier.

When I was in the bishopric, I walked out of a disciplinary council and never attended another. The young lady didn't even know why she was there. It made me physically ill sitting in that room with 3 other men while the bishop told this young woman she needed to give us every gory detail. She was hysterically crying at one point and I asked if we could excuse her. I walked her out to the hall, escorted her to her car and told her that she didn't need to be there and that I was profoundly sorry. The bishop was pissed and I told him he needed to find another counselor. That was the beginning of the end for me.

There was nothing Christlike, no compassion, no mercy, and certainly not even a bit of common sense or decency. The whole process is about control, punishment and shame.

It's odd that man/woman can't simply say she had sex with whoever and that she's sorry. Why go over the whole thing?

What's also striking is that the person "confessing" doesn't bother to say "Well bishop, with all due respect, God knows what happened that night. He has all the details. If you want them, go ask God for the detail because he already knows.".

Then continue to say, it was a mistake and you'll improve.

The bishop should come up with some repentence plan and be on your way.


It's better to never repent -- because nobody upstairs in heaven gives a shit --- If the place exists at all.

When I was a TBM teen, a father in our ward was disfellowshipped.
A brief announcement was made in SM, simply stating that brother so and so would no longer be doing his calling.

We weren't supposed to know any details. But, of course, everybody found out. One of the bishop's counselors spilled the beans to his wife, she told the RS president, and pretty soon the whole ward knew. The guy had an affair. He was sorry and repentant, and so avoided excommunication.

Two weeks after the vague, brief announcement at SM, everybody knew. The family still came to SM together, but I observed that nobody would say hello to the father, or shake his hand. They sat in the back row, and people clearly avoided sitting near them. He was treated as if he had infectious cooties.

This was in CA, mid 1970's. I think most people simply didn't know what to do with him, and were afraid of appearing to "support" his awful sin. It was decidedly weird for this 16-year old.

The shaming continues but no more public announcement to let people know. It comes to light when the person has to say, brother so and so, please don't ask me to say prayers or do this kind of thing or call on me for an answer. I've been advised by the bishop to not give input.

If you don't know the person or the rumor hasn't made it your way that likely how you find out (other than observation) if somebody is in disfellowship mode.

The Church's way of saying "we own your ass."