married to TBM, with kids, still in the church community. But I hate not being open about my beliefs and want to be able to speak freely. I know that if I speak freely now I will be excommunicated. I would like to leave the church on my own terms. Also I just can't stand not knowing if the very few friends remaining are only my friends because they don't know I have left the realm of doubt and am now 100% positive the church is a fraud.

Advice? Personal anecdotes?

The kids still go to church half-time but perhaps after the last reaches the age of accountability they will stop going because, as I pointed out to my spouse, HE is the one who subscribes to the belief they can make their own choices at the age of 8 and therefore if they choose not to go he should not make them (the youngest does NOT want to go)...

I'm sure you've given this topic some thought, but as I read your post, the first thought that came to my mind was that your spouse might not be too understanding of your resignation. If resigning would tank your marriage, then it might not be worth resigning. Of course, marriage between a tbm and an exmo can be absolutely miserable for both parties, in which case there might not be much of a marriage left anyways.

Personally, I'm not in a hurry to resign, but if they want to excommunicate me for expressing my views, I can live with that. And I think this may actually occur over the next 5 months.

Baby steps! Start with declining callings. Then attend church less often, or leave after Sacrament Meeting. At this point you will start to discover who is a friend and who isn't. My advice is to ease yourself out instead of going cold turkey.

I agree with Elijah Unibel that you may very well want to take your spouse's feelings into account regarding resignation. It sounds like he has made some compromises for you.

It's too late to go slow - I've stopped going long enough that most people know at the very least that i have issues with the church. Also the compromise was forced upon my spouse by me. He wanted the compromise to be that I fake being a member and fully raise our kids in the church - the compromise being I was allowed to "not believe" in my head. That being said he HAS gone along with the newly forced compromise and hasn't left me yet... there may still be hope on that end.

It's a difficult thing; and for many a big issue is authenticity. Making a tough choice so one can truly live an authentic life can be real freedom!

I would prefer to make them ex me, than to resign. That way, 15 men in a conference room get to go through all the steps. And this process over and over will really make them and the ward membership ponder the larger picture of what is happening. Gee, maybe there are true issues with our church doctrine and history.

I feel for you, and wish you the VERY best. But ultimately you have to leave if you know it's all a fraud. Just a matter of when and how....

I knew it was BS for years and I couldn't bring myself to leave. Then one day while driving my son to early morning seminary he asked me, "Do you REALLY belive this stuff?" I could lie to myself, but I couldn't lie to my son. We were all out within a few months and I have never been happier (seriously!) Life on the outside is good!

Hello from the outside!!!!!!

What's really wonderful in your story is that your son could actually ASK YOU that question.

If you were in the church for years, it might take that long to disentangle from it if your spouse is a true believer. You do have as much right to be honest with your children as he does. Work toward that goal. Eventually, your kids and you might do some other fun activity during church time every other week. I don't know what you and they enjoy but you could bake, hike, go to museums, read together or go for ice cream while they Mormons sit in a stuffy building.

Sounds like you are doing a great job of extracting yourself from the diseased web of the church. Why stay in a club and pretend alliance with it when you know of it's deceit, manipulations, hate mongering. You do your children no favors when you show them by your example that pretending to adhere to something you clearly do not adhere to is okay.

See if your spouse will read the CES letter. If possible read it together. Let the letter speak for it'self. When you are through, I will bet that he at least is able to see your concerns and points of view better, even if he chooses to dog it along in church.

I stayed in for many years while not believing in an effort to keep peace and find some way to make it work.

In hindsight, I think it's better to just cut the strings and move on.