I live with my jackmo brother, and for the past few months we've been getting frequent unannounced visits from people in the ward, usually around 9:00 in the evening. The first time i answered the door, i made a point not to invite them in, but they still tried to do their spiel out in the cold. When they asked if they would be seeing me at church on Sunday, i explained that i resigned nearly a year ago and had zero interest in returning. Since then, they haven't really bothered me, but have turned their focus to my brother.

Now, my brother is just too nice for his own good sometimes. He'll let the ward people in and listen to them and (even though he'll never actually go) he won't outright refuse their invitations to church things. I've told him that if he doesn't feel comfortable telling them to f*ck off, i could do it for him. He says he remembers how hard it is being a missionary, and he doesn't want to be mean. It sucks, though, because he has a really recognizable car that the ward people look for, so he can't easily pretend that he's not home.

So they were over again last night, and i got really irritated as i was listening in from the other room, because one of the guys was just so goddamn self righteous. My brother was explaining how he has been working a lot lately to pay for his next semester of school, and he just doesn't have the time or energy to go to church stuff. And the ward guy's response was essentially "you're not going to find happiness or fulfillment in your life unless you're going to church every week. Now are you going to do what you know you need to do?" My brother replied with a real noncommittal "we'll see", but i could tell he was frustrated.

Anyways, i'm just sick and tired of these people bothering my brother, and i needed to vent.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2016 05:54PM by peacelovemoana.

See if you can coach your brother to react differently. Perhaps he can meet them at the door and say, "Look, I know how to get to church. If and when I want to come, I'll be there. Have a pleasant evening."

Even if he's home he's under no obligation to answer the door especially at 9 at night. For safety never answer the door unless he's expecting someone.

Unfortunately, as much as they've been coming over, it sounds like they can be expecting the ward members! :(

I would start pulling out the essays and asking tough questions. That should get rid of them. How about asking why Emma was so very late to the sealing party and why she was slipped in between two teenagers.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1180178

PS, I keep a copy of the URLs taped behind my front door just in case the missies show up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2016 07:43PM by Susan I/S.

I don't know.

Myself, I usually use very direct language, but with a super thick coating of tact and manners. And encourage others to do the same in their own style.

For example, when I slip up and take a call from someone who's trying to sell me something I don't intend to buy: "Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry, but I'm not the person you're looking for. Thanks for calling. Bye, now. [click]"

Sounds like your brother can hold his own with these folks. Any time they're spending at your house getting nowhere is time they're not bugging someone who might be in real danger from their pressure tactics.

Besides, it might be fun to do a debrief/giggle session together after they leave.

JAR

My son would NEVER talk to them no matter what. My son is antisocial and very antimormon, so when they come I just tell them he doesn't want to talk to them. This last time, I told them I have resigned and he plans on doing the same.

They still had to throw in, "Please let him know we came by."

Why? So we can laugh at their attempts to reactivate him?

"Yeah, I'll be sure to pass it on. I'm sure he'll be thrilled".
The guys I really don't get are the ones that, after you've told them that you know JS had 30+ wives, the CES letter, BY/Race Essay, etc. etc., upon leaving ask "Do you know any neighbors that would be interested?"
"Right.... I know your church is a bloodsucking, pedophile worshiping, racist cult. So let me get you a list of friends & neighbors to hook you up with. You don't happen to sell heroin too, do you?"

I think you should join the conversations and start to educate them on the truth. That might scare them away.

If he says he is too busy, they will never give up. They'll just wait for him to be less busy. He's being dishonest, and it's not working worth a damn. He needs a better coping strategy.

Tell them the truth. Or resign. They usually figure out that that indicates a genuine lack of interest.

Join in and be the "evil" sister whenever they come for a visit. Really have fun with it.

Control the discussion. Ask in a serious voice if the chapel still smells like pee. Ask them to explain what pride is. Then use the self-righteous ass's own words against him. "So thinking your better than god is pride. So the entire Mormon religion thinks that God has to obey it?"

Any "doctrine" they try to share dispute it anyway you can. It doesn't have to make sense or be logical. Stuff like Jesus was a hybrid alien according to JS and BY. Do you think he ran around nude like the lady in Species the old movie? Sidetrack them anytime they quote GA with a dirty tidbit about hings they have said. Don't worry about accuracy, make stuff up if you need too.

Share your testimony with them that your beautician is inspired by God to give you a good haircut. Her wife is also such a wonderful person. Ask if they are gay and suppressing their feelings.

Oh and a glass of wine or a beer is required beverage for the discussion. Be sure to offer them one. Screwdrivers or other fruity drinks can also be offered.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2016 08:46PM by Susan I/S.

It would be kinder if your brother told them the truth, rather than duck and dodge their "invitations" to come to church, thus leading them on. If he's an adult, he needs to act like one by being direct and saying "I'm not interested and I have no intention of attending your church. It's best if you do not come to my home anymore." He doesn't need to say it in a mean way. He needs to speak as matter-of-fact. He will likely need to repeat himself, as the LDS like to try to wear a person down.

Of course, he could always resign his membership.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2016 09:04PM by wine country girl.

Kinder? Leading them on? Let me see. Does he go to their homes and knock on their doors and return repeatedly?

He is not the instigator in this situation. They are !

It is possible that it might/probably would be easier on HIM if he was more frank about HIS OWN feelings (rather than trying to be careful of their feelings). If that is the case, sure he should unload on them.

But there is no way that they are the innocents in this interaction.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/21/2016 02:44AM by bordergirl.

Oh, I see. Above all else, we must not be kind in our interactions with others?

No one is blaming the brother. It's apparent that he is kind and does not want to hurt their feelings, but in doing so he is not getting what he wants. I merely pointed out that there is a way to be kind AND get what he wants.

Umless your brother learns assetiveness, he is going to be salesman's dream. He isn't going to do any better buying a car. You want to help him? He needs practice standing up for himself.

I quite agree with WCG's approach here also, because that is what has worked for me both with the Mormon mishies and the Jehovah Witnesses. The JW are the more serial proselytizers in my neighborhood.

On the rare occasions they ring my bell, I just tell em "No thanks, I'm not interested nor am I looking." I don't wish to engage them in discussions comparing their religious creed to mine, nor have I any interest in what they are selling.

I've used the same approach with the Mormons also, but since we resigned in 2005 they've left me alone. Not one of my children, that's something I've shared elsewhere on this forum.

There is no doubt the TSSC like JW are both cults. The fact they go door to door selling religion like someone tries to sell vacuum cleaners is disingenuous to me.

And I trust them about as much. Even if these people "mean well," they're still trying to force their beliefs on your brother.

When he can stand up to them and tell them directly he isn't interested, whether he has a "replacement theology" or not, that will be his best defense in leaving him alone. Assertiveness training helps.

What's he going to do when they move into action mode? "Well, brother so-in-so, I'll be picking you up for church on Sunday. Looking forward to having you there."

When he gets tired of their badgering, maybe he'll learn to be more assertive.

It'll be good for him.

I spent many years as a doormat, and someone had to REALLY piss me off before I finally realized I needed to draw a line. That changed me forever. Stand back and let him learn. If he wants them to leave him alone, he needs to be direct, and he needs to tell them himself.

It's a life skill worth learning.