Posted by:
omeletinoz
(
)
Date: January 26, 2016 03:04AM
When she left, I was upset. I was in the twilight zone from the moment I arrived, but now…this was serious.
I mean, I thought the mission would be "fun". Learn a new language, see a foreign country, make your parents proud. What wasn't to love?
The district received a little speech from the immediate authority figure and a bunch of overly intense testimonies were shared at Fast and Testimony meeting we had with other districts.
I bore testimony to the larger audience, but not on a voluntary basis.
I had been told it was coming and was part of my punishment, although they didn't call it that…punishment. They didn't "punish" missionaries.
It was all about love.
They just saw in me a bit of varnish and were determined to love it off before Lufthansa took me away.
The air in the meeting room that particular Sunday morning weighed a million pounds and it smelled awful, not just odd.
Man, I missed her perfume.
Everyone felt the pressure, especially Elder Agitation.
He felt guilty about everything. I must have sat outside the authority figure's office twice per week while he discussed his thoughts.
It helped him cope when the remaining sister missionary and her naked ankles had been moved off into a three-some.
Anyway…I knew more than ever that I was being toyed with and I knew that we were all being toyed with... but that the elder agitation types couldn't see it.
The grey matter scrubbing had worked it's magic with most of these boys. They stayed because they wanted to endure the madness.
I stayed because I was too much of a boy to stand up and tell the truth and then get sent home in utter shame.
Sister 3 shades was more a man than me, by a very long margin and I knew it.
My testimony included a short lecture about removing our own eye-mote first…even cited some scripture.
The lead balloon dropped shortly after the meeting and I was again led away to a small room to meet with the authority figure.
His bald spot was all wet in front. Not that it mattered, but I felt like he was more nervous than me for the first time.
Despite the fact that we had been having very personal conversations over the course of 3 weeks and despite the fact that Elder A was probably repeating to him every great thing I ever said, he never became friendly.
He was what I would now call in my somewhat older condition…an asshole.
He prayed and then he lit into me. He demanded to know whether I was covertly lecturing the authority figures. Was I discussing these types of thoughts with other missionaries, was I writing home anything less than glowing lies?
He demanded that I sustain the brethren and then everyone all the way down to him.
I swore my allegiance but I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as I resisted the urge to raise my right hand in a nazi salute.
He started in again trying to get me to admit to some past sexual sin that was causing me to rub him the wrong way. (not a pun)
What he didn't understand was that I had little sexual past to share. I mean - not a sexual past that he was looking for me to unload. (again not a pun)
Oh sure - the thoughts had been there a thousand times, but I was slow that way and was mostly able to control the urges…. I mean really...I had been taking the shit seriously my whole life.
It really wasn't until that first afternoon in the dorm alone…the door had been shut and something caused my eyes to open.
I wasn't in Kansas anymore and I immediately knew it.
It was almost like God was speaking to me for the first time for real and telling me to move my ass like Forrest.
Authority figure just couldn't accept it.
It dawned on me during that very meeting that it was all about sex. Sexual guilt was how they got control and kept control of some 50000 young men.
How that thought came to me I didn't know.
Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that they had humiliated a perfectly good young woman for smelling like an angel and for being her own great make-up artist, just in order to protect a strange know-it-all from North Salt Lake and his tender-loins.
Perhaps it all just clicked.
It was a dirty business.
If only I could have called my parents and talked to them about dirty businesses.
I made my way back to the dorm with a headache the size of China and a serious need to be left alone.
Elder Agitation had other ideas.